My Girlfriend's Psycho Ex

[DarkHippie]

My girlfriend has a crazy ex boyfriend who shows up at her house at all hours and breaks shit. I've seen bruises on her arms and on her neck. He had stopped for a while due to a restraining order. His restraining order just ended last week, so he is back to his old ways. She tells me not to get involved because it'll only make things worse (the same reason why she stopped calling the cops--he would just wait until the cops leave and make things twice as worse) I can't stand aside. I am in love with this girl and every time I hear her crying on the phone or see the bruises on her body I want to strangle this guy.

Me and him and a confrontation when I first starting dating my girl. He backed off, but I got a very eerie feeling from him--I am a rather large and obviously strong person. Usually if I get in someone's face, I can sense their intimindation. This guy was not intimidated at all. He is also a big dude (though not as big as me) but I've heard stories about things that he has done to other people that makes me think that I probably can not take him (which is a situation that I am not used to)

Not that it matters, I'm willing to take a beat down if it'll help (though I'm not sure how it would) Anyway, I can't get into any fights until my court date next week for hitting that pedestrian with the wheelchair van (as mentioned in another thread).

Has anyone ever been in this situation? Any advice or comforting/disturbing stories about it?

[DarkHippie]

QUICK UPDATE: I just IMed my girlfriend cause I saw that she was online. she didnt sound like herself so I asked what was wrong. guess who it was? He told me to stay away from her, so I laughed at him. then I laughed some more. I think I pissed him off. I guess he knows her password or something.

[Fallon]

This is no good.

What about getting some of your boys to send him a message?

[Bossanova]

This is no good.

What about getting some of your boys to send him a message?

Or getting us to kick in his fucking head:clap:

[nancy drew]

well...if you were Dexter, you'd just hit him over the head and set it up like he had a drug overdose and call the cops.
if i were in your girlfriend's situation, i'd get another restraining order asap, and seriously consider relocating.
as for what you should do...i can't really say. be as supportive of her as possible, and make sure you don't criticize her for ever having been with such a crazy asshole.
make sure she knows that no matter what it's not ok for anyone to harass her like that, and see if there's enough evidence to press charges beyond just a restraining order.
good luck, man.

[IMSlacker]

I'd try to talk her into getting another restraining order. Nothing good can come of confronting the guy directly. Also, she should change her IM password.

[Sinestro]

Yeah. Stop hiding behind the keyboard and get cracking some heads.

[Fezticle98]

Definitely get another restraining order. She should be documenting any unwanted contact from this guy, keeping phone messages he leaves her, pictures of injuries, keep a journal of any contact he initiates with her.

I would say you shouldn't go out an confront him. But if he brings it to your or her doorstep and you feel threatened, you have a right to defend yourself and your girlfriend.

You may be stronger than him, but chances are pretty good that he might be carrying a knife or gun. He sounds like the type of psycho that would kill a woman. I'm not trying to scare you, just offering my opinion.

It sounds like your gf thinks that she can deal with it or it will stop on its own. That's not going to happen. Get, and keep, the authorities involved.

[DarkHippie]

I really want to confront him, but i know that it'll make things worse for my girl. He'll just wait until i am not there and beat the shit out of her.

He already has charges on him towards damage he did to her apartment, but i think they will go nowhere. I really just wanna take a claw hammer to his kidneys

[Dude!]

if i were in your girlfriend's situation, i'd get another restraining order asap, and seriously consider relocating.


like she said

psychos dont know fear
best you steer clear

[Team_Ramrod]

It's a very 'grown up' thing you are doing by not kicking this guys ass, I'll give you that.

Unfortunately bro, life is made up of these hard decisions. Right VS wrong. It is wrong that he is harrassing her, it is wrong he is physically abusing her, and it is wrong he is invading her privacy by hacking into her accounts.

The cops were involved and that worked while the restraining order was in tact, if he settles UNTIL the cops are gone, that is when you step in. It doesn't matter about your court date, that is a crutch. It matters about right vs wrong.

This is one of those 'hard' life decisions, it's time you push back from the keyboard and go take care of the situation. Deal with the repercussions after.
As strong as women are... sometimes they need a man to take care of them.

[nancy drew]

Definitely get another restraining order. She should be documenting any unwanted contact from this guy, keeping phone messages he leaves her, pictures of injuries, keep a journal of any contact he initiates with her.

I would say you shouldn't go out an confront him. But if he brings it to your or her doorstep and you feel threatened, you have a right to defend yourself and your girlfriend.

You may be stronger than him, but chances are pretty good that he might be carrying a knife or gun. He sounds like the type of psycho that would kill a woman. I'm not trying to scare you, just offering my opinion.

It sounds like your gf thinks that she can deal with it or it will stop on its own. That's not going to happen. Get, and keep, the authorities involved.

i completely agree. what does your gf think should be done about it?

[Sinestro]

Maybe you should spend the night....or week there.




You know for protection.

[nancy drew]

Maybe you should spend the night....or week there.




You know for protection.


i mean if you're serious about this girl... why doesn't she move in with you--or does he know where you live too...?

[King Hippos Bandaid]

if this wasnt the thats life forum

id go in detail on how you should sick the retards on this Jerk who cant get over your girl

:king:

[DarkHippie]

i mean if you're serious about this girl... why doesn't she move in with you--or does he know where you live too...?

i dont think either of us are ready for that kind of commitment. We've only been 'officailly' dating for a month or so.

[nancy drew]

...I am in love with this girl and every time I hear her crying on the phone or see the bruises on her body I want to strangle this guy...

so do something about it

[midwestjeff]

i dont think either of us are ready for that kind of commitment. We've only been 'officailly' dating for a month or so.

Walk away. Let her know that you're there for her, but can't be dragged into her madness. A month is not long enough to step in and be some kind of hero. It seems like as long as she lets herself be available to the psycho, she is going to have these problems. Let her be an adult and fix them on her own.
Or beat him with a tire iron, but i really don't think that is a good long-term solution.

[Dougie Brootal]

i wouldve beat his ass the first time he laid hands on her. but thats just me.

[TheGameHHH]

i wouldve beat his ass the first time he laid hands on her. but thats just me.

me too......i literally would have found out where he lives or works and waited for him outside......brought a nice bat, golf club or brass knuckles with me......and i would have lost it on him. if somebody fucks with a chick that i love, youre fucking with me too. and if he wants to bring violence into it, he can try somebody like me thats more worthy of a challenge. i know u cant fight until the court date, but the second that day passed id lose my shit on that chump.

[nancy drew]

Walk away. Let her know that you're there for her, but can't be dragged into her madness. A month is not long enough to step in and be some kind of hero. It seems like as long as she lets herself be available to the psycho, she is going to have these problems. Let her be an adult and fix them on her own.
Or beat him with a tire iron, but i really don't think that is a good long-term solution.

i guess it seemed to me that you are too committed to the situation to do that--but it is a refreshing alternative. maybe you should just walk away. maybe my initial reaction was too idealistic. who knows, only you can decide what you're going to do. but if you're this worried/concerned about it...you'd better do something.
like i said, good luck. really.

[BalzacWB]

Maybe you should spend the night....or week there.




You know for protection.

exactly.. then when he puts his hands on your chick you stab him in the fucking chest with a butcher knife.... fucking self defense.


I dont think a jury will convict you for defending your girlfriend from her crazy ex who has domestic violence history.

[DarkHippie]

exactly.. then when he puts his hands on your chick you stab him in the fucking chest with a butcher knife.... fucking self defense.


I dont think a jury will convict you for defending your girlfriend from her crazy ex who has domestic violence history.

i dream of that scenario at night

[PapaBear]

My heart says "take care of him". My sense of logic, and the understanding of how things could go terribly wrong, say don't. Have you considered setting up an inexpensive surveillance system in her place? If she has video evidence of his actions, she could get him locked up.

Unfortunately, that can go very wrong, too. If she ever does file charges on him, make sure she stays with you until the guy is locked up.

[Doogie]

I have to say, that this guy is laying his hands on your chick and your not doing anything about it?? C'mon brother, you have got to step up on this one. I would advise going the legal route and calling the cops again, get that restraining order re-issued. At least you have a little leniency when you do (and should) beat the fuck out of him for touching her. This guy sounds dangerous and needs to be dealt the embrace of pain.

I have to say that you are a better man than me. If someone was laying a hand on my chick, that fucker would be dead. Dead. I have batons, tasers, and rubber bullets I would use on a fucker like that, especially if he is STILL laying his hands on my chick.

I also have to agree with what someone else here said, that if this chick doesnt get pro-active in her own defense (ie calling the cops, courts, etc) than maybe you should leave her. Stay by her side, but dont go jamming up your own life due to this chicks problems that she has ALL the power in the world to control (see above.)

[Furtherman]

i dont think either of us are ready for that kind of commitment. We've only been 'officailly' dating for a month or so.

OK. One month and you feel you're in love. Fine.

But... why does this girl have bruises? If she broke up with him, she can literally close the door and not have to deal with this guy.

How does he even get to her? Does she let him in her house? Falls for the "Listen, I just want to talk line?"

She doesn't want to you to get involved?

Look, this has all the makings of the girl getting hurt (or worse) and this guy getting arrested. It's textbook.

A restraining order that ran out and he's still able to actually touch her? Where? In public, where she can scream? Or again, she lets him near her?


What you have to do is tell your girl that if she doesn't want you to get involved, then cut the shit and have her cut this guy out of her life COMPLETELY. Change the locks, change her number, change her IM address (He has her password? STILL? WTF!!!).

This just doesn't sound right as a simple harassment. Something is still between them and you're getting caught up in it. Does she want you to play hero? I'd tell her to get her shit together because if a women wants to be done with a man, she can do it. And if it is as serious as it sounds, this guy would be locked up by now.

[Doogie]

What you have to do is tell your girl that if she doesn't want you to get involved, then cut the shit and have her cut this guy out of her life COMPLETELY. Change the locks, change her number, change her IM address (He has her password? STILL? WTF!!!).

This just doesn't sound right as a simple harassment. Something is still between them and you're getting caught up in it. Does she want you to play hero? I'd tell her to get her shit together because if a women wants to be done with a man, she can do it. And if it is as serious as it sounds, this guy would be locked up by now.

Thank you furtherman, those are the sentiments I ws trying to express in my tirade. I was just pised to know to think that someone would be laying fingers on my chick that me forget the key things. I agree with this and say there is something going on that she isnt telling you about. I would find out, even if you have to do it in a duplicitious type of way.

[foodcourtdruide]

Please do not hit him with a bat or anything that will put you in jail for the rest of your life. I think this situation can only be solved by your girlfriend. She NEEDS to get a restraining order against him and call the cops if he comes around. You should protect her if he comes around or bothers her or bothers you, but I'm assuming you are no longer in high school and beating up another human being has reprocussions.

If this continues and she isn't getting a restraining order or alerting the authorities of his behavior I'd be really suspicious and think about jumping ship. Ultimately, the resolution of this situation falls with her.

[foodcourtdruide]

OK. One month and you feel you're in love. Fine.

But... why does this girl have bruises? If she broke up with him, she can literally close the door and not have to deal with this guy.

How does he even get to her? Does she let him in her house? Falls for the "Listen, I just want to talk line?"

She doesn't want to you to get involved?

Look, this has all the makings of the girl getting hurt (or worse) and this guy getting arrested. It's textbook.

A restraining order that ran out and he's still able to actually touch her? Where? In public, where she can scream? Or again, she lets him near her?


What you have to do is tell your girl that if she doesn't want you to get involved, then cut the shit and have her cut this guy out of her life COMPLETELY. Change the locks, change her number, change her IM address (He has her password? STILL? WTF!!!).

This just doesn't sound right as a simple harassment. Something is still between them and you're getting caught up in it. Does she want you to play hero? I'd tell her to get her shit together because if a women wants to be done with a man, she can do it. And if it is as serious as it sounds, this guy would be locked up by now.

Agree with furtherman. Sounds like something is up.

[Doctor Z]

I agree, she needs to have that restraining order re-issued. And the cops need to be called any time he breaks that restraining order. Best case scenario, he gets arrested a couple of times for being near her, he feels trapped and helpless, and eventually commits suicide one night.

[ralphbxny]

She needs to get away. Move or get him locked up. You need to stay away from both of them till this gets itself figured out. You'll do something stupid and regret it.

[JPMNICK]

as much as she says she doesn't, it seems like she likes the attention from both of you, as unhealthy as it is. do not feed into it by acting all crazy because I think that is what she wants. no person who doesn't want it would stay in an abusive relationship. she has the ability to have him restrained and removed, always go the legal route because when you take things into your own hands you can wind up in a lot of trouble and it is NEVER worth it

[buzzard]

Dude,yer trying to get yer driving situation under control...focus on staying out of MORE trouble.you can't fix anything If you go to jail,it's easy to kick the fuck out of someone as long as yer willing to accept the consequences of yer actions.take the high road,let HER deal with HER ex! he'll screw up hopefully sooner than later.Protect your future first.I say that,however,I'd be spastic and probably lose it (or at least want to also!)

[DarkHippie]

Ok straightened some stuff out.

I've been avoiding getting involved because that is what my girl wants. She says that she can handle him but my showing up would break the status quo. usually her roommate and boyfriend are over there so it wont get too bad. Before you say it, he does this in front of her roommate and boyfriend because they are not a physical threat (other than calling the cops) where I am.

She says next time she is calling the cops. I said next time I am crushing his windpipe. We'll see what happens.

The problem is that my girl is too confident in her own ability to handle the situation. she is very independent and i think that me stepping in would hurt her. We'll see what happens

Maybe I don't love her and am just infatuated for now. I don't know. I just had a transcendent weekend with her and i might just be high from that. We'll see what happens

[Furtherman]

I just had a transcendent weekend with her and i might just be high from that. We'll see what happens

I'll say.

usually her roommate and boyfriend are over there so it wont get too bad. Before you say it, he does this in front of her roommate and boyfriend because they are not a physical threat (other than calling the cops) where I am.

She says next time she is calling the cops. I said next time I am crushing his windpipe. We'll see what happens.

Right there. Stop. How does he do this in front of her roommate and boyfriend?

How does he DO WHAT? Why is he even in the SAME ROOM?

I'm sorry to be blunt, but this reaks of total bullshit coming from your girl.

If they broke up, why is he even in the same room?

If she had a restraining order, expired or not, what is he even in the same room?

And if you throw a punch, guess what - you're arrested on assault and he'll be back AT HER PLACE while you're sorting that mess out.

I'm sorry man, but you should tell her to drop him completely or walk away. Nothing good will come of this as it stands.

[mdr55]

I'll say.



Right there. Stop. How does he do this in front of her roommate and boyfriend?

How does he DO WHAT? Why is he even in the SAME ROOM?

I'm sorry to be blunt, but this reaks of total bullshit coming from your girl.

If they broke up, why is he even in the same room?

If she had a restraining order, expired or not, what is he even in the same room?

And if you throw a punch, guess what - you're arrested on assault and he'll be back AT HER PLACE while you're sorting that mess out.

I'm sorry man, but you should tell her to drop him completely or walk away. Nothing good will come of this as it stands.


Futherman speaks the truth. And JPMNICK brings up another one, maybe she likes the attention from both you guys. Unless the dude was living there and is still getting some of his stuff out, why is she letting him anywhere in the house??? Somethings up with that.

[foodcourtdruide]

Yeah..

Like, let's say he waits for her outside the apartment. He approaches her when she gets home, she says "leave me alone", then what? She lets him up? He forces his way up? How does he get into the apartment? Does he approach her nicely, and say "come on let's just talk this out" and then she lets him in and they start fighting like mad? If so, why is she letting him in?

Does he have a key? If so, she needs to change the locks. If she hasn't, why hasn't she? If I broke up with a woman and she had a key to my place and she came in ONE time without my permission those locks would be changed AND I don't fear physical harm!

There has to be something else going on here. Something is missing in this story.

[JPMNICK]

there is something still there between him and her, she might not come out and say it, but it seems like she still has feelings for him.

i had a girl do something horrible to me once, and i literally never spoke to her again. not on the phone, in person, on AIM, nothing. it is not that hard when that is what you really want

[DarkHippie]

I should've clarified: Usually he just screams at her from outside the house until she comes out or he follows her around town. A couple of times he has kicked the door in to her place. He has been over there lately to clean out his stuff. mostly what happens is just yelling and screaming at each other, though he does push her around sometimes and choked her a couple of times. She doesn't usually let him in the house.

I have no idea why she hasnt gotten the police more involved. probably because they havent helped in the past.

[JPMNICK]

I should've clarified: Usually he just screams at her from outside the house until she comes out or he follows her around town. A couple of times he has kicked the door in to her place. He has been over there lately to clean out his stuff. mostly what happens is just yelling and screaming at each other, though he does push her around sometimes and choked her a couple of times. She doesn't usually let him in the house.

I have no idea why she hasnt gotten the police more involved. probably because they havent helped in the past.

she should have an officer present when he comes to get his stuff. she should also be proactive and pack it all up and put it next to the door. that way the cop gets there, the dude comes in, gets his shit, and leaves. the cop makes sure nothing bad happens,

[Leticia]

You haver to convince her to get another restraining order.

Her life is at risk!

Ask if there can be a longer restraining order put on him.

And obviously she should change her passwords.

Also I agree that there should an officer present when he is picking up his stuff.

[foodcourtdruide]

If he's standing outside the house screaming I'm surprised her neighbors aren't calling the cops. Also, if he's following her around town she has a serious case for him stalking her.

I hope everything works out for you man. You sound like a decent guy and shouldn't have to put up with this nonsense. But please, be aware that everything may not be kosher on her end.

[Justice4all]

My girlfriend has a crazy ex boyfriend who shows up at her house at all hours and breaks shit. I've seen bruises on her arms and on her neck. He had stopped for a while due to a restraining order. His restraining order just ended last week, so he is back to his old ways. She tells me not to get involved because it'll only make things worse (the same reason why she stopped calling the cops--he would just wait until the cops leave and make things twice as worse) I can't stand aside. I am in love with this girl and every time I hear her crying on the phone or see the bruises on her body I want to strangle this guy.

Me and him and a confrontation when I first starting dating my girl. He backed off, but I got a very eerie feeling from him--I am a rather large and obviously strong person. Usually if I get in someone's face, I can sense their intimindation. This guy was not intimidated at all. He is also a big dude (though not as big as me) but I've heard stories about things that he has done to other people that makes me think that I probably can not take him (which is a situation that I am not used to)

Not that it matters, I'm willing to take a beat down if it'll help (though I'm not sure how it would) Anyway, I can't get into any fights until my court date next week for hitting that pedestrian with the wheelchair van (as mentioned in another thread).

Has anyone ever been in this situation? Any advice or comforting/disturbing stories about it?


DH....do you need help with this guy? If so, send me a PM.

[JPMNICK]

the most surprising thing about this thread to me is I have met hippie twice now and he seemed like the calmest nicest guy in the world

[DarkHippie]

the most surprising thing about this thread to me is I have met hippie twice now and he seemed like the calmest nicest guy in the world

I am, but it wasnt always that way. I was expelled from junior high school for beating people up, and they wouldn't let me back in for high school. I had to go to a special school for juvenial delinquents.

Then I found Jesus.

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA just kidding
(About the jesus part, not the fighting part)

I still love to fight, though i havent in a while. Last 'fight' I got into was 3 years ago, when I pulled an ice scraper on a guy who was trying to fuck my chick.

There always seems to be women involved

[JPMNICK]

I am, but it wasnt always that way. I was expelled from junior high school for beating people up, and they wouldn't let me back in for high school. I had to go to a special school for juvenial delinquents.

Then I found Jesus.

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA just kidding
(About the jesus part, not the fighting part)

I still love to fight, though i havent in a while. Last 'fight' I got into was 3 years ago, when I pulled an ice scraper on a guy who was trying to fuck my chick.

There always seems to be women involved

you are the anti-keithy

[Doogie]

Then I found Jesus.

Are you one of the "Jews for Jesus??"

I pulled an ice scraper on a guy who was trying to fuck my chick.

There always seems to be women involved

Wait...what?? This has happened before?? Was the dude trying to rape this other girlfriend or were they both into it?? Man, alive where are you meeting these girls??

If he's standing outside the house screaming I'm surprised her neighbors aren't calling the cops.

I was wondering the same thing. I am surprised the neighbors never called the cops, they must think ECW is staged in that place of hers. This situation sounds out of hand, I feel it in my gut that something is going on with this situation and you need to find out what. How long have you been seeing this girl??

[IamPixie]

Buy her a pitbull.

[Bulldogcakes]

Go to his house and smash up some of his shit. See how he likes it.

Does he own a car?

[JPMNICK]

Go to his house and smash up some of his shit. See how he likes it.

Does he own a car?

this could be the worst advice ever. why escalate and already tense situation. these type of things are matters for the police and the courts, all documented. taking it into your own hands is how problems start and then someone ends up dead

[Bulldogcakes]

this could be the worst advice ever. why escalate and already tense situation. these type of things are matters for the police and the courts, all documented. taking it into your own hands is how problems start and then someone ends up dead

You're right, and I didn't mean it literally. That was me just fantasizing there.

[Kris10]

She likes the attention she is getting from you.

[Justice4all]

I'll say.



Right there. Stop. How does he do this in front of her roommate and boyfriend?

How does he DO WHAT? Why is he even in the SAME ROOM?

I'm sorry to be blunt, but this reaks of total bullshit coming from your girl.

If they broke up, why is he even in the same room?

If she had a restraining order, expired or not, what is he even in the same room?

And if you throw a punch, guess what - you're arrested on assault and he'll be back AT HER PLACE while you're sorting that mess out.

I'm sorry man, but you should tell her to drop him completely or walk away. Nothing good will come of this as it stands.

Further is 120% on the money with this one. This chick reeks of someone who is unbalanced. (And we ALL know a few of those gals...some of them are here! :laugh: )
But all joking aside....Hippie it sounds like to me this girl is stringing you along.

I hate to admit it but there are girls out there who get their rocks off buy stringing guys along with bullshit stories about how terrible their lives are and then watching them jump thru hoops to try to be the 'knight in shining armor'.

If she says she is getting hit right in front of her roomate and they do NOTHING about it, I would investigate this and if it sounds fishy then I would walk away.
She sounds like trouble...alot of trouble.

One of the ways you can see if she is telling the truth is to go to the PD and see if you can put a complaint against him hitting her. If they have no previous records on them at ALL she might be just bullshitting you.

But if this guy really IS hitting her then he needs the beat down of a lifetime.

How did you meet her?

[scorpion]

I should've clarified: Usually he just screams at her from outside the house until she comes out or he follows her around town. A couple of times he has kicked the door in to her place. He has been over there lately to clean out his stuff. mostly what happens is just yelling and screaming at each other, though he does push her around sometimes and choked her a couple of times. She doesn't usually let him in the house.

I have no idea why she hasnt gotten the police more involved. probably because they havent helped in the past.

All this seems like the police needed to be involved everytime. How can she stand there and he kicks the door in? There is more here that you may not know.

I don't need to repeat other peoples advise but you need to be careful for yourself.

[RoseBlood]

I agree with the other posters, somethings not kosher with your girlfriends story. I wouldn't go so far as to assume she merely enjoys the attention because really no one knows how they'd react until they placed in a situation. All I'm saying is I think there might be some bits to her story she's conviently leaving out? I've had my experience with being stalked and breaking up with an ex, luckily my situation was not nearly as extreme as what your g.f seems to be going through. I just find it hard to believe she'd find any gratification in this type of attention (if that's the case), if she does, she's TROUBLE. Being stalked is not the kind of attention I want, it is a very scarey feeling and even if she is able to put her ex behind bars, it probably won't be for long and there would be a tremendous amount of fear as his release date rolls near. Again, it doesn't make sense how she's letting him into her apt? Is she telling him in no uncertain terms that it's OVER, that is what I wound up doing although I wasn't dealing with the level of physical abuse as your girl is so maybe it's a different situation for her. Either way, she has to let him know there is absolutely no chance she will ever get back with him and she has to mean it. As others have suggested, she should do everything in her power to get the authorities involved and document everything he does. He should not be over her place, she should not be over his for any reason whatsoever and he most certainly shouldn't have her IM password?!?! When I broke up with my ex, I thought we could still be friends but when I realized that wasn't possible and when he started getting weird on me I realized it was in my best interest (and his) to never see or talk to him, not even for mutual friends. I didn't try to get any of my little belongings back, I didn't try to get back some money that was owed me. There comes a point you have to just forget the little things if you want to move on with your life. If your g.f is not willing to take these actions, you might have to give her an ultimatum.