Don't get married

[stump12]

Me and my wife are having problems. We were fine before we bought this stupid house and had a stupid wedding. I don't think she cares about me anymore and one night when I got drunk and blacked out she called the police and said I hit her. I still dont remember any of it and everyone who knows me knows Im not that guy but reading the police report makes me break down and cry. We're still together and she says she will never forgive me but shes gonna try to put this behind her. We both agreed to see a therapist to save the marriage but it seems like shes not hearing everything I say that is wrong and shes not trying to change. Ive been trying hard to change things but she isnt seeing it. Im at the end of my rope and I feel like a failure cause we have only been married for 1 year and I feel like were just friends living together. Ive only been in one serious relationship before and I never had my heart broken like this. The worst part is in the beginning I pursued her and she wasnt ready for a relationship and when she said she was I dont think she really was.

[PapaBear]

You definitely need to go the therapy route before you think about divorce. And I know people say it all the time, but if you black out when drinking, you have a problem. Trust me. I'm not one who can say he has drinking under control, but blacking out is serious shit. You may not be the kind of guy who'd hit her, but when you're blacked out, you're not you.

[nate1000]

Correction- don't get married to an alcoholic or a nut job.

Seriously, dude. Drop the sauce or this is your life (so you might as well embrace it). Sounds to me like there ain't no two ways about it. If that police report is your Mr. Hyde- you don't want that guy around. EVER. Buy some herb, save your knuckles.

[Bill From Yorktown]

Dave, stop posting under a different name
(joke)

[Kris10]

I'm sorry stump, I hope things work out for you & the mrs. Take things one day at a time.

[Team_Ramrod]

When you say you are trying hard to change yourself but she doesn't see it....

Does changing yourself mean you stopped drinking?

Start there, to clear your head might make all the difference in the world.

I've never had a harder challenge then holding a marriage, then again, aside from my kids I've never had such a rewarding feeling.

Good luck bro!

[sr71blackbird]

I have heard there are Three A's that justify the ending a marriage:

Abuse
Addiction
Adultery

If you are addicted to alcohol and abuse your wife, you have committed two of the three A's.
Seriously, get help and stop drinking entirely.
Let her know that you are deeply ashamed and seriously willing to try at all costs to fix this, but the alcohol or any substance abuse must stop immediately.
You can do it! You have to be 100% committed though.

[stump12]

Thanks for the advice.
I just started a family violence program tonight. I havent been drinking since it happend. The thing is I dont have a drinking problem and I was at a wedding so let myself go that night. Normally I can control my drinking when I want to, I just have to want to. And believe me now I want to.

[FUNKMAN]

good luck and hopefully everything works out for the best. don't feel like a failure if you both or even 'one of you' decide marriage was not a good idea and decide to divorce. you both are young and have the rest of your lives ahead of you. be civil to each other no matter what you decide!

[Kris10]

good luck and hopefully everything works out for the best. don't feel like a failure if you both or even 'one of you' decide marriage was not a good idea and decide to divorce. you both are young and have the rest of your lives ahead of you. be civil to each other no matter what you decide!

Great advice!

[RAAMONE]

Dave, stop posting under a different name
(joke)

haha...that was good

[stump12]

Thanks Funkman. Thats the main thing right now is no matter what happens being civil makes everything easier.