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9/11/07 Super-duper Lifetime Likability Distinction [Archive] - RonFez.net Messageboard

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Kathleen From The Bronx
09-11-2007, 11:14 PM
Dear Ron and Fez Shooow,

Wooo...Back to back days of great, great guests! Once again I will say that I was just geeeked about it all..... Martin Freeman....Oooh I dig him! I have to say though... I never, ever refer to him as, "Martin Freeman." To me, up until this point, anytime I've thought about that cat, or have seen him in a film I always shriek, "OOooH! It's Tim!" Cause to me, he will be Tim from The Office ,evermore...

I guess that an actor might not appreciate that kind of confession....it's typecasting a bit I suppose....Sorry pally...but dude....Tim, I mean it in the best way possible! Because of that role, ya get, "Super-duper Lifetime Likability Distinction," in my book! Ohhh, and I do keep a book, of that you can be sure...and that is a category....Sooo....I don't know what he or any of the others would have to do to get booted from it.....If they said mean things about my Moms? If they were involved in some kind of murder cover-up? If any of em starred in a buddy-cop flick opposite Charles Grodin and a mischievous chimp with soundtrack composed solely of Billy Joel songs?? It's almost scary my capacity to forgive...I'm tellin ya... In The Office, Tim's was such a great role, and he was so perfect for it..... That it's just the way it's gonna be...Actually, that goes for every character played in that series.... Ron and Fez Show, please indulge be for a moment while I rattle on about The Office...

I loved that show...looooved it..... Maybe I more than loved it, I need a stronger word.....like I lerve......I lerved it... Yeah.... Sure it makes no sense to start droppin Annie Hall quotes when I'm talking about this glorious series, but that was the only word that I knew bigger than love.... So.... we'll just keep on rollin here...Stop judging me. Man, I saw both series one and two and the Christmas Special all on DVD.... and I was so, so strict with myself that I'd only allow me to watch one episode in a sitting.... I didn't want to fly through them...I wanted to savor....I only gave myself a little dose here and there... cause I dug em so much I never wanted it to end...... I stretched it brothers.....I kept it around like a leftover turkey.... Stretched it like soup bones...

The Office was just about perfect to me....It was brilliantly funny, and I loved all the characters, and that is a fact.... The eccentrics and oddballs were all so well crafted, and part of that was due to their universality. I mean, I have never worked in an office.... but these types of people can be found in any ole job you can think of I bet..... I've had bosses with many similar character traits to David Brent.... and there were always toadies like Gareth, who inexplicably would try to emulate these buffoons.... and then, if I was lucky there would be another co-worker who realized that we were surrounded by maniacs, someone I could mock with....someone like Tim's role...... and that was always like a life saver.... Yes, sweet like the candy, but also...like the floatation device...that rescues....

Many years ago I worked at this bagel place.... and I had a David Brent kinda manager.... Actually... I would've taken David Brent over him any day of the miserable week if I could have....I mean, this guy Bob, the manager/head baker, and he was just chock full of inane philosophies that he shared always unrequested...ad nauseam.... He thought he was funny...He was embarrassingly UNFUNNY to the point that after one of his so-called witticisms, I'd try to politely muster a sympathy, "heh," and would have quickly to look down, or away to not reveal the hideous, vicarious shame in my eyes....Oh God! It was jaw-clenchingly bad...The puns alone!!! The puns alone.......

I mean it was utterly dreadful to come into work to find that I had to work in the back of the house, making flavored cream cheeses by the vat....... Like normally, I would appreciate that kinda job because it then meant I could avoid customer service.... but if Bob was around, such a job would feel like a jail sentence.... Sentenced to one hokey gag after the next....Accents....he believed he could pull off a charming Irish brogue...AHHHHH!!!! It wasn't charming! It STUNK!.. Oh God! He thought he could sing...more with his trying to appeal to Irish stuff too....Gahh.... I could go walkin into that joint at 5 AM, still half drunk and stupidly tired and every stiiiinkin time that I hobbled through that door he'd start to belt out, "I'll taaaake you home again Kathleeeen!!!" As if anybody needs that.....And then there were the stories... the ridiculous stories....Bob had incredibly bad taste in all art forms...

He liked to act as if he had all these incredible life lessons to share.... but am I gonna listen to advice on existence from some guy who liked Peter, Paul, and Mary more than Bob Dylan??! What kind of beast....?? One time he told me that he was at the Newport Folk Festival in '65 when Bob Dylan went electric.....and that he was one of the people who booed him! First of all I think that he was full of shit that he was even in attendance on that day, I mean....some people....over a certain age act like they were at every momentous event that went down....just like a made-for-TV miniseries about the 60's, they were there for everything that happened......Just stop! I mean, but you booed Bob Dylan?? He said it with such pride.... Euughhhh.. One time he was trying to argue with me that Jerry Garcia was in Jefferson Airplane......"Nooooo," I said, "He was in the Grateful Dead." He did this uncomfortable move where he put his hand on my shoulder condescendingly and chuckled, "Listen honey....you're young...I was around then, and he was in Jefferson Airplane." I swear, I wanted to swiftly plunge his hand into the industrial sized food processor... Damn that safety latch!!! Sometimes all I could do was imagine violent daydreams of revenge to get me through the day.......Ok, lemme just tell you one more thing about him.... Bob, as I mentioned was constantly tryin to be all jokey, he tried to act like a pal all the time....

"Hey guys, I'm not just your manager, think of me as a friend..." That was the tip of the iceburg as far as staff meeting cliches would extend......He'd attempt to act like he was your buddy, but then would bizarrely snap back into stern manager roles... over the craziest shit!! Some people sure do love Chuck Norris.....

Bob really, really loved that dude... and again, this was years ago... This all took place way before the dawn of ironically admiring Chuck Norris.... Bob would come in to get his paycheck on a day off and be dressed like...Chuck. There was this completely denim outfit that he'd wear with a suede brown vest....I dunno how to accurately describe to you enough that it was very, very Walker Texas Ranger......and I'm telling you, he would talk about the greatness of Norris so fuckin much.... and that show! One time I quipped, "Well, what's with him and all the needless somersaults when he fights???" and..."There's no way he pulled that horse out of the river himself..." and on and on... I thought they were innocent enough observations...but he flipped out!

His bald head turned quite crimson and he pounded on the cutting board! He stormed away... and then psychotically spun around yelling, "I was in 'NAM DAMMIT!!!" I was like, "Chuck Norris was in Vietnam with you??" to which he sputtered out, "Get to work on these dishes!!!" And when he disappeared into the back office, me and my Tim-like work comrade laughed so fuckin hard...So..... anywhoooo....... Damn! I so digressed! Forgive me Ron and Fez Show for I have rambled! Goin on and on like a little fan-girl, or erm...anti-fan-girl over here!! I'm sposed to be talking about Tim.....

Maybe I should slightly amend my statement, that I will only think of Martin Freeman as, "Tim from the Office." I mean, I will continue to call him Tim, that's almost guaranteed... but we learned so much more about him today after yet another killer interview! I thought it was so cool and interesting to learn that he's so captivated by music... really, really affected and excited by it.... The way he described the radio show that he had in the UK sounded pretty fantastico..... Called, "The Great Unknown," he would dedicate the show to music that he felt is under-appreciated and under recognized.... He noted The Band, and The Staple Singers..... That sounds fuckin rad.... I agree, love em too! I would listen to that....I dug that he was so passionate about The Band...I like this Martin Freeman even more now! It's like one of these things that Ronnie B brings up now and then....How he digs when people he digs, dig people he digs....... I feel it toooo....which is also why I love it that Martin freeman is friends with Simon Pegg..... another instance where I yelled, "YAY! I love him too!!!"

I could really tell that during the interview Freeman so enjoyed being able to express all that about music and everything.....For instance, when he was talking about traveling, how so many places are all the same now....Ron brought up a really funny tale which focused on how it used to be to travel in this country.....all the different states felt like foreign countries, "I remember goin to Mississippi as a child, and having the feeling of wondering if we'd ever get out of there alive!!" That made me cackle..... Exciting!!! Anyway, once again, such a great interview..... Once again Ron B. has the knack that welcomes guests to converse about what drives them, what fires em up...... It's a cool thing to hear..... I enjoyed it so much. I thought it was really sweet too that Ronnie said that if ole Tim ever wanted to come in and do a music show, he'd hook it up and make it so.... I'm sayin man, I would definitely listen!!!

Yeah man, so that there was a really cool guest.... Ron commended Earl for the phatty bookings the last two days and asked, "So what big guest do you have comin in for us tomorrow? If there isn't one, you better come in in a dress!" Earl replied that there was no guest scheduled...but he wouldn't come in as Earlina in a dress, stating, "I don't look good in a dress." I wondered, "How do you know Earl? HAve you...tried? Why are you so sure of this?" I stopped myself from considering that question too much...Had he ever had occasion to try some little black dress??? Hmmm.....That would be shocking! What if he took on an alter-ego like that.....Hmmm....Hmmm....Stop myself!

Aww man... and now Fezzie has a new nickname that seems to be stickin to the streets just like the way kids pray that snow will overnight so they can have a snow day..... Virtually all day poor Fezzielou was referred to as, "Snowball," and not the kinda snowball you think of on snow days full of snowball fights..... The OTHER kind...Man, if there were THOSE kinda snowball fights....shuddderrr....What a gnarly battle, huh!?! Well it all came about cause Ronnie B. was proposing that we all try to get Fezzie fired by writing to Eric Logan as a little experiment......to which Fezzie yelled, "NO! Cause something like that will snowball, and there'll be no turning back..." and Ron said, "Hold on..Snowball...Isn't that your nickname??" Ahhhh Jeez.....Fezstonio.....I have to tell ya it did make me laugh though that every time ya were asked a question posed to you as Snowball, you began your answer by hissing, "I'm Fez.....My name is FEZ...." Adorable!!! I had to cackle again when Ron was like, "Did you notice that you've been disagreeing with just about everything that I say today, Snow?" Fez responded coldly, more cold than a real snowball, "Just the snowball things...." Funny shit man......

More about the weather now......Fezzie said it was a rainy day up there, it was pouring here too.... Ron said, "Raining? You mean God is crying..." and then he brought up how some people say that when there is a thunderstorm, that is the sound of the angels bowling.... He asked, "Why the fuck would angels bowl when they have worlds of other things to do??!" There was giggling at that over here...... I mean, all those kinda folklore-y explanations that people tell kids are so nutty.... I'm not trying to pretend that I was some clever, clever child who never believed such nonsense.....I mean, I used to hear my fair share of that kinda stuff.... The thing with me was that I guess I tended be somewhat unwilling to accept other kids' popularly held myths.....

See, I used to hear that thunder was, "the angels moving their furniture up in heaven." OK... but then I'd wonder why, if heaven was supposedly so perfect, why the furniture arrangement was anything less than Feng Shui....though, hi, obviously I had not heard of that term yet... but you know what I mean....and why did they need chests of drawers? Whatta they take their wings off? Do they have more than one flowy garment? Why would they need others?? Things get dirty and worn out in Heaven??? Angels need sofa beds? Senseless....Everyone knows that they all sleep on clouds. Anyway...crazy shit...but since that was the tale that I'd hear I thought others were just nuts... Of course I had become aware of the angels bowling theory from hearing it in the Rip Van Winkle story..... It was from that legend that I learned that is what the Dutch believed....... So... if I heard anyone relate that concept, I'd wonder, "What are ya, Dutch???"

There are lots of other crazy concocted answers to childrens' concerns about thunder and lightning.... I mean, I have heard shit like, "Santa Claus is moving round all the toys..." What?? He lives in the North Pole.... I've also heard baloney about barrels of potatoes falling off tater trucks in Heaven too...... but I'll tell ya Ron and Fez Show..... The looniest one that I think I've ever heard was when this little girl in the day camp that I worked at told us that her mom always said, "When you hear thunder and lightning, that's just the devil beating his wife!" Now, is it just me or is that not a child's fear alleviating fable? Wife beating!? Besides that, the devil is married?? Who would marry that guy? You know, under normal circumstances I would have the utmost of sympathies for that poor wifey, but c'mon.....Did you not know who he was when you married him, Mrs. Satan?? I mean, he has a BIT of a reputation...... Please don't tell me that you thought you could change him!!! Ack.... OK..... I actually am hearing the devil starting up with the beatings again.. so I better wrap this up..... Don't like to be on the ole computadora when there's lightning involved... Lightning....or, "God taking photos...." Heh......

OK buddies.... So today was the 6th anniversary of 9/11....... You guys talked about that....It's always good that you do......and that you let people call in and say what they wanna about that most awful day..... I never know what to do with myself on this day...I feel like it's completely impossible for this to ever feel like a normal one....Though six years later the pain and sadness is not what it was then, it's hard not to feel heartsick for those who lost their lives and for the families and loved ones who have been so terribly effected....knowing that today they'll be feeling the sorrow again so deep, remembering..... Ronnie said something that I felt was important.... at least it felt that way to me...."If you want to be alive, you have to try to be OK..." I think that's true... Well, something like your show really helps in that...."Trying to be OK." I know that so many people feel the same way.... The show was really great today, there was so much that was funny.... a lot to laugh about.....interesting topics to consider....I think it's a very comforting thing, ya know...to have in mind that tomorrow there will be something to smile about, there will be something compelling to appreciate... tomorrow and the next day and as long as you guys have a show...It's one of those things... I believe that this anticipation helps people, just on the everyday, feel more OK, that it helps people to keep on keepin on, to use that cliche...but I mean it.... and that it is especially appreciated probably more that you guys know, on a day like today and so many others.... Just sayin. OK, thanks for another great show.... You guys are the best.... Peace out!

Signed,

kathleen from the bronx :):):)

PapaBear
09-12-2007, 12:01 AM
There is nothing I can say, that could express how good this installment of your blog is. I mean that, Kath... How the fuck do you keep doing this?



On a side note... I too, was wondering about Earl's proclamation, that he looks bad dressed as a woman.

Edit... I waited to read it, until I was listening "Walk On" during my recording of the show (which was just now). I cried like a baby.

Poochie
09-12-2007, 01:11 AM
Great as always :)

Thank you for doing this everyday, I enjoy it with a tasty bowl of Corn Pops every night.

sailor
09-12-2007, 03:05 AM
sounds to me like maybe bob had a crush. no?

drjoek
09-12-2007, 06:15 AM
I now read Kathleen From the Bronx Dear Ron and Fez Show before the sports section on the Times

:clap:
Great as always

When Do you sleep?

Ay Kay Forty2
09-12-2007, 05:30 PM
His bald head turned quite crimson and he pounded on the cutting board! He stormed away... and then psychotically spun around yelling, "I was in 'NAM DAMMIT!!!" I was like, "Chuck Norris was in Vietnam with you??" to which he sputtered out, "Get to work on these dishes!!!"


Probably one time he was like "Me and Chuck Norris have a lot in common. Like he was in the Missing in Action Trilogy where he played Col. James Braddock and He lived through Hell in 'Nam. One time He walked into a hut and this slop-eye was going to rape a girl, so, Chuck stabbed him with his guns, you know the bayonne and shit, and then he fired his gun and the dude was blown outta the hut because it was like a shotgun blast and then when he hit the ground, he realized it was a grenade gun thingy and by then it was too late, He blow up. Man, Kathleen, you should have seen it, I saw the movie, Missing in Action III, in the theater and the movie was soo intense....I throw up. It was that good!!!"

I kinda have this Chuck Norris knowledge because about a year ago, I collected his movies. Found his fascinating. Fascinatingly hilarous. Just the whole campy nature of most of his movies and his crown jewel, Walker Texas Ranger. It's like a person would say "ehhh, Walker Texas Ranger is terrible". I say to them, It's terribly-terrific....ya silly pooh bear".

Now, I never got into all that stuff like Fun Facts about Chuck Norris. "Did you know that when Chuck Norris sneezes aborted fetus's come out" or "Chuck Norris's farts are so powerful, they made the Japs surrender". If you wanta experience Chuck Norris nutty-ness, check out "Conan O'Brien's Walker Texas Ranger Lever" on the the internet. Randomly generated acts of Heroism and Daring Adventure.

Jeez, this turned into a Dear Kathleen From the Bronx Letter.

peace

Kathleen From The Bronx
09-13-2007, 12:00 AM
sounds to me like maybe bob had a crush. no?

Ewwwwwwwwwww!!! Ewwwwwwww!!! Shudder.... You know what man, that never occurred to me! Now I will try to forget about that suggestion all together.... hmmm...hmm...... how will I do it... Go to the happy place.... When I go to the happy place that I like to call, "Edison Lighthouse," I hear the song, "Love Grows (Where my Rosemary Goes)!!" Adios Bob memoriesss!!

I now read Kathleen From the Bronx Dear Ron and Fez Show before the sports section on the Times

:clap:
Great as always

When Do you sleep?

Wow man.... Thankeee :0) The ole gal barely sleeps, drjoek...... Terrible insomniac over here! I heard that Bill Murray drinks warm milk for that, but it ain't never worked for me....

Probably one time he was like "Me and Chuck Norris have a lot in common. Like he was in the Missing in Action Trilogy where he played Col. James Braddock and He lived through Hell in 'Nam. One time He walked into a hut and this slop-eye was going to rape a girl, so, Chuck stabbed him with his guns, you know the bayonne and shit, and then he fired his gun and the dude was blown outta the hut because it was like a shotgun blast and then when he hit the ground, he realized it was a grenade gun thingy and by then it was too late, He blow up. Man, Kathleen, you should have seen it, I saw the movie, Missing in Action III, in the theater and the movie was soo intense....I throw up. It was that good!!!"

I kinda have this Chuck Norris knowledge because about a year ago, I collected his movies. Found his fascinating. Fascinatingly hilarous. Just the whole campy nature of most of his movies and his crown jewel, Walker Texas Ranger. It's like a person would say "ehhh, Walker Texas Ranger is terrible". I say to them, It's terribly-terrific....ya silly pooh bear".

Now, I never got into all that stuff like Fun Facts about Chuck Norris. "Did you know that when Chuck Norris sneezes aborted fetus's come out" or "Chuck Norris's farts are so powerful, they made the Japs surrender". If you wanta experience Chuck Norris nutty-ness, check out "Conan O'Brien's Walker Texas Ranger Lever" on the the internet. Randomly generated acts of Heroism and Daring Adventure.

Jeez, this turned into a Dear Kathleen From the Bronx Letter.

peace


Hooolyyyyy Shit!!! AHHAHAHAHAHAAHA..... I don't know if it's night madness...but you make me wanna know everything about Chuck Norris, Ay Kay Forty2..... "I throw up. It was that good!" Thanks man, that made me laugh so hard..... What the frig... :0)

lennyb6
09-14-2007, 08:37 AM
Kathleen, this single blog just set my recovery from rib injury back at least 2 weeks. F'n AWESOME!

rexdart
09-16-2007, 01:55 PM
I imagine working with Kathleen as she stirs a vat of flavored cream cheese. What flavor today? Onion and Lox? Garlic? Minimum wage extra sharp torment? Her sweaty bouncy boobs jiggling with each turn of the stirring oar. Wads of escaping cream cheese dropping onto her second hand go go boots. Her brows furrowed as shes annoyed by every bad pun and retarded comment. The "go fuck yourself" just a millimeter away from being uttered.

Poor Bob, desperatly wanting to share his seed, forced to settle for blowing his loads all over the 5 lbs bricks of bulk cream cheese stacked neatly in the walk in.

Its so very exciting. Makes me love her even more.