Kathleen From The Bronx
10-31-2007, 08:05 AM
Dear Ron and Fez Shooow,
I was thinkin about this here..... this crazy chance meeting that Ronnie B. had with Stephen Baldwin on the street where some show was filming.....and then Billy Baldwin was there... and then Lennox Lewis....and then Amarosa.....and Carol Alt......Marilou Henner..... What the hell? I'm probably leaving out about twenty-three more people..... That was nuts though.... and it occurred to me.... that cast of characters that Ron ran into, truly was the makings of one wacky dream... They are a perfect example of the kinda no-sense-making conglomeration of people that will show up in your head while your sleeping.... Randomly on the streets of New York city...floating around....Hey, here's a Born-Again-Christian with a skateboard...and then there's that guy's random brother....This boxer wanders in....followed by some really mean bitch........ A fashion model from years past shows up for no apparent reason........ and then ya know, there's Marilou Henner....
When's the last time I heard that name? Doesn't she tap dance and just only eat raw food??...The fact that Marilou Henner was there definitely spells some kinda night terror situation where you wake up in a cold sweat like.....Wondering why, whyyyy Marilou Henner haunts your dreams....... So..... I dunno that was a weird mix of celebrities.....the kind that easily could have been dreamed up maybe...while snoozing in the back of a taxi...... Just sayin... Oooh wait a second....didn't Ronnie have a business card or something from Stephen Baldwin...as evidence of the encounter? Ahhhh... I think so... Oh well, little theory was just dashed there.... Errr, New York's just one crazy place after all...
Hey :0) I love The Onion! I do not know the last time I had a paper copy though..I check it online sometimes.... but when I was working at one of my ole jobs, it was a such a perk of life the day that the new issues would arrive... Snatch one up and stash it in my bag for later..... after work.... Glorious... See, funny things are exciting to me... That's is in the running for my most obvious statement award....Oooh by the day is young... but I'm sayin...
You know how it is.... just trudging around out here in the world..... this shit is ridiculous.....stumble on something amusing...and it's like, "Oh! Thank God! Something funny!" Like.... Eureka! Yup.... So ever since I found out about The Onion, I've been a little fan-girl.
...AND....Ya right.... they do have the most killa headlines.......Some of me faves of yesteryear are, "Drunk Will Show You....Everybody!!!"....and...."70% of World Population Could Use an All-Star Benefit Concert..." and......"Inexorable March of Time Brings T.V.'s Jerry Mathers One Step Closer to Death!" Ooh I know I am a fucked up person, but that last one is my favorite....Seriously.......That's the best...
So it was around Christmas, and I was done with my shopping...I was just hanging out with someone still doin their thing...So I'm lookin around this bookstore and...you know how they have that one section for calendars..... yeah... so I was perusing all that..... You may find this hard to believe, but I have yet another relatable story about calendars.......So... I come across this little desk calender made by The Onion..ya know the ones that you take a page off everyday and you can use em as post-it notes....with something just deliciously witty printed on em.....about, "this day in history"..... and so I get a little flashback in my mind....I see my pops at the kitchen table, roaring laughing while reading The Onion....which I had left on the table after work.... I was surprised at that time that he was all guffawing over it.... and I thought that day, "OH! you don't have to be detached and ironic to get it! Even my father likes The Onion....." Ok... so when I saw that little calendar, I was like, "Oh! I'll totally get this for him.." Hey it's just a calendar, I know.... I'm not acting like you should make a big deal over it... I'm just saying I thought he'd like it....
Maybe I did have some kinda odd delusion that my pops would just soooo love it and would greet the morning each day with sunny anticipation...."Oooh what funny thing does The Onion have to say today??!!" Scamper, scamper to find out......... read whatever thing..... laugh and laugh and laugh.... I would! In my twisted mind maybe I was vicariously taking credit for humor.... as if I should get some credit for finding the funniness for him....... Ehhh, actually it wasn't all that deep. I'm just kinda pissed that when I was over there at the house months later....not having thought of that dumb ass calendar at all..... I happen upon it.....and I notice that....though it was April.....The Onion calendar read, "January 4th." Did not....even.....try.
So I sat there and bitterly, yet sometimes laughin, read every missed day from every missed month to make sure that they didn't all go to waste..... Then I took every little square of paper and wrote upon each one....mean notes.... and hid them all over the house for my pops to find....
I hid them random places..like in the medicine cabinet...."Hah! Nice blood pressure medication! Nice blood pressure...... Looooser! HAH!!!"... like in the DVD shelf......"What SHITTY taste!"....or.....like in a sock drawer...."You have the stupidest socks I've ever seen!!!!"... No, no... I didn't ...... I just thought of that malicious prank now.....I totally should have done it! Ahh well.... the story of my life...missed opportunities for pointless hi-jinks...acts of revenge......
Hey, you know how I am a dedicated fan and follower.....a devotee really.... of the teachings of What About Bob?? Oh yeah..... for more than half my life..... I adhere strictly to the quotes and principles.........but......there has always been this one, small area of shaky ground..... I admit it.... "You know the best psychiatrist in the world, is the one right inside of you." No it's fuckin not! Sorry, I know for a fact that it is not....If that were the case...that would mean my genius psychiatrist is daily writing me prescriptions reading, "Drink like a fish...smoke like a chimney..." but then that does kinda jibe with the whole, "Take a vacation from your problems..." Sooo.......Anyway, other than that...we straight...Babysteps and so on...
Oh....I didn't bring that up just to blurt things out...that's right... I think that the best psychiatrist in the world is.... the Ron Bennignton right inside the radio....See I amended the quote....Always breakthroughs! Always interesting new techniques.....therapies....... Take yesterday for example.... "You don't have to change you MIND.....Change your SEAT." Brilliant! So simple...and yet......so revolutionary! Ronnie enacted a studio musical-chairs.....which culminated in Fezzie switchin out spots with Earl.....and even though the production booth, "smelled like swamp-ass," according to Fezzie, he was just killing with the one-liners up in there....feeling much better! Change your SEAT....... Fascinating!
Change your seat.......change your perspective.......outlook......YES! I'd be lying if told you that I didn't sit on the opposite end of the sofa last night....just to see...... I also did breakfast-for-dinner......as kind of an offshoot of the method.... or maybe it was really just about waffles.....but ya know, to switch things up....Yeah.....
Well, that was groundbreaking..... It's really such a shame that Ronnie B. can't be a licensed psychiatrist.....or a doctor........but it's like he's pointed out, "Well, I could have been a doctor.....The only thing holding me back was that I refuse to be judged." Ooooh I know I have brought this up a ton of times...but it doesn't stop being hilarious to me..... so hear it again! Listen, when Ronnie was screamin, "I GUARANTEEE I can do surgery! I GUARANTEE I can repair tendons!!! I GUARANTEE I can perform a heart transplant in under and hour!!!" I believed him....... and you'd be surprised how LITTLE it troubled me to hear the words, "I didn't say it was going to be terribly sterile....." Whatever! I do have faith that he could rock it.......besides........he promised that the patients would be offered Italian icies in lieu of anesthesia..........
It's a crime and a sin that Ron B. hasn't been allowed to practice as a doctor of science...... Come on, man! Sadly it is as he said, " But noooooo, we live in a world where the government decides who can and cannot be considered doctors!" I know right?!! Pardon the pun.... but... It makes me sick!!!!!!
You know what else I dug was the talk of free will vs. destiny.... and the universe.......and Brooklyn vs. Queens...... That was pretty funny to me, hearing ESD rep for the BK.....yellin stuff about, "Queens smells like garbage and old cologne!" Grampaaaah?? Is that yoooou? Nah....But um.....oh yeah, so then Earl brings up that Queens is the final resting place of Louie Armstrong....like maybe three times..... The last time Earl referenced it, Ronnie yelled, "It's the final resting place of everyone!!!!!!" Oooh I fuckin laughed and laughed....All my dead relatives are there! Yeah....I was rollin.... cause dude...TRUE!
Big ups to my people in Calvery Cemetary...! That's my new gimmick.... shout-outs to cemeteries........
Spooky righ? Happy Halloweeen......
Signed,
kathleen from the bronx :):):)
I was thinkin about this here..... this crazy chance meeting that Ronnie B. had with Stephen Baldwin on the street where some show was filming.....and then Billy Baldwin was there... and then Lennox Lewis....and then Amarosa.....and Carol Alt......Marilou Henner..... What the hell? I'm probably leaving out about twenty-three more people..... That was nuts though.... and it occurred to me.... that cast of characters that Ron ran into, truly was the makings of one wacky dream... They are a perfect example of the kinda no-sense-making conglomeration of people that will show up in your head while your sleeping.... Randomly on the streets of New York city...floating around....Hey, here's a Born-Again-Christian with a skateboard...and then there's that guy's random brother....This boxer wanders in....followed by some really mean bitch........ A fashion model from years past shows up for no apparent reason........ and then ya know, there's Marilou Henner....
When's the last time I heard that name? Doesn't she tap dance and just only eat raw food??...The fact that Marilou Henner was there definitely spells some kinda night terror situation where you wake up in a cold sweat like.....Wondering why, whyyyy Marilou Henner haunts your dreams....... So..... I dunno that was a weird mix of celebrities.....the kind that easily could have been dreamed up maybe...while snoozing in the back of a taxi...... Just sayin... Oooh wait a second....didn't Ronnie have a business card or something from Stephen Baldwin...as evidence of the encounter? Ahhhh... I think so... Oh well, little theory was just dashed there.... Errr, New York's just one crazy place after all...
Hey :0) I love The Onion! I do not know the last time I had a paper copy though..I check it online sometimes.... but when I was working at one of my ole jobs, it was a such a perk of life the day that the new issues would arrive... Snatch one up and stash it in my bag for later..... after work.... Glorious... See, funny things are exciting to me... That's is in the running for my most obvious statement award....Oooh by the day is young... but I'm sayin...
You know how it is.... just trudging around out here in the world..... this shit is ridiculous.....stumble on something amusing...and it's like, "Oh! Thank God! Something funny!" Like.... Eureka! Yup.... So ever since I found out about The Onion, I've been a little fan-girl.
...AND....Ya right.... they do have the most killa headlines.......Some of me faves of yesteryear are, "Drunk Will Show You....Everybody!!!"....and...."70% of World Population Could Use an All-Star Benefit Concert..." and......"Inexorable March of Time Brings T.V.'s Jerry Mathers One Step Closer to Death!" Ooh I know I am a fucked up person, but that last one is my favorite....Seriously.......That's the best...
So it was around Christmas, and I was done with my shopping...I was just hanging out with someone still doin their thing...So I'm lookin around this bookstore and...you know how they have that one section for calendars..... yeah... so I was perusing all that..... You may find this hard to believe, but I have yet another relatable story about calendars.......So... I come across this little desk calender made by The Onion..ya know the ones that you take a page off everyday and you can use em as post-it notes....with something just deliciously witty printed on em.....about, "this day in history"..... and so I get a little flashback in my mind....I see my pops at the kitchen table, roaring laughing while reading The Onion....which I had left on the table after work.... I was surprised at that time that he was all guffawing over it.... and I thought that day, "OH! you don't have to be detached and ironic to get it! Even my father likes The Onion....." Ok... so when I saw that little calendar, I was like, "Oh! I'll totally get this for him.." Hey it's just a calendar, I know.... I'm not acting like you should make a big deal over it... I'm just saying I thought he'd like it....
Maybe I did have some kinda odd delusion that my pops would just soooo love it and would greet the morning each day with sunny anticipation...."Oooh what funny thing does The Onion have to say today??!!" Scamper, scamper to find out......... read whatever thing..... laugh and laugh and laugh.... I would! In my twisted mind maybe I was vicariously taking credit for humor.... as if I should get some credit for finding the funniness for him....... Ehhh, actually it wasn't all that deep. I'm just kinda pissed that when I was over there at the house months later....not having thought of that dumb ass calendar at all..... I happen upon it.....and I notice that....though it was April.....The Onion calendar read, "January 4th." Did not....even.....try.
So I sat there and bitterly, yet sometimes laughin, read every missed day from every missed month to make sure that they didn't all go to waste..... Then I took every little square of paper and wrote upon each one....mean notes.... and hid them all over the house for my pops to find....
I hid them random places..like in the medicine cabinet...."Hah! Nice blood pressure medication! Nice blood pressure...... Looooser! HAH!!!"... like in the DVD shelf......"What SHITTY taste!"....or.....like in a sock drawer...."You have the stupidest socks I've ever seen!!!!"... No, no... I didn't ...... I just thought of that malicious prank now.....I totally should have done it! Ahh well.... the story of my life...missed opportunities for pointless hi-jinks...acts of revenge......
Hey, you know how I am a dedicated fan and follower.....a devotee really.... of the teachings of What About Bob?? Oh yeah..... for more than half my life..... I adhere strictly to the quotes and principles.........but......there has always been this one, small area of shaky ground..... I admit it.... "You know the best psychiatrist in the world, is the one right inside of you." No it's fuckin not! Sorry, I know for a fact that it is not....If that were the case...that would mean my genius psychiatrist is daily writing me prescriptions reading, "Drink like a fish...smoke like a chimney..." but then that does kinda jibe with the whole, "Take a vacation from your problems..." Sooo.......Anyway, other than that...we straight...Babysteps and so on...
Oh....I didn't bring that up just to blurt things out...that's right... I think that the best psychiatrist in the world is.... the Ron Bennignton right inside the radio....See I amended the quote....Always breakthroughs! Always interesting new techniques.....therapies....... Take yesterday for example.... "You don't have to change you MIND.....Change your SEAT." Brilliant! So simple...and yet......so revolutionary! Ronnie enacted a studio musical-chairs.....which culminated in Fezzie switchin out spots with Earl.....and even though the production booth, "smelled like swamp-ass," according to Fezzie, he was just killing with the one-liners up in there....feeling much better! Change your SEAT....... Fascinating!
Change your seat.......change your perspective.......outlook......YES! I'd be lying if told you that I didn't sit on the opposite end of the sofa last night....just to see...... I also did breakfast-for-dinner......as kind of an offshoot of the method.... or maybe it was really just about waffles.....but ya know, to switch things up....Yeah.....
Well, that was groundbreaking..... It's really such a shame that Ronnie B. can't be a licensed psychiatrist.....or a doctor........but it's like he's pointed out, "Well, I could have been a doctor.....The only thing holding me back was that I refuse to be judged." Ooooh I know I have brought this up a ton of times...but it doesn't stop being hilarious to me..... so hear it again! Listen, when Ronnie was screamin, "I GUARANTEEE I can do surgery! I GUARANTEE I can repair tendons!!! I GUARANTEE I can perform a heart transplant in under and hour!!!" I believed him....... and you'd be surprised how LITTLE it troubled me to hear the words, "I didn't say it was going to be terribly sterile....." Whatever! I do have faith that he could rock it.......besides........he promised that the patients would be offered Italian icies in lieu of anesthesia..........
It's a crime and a sin that Ron B. hasn't been allowed to practice as a doctor of science...... Come on, man! Sadly it is as he said, " But noooooo, we live in a world where the government decides who can and cannot be considered doctors!" I know right?!! Pardon the pun.... but... It makes me sick!!!!!!
You know what else I dug was the talk of free will vs. destiny.... and the universe.......and Brooklyn vs. Queens...... That was pretty funny to me, hearing ESD rep for the BK.....yellin stuff about, "Queens smells like garbage and old cologne!" Grampaaaah?? Is that yoooou? Nah....But um.....oh yeah, so then Earl brings up that Queens is the final resting place of Louie Armstrong....like maybe three times..... The last time Earl referenced it, Ronnie yelled, "It's the final resting place of everyone!!!!!!" Oooh I fuckin laughed and laughed....All my dead relatives are there! Yeah....I was rollin.... cause dude...TRUE!
Big ups to my people in Calvery Cemetary...! That's my new gimmick.... shout-outs to cemeteries........
Spooky righ? Happy Halloweeen......
Signed,
kathleen from the bronx :):):)