Kathleen From The Bronx
09-28-2007, 01:12 AM
Dear Ron and Fez Shooow,
Ohhh hello there.... So it turns out as the Yankees had clinched the wild card the night before, it became fact that Dave lost yet another bet... "I was wrong about Torre, I was wrong about, Triumph of the Will...What the Hell??!" Dave quizzically accepted..... Though the result of his loss was to be fourteen days away from his wifey, no contact allowed of any sort.....by the show's end no decision had been met as to if he would complete his sentence... even after much haggling and attempts at negotiation.... Man, there was a lot of that!
Mikeyboy called in to offer these conditions as substitution....What if Dave gave up drinking for six months, could the the number of days away from Casey be cut in half? Ronnie said, "How about two days for two years with out drinking or any drugs?" That one didn't pan out..after ESD asked, "not even a vicodin??" Dave also pleaded that he could buy out his punishment by offering to pay $2700..."Look man, nobody around here needs money.... Ya caught us at the wrong time of our lives for that," Ronnie said..... Has everyone forgotten that within the past weeks, Ron has already informed us that he wouldn't go check the mail even if $4000 was sittin in the box waitin for him... "If there was four or five grand waitin down in my mailbox, I'm still not gettin up til Time Magazine shows up..... Lemme know when The Rolling Stone is in, then I'll walk down there...." So yeah, that wasn't gonna work..... Besides, Ron pointed out to Dave that the bet wasn't with him, it was with the show.....
Dave's efforts at trying to reach at compromise ranged from all of those, to the really ridiculous... He even offered up a trade for Beanie and Paddycakes' home- His parents' house.... Fezzie said it would be just like in the Soprano's when Tony gave Janice Tony Sac's mansion.... Fezzie, acting like Janice, squealed, "That's my dream house!!" I dunno man, I guess we will see how it all turns out tomorrow.... At one point Ron asked Fezzie, "Or should we just have him spend five days in a pit? I'm just worried that your cat Skippy will fall in and Dave'll try to break his little leg!" Hah... Just like some kinda take on The Silence of the Lambs...... Fezzie responded in this gruff voice, "Give me back my God-damned CAT!" Ron was like, "Man....... you are REALLY starting to sound like that cat!"
Earlier in the show Fezzie said somethin too that Ronnie had found pretty cat-like! "Ever since you've had this cat of yours, you're sounding more and more like a cartoon cat!!" Wow.......Are you surprised that such an idea intrigues me??! I mean... You know how that ole notion exists that pet owners start to resemble their pets, or vice versa....?? For reals, if Fezzie did start speaking like a cartoon cat... it would be almost like that...but a deeply twisted take on it.... or something..... Hmm....
Are you exasperatedly thinking right now, "Oh for the love of God!!! Is she seriously gonna natter on about cats AGAIN???" I'm no mind reader, but I think you might be doing just that.... Listen here, I'm gonna talk about cartoon cats... That's different!! OK??! Hmmm....Did you just think that I had an unnecessary paranoid outburst there?? I wonder.....
Anyway, what I'm trying to get at here is .. If Fezzie progressively began to adopt the speech patterns of cartoon cats, though I am in noooo way pretending that this behavior would be healthy, or normal...I'm just gonna confess that I personally would enjoy it.....I would dig it.... I dare say, it would rock!
Are you judging me and thinking that I'm being greedy, with only my own self-interests at heart?? Are you accusing me of not caring that it might seem quite mad if Fez were to continue along this path of randomly blurting out cartoon cat imitations??? It kinda looks like you are.....
I'm just saying I think it would be really fun.... I mean, I would love to hear Fez sporadically break into the voice of just about any animated feline... Ron referenced Top Cat, that cat Hana-Barbera character who lived in a garbage can on Madison Avenue....all with the constant get-rich-quick schemes, always on the run from Officer Dibble. I'm down for that...... Fez could be Garfield...ooooh...or even Garfield's nemesis, Nermal! If Fezzie acted like Nermal he could proclaim just like him, "I'm the world's cutest kitten!!" and who among us could argue with that??? Fez could perform as Looney Tunes' Sylvester J. Pussycat.....oooh... or even Stimpy from The Ren and Stimpy Show!! THAT would fuckin kill!!! He could be Felix the Cat....Of course I am not talking about Felix of the silent film era!! Whaddya think I am daft?? Dudes....... I'm not gonna lie to you, I would adore a Snagglepuss impression now and then too.....
What's with the raised eyebrow after I mentioned Snagglepuss?? Do you think that I don't realize Snagglepuss is supposed to be a mountain lion in a bow-tie???? Yeah I realize! Mountain lion = in the cat family..... It counts!!! Do you take me for some kind of fool??
Yeah, on the show today Fezzie asked, "If you had the ability to read minds, would there ever be a time that you would NOT use it???" I can answer that question from my point of view.....that I would NEVER use it... That switch would remain off. I mean, the thoughts, judgments, and accusations that I already have envisioned people having about me are bad enough.... I really don't need to know the truth! Do I really need to reinforce what I have formerly guessed, by hearing them echo in reality.....??? In the midst of some gathering it would really fuckin throw me off to hear another person thinking, "What the hell is she talking about??! She makes no sense!!" or, "Is she really gonna take ANOTHER slice of pizza??" Nahhh.... I'll just pass on the whole mind-reading option if it's all the same to you.....
Anyway, let's talk about cartoon cats for another second or two! I just thought of a couple more.....I would even like it if Fez decided one day to break into some kinda Oil Can Harry routine.... That's a pretty rare one though! Oil Can Harry was a mean cat in Might Mouse, I believe.... Ron and Fez Show, if at any time Fezzie did some kinda Oil Can Harry act, I can guarantee you guys that you'd have an email coming your way where I'd ramble on about something like:
"Hey, guess what?! You guys brought up that cat from Mighty Mouse cartoons....Check this out, when I was a little kid I went to all these birthday parties at this two-story McDonalds on East 84th Street and Second avenue where on the second floor they had this movie screen and they'd play old cartoons like Mighty Mouse....not just for birthday parties!! They'd play them every afternoon! Listen Ron and Fez, I'm not tryin to be all nostalgic about a McDonalds......I know it sounds crazy... but dudes! That was a great McDonalds!!!!!"
Hmmm.... maybe Oil Can Harry wouldn't be such a good idea then?? Ahhh whatever!!! I'll level with yez, I'm not suggesting that all these cartoon cat parodies should happen...or that it would be remotely even....sane..... but I'm just saying that I would relish just about any one of 'em that emerged! Oh...Oh....I should amend that.... I would love any of them EXCEPT Wordsworth from the Heathcliff cartoon... Maybe you remember him??? Hmmm??? He hung out with those other cats... Riff Raff, Hector, Mongo??? They all lived in a junkyard. Wordsworth was this skinny, white cat who rocked roller skates, headphones, and goggles....He always spoke in rhyme. THAT cat was annoying.... I mean the look was wack, but the constant rhyming.... NOOO! So annoying. That habitual gimmick could become quite cloying.
Are you screaming to yourself, "Why would she watch that cartoon!!??? It was sooo lame, so gheeey!" Well, I was a child so I watched it anyway! As if these examples aren't ample, let me offer you another sample...... I know at times my ramblings might seem trite, but what if this is how I'd write??
Today Fez talked about therapy...
The more I think of it, I'm sure it wouldn't work for me....
Lying in some office, on a couch
I'm positive my life coach would think me a grouch...
For every question that she might pose,
I'd scream, "Mind ya business! Whodya think ya are, Charlie Rose??!"
"You writing some kinda book?! Yeah? What's it about??
Do me a favor, leave my chapter OUT!!!"
Sure her questions would be intended to guide,
but it's really not easy for me to confide...
And all the shit she'd hear me yell....
Would get me locked up in some padded cell...
You see what I'm sayin right- you get the point? Gahhh, I got no time for that joint..... And there are so many people, like Wordsworth the cat who insist on giving speeches just like that! My plea is give it a rest- give all that rhyming some relaxin; I'm lookin right at YOU, Jesse Jackson!! Oh I'm still doing it, shit it's become a habbit, I shake my fist and scream, "Dagnabbit!" Ohhh please, I beg you help me to stop- I'm afraid the aggravation might cause an eye-vein to pop!!! I better wrap this up before it's too late and I meet the hands of a terrible fate... Cause if I was reading all this nonsense still, it would result in me tracking the culprit down with a lust to kill..... I know that I am making no sense- I'm no mind reader but I CAN TELL that you think I'm dense.... Goodnight Ron and Fez Show...many thonx....
Signed, yours truly,
kathleen from the bronx :):):)
Ohhh hello there.... So it turns out as the Yankees had clinched the wild card the night before, it became fact that Dave lost yet another bet... "I was wrong about Torre, I was wrong about, Triumph of the Will...What the Hell??!" Dave quizzically accepted..... Though the result of his loss was to be fourteen days away from his wifey, no contact allowed of any sort.....by the show's end no decision had been met as to if he would complete his sentence... even after much haggling and attempts at negotiation.... Man, there was a lot of that!
Mikeyboy called in to offer these conditions as substitution....What if Dave gave up drinking for six months, could the the number of days away from Casey be cut in half? Ronnie said, "How about two days for two years with out drinking or any drugs?" That one didn't pan out..after ESD asked, "not even a vicodin??" Dave also pleaded that he could buy out his punishment by offering to pay $2700..."Look man, nobody around here needs money.... Ya caught us at the wrong time of our lives for that," Ronnie said..... Has everyone forgotten that within the past weeks, Ron has already informed us that he wouldn't go check the mail even if $4000 was sittin in the box waitin for him... "If there was four or five grand waitin down in my mailbox, I'm still not gettin up til Time Magazine shows up..... Lemme know when The Rolling Stone is in, then I'll walk down there...." So yeah, that wasn't gonna work..... Besides, Ron pointed out to Dave that the bet wasn't with him, it was with the show.....
Dave's efforts at trying to reach at compromise ranged from all of those, to the really ridiculous... He even offered up a trade for Beanie and Paddycakes' home- His parents' house.... Fezzie said it would be just like in the Soprano's when Tony gave Janice Tony Sac's mansion.... Fezzie, acting like Janice, squealed, "That's my dream house!!" I dunno man, I guess we will see how it all turns out tomorrow.... At one point Ron asked Fezzie, "Or should we just have him spend five days in a pit? I'm just worried that your cat Skippy will fall in and Dave'll try to break his little leg!" Hah... Just like some kinda take on The Silence of the Lambs...... Fezzie responded in this gruff voice, "Give me back my God-damned CAT!" Ron was like, "Man....... you are REALLY starting to sound like that cat!"
Earlier in the show Fezzie said somethin too that Ronnie had found pretty cat-like! "Ever since you've had this cat of yours, you're sounding more and more like a cartoon cat!!" Wow.......Are you surprised that such an idea intrigues me??! I mean... You know how that ole notion exists that pet owners start to resemble their pets, or vice versa....?? For reals, if Fezzie did start speaking like a cartoon cat... it would be almost like that...but a deeply twisted take on it.... or something..... Hmm....
Are you exasperatedly thinking right now, "Oh for the love of God!!! Is she seriously gonna natter on about cats AGAIN???" I'm no mind reader, but I think you might be doing just that.... Listen here, I'm gonna talk about cartoon cats... That's different!! OK??! Hmmm....Did you just think that I had an unnecessary paranoid outburst there?? I wonder.....
Anyway, what I'm trying to get at here is .. If Fezzie progressively began to adopt the speech patterns of cartoon cats, though I am in noooo way pretending that this behavior would be healthy, or normal...I'm just gonna confess that I personally would enjoy it.....I would dig it.... I dare say, it would rock!
Are you judging me and thinking that I'm being greedy, with only my own self-interests at heart?? Are you accusing me of not caring that it might seem quite mad if Fez were to continue along this path of randomly blurting out cartoon cat imitations??? It kinda looks like you are.....
I'm just saying I think it would be really fun.... I mean, I would love to hear Fez sporadically break into the voice of just about any animated feline... Ron referenced Top Cat, that cat Hana-Barbera character who lived in a garbage can on Madison Avenue....all with the constant get-rich-quick schemes, always on the run from Officer Dibble. I'm down for that...... Fez could be Garfield...ooooh...or even Garfield's nemesis, Nermal! If Fezzie acted like Nermal he could proclaim just like him, "I'm the world's cutest kitten!!" and who among us could argue with that??? Fez could perform as Looney Tunes' Sylvester J. Pussycat.....oooh... or even Stimpy from The Ren and Stimpy Show!! THAT would fuckin kill!!! He could be Felix the Cat....Of course I am not talking about Felix of the silent film era!! Whaddya think I am daft?? Dudes....... I'm not gonna lie to you, I would adore a Snagglepuss impression now and then too.....
What's with the raised eyebrow after I mentioned Snagglepuss?? Do you think that I don't realize Snagglepuss is supposed to be a mountain lion in a bow-tie???? Yeah I realize! Mountain lion = in the cat family..... It counts!!! Do you take me for some kind of fool??
Yeah, on the show today Fezzie asked, "If you had the ability to read minds, would there ever be a time that you would NOT use it???" I can answer that question from my point of view.....that I would NEVER use it... That switch would remain off. I mean, the thoughts, judgments, and accusations that I already have envisioned people having about me are bad enough.... I really don't need to know the truth! Do I really need to reinforce what I have formerly guessed, by hearing them echo in reality.....??? In the midst of some gathering it would really fuckin throw me off to hear another person thinking, "What the hell is she talking about??! She makes no sense!!" or, "Is she really gonna take ANOTHER slice of pizza??" Nahhh.... I'll just pass on the whole mind-reading option if it's all the same to you.....
Anyway, let's talk about cartoon cats for another second or two! I just thought of a couple more.....I would even like it if Fez decided one day to break into some kinda Oil Can Harry routine.... That's a pretty rare one though! Oil Can Harry was a mean cat in Might Mouse, I believe.... Ron and Fez Show, if at any time Fezzie did some kinda Oil Can Harry act, I can guarantee you guys that you'd have an email coming your way where I'd ramble on about something like:
"Hey, guess what?! You guys brought up that cat from Mighty Mouse cartoons....Check this out, when I was a little kid I went to all these birthday parties at this two-story McDonalds on East 84th Street and Second avenue where on the second floor they had this movie screen and they'd play old cartoons like Mighty Mouse....not just for birthday parties!! They'd play them every afternoon! Listen Ron and Fez, I'm not tryin to be all nostalgic about a McDonalds......I know it sounds crazy... but dudes! That was a great McDonalds!!!!!"
Hmmm.... maybe Oil Can Harry wouldn't be such a good idea then?? Ahhh whatever!!! I'll level with yez, I'm not suggesting that all these cartoon cat parodies should happen...or that it would be remotely even....sane..... but I'm just saying that I would relish just about any one of 'em that emerged! Oh...Oh....I should amend that.... I would love any of them EXCEPT Wordsworth from the Heathcliff cartoon... Maybe you remember him??? Hmmm??? He hung out with those other cats... Riff Raff, Hector, Mongo??? They all lived in a junkyard. Wordsworth was this skinny, white cat who rocked roller skates, headphones, and goggles....He always spoke in rhyme. THAT cat was annoying.... I mean the look was wack, but the constant rhyming.... NOOO! So annoying. That habitual gimmick could become quite cloying.
Are you screaming to yourself, "Why would she watch that cartoon!!??? It was sooo lame, so gheeey!" Well, I was a child so I watched it anyway! As if these examples aren't ample, let me offer you another sample...... I know at times my ramblings might seem trite, but what if this is how I'd write??
Today Fez talked about therapy...
The more I think of it, I'm sure it wouldn't work for me....
Lying in some office, on a couch
I'm positive my life coach would think me a grouch...
For every question that she might pose,
I'd scream, "Mind ya business! Whodya think ya are, Charlie Rose??!"
"You writing some kinda book?! Yeah? What's it about??
Do me a favor, leave my chapter OUT!!!"
Sure her questions would be intended to guide,
but it's really not easy for me to confide...
And all the shit she'd hear me yell....
Would get me locked up in some padded cell...
You see what I'm sayin right- you get the point? Gahhh, I got no time for that joint..... And there are so many people, like Wordsworth the cat who insist on giving speeches just like that! My plea is give it a rest- give all that rhyming some relaxin; I'm lookin right at YOU, Jesse Jackson!! Oh I'm still doing it, shit it's become a habbit, I shake my fist and scream, "Dagnabbit!" Ohhh please, I beg you help me to stop- I'm afraid the aggravation might cause an eye-vein to pop!!! I better wrap this up before it's too late and I meet the hands of a terrible fate... Cause if I was reading all this nonsense still, it would result in me tracking the culprit down with a lust to kill..... I know that I am making no sense- I'm no mind reader but I CAN TELL that you think I'm dense.... Goodnight Ron and Fez Show...many thonx....
Signed, yours truly,
kathleen from the bronx :):):)