How do you deal with death?

[ralphbxny]

With the crazy tragic events of Bronx Johnny's fam and me watching my Uncle slowly passing away infront of my eyes, how do people deal with death.

I have lost friends and family and it never gets any easier. I have noticed it actually effects me more as I have gotten older. Your own mortality comes to mind. I joined the gym and worked out 3 times a week since my Uncle's stroke. I also seem to be a bit angrier, but I also want to be happy at the same time.

In other words I have no idea, but was lookin to my buddays to maybe figure some shit out.

Thanks for listening to my ramblings...now you can return to your regular threads!

[Death Metal Moe]

I grieve alone. That's all I can really tell you, I have found no good way to deal with it yet and probably never will.

[King Hippos Bandaid]

My Grandma was the first real death experience as a grown up

was sad, but kept a happy shell on ht eoutside

you know the bottle up gimmick which will eventually lead to early Heart Problems

:king:

[buzzard]

I allow myself to feel,grieve and remember them it doesn't do any good to deny it.I lost my Mom 15 years ago...we never got along so well.I only think of the good times.I lost my brother 5 years ago,as aforementioned on here he had stolen my ID and cost me a bundle so that kinna delayed the process.All I really have left is my Dad..he's 80 and more active than I am,I'm not kidding myself,I know he'll begin to slow down one of these days but not today!At almost 50 myself,I don't think I've changed much re: death,I hate funerals but I go,I cry and thank God for having known the lost one and I move on.Time is the only darned thing that helps,the ever-present clock.I like to be alone when I grieve,yet I like to write a goodbye letter to them for which I have no idea If they hear it or not.I sure hope so. sorry,I not trying to start an epic novel or waste your time,I was just trying to help...both of us,as I think of this daily & BXJ's sadness got me.-buzz

[Bulldogcakes]

When you figure it out, please tell me. I sure haven't.

[badorties]

grieving is as personal as it gets, and we all handle it to different extents

time can make it easier, but you'll never be more than a song or annextdote away from it feeling like yesterday

it's more important not to worry, or fell guilty, about how much (or little) you grieve

[Team_Ramrod]

I am strong at the start, for everyone around me.

Then when time for the funeral comes around I choke back, trying to hold all my pain inside.

Then it gets too much and I cry. I feel like an ass but I can't hold it in.

I cry, then I only feel sadness, no pain. Then I slowly return to normal.

'Men' aren't supposed to cry but some things are out of my control.

[Sarge]

In my line of work I deal with the death of others quite often, and I think I have become desensitized to it. Its kind of sad to say, but you begin to view the deceased almost as an object, just to keep it together while a family is screaming, or crying around you. I noticed it carried over to my personal life when my Uncle Frank passed away. I did what I do at work through the whole process, and then realized I never cryed for him, it pissed me off and I let loose for a bit.

[Team_Ramrod]

In my line of work I deal with the death of others quite often, and I think I have become desensitized to it. Its kind of sad to say, but you begin to view the deceased almost as an object, just to keep it together while a family is screaming, or crying around you. I noticed it carried over to my personal life when my Uncle Frank passed away. I did what I do at work through the whole process, and then realized I never cryed for him, it pissed me off and I let loose for a bit.

Perhaps you have a point.

I've only ever seen 3 people die before, unfortunately all right in front of me. One was my general manager on the way to a playoff game, he had a heart attack and died right on the bus. The other two were in April of this year, we had an accident at work where a tank that was being built collapsed, it killed 2 workers. While it was horrific and battled the worst visual I've ever seen on bangedup.com, I didn't cry.

If it's someone I don't know, or people I barely knew, I'm okay. This only hits me when it's family.

[sailor]

very sorry to hear about your uncle. myself, i drink too much. it helps.

[PapaBear]

I started out trying to spell out how I've dealt in the past. I can't though. I do what I do. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it doesn't so much. That's about it.

[Bellyfullasnot]

My mom died when I was a boy. I think I become very numb and clinical around funerals and death. I know I feel sad, but I haven't reached the point of saddness and fear that I had when I was 11. I will always be a friend to somebody, but I grieve alone and in private. Amazing Grace and bag pipes tear my heart out.

[A.J.]

By focusing on the good/happy memories, it makes it a little more bearable.

[Friday]

i watched my mom battle sickness for 13 yrs. When the time came...i was so strong at the hospital because i knew i had to be the person she trusted to carry out her wishes. I had to think with HER brain and leave my emotions at the door. Not an easy task but somehow you step up when you have to. I stayed that way until well after the funeral. Even my dad told me that I should really cry... let it out. And if you know me, as many on this board do, I am a CRIER. Over commercials even! lol

I guess thats how I dealt with it in the immediate. With a strength I had never had before.

It did hit me though..... hard. Weeks later. As if someone had blasted a hole in my life with a shotgun. I fill the hole with memories now.... and activities... but its never completely patched. People tell me it gets easier with time.... but that it never goes away. And I am ok with that. I wouldn't want to lose that which keeps her memory fresh. Now I try to talk in happy ways about her.... or joke about her flaws. And let myself cry if i need to.

Hang in there. It sucks. But you are not alone. and if you need a drinking buddy ... :bye:

[CofyCrakCocaine]

My aunt just died from cancer this week, and I don't know how I should feel. I wasn't all that close to her in that I rarely saw her more than once every two or so years around christmas time. But she was a very nice person and always good to me. I know there's a very sweet uncle who is utterly broken over it. But I don't know if I can honestly say I'm grieving. I'm sorry she's gone. I wish she wasn't. It's screwed with my head a little, and I've been up nights not knowing how I feel. But I don't think I'm honestly grieving. I don't really have that sense of loss that you feel when someone you see alot dies. I dunno if that makes me an asshole or not. My aunt as a human being deserves alot better than what I'm giving. Hell, she deserved better than what she got from life. Life is good but sometimes it just blows.

All I can hope is that my uncle pulls through and stays strong. He's a real mess, as ought to be expected. Makes me think about what Ronnie says, about how a guy should never have to bury his chick. I worry about him.

[ryno1974]

Unfortunately, there is no good answer to this. My Daughter died 3 years ago of a congenital heart defect. We had to make the decision to stop treatment and she died in my arms. There is no way to explain the details of how that feels - or the pain and grief that go along with it. Loss and grief are different for everyone, and different for each specific loss. For me I couldn't hold back. Not that I was broken down crying all the time (the broken down crying thing only lasted a few days) but I felt I needed to share my story to let out my pain. I met a lot of new people in my line of work and invariably they all ask about your family. I couldn't tell them I had 2 kids, when I had 3. Of course this led to some uncomfortable moments for some, but it sure helped me ease some of that loss, to talk about my daughter the same way I talked about my other kids.

I guess what I'm rambling about is that you need to embrace it all - the good times, the bad. The pleasure of meeting the person for the first time, and the loss of them slipping away for the last time. It never goes away, it never gets better. It just changes, and the more you can embrace everything there is to remember about that person the easier it will be.

[The Silencer]

really i mean...a couple of my best friends died young and there is no reason...I am reading a dumb religion book about this but it actually makes sense...You have to choose and hope for the best...If God does exist, there will be a better life with him...If he doesn't, then life is the end, there is nothing else!

[cupcakelove]

Death is something I have not yet figured out how to deal with. It scares the shit out of me, and every time I've had someone close to me die, it really messes me up in the head. I think it's because its the ultimate unknown. I'm torn between believing in a higher power and how they/it would want me to live my life, and just accepting that whatever happens to me is going to happen and if a higher power exists doesn't really matter. Sometimes I think that God might actually have some rules, but mostly I feel like if there is a God, he/she would just want you to be a good person a make the most of your life and the abilities you were given (free choice/the ability to think, which is what separates us from the animals, be sure to use it everyday). But I have gotten way off topic. Like I said, there's nothing you can do about death, you should celebrate the life of the person, and try to support anyone who is seriously hurt by their passing. Just remember that they got to live, that in itself a great experience, and you are still around I'm sure they would want you to enjoy the life you have.

[The Silencer]

When you really think about dying and not living this great life...it can be really fucking depressing lol :smoke:

[cupcakelove]

When you really think about dying and not living this great life...it can be really fucking depressing lol :smoke:

Depressing, and liberating at the same time.

[Friday]

Unfortunately, there is no good answer to this. My Daughter died 3 years ago of a congenital heart defect. We had to make the decision to stop treatment and she died in my arms. There is no way to explain the details of how that feels - or the pain and grief that go along with it. Loss and grief are different for everyone, and different for each specific loss. For me I couldn't hold back. Not that I was broken down crying all the time (the broken down crying thing only lasted a few days) but I felt I needed to share my story to let out my pain. I met a lot of new people in my line of work and invariably they all ask about your family. I couldn't tell them I had 2 kids, when I had 3. Of course this led to some uncomfortable moments for some, but it sure helped me ease some of that loss, to talk about my daughter the same way I talked about my other kids.

I guess what I'm rambling about is that you need to embrace it all - the good times, the bad. The pleasure of meeting the person for the first time, and the loss of them slipping away for the last time. It never goes away, it never gets better. It just changes, and the more you can embrace everything there is to remember about that person the easier it will be.

i don't know you... but i want to hug you

burying a child is something that should never happen... its just too heartbreaking

if anything can be learned from death..it has to be just to LOVE.
Love your family, friends, pets, radio buddays.... whatever gets you through the day with a smile. Let them know. Thats all.

:)

[PapaBear]

You know what's weird? The worst time I ever had getting over a death was someone who wasn't a family member or super close friend. He was a guy who worked at the bar with me. He wasn't even really an employee. He was the guy who took care of the pool tables. He taught me a lot about pool. His death was very unexpected. He went to a Veterans Admin. Hospital to get a hip replacement, and they killed him with the anesthesia.

I guess he was sort of a friend/father figure. His funeral was the only one for which I was ever a pall bearer. I guess the reason his death hit me so hard was how unexpected it was. I'd had friends die unexpectedly, but it was always due to risky behavior or suicide. All my family deaths have been when they were very old and sick.

It was a very strange and life changing period for me.

[citymedic27]

People deal with death in several different ways, whether its through a religious background, personal experience ect...I personally deal with death as a natural occurance in the cycle of life. You have to adapt your own way of dealing with it.

[RoseBlood]

The worst "death" i've had to deal with thus far has been "loosing" someone/some people who were once close to me and who are suppose to be close to me, loosing them everyday, living under the same roof and no matter what you do they don't change or see things the way you want them to and that hurts so much. But I suppose after a number of battles you deal with it the same way you do a physical death; remember the good times, acknowledge the hurt and loss and try to move on the best you can.. yeah it sucks, whatever!

[Crispy123]

I am of the belief that death is a part of the life cycle and should be taken in stride as best you can. My father passed away suddenly 3 1/2 years ago and I was very sad that I would not be able to see him or talk to him whenever I wanted anymore. It's always hard to say goodbye to people you love but when we go I think its not just fade to black. I think there is more to it but theres only one way to find out right? If I had to go through what Ryno did I would surely be heartbroken for a long time but still know that life (and death) has a purpose (I hope).

[Kris10]

I sort of block it out in a sick way. I will go through the whole memorial service numb and eventually I block everything out except the time that the person was actually alive. I have no memory of my grandfather or best friend's funeral's at all. I don't remember being there, couldn't tell you were they where held, I do remember the date my best friend was killed though. My friends and family tell me I was at the services but I don't remember them what so ever.

[FUNKMAN]

for people that died who I know were religious I think they should be happy and their families should be happy because supposedly they are in a better place

i believe mostly it's over when it's over and that's fine for me. I do sometimes fantasize about my spirit being free to wander the earth. flying, walking through walls, etc...

[ralphbxny]

Crazy Update!

My Uncle who Doctors said was going to be dead by Oct. 1 is now starting to talk and started moving his legs and arms. He was out....in a coma for 6 weeks...and now he is recovering. I am in shock and happy as shit. I cant describe the feeling. He has cheated death a number of times, but this one was incredible!

[King Hippos Bandaid]

Crazy Update!

My Uncle who Doctors said was going to be dead by Oct. 1 is now starting to talk and started moving his legs and arms. He was out....in a coma for 6 weeks...and now he is recovering. I am in shock and happy as shit. I cant describe the feeling. He has cheated death a number of times, but this one was incredible!

very cool to hear

:king:

[midwestjeff]

Awesome. A big fuck you to death. :thumbup: