Kathleen From The Bronx
11-07-2007, 08:10 AM
Dear Ron and Fez Shooow,
A sleeping bag!? That's what's next? OooK.. I guess I'll give that a try too... I mean, I'm not playing with you when I tell yez that I try out each and every radical new therapy that Ronnie B. introduces...I experiment like a guinea pig....like a crazy, ready-to-make-any-last-ditch-attempt guinea pig..... Chairapy has transformed The Big Cat into, "the comedy sniper," that is The Man Behind the Glass.... Success! I'm not surprised that Fezzie's life coach was impressed..... I was impressed with my own results...... I'll have you know that the magic of Chairapy is that I now see television from a totally different angle.... Sooo... If Ronnie B. tells Fezzie, "Next thing I'm gonna do is put you in a sleeping bag...a nice comfortable sleeping bag.....make you crawl around like a snail....." I'll give it a whirl as well..... Who knows what amazing breakthroughs will emerge?!
Well here I am in this sleeping bag....it still smells a little like campfire... When the hell was the last time I was camping? Febreze's claims are so false.....I do kinda feel like a snail.... a snail.....like the one from Colonel Kurtz's dream.... crawling...."along the edge of a straight razor......That's my dream..... That's my nightmare.... Crawling....slithering along the edge....of a straight.....razor... AND surviving......" Yes I am the snail on the straight razor......or is this more worm-like.....??? Worming along..... like....like..... I'm worming through life...... and what happens to worms??? What happens to worms? They get eaten by early birds! They get impaled on hooks to lure fish-eyed fish......Oooh this signifies so much..... If I keep up my ways....my worming ways..... my dirt-eating, low-life ways......... ......Hey, am I doin this right??
Yeah...lemme just um put this sleeping bag away....roll it up.... It might take me a while; I'm so fuckin O.C.D. about everything.... If I can't roll it back up as even and perfect as the day it was first acquired, forget it.... I'll do it again and again and again....... I have a frustrating life.... Gaahd damn it... I had it right for a second there, but this fuckin bag is in the shape of a cornucopia over here.......Daaah....... Startin over...... "Sleeping bag....??!!! Woman, Ireland may be a poor country, God help us...but here, a married man sleeps in a bed, not a bag!!!!" Yeah, I just blurted out an obscure movie quote about sleeping bags....to pass the time as I'm tryin to put this away... Obscure quote of the day! Wooo.... Almost done here.....hum a lil tune..."It's knowing that your door is always open and your path is free to walk.....That makes me tend to leave my sleeping bag rolled up and stashed behind your couch....hummm hummm....." Finished! What if all I did from this point on was talk about sleeping bags? I know... you're right.... that would be WEIRD.
So, that quote I just screamed out..... of course you know it's from The Quiet Man....Does ya recall that part from the film where John Wayne is dragging Maureen O'Hara home...and some random, shawled angelic-faced old woman shakes a tree branch at him, "Have a stick to beat the lovely lady!!!?" Yeah.... I just remembered now that I had this plan to open a kiosk at the mall... gonna call the business, "More Sticks than You Can Shake a Stick At!" and, "A stick to beat the lovely lady!!??" is gonna be the sales pitch that I cheerfully bark at people as they pass my stall......
You know it's a good thing that that movie is not on TV all the time, cause I would probably sit there and watch it every time..... and get all weirdly nostalgic.....and want to drink whiskey...... Yeah, Ronnie brought up the fact that some great films run the risk of being ruined by being on T.V. constantly...... "Has anyone noticed that you can't turn on your T.V. anymore without seeing The Godfather....? They are going to RUIN it!!" he said...... It's true man, that has been on a lot......
Do you know that for roughly 6-8 years, Flatliners would be on T.V.....on some station.....every stinkin weekend??! This is my own research, by the way.... I'm just sayin.... always on!! (shakes fist) Flatliners!!! Yeah... but I think the point of the conversation was about films that you dig being run too much.... so .... ahem....
People brought up other good examples of this same recurring gimmick..... like Goodfellas.... It's true..... Seemed like for months straight, Goodfellas would be on TV.... and no matter what point I tuned in, I'd sit there and watch it until I'd realize..."What am I doin!?" Seein it over and over again would serve to remind me that I had been meaning to try that slicing-garlic-with-a-razor-blade- technique... like Paulie in prison.... I'm tellin you! Every time I would see that scene... "He was in a year for contempt.... he had this wonderful system for doing the garlic... He used a razor and he used to slice it so thin that it would liquefy in the pan with just a little oil.... It was a very good system.".... I would make a mental note, "You gotta try that.." though I am in no prison except for the prison of my miiiinnnd.......also, I own knives....sooo.....
Oh, OK... but eventually I did try that out...... the razor gimmick..... Those were some thin, thin slices... that part was kind of stupidly rewarding.... but...the garlic didn't liquefy in the oil..... Just sayin.... It disappeared later in the sauce, true........but....I'm just sayin.... Perhaps if I could get locked up for a year I would have plenty of time to perfect the system.....
Maybe most times, what would snap me outta the trance of re-watching was when some vile word was dubbed over.... I'd realize, "I own this, why would I sit here?" Why would I sit there when there is bad T.V. to be watchin? Ronnie brought up that there as so many varieties of home make-over shows at this point.... Yeah, I watch those too.... AS IF I'm gonna be renovating a kitchen anytime soon....or making new window treatments..... Oh! unless you count me thumb-tacking an old bed sheet to hang over the window....to block out the harsh light of the living world... Traaah- DAH! Fancy!
About Trading Spaces, Ronnie asked, "How could you NOT fuck up the other person's house??" Exactly..... I am under the impression that many people who have taken part in that show must have had the very same thought...... cause how many times have you heard one set of neighbors say, "Oh, I'm really up for anything....Just as long as it's not all earth tones.....Ooooooooh I hates the color brown!" The next thing you know they are walkin into a room that the designer will call, "Chestnut," or, "Cocoa," or, "Coffee," but if these people don't like brown.... it must be like walkin into the hall of doodoo.... It can't be an accident..... Ron said that if he was on one of those shows, "I'd paint, 'Helter Skelter,' on the door, lock myself in there and get hight for two days..." I say, "Best....show....EVER!"
You guys were also talking about The Price is Right....cause apparently Drew Carey, the new host had some things to say about medical Marijuana..... I used to love that game show.... but I think it's all grouped into some kinda feeling attached to remembering staying home from school.....or Summer vacation.....or skipping classes.... so ya know, generally gettin away with shit..... I like feeling like I'm gettin away with shit.... A caller brought up that so much of the viewers are college kids....Ron responded, "Can we just finally decide that college doesn't work? ...College???? It's extended High School... It's Girls Gone Wild!"
Anyway, I cackled when Ron yelled at Dave, "Why is this show so sacred to you!!?!? You have to guess the price of a loaf of bread!!" I laughed cause it's true.... and why is it that when I'd guess the right price of that Pepperidge Farm bread or whatever denture adhesive, I'd feel so smart like I could make it in the world? Silly.....Of course I can't......
Dave definitely was into The Price is Right, though..... yelling stuff about Plinko...on and on..... Ron noted, "You have a The Price is Right fascination.... that is ....well...........very frightening." I might... also...a lil bit... toooo....
You know what I liked about that ole show too...? Well, anytime there was some extravagant trip that you had to guess on, they'd always show some really old footage of the destination's glorious amenities.... I'm sayin, like through the 90's...... Places like Sunny San Tropez or Waikiki looked like Love Boat-era.... Ahh I dunno why that was so fantastic to me too... I like the retrooo.... Yeah, speaking of retro.... The Price is Right would have these trips to places like Monte Carlo...places that in 70's shows and movies people would act like were the ritziest of the ritzy...
The pictures showed people all dressed up and toasting with champagne...cept not in champagne flutes... They were drinking outta them old-timey champagne coupes...or saucers..... cept.... ya know way later... like in the 90's....... Dude, when's the last time you heard anybody crowing about San Tropez and Monte Carlo anyway?? Right....... exactly. Oh man... I feel fuckin obsessed with those places now....
Anyway, I haven't seen the new, Drew Carey hosted show..... I don't think that I will make time for that..... I tell you what I will make time for though... and that is a letter wrtiting campaign.
See, this Drew Carey..... I'm sure he's rockin those trademark glasses on The Price is Right now....but... it annoys me when I see him on T.V. trying to wear regular glasses on his own time...like in interviews..or shit like that..... I'm like, "What are you doin Drew Carey!? You made me see ya big head on T.V. for years with those damn glasses...Why do you think that you can get away with this??!!!"
It's not like I am a fan..... and this somehow disappoints me.... I just feel senselessly irritated by things..... things like people thinking they can change their gimmick whenever they please after they've been tryin to shove it down ya throat on show after terrible show.....
I saw the little video where Drew Carey was talkin bout his support of medical marijuana.....in regular glasses...... This is when I decided to start writing him letters.... I said, "Dear Drew Carey... Hello.... Believe it or not I would like to see marijuana made more readily available for those who need it too...but I was wondering....what happened to those marvelous Buddy Holly glasses of yours???" Anytime I see him anywhere without them I'm gonna fire off a letter...... That'll show him.... I'm gonna annoy you like you annoy me, Carey...... ehhh, but good work with the marijuana opinions and everything....
Hey, remember when that one called called in to talk about the wonders of herb.... and he goes...."Take Marijuana for example... which I am smoking right now.." and Ronnie cut him off by yellin, "How Cool!!" Ahhhh that made me just laugh again to recall..... Anywhoo... I agree with that one caller who was sayin that The Price is Right is all for old people and kids home from school with the flu......
I was thinking about this...... When you were a kid, did you ever pretend to be sick to stay home, have it work..... and then really end up gettin sick? Yeah.... that shit happened to me too...... You guys asked, "When you're a kid...did you think that you had powers?" Kids.... thinking that they have powers...... thinkin they can do things with their minds...... like have the ability to bend spoons or to will things to happen......... Yeah, I thought I had powers....but..... I was pretty sure that I could make bad things occur.... so it turned me into a lunatic who was always worried about jinxing, trying to counteract it by knockin on wood........
One early memory I can cite is being very young...younger than kindergarten... in the playground in the park up the street..... and I saw this older girl climbing high, high up in the jungle gym..... definitely higher than I had ever endeavored..... I would just hang and swing, hang and swing.... As I watched her climb I remember thinking, "What if she fell?" and like not even two seconds later she DID fall! She was alright and everything.... but I thought to myself, "Did I do that??"
During my self-psychology sessions I think I have pinpointed that as one of the possible reasons that I have, at times, gone crazy, crazy... worrying that if I thought a bad thing..... it could happen.... One such example was when one day.... eating breakfast in the kitchen...all of us around the formica table....there was a used butter knife with flecks of burnt toast stuck to it was sitting there.....so.... I don't know why....but I spun it...and I had the thought, "Whoooever this lands on will die tonight," and like immediately I panicked like, "Why did I think that!?!" and then spent the whole day worrying that I'd killed off one of em......I didn't mean to kill him! Ehh.... of course over time.... the whole dumb thing....mindset or whatever.... morphed also into, "If I think a good thing will happen, I'll jinx it..." Either way, nuthin good is comin outta this head! It's all treachery... Sooo.... Yeah, I guess I thought that as a kid I had powers.... but I was always working to reverse the inherent evil.....
Fez said that as a kid he thought that he had powers too...... He would make predictions..."So you thought you were the baby psychic!" Ron observed. ADORABLE!!! Dave thought he was a mind reader.....that as a child he could read minds...HE said, "I believed that I could read peoples' thoughts....That I could hear my parents' thoughts...." Ron suggested, "Did you hear them constantly saying, "We wish we had aborted you..." He later added, ""When I was little I thought that I could pull off amazing pool shots....Spent forever setting em up..." I wanna scream, "ADORABLE!!!" again....
Ron was saying that it had to be the optimism of a child that would have ya believing that you possessed some kinda magic.....or such a powerful mind....He wondered why as adults we do not continue to strive to make these things happen.... these experiments......Childlike optimism.... Optimism..... "Slowly but surely they all fall away....leaving just you and the bottle.."
I think that the closest thing that as an adult I do that is at all a test of my mental powers is when I attempt to meditate........which is not always easy for me to do..... clear the mind.... ya know......A lotta nonsense clutters it up.... all that....
Actually, I just thought of something.... Nutha thing from when I was a kid...... From having to constantly read about The Lives of the Saints, I became obsessed for a while with, "bilocation." Some saints are told to have been able to be two places at once....The phenomenon takes place when the holy person is in one place at a given time, and at the very same moment...as if by a mysterious presence, is in another place a distance away......Like St. Martin de Porres......or St. Anthony of Padua........or.... St. John Bosco......whose name I liked for the chocolate reference...... Anyway, so sometimes as i was trying to fall asleep I'd try to get myself to float.......as if that way I could seem to be asleep right there, but I'd be off doin something else........even though I knew I was no saint! As far as I could tell from the stories, it seemed MOST of the time, these saints knew that they were pretty holy early on...... God was constantly talking back to them and everything.... Anyway...
Ron asked, "Why don't we continue to do these types of experiments? Why don't we all.....everybody in the world.....get together and release balloons into the sky!!?.....Yeah.... I know some people would be mean and pop em....or the ole man down the street would say, (old man raspy voice) 'I don't want any part of this balloon foolishness...!!!' Just think of it! It would be the best day of your life!!! We could do it..... just to be weird!"
Dude, I'm totally in...... Maybe singing of 99 Luftballons would spontaneously take place across the globe..... but it would be like 99 Milllllion......cause like you said, some people will just not show up for it, bad attitudes and all of that.... I bet somebody would totally ruin the free-spirited sing-a-long by goin, "That doesn't even make sense....Don't you know what that song is really about?" Yeah, I fuckin know...... buzzkill.
Soooo.... Tuesday marked day two of Dave taking part in the Writer's Guild strike..... "There will be no bits written!" He bellowed..He's a hardliner... Ron repiled, "You mean...no Guy Guyerson?! No Board Gossip?" Dave answered no....Ron yelled, "GOOD!"
Ron also asked, "Are you, 'On Strike,' or just Untalented?" Dave even refused to write a jingle for his father-in-law's company, which Ronnie said was named, "Chair Escalators," and he sang, "Chair Escalators.....When you're toooo lazy to waaaalk...." Later he also referred to em as, "Lazy Chairs." Well which one are they!??? Chair escalators or Lazy Chairs??? Ahhhh... they're both......
Of course on the news I keep hearing about the strike....The night shows are shut down....all of that stuff.... I have heard two different reporters crack on the signage being used by the strikers.... the lack of creativity involved in printed messages on sticks that read, "ON STRIKE." This one smug reporter chuckled at her own joke when she quipped, "THESE are writers...." Ummm what do they not understand abooot, "On Strike!?!?" It means that's all yer gonna get...The writers will not WRITE.. Go elsewhere for your witty banter in picket form..... Shhheeesh! The media, it kills me...!
I don't know if I've already mentioned this, but I'm on strike from life..... I have been for years..... Life is not meeting up to my demands.... So I'm not taking part.... Sometimes I'll chant complaints..... I do have a random sign here and there that's I'll angrily thrust into the air at times.... "Life stinks!" and so on...
Anyway, I guess that I normally would have gone on strike too.... ya know, as a solidarity thing.... even though I'm not in the Blog Writer's Guild..... I thought about it for a second, but then I remembered that I am not even sure if any of this typing I've been doing is real.... or if you are real..... I might just be sitting here in front of a fish tank, mumbling and poking at a calculator....This might all be in my head.. I don't know what goes on.... Ok then, I'll see yez later....
Signed,
kathleen from the bronx :):):)
A sleeping bag!? That's what's next? OooK.. I guess I'll give that a try too... I mean, I'm not playing with you when I tell yez that I try out each and every radical new therapy that Ronnie B. introduces...I experiment like a guinea pig....like a crazy, ready-to-make-any-last-ditch-attempt guinea pig..... Chairapy has transformed The Big Cat into, "the comedy sniper," that is The Man Behind the Glass.... Success! I'm not surprised that Fezzie's life coach was impressed..... I was impressed with my own results...... I'll have you know that the magic of Chairapy is that I now see television from a totally different angle.... Sooo... If Ronnie B. tells Fezzie, "Next thing I'm gonna do is put you in a sleeping bag...a nice comfortable sleeping bag.....make you crawl around like a snail....." I'll give it a whirl as well..... Who knows what amazing breakthroughs will emerge?!
Well here I am in this sleeping bag....it still smells a little like campfire... When the hell was the last time I was camping? Febreze's claims are so false.....I do kinda feel like a snail.... a snail.....like the one from Colonel Kurtz's dream.... crawling...."along the edge of a straight razor......That's my dream..... That's my nightmare.... Crawling....slithering along the edge....of a straight.....razor... AND surviving......" Yes I am the snail on the straight razor......or is this more worm-like.....??? Worming along..... like....like..... I'm worming through life...... and what happens to worms??? What happens to worms? They get eaten by early birds! They get impaled on hooks to lure fish-eyed fish......Oooh this signifies so much..... If I keep up my ways....my worming ways..... my dirt-eating, low-life ways......... ......Hey, am I doin this right??
Yeah...lemme just um put this sleeping bag away....roll it up.... It might take me a while; I'm so fuckin O.C.D. about everything.... If I can't roll it back up as even and perfect as the day it was first acquired, forget it.... I'll do it again and again and again....... I have a frustrating life.... Gaahd damn it... I had it right for a second there, but this fuckin bag is in the shape of a cornucopia over here.......Daaah....... Startin over...... "Sleeping bag....??!!! Woman, Ireland may be a poor country, God help us...but here, a married man sleeps in a bed, not a bag!!!!" Yeah, I just blurted out an obscure movie quote about sleeping bags....to pass the time as I'm tryin to put this away... Obscure quote of the day! Wooo.... Almost done here.....hum a lil tune..."It's knowing that your door is always open and your path is free to walk.....That makes me tend to leave my sleeping bag rolled up and stashed behind your couch....hummm hummm....." Finished! What if all I did from this point on was talk about sleeping bags? I know... you're right.... that would be WEIRD.
So, that quote I just screamed out..... of course you know it's from The Quiet Man....Does ya recall that part from the film where John Wayne is dragging Maureen O'Hara home...and some random, shawled angelic-faced old woman shakes a tree branch at him, "Have a stick to beat the lovely lady!!!?" Yeah.... I just remembered now that I had this plan to open a kiosk at the mall... gonna call the business, "More Sticks than You Can Shake a Stick At!" and, "A stick to beat the lovely lady!!??" is gonna be the sales pitch that I cheerfully bark at people as they pass my stall......
You know it's a good thing that that movie is not on TV all the time, cause I would probably sit there and watch it every time..... and get all weirdly nostalgic.....and want to drink whiskey...... Yeah, Ronnie brought up the fact that some great films run the risk of being ruined by being on T.V. constantly...... "Has anyone noticed that you can't turn on your T.V. anymore without seeing The Godfather....? They are going to RUIN it!!" he said...... It's true man, that has been on a lot......
Do you know that for roughly 6-8 years, Flatliners would be on T.V.....on some station.....every stinkin weekend??! This is my own research, by the way.... I'm just sayin.... always on!! (shakes fist) Flatliners!!! Yeah... but I think the point of the conversation was about films that you dig being run too much.... so .... ahem....
People brought up other good examples of this same recurring gimmick..... like Goodfellas.... It's true..... Seemed like for months straight, Goodfellas would be on TV.... and no matter what point I tuned in, I'd sit there and watch it until I'd realize..."What am I doin!?" Seein it over and over again would serve to remind me that I had been meaning to try that slicing-garlic-with-a-razor-blade- technique... like Paulie in prison.... I'm tellin you! Every time I would see that scene... "He was in a year for contempt.... he had this wonderful system for doing the garlic... He used a razor and he used to slice it so thin that it would liquefy in the pan with just a little oil.... It was a very good system.".... I would make a mental note, "You gotta try that.." though I am in no prison except for the prison of my miiiinnnd.......also, I own knives....sooo.....
Oh, OK... but eventually I did try that out...... the razor gimmick..... Those were some thin, thin slices... that part was kind of stupidly rewarding.... but...the garlic didn't liquefy in the oil..... Just sayin.... It disappeared later in the sauce, true........but....I'm just sayin.... Perhaps if I could get locked up for a year I would have plenty of time to perfect the system.....
Maybe most times, what would snap me outta the trance of re-watching was when some vile word was dubbed over.... I'd realize, "I own this, why would I sit here?" Why would I sit there when there is bad T.V. to be watchin? Ronnie brought up that there as so many varieties of home make-over shows at this point.... Yeah, I watch those too.... AS IF I'm gonna be renovating a kitchen anytime soon....or making new window treatments..... Oh! unless you count me thumb-tacking an old bed sheet to hang over the window....to block out the harsh light of the living world... Traaah- DAH! Fancy!
About Trading Spaces, Ronnie asked, "How could you NOT fuck up the other person's house??" Exactly..... I am under the impression that many people who have taken part in that show must have had the very same thought...... cause how many times have you heard one set of neighbors say, "Oh, I'm really up for anything....Just as long as it's not all earth tones.....Ooooooooh I hates the color brown!" The next thing you know they are walkin into a room that the designer will call, "Chestnut," or, "Cocoa," or, "Coffee," but if these people don't like brown.... it must be like walkin into the hall of doodoo.... It can't be an accident..... Ron said that if he was on one of those shows, "I'd paint, 'Helter Skelter,' on the door, lock myself in there and get hight for two days..." I say, "Best....show....EVER!"
You guys were also talking about The Price is Right....cause apparently Drew Carey, the new host had some things to say about medical Marijuana..... I used to love that game show.... but I think it's all grouped into some kinda feeling attached to remembering staying home from school.....or Summer vacation.....or skipping classes.... so ya know, generally gettin away with shit..... I like feeling like I'm gettin away with shit.... A caller brought up that so much of the viewers are college kids....Ron responded, "Can we just finally decide that college doesn't work? ...College???? It's extended High School... It's Girls Gone Wild!"
Anyway, I cackled when Ron yelled at Dave, "Why is this show so sacred to you!!?!? You have to guess the price of a loaf of bread!!" I laughed cause it's true.... and why is it that when I'd guess the right price of that Pepperidge Farm bread or whatever denture adhesive, I'd feel so smart like I could make it in the world? Silly.....Of course I can't......
Dave definitely was into The Price is Right, though..... yelling stuff about Plinko...on and on..... Ron noted, "You have a The Price is Right fascination.... that is ....well...........very frightening." I might... also...a lil bit... toooo....
You know what I liked about that ole show too...? Well, anytime there was some extravagant trip that you had to guess on, they'd always show some really old footage of the destination's glorious amenities.... I'm sayin, like through the 90's...... Places like Sunny San Tropez or Waikiki looked like Love Boat-era.... Ahh I dunno why that was so fantastic to me too... I like the retrooo.... Yeah, speaking of retro.... The Price is Right would have these trips to places like Monte Carlo...places that in 70's shows and movies people would act like were the ritziest of the ritzy...
The pictures showed people all dressed up and toasting with champagne...cept not in champagne flutes... They were drinking outta them old-timey champagne coupes...or saucers..... cept.... ya know way later... like in the 90's....... Dude, when's the last time you heard anybody crowing about San Tropez and Monte Carlo anyway?? Right....... exactly. Oh man... I feel fuckin obsessed with those places now....
Anyway, I haven't seen the new, Drew Carey hosted show..... I don't think that I will make time for that..... I tell you what I will make time for though... and that is a letter wrtiting campaign.
See, this Drew Carey..... I'm sure he's rockin those trademark glasses on The Price is Right now....but... it annoys me when I see him on T.V. trying to wear regular glasses on his own time...like in interviews..or shit like that..... I'm like, "What are you doin Drew Carey!? You made me see ya big head on T.V. for years with those damn glasses...Why do you think that you can get away with this??!!!"
It's not like I am a fan..... and this somehow disappoints me.... I just feel senselessly irritated by things..... things like people thinking they can change their gimmick whenever they please after they've been tryin to shove it down ya throat on show after terrible show.....
I saw the little video where Drew Carey was talkin bout his support of medical marijuana.....in regular glasses...... This is when I decided to start writing him letters.... I said, "Dear Drew Carey... Hello.... Believe it or not I would like to see marijuana made more readily available for those who need it too...but I was wondering....what happened to those marvelous Buddy Holly glasses of yours???" Anytime I see him anywhere without them I'm gonna fire off a letter...... That'll show him.... I'm gonna annoy you like you annoy me, Carey...... ehhh, but good work with the marijuana opinions and everything....
Hey, remember when that one called called in to talk about the wonders of herb.... and he goes...."Take Marijuana for example... which I am smoking right now.." and Ronnie cut him off by yellin, "How Cool!!" Ahhhh that made me just laugh again to recall..... Anywhoo... I agree with that one caller who was sayin that The Price is Right is all for old people and kids home from school with the flu......
I was thinking about this...... When you were a kid, did you ever pretend to be sick to stay home, have it work..... and then really end up gettin sick? Yeah.... that shit happened to me too...... You guys asked, "When you're a kid...did you think that you had powers?" Kids.... thinking that they have powers...... thinkin they can do things with their minds...... like have the ability to bend spoons or to will things to happen......... Yeah, I thought I had powers....but..... I was pretty sure that I could make bad things occur.... so it turned me into a lunatic who was always worried about jinxing, trying to counteract it by knockin on wood........
One early memory I can cite is being very young...younger than kindergarten... in the playground in the park up the street..... and I saw this older girl climbing high, high up in the jungle gym..... definitely higher than I had ever endeavored..... I would just hang and swing, hang and swing.... As I watched her climb I remember thinking, "What if she fell?" and like not even two seconds later she DID fall! She was alright and everything.... but I thought to myself, "Did I do that??"
During my self-psychology sessions I think I have pinpointed that as one of the possible reasons that I have, at times, gone crazy, crazy... worrying that if I thought a bad thing..... it could happen.... One such example was when one day.... eating breakfast in the kitchen...all of us around the formica table....there was a used butter knife with flecks of burnt toast stuck to it was sitting there.....so.... I don't know why....but I spun it...and I had the thought, "Whoooever this lands on will die tonight," and like immediately I panicked like, "Why did I think that!?!" and then spent the whole day worrying that I'd killed off one of em......I didn't mean to kill him! Ehh.... of course over time.... the whole dumb thing....mindset or whatever.... morphed also into, "If I think a good thing will happen, I'll jinx it..." Either way, nuthin good is comin outta this head! It's all treachery... Sooo.... Yeah, I guess I thought that as a kid I had powers.... but I was always working to reverse the inherent evil.....
Fez said that as a kid he thought that he had powers too...... He would make predictions..."So you thought you were the baby psychic!" Ron observed. ADORABLE!!! Dave thought he was a mind reader.....that as a child he could read minds...HE said, "I believed that I could read peoples' thoughts....That I could hear my parents' thoughts...." Ron suggested, "Did you hear them constantly saying, "We wish we had aborted you..." He later added, ""When I was little I thought that I could pull off amazing pool shots....Spent forever setting em up..." I wanna scream, "ADORABLE!!!" again....
Ron was saying that it had to be the optimism of a child that would have ya believing that you possessed some kinda magic.....or such a powerful mind....He wondered why as adults we do not continue to strive to make these things happen.... these experiments......Childlike optimism.... Optimism..... "Slowly but surely they all fall away....leaving just you and the bottle.."
I think that the closest thing that as an adult I do that is at all a test of my mental powers is when I attempt to meditate........which is not always easy for me to do..... clear the mind.... ya know......A lotta nonsense clutters it up.... all that....
Actually, I just thought of something.... Nutha thing from when I was a kid...... From having to constantly read about The Lives of the Saints, I became obsessed for a while with, "bilocation." Some saints are told to have been able to be two places at once....The phenomenon takes place when the holy person is in one place at a given time, and at the very same moment...as if by a mysterious presence, is in another place a distance away......Like St. Martin de Porres......or St. Anthony of Padua........or.... St. John Bosco......whose name I liked for the chocolate reference...... Anyway, so sometimes as i was trying to fall asleep I'd try to get myself to float.......as if that way I could seem to be asleep right there, but I'd be off doin something else........even though I knew I was no saint! As far as I could tell from the stories, it seemed MOST of the time, these saints knew that they were pretty holy early on...... God was constantly talking back to them and everything.... Anyway...
Ron asked, "Why don't we continue to do these types of experiments? Why don't we all.....everybody in the world.....get together and release balloons into the sky!!?.....Yeah.... I know some people would be mean and pop em....or the ole man down the street would say, (old man raspy voice) 'I don't want any part of this balloon foolishness...!!!' Just think of it! It would be the best day of your life!!! We could do it..... just to be weird!"
Dude, I'm totally in...... Maybe singing of 99 Luftballons would spontaneously take place across the globe..... but it would be like 99 Milllllion......cause like you said, some people will just not show up for it, bad attitudes and all of that.... I bet somebody would totally ruin the free-spirited sing-a-long by goin, "That doesn't even make sense....Don't you know what that song is really about?" Yeah, I fuckin know...... buzzkill.
Soooo.... Tuesday marked day two of Dave taking part in the Writer's Guild strike..... "There will be no bits written!" He bellowed..He's a hardliner... Ron repiled, "You mean...no Guy Guyerson?! No Board Gossip?" Dave answered no....Ron yelled, "GOOD!"
Ron also asked, "Are you, 'On Strike,' or just Untalented?" Dave even refused to write a jingle for his father-in-law's company, which Ronnie said was named, "Chair Escalators," and he sang, "Chair Escalators.....When you're toooo lazy to waaaalk...." Later he also referred to em as, "Lazy Chairs." Well which one are they!??? Chair escalators or Lazy Chairs??? Ahhhh... they're both......
Of course on the news I keep hearing about the strike....The night shows are shut down....all of that stuff.... I have heard two different reporters crack on the signage being used by the strikers.... the lack of creativity involved in printed messages on sticks that read, "ON STRIKE." This one smug reporter chuckled at her own joke when she quipped, "THESE are writers...." Ummm what do they not understand abooot, "On Strike!?!?" It means that's all yer gonna get...The writers will not WRITE.. Go elsewhere for your witty banter in picket form..... Shhheeesh! The media, it kills me...!
I don't know if I've already mentioned this, but I'm on strike from life..... I have been for years..... Life is not meeting up to my demands.... So I'm not taking part.... Sometimes I'll chant complaints..... I do have a random sign here and there that's I'll angrily thrust into the air at times.... "Life stinks!" and so on...
Anyway, I guess that I normally would have gone on strike too.... ya know, as a solidarity thing.... even though I'm not in the Blog Writer's Guild..... I thought about it for a second, but then I remembered that I am not even sure if any of this typing I've been doing is real.... or if you are real..... I might just be sitting here in front of a fish tank, mumbling and poking at a calculator....This might all be in my head.. I don't know what goes on.... Ok then, I'll see yez later....
Signed,
kathleen from the bronx :):):)