Answering Machine Spiels: What's Your Opinion?

[Judge Smails]

I'm talking about outgoing messages. I like to keep it basic and to the point. It's what I'd want to hear when I call someone. So if you call my house you'll get a simple: "You've reached the Smails'. We can't answer the phone at the moment, so leave a message at the beep and we'll get back to you." BEEP

Nothing flashy, I know, but it gets the job done. Well, we have this friend who calls occasionally and will always leave the same kind of message: "Hel-lo...Smail-s'...how...are...you?. . . It's...just...me...check-ing...in." She says it in a real monotone voice. The implication here is that I guess she thinks my message is too robotic and not entertaining enough for her liking. WTF? I thought wacky phone messages went out with The Jerky Boys. Am I just an old fart?

So, after years of this shit, I called her house yesterday and got HER machine. She's got her two fucking kids babbling and giggling on there like idiots for thirty seconds, and you can't even understand what they're saying. I thought of leaving her a fucked up message making fun of her retarded kids but thought better of it since I was afraid that I'd just be starting WWIII.

[JPMNICK]

short and to the point is the only way. no one wants to sit there for 45 seconds while it rings only to have to wait another minute while you describe the 97 options on how to be reached.

[cupcakelove]

I put my cell number on my resume when I'm looking for a job, and several people at my current employer have it, so its a very short and professional greeting.

[drjoek]

Allowing kids to do the answering machine messages should justify burning down someones house.

[Fallon]

Doogie's voice mail answers like it's him really picking up. Fooled me a couple times and made me feel like an idiot. THANKS!

Mine is just "Leave a message" beep.

[King Hippos Bandaid]

Long Messages are for Faggots

Hell its ____ , please leave a Message, I will get back to you as soon as possible.
thats all you need

:king:

[Freitag]

I actually read a script when I do my voicemail greeting. I'm not kidding.

[JPMNICK]

I actually read a script when I do my voicemail greeting. I'm not kidding.

do you do it 4 or 5 times because you get nervous and mess up

[Death Metal Moe]

When I was about 20 or so I set my drums up in my room, had my singer come over and scream into the little mic on my machine as I played a blast beat for like 20 to 30 seconds as my message for my room phone.

Looking back, I'd punch myself for doing that now if I called that phone and got that message.

Any and all machine/voicemail greetings should be as short and to the point as possible.

[CassiusClay]

I had a friend who would change his randomly in order to trick the caller. The one that I remember off the top of my head was "Hey man, hold on I'm in line at the store....yeah.....ok.....leave a message. beep."

[Freitag]

do you do it 4 or 5 times because you get nervous and mess up

it's the radio background. One slight stutter and I have to start over again so it's perfect.

I talk about frozen peas and fjords too.

[Devo37]

i hate long outgoing messages that leave explicit instructions of what i'm supposed to do, as if an answering machine is some new-fangled invention and i'm too stupid to interact with such advanced technology.

[Bellyfullasnot]

I still have the stock factory" leave a message" message on my machine. It get's the job done and doesn't give out to much info. My vcr still flashes 12:00 over and over again too. At least it's not beta.

[JPMNICK]

i usually just hit the # key to skip the messages

[AngelAmy]

mine is stupid and i need to change it

cause my first voicemail message was in a southern accent and then people complained about the southern accent so i changed it to my regular voice but i also said "there i changed it, you happy now?" and i dont think its very nice of me.

[BoondockSaint]

Believe it or not, George isn't at home.
Please leave a message at the beep.
I must be out, or I'd pick up the phone.
Where could I be?
Believe it or not, I'm not home!

[Kevin]

I hate, hate, hate the ones where the person tries to be wacky and makes you think that he picked up the phone, and makes like he is having a convo with you then says please leave a message at the beep.. That should constitute you being able to murder that person and not get prosecuted. Especialy when you need to say something really important.

[Fezticle98]

I have a friend who tries to be funny on his. It's not funny. It's the same stupid joke over and over.

Any of the messages from the Simpsons 99 hilarious phone messages bit is acceptable, however.

[buzzard]

I hate, hate, hate the ones where the person tries to be wacky and makes you think that he picked up the phone, and makes like he is having a convo with you then says please leave a message at the beep.. That should constitute you being able to murder that person and not get prosecuted. Especialy when you need to say something really important.

absolutely correct(IMO)

[A.J.]

I used to put on some background tunes (like The Beach Boys' "Little St. Nick" at Christmastime) and say "this is A.J., I'm not here, leave a message".

Now it's the standard, automated Verizion voicemail message.

[commish13]

I hate, hate, hate the ones where the person tries to be wacky and makes you think that he picked up the phone, and makes like he is having a convo with you then says please leave a message at the beep.. That should constitute you being able to murder that person and not get prosecuted. Especialy when you need to say something really important.

Hah. I did that once and left it for a while. I got a lot of people with that. Changed it after an angry tow truck guy got my voicemail and decided not to come help me because of it, though.

My voicemail is pretty normal now, although for a while before that I had a horribly self-sung version of the Costanza answering machine message. That ruled.

Believe it or not, George isn't at home.
Please leave a message at the beep.
I must be out, or I'd pick up the phone.
Where could I be?
Believe it or not, I'm not home!

I just personalized it and made it work for a cell phone.

[sailor]

i hate long outgoing messages that leave explicit instructions of what i'm supposed to do, as if an answering machine is some new-fangled invention and i'm too stupid to interact with such advanced technology.


one friend used to have "you know what this is and you know who you called so you know what to do." i think that is much more gay.

[Kris10]

I have no idea what my vm says, it may just say my # and leave a message but its that verizon voice, not mine.

[ChrisTheCop]

Mine is currently very short and professional, cause it doubles as a work phone.

However, Years ago, I used to get very elaborate around Halloween, with scary music and howling and screams... even used to do a vampire voice (ala Joe Flaherty).

hmm...now ya got me thinkin...

[grlNIN]

Leave your phone number and fuck off.

Unless i don't know you then you have 1 minute to garner my attention.


ugh you suck with your misleading topic title. I don't read posts!


Uhm my message is the automated "You have reached....phone number of..."


Ta dum.