what makes me so expendible?

[IamPixie]

of all the relationships I've been involved in my 23 years of being on this earth i've only been with two men who have treated with me respect. There are plenty of men who find me attractive and the minute I give them the time of the day and open myself to them they pretty much treat me like I don't matter. It's starting to take it's toll on me emotionally. what am I doing wrong here? I try to be open and honest that pretty much makes them run for the hills. I wish I could meet someone that I could be myself with and that would be okay. Do I need to treat men like shit and ignore them to keep them interested in me? I hate fucking games and I wish this shit would finally end. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so confused and completely frustrated.:flush:

[PapaBear]

When I was 23, all I was interested in, was women who would open up and be honest about themselves. Either you just need to keep trying, or all modern young men are pieces of shit.

[Marc with a c]

I don't think it's you necessarily. I've been lucky enough to meet you and think you are awesome. I just think that perhaps the timing has been off with the guys you have met, and I don't think you need to seek out a meaningful relationship, it will happen when it is meant to happen.

[PapaBear]

I don't think it's you necessarily. I've been lucky enough to meet you and think you are awesome. I just think that perhaps the timing has been off with the guys you have met, and I don't think you need to seek out a meaningful relationship, it will happen when it is meant to happen.
Stop being smarter than me. It hurts enough, that you're funnier.

A world with a disappointed Pixie, is a world that needs change.

[buzzard]

It's not you Pixie...the men...as you call them are shit! you come across as "lone wolf" just like you told me....what yer trying to come to terms with is yer really "just like everybody else"..except your not an easy lay and you have morals,scruples & standards!
get used to that! Your an exeptional woman,extremely attractive and everything ANY man could want! that will also make you lonely,cuz,there just aint that many good men around....I wish I weren't old enough to give you advice! here's to you Iampixie:clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap::clap: :clap::clap:

[IamPixie]

I guess that's what I get for letting someone in the first place. The barriers serve a purpose.

[buzzard]

I guess that's what I get for letting someone in the first place. The barriers serve a purpose.

just don't let those barriers become you.you have sooooo much to offer....eventually he'll show up...and you'll be vindicated! I believe that for you,just be glad yer not my age!

[IamPixie]

I have had too much faith in the opposite sex. I sincerely doubt it ,buzzard.

[PapaBear]

I guess that's what I get for letting someone in the first place. The barriers serve a purpose.
WRONG!!!
Don't stop letting people in, Pixie. The "barriers" are a bad response to the "games". Let people in, and weed out the ones that don't like or respond to what they see. If you put up walls, you will end up alone.

Keep being honest about yourself with people. You WILL get hurt. But... if you don't shut yourself off, you will find what you need.

[buzzard]

WRONG!!!
Don't stop letting people in, Pixie. The "barriers" are a bad response to the "games". Let people in, and weed out the ones that don't like or respond to what they see. If you put up walls, you will end up alone.

Keep being honest about yourself with people. You WILL get hurt. But... if you don't shut yourself off, you will find what you need.



No man worth his shit would try to follow a class act like that!:thumbup:

[buzzard]

I have had too much faith in the opposite sex. I sincerely doubt it ,buzzard.

therein lies the problem Pixie...have faith in you,yes it's cliche'd....the journey starts with you
can you tell me that yer not attractive?...can you tell me yer not kind?...can you say yer not worthy?...hell no stop worshipping others and start believing in you! stop looking for the answer,the answer IS you.

[Poochie]

WRONG!!!
Don't stop letting people in, Pixie. The "barriers" are a bad response to the "games". Let people in, and weed out the ones that don't like or respond to what they see. If you put up walls, you will end up alone.

Keep being honest about yourself with people. You WILL get hurt. But... if you don't shut yourself off, you will find what you need.


I totally agree Pixie...you just keep being you, and if they don't like it, that is their fucking loss.

Unfortunately, there are guys like that everywhere. I have been through plenty of them myself and you just have to know that there are guys out there that are honest, respectful and appreciate you for you. Hang in there honey!!

[buzzard]

I envy you pixie you have lots of friends who care about you...at 23 yer way ahead of the game. I'll think of you tonight. as you may have figured by now or even how much you see me online @2:43 my time,I don't do that often.:bye:

[lleeder]

I'm amazed to see this thread started by you. The men you've been with must lack the self confidence to have a girl like you. Your a very cool person and deserve to be treated good. I think alot of guys don't realize how good a girl they've got til she's gone. I'm sure things seem bad now but knowing the person you are there are definately alot of guys willing to give you the respect you deserve.

[Bulldogcakes]

Pix, you're a beautiful girl. Let the guys chase you. We're stupid that way and we fall for it every time. Don't commit too fast, have fun and play the field. Maybe even create a little competition between two guys for your attention. Works like a charm. These things have all become old fashioned notions because they've been working for about a thousand years. Maybe the problem you're having is you just want it to happen too much, and it shows. Guys feel like "I got her in my back pocket, now let me chase someone else". Why? Because most guys your age feel the chase is better than the catch. But the hardest thing is to find someone when you're looking. Just go out, have fun and let it happen. Don't force it.

BTW-Girls do all the same stuff to us guys. Its all in the game.

[A.J.]

Do I need to treat men like shit and ignore them to keep them interested in me?

That always works on me.

[reillyluck]

You truly are a good person. I agree with most of what the guys say here. Dont work to hard on finding love. It will find you when you least expect it. Youre going to find someone that will be head over heals for you.

as for the other guys that were in your life that treated you like crap...forget them. Not all guys are that way. there are plenty of men in this world that want the same things that you do. It just sucks that the guys you do like, dont feel the same way about relationships as you do. I say...Thats their loss.

You want someone thats going to want you back equally. Its not fair to yourself that you waste your time on these confused pricks. Dont waste any more energy on trying to convince yourself that there is something wrong with you, because there isnt.

Youre a woman that wants to be loved. theres nothing wrong with that and i admire you for it.

There is someone out there for you. I truly believe that.

[paulisded]

of all the relationships I've been involved in my 23 years of being on this earth i've only been with two men who have treated with me respect. There are plenty of men who find me attractive and the minute I give them the time of the day and open myself to them they pretty much treat me like I don't matter. It's starting to take it's toll on me emotionally. what am I doing wrong here? I try to be open and honest that pretty much makes them run for the hills. I wish I could meet someone that I could be myself with and that would be okay. Do I need to treat men like shit and ignore them to keep them interested in me? I hate fucking games and I wish this shit would finally end. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so confused and completely frustrated.:flush:

Oh Pixie, how could anybody not treat you right? You're smart, beautiful, funny, and most importantly, you hate jam bands. :) You just haven't met the right guy yet, and you will. In fact, while I haven't read the entire thread yet I'm sure you've received replies from a ton of admirers.

[reillyluck]

this thread made me think of this song. Granted, its the live version, but still a beautiful song.


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[IamPixie]

of course everyone is ultimately looking for love and a meaningful relationship. but that's not what I'm talking about. I guess what gets to me is that I find men are more interested in the idea of me instead of the actual me. I also want to clarify that i'm not talking about one specific man here but it's more like a repeating pattern. Don't actively pursue me and than turn around and be a dick. Don't walk 40 minutes to my house at midnight and bring me candy and then when you see me the next day treat me like we've never met. Leave me the fuck alone in the first place if you're gonna be an ass.

Anyways I just want say thank you all for the advice and support guys. I do need spend more time on loving myself. I'll stop being all keithy on your asses now. Thanks again.

[torker]

Don't actively pursue me and than turn around and be a dick.


For most guys, especially when they are younger, the main goal is conquest. There's usually not a long term plan.

[IamPixie]

For most guys, especially when they are younger, the main goal is conquest. There's usually not a long term plan.

I didn't fuck him anyway.

[paulisded]

Don't actively pursue me and than turn around and be a dick. Don't walk 40 minutes to my house at midnight and bring me candy and then when you see me the next day treat me like we've never met.

They're idiots. I'm all about silly gestures like that for people who deserve them...but that treatment continues the next day, week, or however long the relationship works.

[torker]

I didn't fuck him anyway.

A conquest doesn't have to be just sex. It can be a nice boost to the ego when somebody likes you, finds you attractive, desires your company. Makes you feel good about yourself. And since it's all about me, I no longer need you, or something like that. Just one pig's opinion.

[Furtherman]

I'll stop being all keithy on your asses now. Thanks again.

Damn that was funny. You're funny too! A fool and his beautiful woman are soon parted. Don't fret to much, you're very young and you will find respect and a man who would just feel lucky to have a conversation with you.

[mdr55]

Will you be my myspace friend?

[spoon]

One thing that resonated with me is your rundown on being yourself. I may be off here but be yourself right up front, and if it doesn't work out, great! I know this sounds crazy but this way you really find someone who gives a shit about you. You're 23 and I wouldn't go crazy with all this, it's sooo normal. Personally it's better to fail for a while and have fun bc when you do find it you'll really appreciate it and realize what you have. This isn't to say these guys are bad or not, they may just want something else and that's fine too. The worst thing you can do is change to fit someone else's idea of what you should be. Now that's not to say you shouldn't learn from your relationships and have an open mind to improving yourself, but changing something you like about yourself to fit their mold is just nuts. Compromise is definitely a part of any relationship, but changing who you are isn't.

You'll be fine, just hang in there and stay far away from BDC and Justice.

[furie]

sounds like you are either attracted to or attracting the wrong kind of guys.

[Justice4all]

of all the relationships I've been involved in my 23 years of being on this earth i've only been with two men who have treated with me respect. There are plenty of men who find me attractive and the minute I give them the time of the day and open myself to them they pretty much treat me like I don't matter. It's starting to take it's toll on me emotionally. what am I doing wrong here? I try to be open and honest that pretty much makes them run for the hills. I wish I could meet someone that I could be myself with and that would be okay. Do I need to treat men like shit and ignore them to keep them interested in me? I hate fucking games and I wish this shit would finally end. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm so confused and completely frustrated.:flush:

Pixie, welcome to the game of life. Most everyone has felt that at one point or another.
You are 23 years old. More then your fair share of guys who are around your age (not all...but many) are selfish or self-absorbed. So try not to take it TOO personally.

I know it is difficult for you to put your TRUE self out there. It is a big gamble. You run the risk of getting hurt. ALOT. Many people hide their insecurities behind masks or sarcasm, wit, even try to put others down to make themselves feel better or bigger.
Just being yourself is a challenge that you should not abandon so quickly.

If you spot little nuances in someones personality that makes you pause for a moment and wonder if he is the kind of guy you want to be with, odds are he is not.

If you are open and honest and those men you mention run for the hills, they are the insecure ones. Keep doing what you are doing. Believe it or not it is the RIGHT way to act. The right guy will come along and not only appreciate how you are but treat you like the sun rises and sets just for you. (I know it is corny but it is also true). You are young. You have alot of time ahead of you.

Being lonely sucks, but being with someone who treats you like shit is even worse. Take your time in finding that one guy who you WANT to spend alot of time with. It will pay off in the end.

Keep being yourself, it is what you are best at and it will draw the right people in.

One of the things you might want to do is figure out what qualities those two men who treated you with respect had that you liked best, and try to find them in a potential interest. That might be a good indication if that guy would be worth your time.


Good luck. You are a sweetheart of a lady and have alot going for you. Don't lose faith.:thumbup:

[IamPixie]

:smile:

[ChrisTheCop]

Try an older man.
Not as old as GVAC, of course... a lil younger...with alot less hair....maybe with a government job...


Seriously though, your post made me sad. You make people happy just by being around, so if anyone should be happy themselves, it should be you. Although I am not shocked that there are asshole men out there, I am shocked that you havent found one worth your time.

You will.

by the way, Justice, as always, makes alotta sense. Listen to him!

p.s. your 20's are SUPPOSED to be the years when you date all the wrong people, just so when you find the right guy, youll notice.

[spoon]

by the way, Justice, as always, makes alotta sense. Listen to him!
p.s. your 20's are SUPPOSED to be the years when you date all the wrong people, just so when you find the right guy, youll notice.

I don't believe this has ever been said before, EVER!

Justice is a pro at this because he's usually THAT guy. Tons of experience right parkway swinger!? Almost forgot...:wink:

[patsopinion]

part of the ideology of the modern game is treating the other person like shit

[mdr55]

Thanks for being my bud.:smile:

[Axem Red]

I guess what gets to me is that I find men are more interested in the idea of me instead of the actual me. I also want to clarify that i'm not talking about one specific man here but it's more like a repeating pattern. Don't actively pursue me and than turn around and be a dick. Don't walk 40 minutes to my house at midnight and bring me candy and then when you see me the next day treat me like we've never met. Leave me the fuck alone in the first place if you're gonna be an ass.

I understand what your saying and there's no excuse for being a dick if you made a mistake or lost interest. I've learned that most people just aren't built for very good getting-to-know-you conversations. So the constant mistake is always throwing a 180 on the emotions they have for you. It's really kind of insulting when someone treats you like shit, or the opposite where they treat you like you've never had a date before, and pass up acting like an adult just because they don't want the guilt of possibly breaking someones heart because they lost interest too quickly or whatever the reason is.

[aphelion]

Follow the daily advice of Ronnie B. It keeps me going in this crazy f-up world. I wish I could give you some better advice but my relationship experiance falls more in line with Fez and Earl. Atleast you're trying, stay positive don't let the jerks drag you down.

[ShelleBink]

Hey lovie, I adore you and you fucking rule, and the scariest part is a few weeks ago I could have written the same thread. I've had a long illustrious career of dating losers ((and some good guys too which I was too stupid to realize their worth til it was over)), and if you keep rolling with the punches, maybe one day you'll find someone amazing. It took me 23 years too, and for the first time I'm in a relationship where my initial fear isn't that I'm going to screw it up. And even better, I'm totally myself with this other person. There is a guy out there for you, it'll happen. All the bad ones make you appreciate the good ones that much more. And if not, go lesbian and I"ll dump my dude in .3 seconds.

[douchebagsean]

nah dude dont give up faith and those barriers while they serve to keep u from getting hurt they also prevent you from getting into the mushy shit that we all want a relationship to be. i hear u tho the opposite sex can suck, for me i get jived by chicks all the time but i keep going at it for two reasons...one im a masochist and i enjoy the pain and second when u do find someone whose worth it the relationship is fun. trust me dont give up mate ull find someone just be yourself and things will work out in the end
peace out super trout

sean

[Dougie Brootal]

YOU ARE NOT EXPENDIBLE. AND DO NOT EVER LET ANYONE TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE.




REMEMBER THAT.

[Bill From Yorktown]

The issue is that the "modern male" is living in a post 70's feminism world, where we're told from day one that we have to be "open and emotional" which labels us as "wuss" while we see all the "bad asses" get the girls. This may or may not be reality, but it's what we see.

So, what do I do - not return her calls, and give her a half hearted greeting, act distant, and be the bad-ass, or do I give her attention, open the door for her, flowers, etc, and get labled a wuss?

It seems if we are nice and sweet, we get walked all over, until the Harley dude shows up and she bails, or we act distant and tortured, and get bitched about behind our backs with your friends. No win sitch. Trust me, we dont know what you want.

I dont know what to tell you, but it's equally confusing on this side as well. Honesty in how you feel as well as how we feel is the only way. I'll hold your hand while you are crying your eyes out over losing a pet, or rub it in that I beat you at darts, but that's the only way to be.

Be yourself. Give it time (this coming from someone last night at 3am who wanted to post as I was at a low spot emotionally - glad my password kept getting rejected as I'd be labeled an emo wuss - just a bad night that's all - advice never post or IM when feeling bad and being drunk).

Spent the day with my son and feeling better now as he and I had a good time at the Apple Fest - he rode rides, and I woman watched.

So seriously, be yourself. Say what you want and stick to your guns. I'm POSITIVE it will work out.

[Angelfuck]

Bill, you have to find a balance, dont be a dick and dont be distant but try not to seem desperate at the same time. There's no need to over think it, just go with it, some guys go too far trying to impress a girl and come off seeming desperate and weak. There's no reason to play games, even ones where you make yourself seem sweeter than you are, that raises suspicions. Any chick or guy you have to play games with to keep interested is not worth it, it'll just end up complicating the relationship anyway.
Pix just do what you do, you're an awesome chick and as long as you dont let it get you down and stay open you'll find a guy that appreciates who you are and you wont have to worry about any of this shit, Im sure of it :thumbup:

[Bill From Yorktown]

Angel, I couldnt agree more. That's the advice I gave, and the advice I'm trying to take as well. People need to be themselves. If you arent happy in a relationship, accept it and move on. Dont try to make yourself into something you arent, and god forbid dont expect to change someone into what you want. Huge mistake that always comes back to bite you in the ass.

I was just trying to explain that the reason Pixie keeps getting caught up with the wrong guy is either she's not being true to herself about herself, or has the hope of changing him, and he wont.

Angel is dead on - be yourself.

[skyscraper]

Pixie-
I don't know you, I've never met you or Angelfuck, but let me tell you:
listen to her. just be you and do what you're going to do, don't play stupid head games. no one ever wins them.
the question you should now be asking yourself is, why do I need skyscraper to tell me this? angelfuck's wisdom is self-evident.
and the answer is, you don't, so I'll end this post now.

[buzzard]

I asked you to be a myspace friend a couple of weeks ago,you ignored me and I know I'm not a bad person...I got over it,Even though,I've been nothing but kind to you.I know you have guts/belief system.you'll be fine! you just don't have any reason..right now...to believe much. I get it. buzz

[dolemyte]

Could you be sending out mixed messages? Like cool one minute, but clamming up and being cold the next?

Are you smothering the guys?

I just ask because at that age, im trying to picture what would have made me flip things around on a girl, that (from the board at least) seems cool as hell. Especially if sex wasnt necessarily involved...

All the things i mentioned plus withholding sex mightve put me in dick mode at 23... I grew up with the mentality that there was no reason to bullshit around and wait, especially living in NYC where there are a few million females

[IamPixie]

Update:

:wallbash::wallbash::wallbash:

[Fezticle98]

Update:

:wallbash::wallbash::wallbash:

That made me loff. Good one, lleeder!

[stump12]

I feel your pain pixie. I havent had many relationships but Im married and weve been together for 4 years and all of the sudden she says we have nothing in common anymore. We dont talk anymore and I dont want to make myself a better person. She thinks its wrong that Im happy in our lives when we have a nice house and we both have good jobs. I just dont think she respects me anymore and I dont understand why. I havent changed in 4 years
I dont know if Ill be able to let anyone else in if we get a divorce.

[Friday]

Update:

:wallbash::wallbash::wallbash:

it took me 31 years to find my ideal match.
i didn't think it would ever happen and many times I actually did bash my head up against the wall in frustration. *sigh*
now... if i am bashing my head... (on car doors, dresser drawers, etc...) it's just because I am a world class KLUTZ!

hang in there!

[Ritalin]

of course everyone is ultimately looking for love and a meaningful relationship. but that's not what I'm talking about. I guess what gets to me is that I find men are more interested in the idea of me instead of the actual me. I also want to clarify that i'm not talking about one specific man here but it's more like a repeating pattern. Don't actively pursue me and than turn around and be a dick. Don't walk 40 minutes to my house at midnight and bring me candy and then when you see me the next day treat me like we've never met. Leave me the fuck alone in the first place if you're gonna be an ass.

Anyways I just want say thank you all for the advice and support guys. I do need spend more time on loving myself. I'll stop being all keithy on your asses now. Thanks again.

I might be late to the game, but I'm intrigued by this notion: what is the idea of you and what is the actual you, and what's the difference?

And listen, I was just talking to my wife about when she met me before I read this post - honestly the timing couldn't be better - and when we met she was 24, and I'm the most awesome guy in the world. We've been together ever since then, and we've been married for 13 years. So don't sweat it. The best guy in the world for you could be right around the corner and you just haven't met him yet.

Be honest with yourself and be patient. You're young, and you'll find the one.

I promise.

[IamPixie]

I might be late to the game, but I'm intrigued by this notion: what is the idea of you and what is the actual you, and what's the difference?


I mean they like the way I look but am the elephant man of personalities apparently.

[Ritalin]

I mean they like the way I look but am the elephant man of personalities apparently.

Everybody has a fucked up personality. That's the whole point.