Judge Smails
10-06-2007, 09:49 PM
Long story, I know. But try and read it through to the end. Talking about it now is like therapy to me.
Like most people, my parents embarrassed me too many times to count while growing up. However, today I just spent all day with my folks and we were talking about old times and I recalled THE single most embarrassing day in my life. I can not believe that I could have ever forgotten it, and can only imagine that my subconscious must have blocked it out to protect me. God help me now that I remember it again.
Here goes: My dad is a right off the boat EYE-talian. So, growing up we had season tickets to the New York Cosmos, of the old NASL, for their entire run at Giants Stadium. One time he got three sets of my aunts and uncles, and all of their kids (about seven of my cousins), to join us at a game. My dad was all full of himself and felt like he was the master of ceremonies since he had planned the outing. As a result, he may have imbibed a few too many libations.
It started with an incident in which a black player from the opposing team committed a particularly hard foul on the Cosmos' Franz Beckenbauer. So, my dad stands up and screams, at the top of his lungs: "Out with the Monkey!" (again, remember he's a right off the boat EYE-talian.) My cousins all got a good laugh and looked over at me while I was just melting in my seat.
Oh, but it doesn't end there. Later on in the game I noticed that about five Meadowlands security guards are standing in the aisle by our row. They're talking with someone in the pressbox and finally identify my dad and ask him to go with them. I had no idea what was going on and everyone was pretty scared. Could this all have been about the Monkey comment?
So, we all wind up leaving. They take my dad down the security elevator and tell us we can meet him in the parking lot later. Turns out what he did, unbeknownst to me: Since a soccer field is wider than a football field the teams on the sideline sit right up against the wall in Giants Stadium, well within the reach of the fans. My dad walked down to the first row and leaned over and threw a full cup of beer all over the visiting reserve players and coach.
When we finally met him in the parking lot he was still sporting a big shit eating grin (still way too drunk to care, I guess). He was not the least bit appologetic to anyone including myself and my mother who started ripping into him at the top of her lungs right there in the parking lot, just as 60,000 people started to stream out of the stadium. Nothing bothered him: not my mother's screaming, not the tears welling up in my eyes and not the fact that security told him that he was banned for life from all Meadowlands events.
Of course The Cosmos never bothered to take his season tickets away and we continued to go for years afterward. Back to the site of such lovely family memories for me, as I sat there wondering if we were going to be arrested at any minute for breaking the lifetime ban.
And that's the end of my story. DONK.
Like most people, my parents embarrassed me too many times to count while growing up. However, today I just spent all day with my folks and we were talking about old times and I recalled THE single most embarrassing day in my life. I can not believe that I could have ever forgotten it, and can only imagine that my subconscious must have blocked it out to protect me. God help me now that I remember it again.
Here goes: My dad is a right off the boat EYE-talian. So, growing up we had season tickets to the New York Cosmos, of the old NASL, for their entire run at Giants Stadium. One time he got three sets of my aunts and uncles, and all of their kids (about seven of my cousins), to join us at a game. My dad was all full of himself and felt like he was the master of ceremonies since he had planned the outing. As a result, he may have imbibed a few too many libations.
It started with an incident in which a black player from the opposing team committed a particularly hard foul on the Cosmos' Franz Beckenbauer. So, my dad stands up and screams, at the top of his lungs: "Out with the Monkey!" (again, remember he's a right off the boat EYE-talian.) My cousins all got a good laugh and looked over at me while I was just melting in my seat.
Oh, but it doesn't end there. Later on in the game I noticed that about five Meadowlands security guards are standing in the aisle by our row. They're talking with someone in the pressbox and finally identify my dad and ask him to go with them. I had no idea what was going on and everyone was pretty scared. Could this all have been about the Monkey comment?
So, we all wind up leaving. They take my dad down the security elevator and tell us we can meet him in the parking lot later. Turns out what he did, unbeknownst to me: Since a soccer field is wider than a football field the teams on the sideline sit right up against the wall in Giants Stadium, well within the reach of the fans. My dad walked down to the first row and leaned over and threw a full cup of beer all over the visiting reserve players and coach.
When we finally met him in the parking lot he was still sporting a big shit eating grin (still way too drunk to care, I guess). He was not the least bit appologetic to anyone including myself and my mother who started ripping into him at the top of her lungs right there in the parking lot, just as 60,000 people started to stream out of the stadium. Nothing bothered him: not my mother's screaming, not the tears welling up in my eyes and not the fact that security told him that he was banned for life from all Meadowlands events.
Of course The Cosmos never bothered to take his season tickets away and we continued to go for years afterward. Back to the site of such lovely family memories for me, as I sat there wondering if we were going to be arrested at any minute for breaking the lifetime ban.
And that's the end of my story. DONK.