View Full Version : Heard a good joke lately?
zildjian361
10-12-2007, 04:04 PM
what do you get when you take LSD and birth control pills???? a Trip without the Kids:laugh::laugh::laugh:
Doctor Z
10-12-2007, 04:06 PM
What do Michael Jackson and tuna have in common?
They both come in little cans! OHH!
zildjian361
10-12-2007, 04:34 PM
What do Michael Jackson and tuna have in common?
They both come in little cans! OHH!
Nice I'm done OHH!:laugh::smoke::drunk:
Devo37
10-12-2007, 04:48 PM
Heard a good joke lately?
yes. yes i have.
sr71blackbird
10-12-2007, 04:57 PM
Why are pirates mean?
Because they arrrrrrrrrrrrrre!!!
Foster
10-12-2007, 05:02 PM
Why did the man put lipstick and a wig on the magnet?
To make it more attractive!:smile:
hafast
10-12-2007, 07:55 PM
Why do chicken coops have two doors?
Because if they had four, they'd be chicken sedans!
Axem Red
10-12-2007, 08:06 PM
Why did the farmer start a punk rock band?
Because he was tired of Hall and Oates.
DolaMight
10-12-2007, 08:30 PM
What's the first sign you got the aids?
A sharp thrusting pain in your rectum.
A Richard Vos original.
method man
10-12-2007, 09:42 PM
A lady walks into a bar with a duck. She sits down and asks the bartender for a margarita. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve pigs here." The lady says, "but it's a duck, not a pig." The bartender looks back and says, "I was talking to the duck." :laugh::clap:
-- Jackie, The Jokeman, Martling
PapaBear
10-12-2007, 09:48 PM
How did Princess Diana die?
Carpal tunnel syndrome.:help:
Team_Ramrod
10-13-2007, 02:19 AM
Knock, Knock.....
(who's there)
Horsp
zildjian361
10-16-2007, 04:19 PM
This chick meet's a black guy in a bar, take's him home and spreads her legs and say's do what you do best. So he pick's up the TV and bounces :laugh::laugh::smoke::drunk::laugh::thumbup:
prothunderball
10-16-2007, 04:22 PM
have you heard about Ted Danson's new TV show?
It's called Danson with the the stars.
TeeBone
10-16-2007, 04:36 PM
What did the ZERO say to the EIGHT ?
"Nice Belt" (WAK-A-WAK-A-WAK-A)
zildjian361
10-16-2007, 05:16 PM
niggas got a great answer. well fuck it then im find me some new pussy, bitch said nigga if you had 6 more inches of dick you could find some new pussy here.:devil2::clap::smoke::drunk: the one and only RICHARD PRYOR.
Hottub
10-16-2007, 05:20 PM
Because 7 8 9.
torker
10-16-2007, 05:27 PM
Q:What do you get when you cross a really hot chick, a fake asian and a board member?
A:An eyeful of your budday's cock. http://entimg.msn.com/i/50/Person9/bam14097240976_50x50.jpg
Slumbag
10-16-2007, 06:28 PM
I'm sorry for this one. Really.
How did Criss Angel get AIDS??
Doing Magic at the Lakers game.
ScottFromGA
10-16-2007, 06:53 PM
Why do black people shoot their gun while holding it sideways?
cause thats how it comes out of the box.
:clap: :thumbup: :clap: :thumbup:
PapaBear
10-16-2007, 06:57 PM
How do you know a Deadhead has been in your house?
He's still there!
zildjian361
10-23-2007, 03:52 PM
A duck walk's into a 7-11 and ask's the guy you got any grapes? guy say's no next day the duck walk's into the 7-11 and ask's the guy got ant grapes ? third day the duck walk's into the 7-11 and ask's the guy got any grapes? guy say's if you come in here tomorrow and ask for grapes i'm gonna nail your feet to the floor. next day the duck walks into the 7-11 and ask's the guy got any nails? guy say's NO. duck say's got any grapes :laugh::smoke::drunk:
buzzard
10-23-2007, 04:11 PM
How can you tell If yer girlfriend is a lesbian?
smell her face.
Thank-you,I'll be here all week:wink:
KC2OSO
10-23-2007, 04:35 PM
What do you call pirate who cuts class?
Arrrgh - Captain Hooky!
peteybabyfingers
10-23-2007, 04:41 PM
what's the difference between a peeping tom and a pickpocket? one snatches watches
what's the difference between a pimple and michael jackson? a pimple waits until you're 13 before it comes on your face.
Hottub
10-23-2007, 04:44 PM
What's the difference between a sorority and a circus?
A circus is a cunning array of stunts.:flush:
peteybabyfingers
10-23-2007, 04:50 PM
that's funny hottub. i am the chef at a sorority house in upstate ny and your joke rings very true.
Badinia
10-23-2007, 04:59 PM
Joke I wish I could steal from Steven Wright:
"Lots of my friends have babies. I don't have any babies, but I have lots of friends. Babies don't have any friends."
Hottub
10-23-2007, 05:00 PM
that's funny hottub. i am the chef at a sorority house in upstate ny and your joke rings very true.
Do you need an assistant?:devil2:
peteybabyfingers
10-23-2007, 05:11 PM
yeah, it's great until my wife breaks more balls than a billiards champ.
hey, a guy calls his mom from college and says, "i think my roomate is gay" and she asks why he thinks that and he says" because his dick tastes like shit".:clap:
CaptainBlowhole
10-23-2007, 05:16 PM
Oprah Winfrey was busted for Crack
They lifted up her skirt and found 150 lbs of it
Hottub
10-23-2007, 05:34 PM
yeah, it's great until my wife breaks more balls than a billiards champ.
My wife: "You made them tuna cassarole again?":dry:
FUNKMAN
10-23-2007, 05:56 PM
hear about that new restaurant on the moon?
great food but no atmosphere
Sarge
10-23-2007, 05:58 PM
Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?
Because if it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.
FUNKMAN
10-23-2007, 06:05 PM
what's the difference between a harley and a hoover?
the location of the dirtbag
torker
10-23-2007, 06:10 PM
Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?
Because if it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.
you dirty mother fucker
http://image2.frappr.com/pics5/i/20060215/b/0/9/b09dbeb954d5d7a4d095769e06cfbb9c0_medium.jpg
Sarge
10-23-2007, 06:11 PM
you dirty mother fucker
http://image2.frappr.com/pics5/i/20060215/b/0/9/b09dbeb954d5d7a4d095769e06cfbb9c0_medium.jpg
Hey, I didnt say I made it up, just that I heard it.
zildjian361
10-24-2007, 04:45 PM
what did they say when Albert Eienstein masterbastes? they called it a stroke of genius.:laugh::thumbup::laugh::thumbup::smoke::dru nk:
WRESTLINGFAN
10-24-2007, 05:06 PM
Why don't they teach sex ed and drivers ed at the same time in Arab countries?
It would be too hard on the camel
What do you call a gay midget?
Sweet and low
zildjian361
10-30-2007, 03:03 PM
got any rugrats in the house, tell them to say Hi to your knee :laugh:
peteybabyfingers
10-30-2007, 03:12 PM
did you hear about the polish coyote? he chewed off three legs and was still caught in the trap. sorry polish buddies, you can make fun of me if you want, i'm a full blooded wop.:clap:
zildjian361
10-30-2007, 03:25 PM
what do Courtney Love and a Rangers hockey goalie have in common? they both shower after the third period. :drunk::glurps::tongue:
zildjian361
10-30-2007, 03:27 PM
did you hear about the polish coyote? he chewed off three legs and was still caught in the trap. sorry polish buddies, you can make fun of me if you want, i'm a full blooded wop.:clap:
who you calling wop.:nono:
peteybabyfingers
10-30-2007, 03:45 PM
like i said, me.:wallbash:
FUNKMAN
10-30-2007, 03:48 PM
why did the italians lose the last war?
they ordered zitis instead of shells
zildjian361
10-30-2007, 04:03 PM
what does it mean when the flag is flying half mast at the post office? there HIRING :drunk::laugh:
zildjian361
10-30-2007, 04:07 PM
why did the italians lose the last war?
they ordered zitis instead of shells
NICE :laugh::unsure:nice to hear from ya:smoke::drunk:
FUNKMAN
10-30-2007, 04:13 PM
NICE :laugh::unsure:nice to hear from ya:smoke::drunk:
thank you! :smile:
zildjian361
10-30-2007, 04:33 PM
thank you! :smile:
no doubt :wink:
sr71blackbird
10-30-2007, 05:38 PM
An old guy goes to the doctor and the doctor tells him he gas bad news and worse news.
The old guy says "Okay, let me hear it..."
The doctor says "You have cancer and Alzheimer's..."
The old guy says "Whew! At least I don't have cancer!"
joethebartender
11-01-2007, 08:46 PM
What's the difference between a sorority and a circus?
A circus is a cunning array of stunts.:flush:
What's the difference between a woman in a bath tub and a woman in church?
The woman in church has a soul full of hope.
http://forum.voetbalzone.nl/images/smilies/rimshot.gif
cougarjake13
11-02-2007, 07:51 AM
4 nuns die and go to heaven
they're met at the pearly gates by st peter and he asks the 1st nun
" have you been faithful to god, and have you ever been with a man ? "
1st nun replies " i was always faithful but before i became a nun i touched it once with my finger."
peter says " well dip your finger in the holy water, say 2 hail mary's and the gates will open" she does as he says and the gates open and she walks inside.
peter asks the same questions to the 2nd nun
2nd nun says " i was always faithful but before i became a nun i held it in my hand"
so peter tells her to dip her hands in the holy water and say 3 hail mary's and the gates will open, she complies and gates open
now the 4th nun jumps ahead of the 3rd and says if you think i'm gargling that water after she dips her ass in it you're fucking crazy
zildjian361
11-06-2007, 04:36 PM
How many Blonde jokes are there? NONE there all true.:drunk::laugh::laugh:
jauble
11-08-2007, 09:30 AM
A man sits by his wife as she lays on her death bed
She says, "Before I go I must confess something to you. I slept with your father, your brother and your best friend."
He says, "Its ok I know. Why do you think I poisoned you?"
Furtherman
11-08-2007, 09:49 AM
Man goes to a doctor for a checkup.
Doctor says come back for the results in two days.
Man sees doctor two days later.
Doctor says "I have good news and bad news."
Man says "What's the good news?"
Doctor says "You have two days to live."
Man says "That's the good news!? What's the bad news!?"
Doctor says "I forgot to call you yesterday."
Furtherman
11-08-2007, 09:56 AM
Guy walks into a bar with a miniature giraffe, places it on the bar then orders a drink.
After a few drinks, he gets up to leave.
Bartender points to the giraffe and says "Hey! You can't leave that lying around here."
Guy says "It's not a lion, it's a giraffe!"
RhinoinMN
11-08-2007, 10:21 AM
A couple of weeks ago my 4 year old boy told me this one.
What do you call a bear with no socks?
Barefoot!
Ba dump bump
Weird how someone can chuckle at such an awful joke depending on who's telling it.
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