Kathleen From The Bronx
11-14-2007, 07:51 AM
Dear Ron and Fez Shooow,
Can you believe it's almost time for Winter Carnival!? Ahhh the magic of Winter Carnival! Sure does bring out the kid in all of us..... So festive with all its magnificent pies and jams!
As it nears, we all must speak of it in hushed and wondrous tones....our eyes moony...palms raised by our faces, fingers splayed...perhaps our voices quiver a bit..."Ahhh Wiii-ii-iinter Carnival....Winter Carnival!"
Yes.......anticipation for the frolic and merriment grows with each passing day! Am I right? Yeah.... It's like a marvelous children's tale...unless you are scared of children's books for some reason......Fez.
Fezzie told us yesterday that, "When I was a kid you couldn't read me a bedtime story! Every story scared me.....'Caps For Sale'...." Ahhh, poor lil Fezzie... Ron said that he never remembered being read to as a child...."I remember going to school and thinkin, 'What are these things... with paper inside?' ...I don't remember any story books...but.... I do remember my dad reading the paper and complaining, 'Why are these fuckin gas prices so high?!!' "
"Caps for Sale!?" Fezzie said that the monkeys were mean looking.. and cruel! They stole peddler's caps! Noooo...nooo... those monkeys were just mischievous! Everything worked out....There was a happy ending..... The peddler retrieved his caps and could go back to annoying and/or terrorizing the town each day by walking the streets, screaming, "Caps! Caps for sale! Fifty cents a cap!" I just imagined people in the town being like, "For the love of GOD!! We told you!! We all already have caps! Enough!!!" What, do they need another cap? Eeesh......
Anyway, I haven't thought of that ole children's book for a long time.... I love children's books.....We had a lot of em when I was a kid....plus.... since my aunt worked for the New York Public Library, and lived in the same apartment building as us, we had the phat hook-up..... I loved all of Shel Silverstein's..... and Maurice Sendak's....... forget it, I could go on and on........ I won't ....and I won't launch into my speech about the glories of the NYPL today either..... don't worry...not again....
It was fun to see what different books she would bring home.... You know what, now that I'm thinking about this...and stopping myself from taunting Fezzielou for being afraid of bedtime stories.... there was a book back then that troubled me as well! Just remembered this... One night my aunt brought home a book called, "Sleeping Ugly,".... There was a beautiful princess named Miserella who....though she was lovely to behold....was cruel and ungrateful and supremely bitchy..... Then there was Plain Jane....who was sweet and kind, but generally over-looked because she had a face like a boot...
Now, I'm not pretending that I was some kind of insightful or clever child...but at a certain point you do start to grasp the gimmick that there is supposed to be some kind of moral or lesson to these fables.... Sure, there is a good chance that I was paranoid from a young age as well..... but this whole, "Hideous yet lovable," device made me more than a little wary... like.... "You got somethin you're tryin to say??? You tryin to say somethin???!!!"
Maybe I had some kind of suspicious inkling that this book was supposed to be a message of sorts...... like it was supposed to help my self-esteem...... or something..... Are you trying to say that I have bad self-esteem.....or that I SHOULD!?! Maybe I didn't have bad self-esteem until you gave me this book to read!
Well these were my worries.... It didn't exactly help matters that the handsome prince chose Jane over Miserella either.... cause....Plain Jane didn't win his heart with her goodness or her loving disposition!!! Noooo.... Basically the fairy godmother cast a spell on the prince so that he would love Jane..... so that Jane could be happy..... and it doubled as a slap to the face of the mean Miserella.... cause she annoyed fairy godmother.... Soooooo....... The message.. I guess.... was , "You tragic mess, kindness only goes so far......You can only get a man by drugging him?"
Yeah....I heeded that theme.... and so I followed it.......I did.... and I do......
Ahhh anyway! Didn't mean to digress......Crazy phobias... Oooh Leticia had a good one! Well, not like it's good to her.......being scared of statues....but I guess I mean that it was interesting...... much more interesting than, "Yikes! I'm afraid to leave the house!" Who isn't? Have you seen what goes on out there? That fear is old hat.....
I have never been afraid of statues, but after yesterday's show I could be...what with Ronnie's gruff and spine-chilling statue-voice...."Rarrr rarrr I'm a statue, I eat rocks......rorrrr..." and shit about grinding humans' bones to dust with their scary statue teeth.....
Once I knew a girl who was frightened of anything having to do with The Revolutionary War..... That was nuts..... It happened over two hundred years ago! Sometimes I would yell, "Oooh the Red-coats are gonna getcha!" or, "Washington's crossing the Delaware!" but sadly the mere mention of those events didn't get her to freak...... It was more like she was weirded-out by the national parks and if they had displays of mannequins in old uniforms...and paintings..... "Why The Revolutionary War and not The Civil War?" I asked... She did not know.....She was also afraid of feathers. That one I could more readily understand.... They fly offa filthy birds. Bird dander. Just sayin....
Leticia and another caller also divulged that they were alarmed by mannequins..... That one I can understand too........As Ron pointed out, "It's the dead, soulless eyes....." YEAH.... that shit is a bit unsettling..... Painted-on eyes are scary like that... on mannequins.... on porcelain dolls....... Dead eyes, cruel intentions.......Arggh... We used to go to this Vietnamese restaurant in Arlington all the time.... and on the same street there was a wig shop that had mannequin heads with wigs on em... When we would walk passed that shop, I would switch sides with Brian so he would be on the wig-store side..... So I could be protected from the creepiness.... Decapitated heads with soulless eyes, wearing wigs.......No good.
I understand steering clear of clowns as well....... As Ron put it, "Show me one instance in the history of life where a clown has been funny!" Yeah.... I couldn't..... So the lack of funniness is something to fear....... He added, "At their worst they are terrifying......at their best, you are bored." Shudder......
Ronnie was sayin that people who have phobias take their own very seriously.... but have no time for others'. That's pretty much true for me... I certainly have me own, but when this chick that a friend of mine was dating started panicking at the sight of Lego structures I did think to myself, "You gotta be fuckin kiddin me..." while rolling my eyes......I was like, "What the fuck!?" and kinda widened my distance away from them.....cause I'm sensitive and caring when other people have problems......
The dude was like, "Oh shit, I forgot this mall had The Lego Store..... she's so afraid of Legos!" She was near crying and clutching his arm!!! Legos? Nice move man...... This chick was afraid of legos and all out in front of the store were giant Lego replicas of The Capital, and The White House...... and a large troll made out of legos for some reason....... HAH! He ruined her life by taking her to the mall....... Ahhh geez.... See, Ron was right, I'm not sympathetic! So wrong of me.... I got dumb shit that I'm afraid of too....
Well, where as I apparently like to scoff at the fears of others....when it comes to superstitions...... woooo..... different story...... I am pretty superstitious.... I have many that I adhere to...... The dumb thing is, that many times I will hear new ones..... and then I will actually add them to the mental compendium of irrational beliefs and practices that I already possess..... Believe me, I did not grow up touching the outside of planes before boarding....... In the past I never would have yelped in horror if someone put a box bearing new shoes on the table.......Don't let me see an owl in the sunlight! Forget it........ I'll be a mess tryin to counteract the bad luck about to rain down......
Anyway.... I'm just rambling.... I'll talk to yez later.....
Signed,
kathleen from the bronx :):):)
Can you believe it's almost time for Winter Carnival!? Ahhh the magic of Winter Carnival! Sure does bring out the kid in all of us..... So festive with all its magnificent pies and jams!
As it nears, we all must speak of it in hushed and wondrous tones....our eyes moony...palms raised by our faces, fingers splayed...perhaps our voices quiver a bit..."Ahhh Wiii-ii-iinter Carnival....Winter Carnival!"
Yes.......anticipation for the frolic and merriment grows with each passing day! Am I right? Yeah.... It's like a marvelous children's tale...unless you are scared of children's books for some reason......Fez.
Fezzie told us yesterday that, "When I was a kid you couldn't read me a bedtime story! Every story scared me.....'Caps For Sale'...." Ahhh, poor lil Fezzie... Ron said that he never remembered being read to as a child...."I remember going to school and thinkin, 'What are these things... with paper inside?' ...I don't remember any story books...but.... I do remember my dad reading the paper and complaining, 'Why are these fuckin gas prices so high?!!' "
"Caps for Sale!?" Fezzie said that the monkeys were mean looking.. and cruel! They stole peddler's caps! Noooo...nooo... those monkeys were just mischievous! Everything worked out....There was a happy ending..... The peddler retrieved his caps and could go back to annoying and/or terrorizing the town each day by walking the streets, screaming, "Caps! Caps for sale! Fifty cents a cap!" I just imagined people in the town being like, "For the love of GOD!! We told you!! We all already have caps! Enough!!!" What, do they need another cap? Eeesh......
Anyway, I haven't thought of that ole children's book for a long time.... I love children's books.....We had a lot of em when I was a kid....plus.... since my aunt worked for the New York Public Library, and lived in the same apartment building as us, we had the phat hook-up..... I loved all of Shel Silverstein's..... and Maurice Sendak's....... forget it, I could go on and on........ I won't ....and I won't launch into my speech about the glories of the NYPL today either..... don't worry...not again....
It was fun to see what different books she would bring home.... You know what, now that I'm thinking about this...and stopping myself from taunting Fezzielou for being afraid of bedtime stories.... there was a book back then that troubled me as well! Just remembered this... One night my aunt brought home a book called, "Sleeping Ugly,".... There was a beautiful princess named Miserella who....though she was lovely to behold....was cruel and ungrateful and supremely bitchy..... Then there was Plain Jane....who was sweet and kind, but generally over-looked because she had a face like a boot...
Now, I'm not pretending that I was some kind of insightful or clever child...but at a certain point you do start to grasp the gimmick that there is supposed to be some kind of moral or lesson to these fables.... Sure, there is a good chance that I was paranoid from a young age as well..... but this whole, "Hideous yet lovable," device made me more than a little wary... like.... "You got somethin you're tryin to say??? You tryin to say somethin???!!!"
Maybe I had some kind of suspicious inkling that this book was supposed to be a message of sorts...... like it was supposed to help my self-esteem...... or something..... Are you trying to say that I have bad self-esteem.....or that I SHOULD!?! Maybe I didn't have bad self-esteem until you gave me this book to read!
Well these were my worries.... It didn't exactly help matters that the handsome prince chose Jane over Miserella either.... cause....Plain Jane didn't win his heart with her goodness or her loving disposition!!! Noooo.... Basically the fairy godmother cast a spell on the prince so that he would love Jane..... so that Jane could be happy..... and it doubled as a slap to the face of the mean Miserella.... cause she annoyed fairy godmother.... Soooooo....... The message.. I guess.... was , "You tragic mess, kindness only goes so far......You can only get a man by drugging him?"
Yeah....I heeded that theme.... and so I followed it.......I did.... and I do......
Ahhh anyway! Didn't mean to digress......Crazy phobias... Oooh Leticia had a good one! Well, not like it's good to her.......being scared of statues....but I guess I mean that it was interesting...... much more interesting than, "Yikes! I'm afraid to leave the house!" Who isn't? Have you seen what goes on out there? That fear is old hat.....
I have never been afraid of statues, but after yesterday's show I could be...what with Ronnie's gruff and spine-chilling statue-voice...."Rarrr rarrr I'm a statue, I eat rocks......rorrrr..." and shit about grinding humans' bones to dust with their scary statue teeth.....
Once I knew a girl who was frightened of anything having to do with The Revolutionary War..... That was nuts..... It happened over two hundred years ago! Sometimes I would yell, "Oooh the Red-coats are gonna getcha!" or, "Washington's crossing the Delaware!" but sadly the mere mention of those events didn't get her to freak...... It was more like she was weirded-out by the national parks and if they had displays of mannequins in old uniforms...and paintings..... "Why The Revolutionary War and not The Civil War?" I asked... She did not know.....She was also afraid of feathers. That one I could more readily understand.... They fly offa filthy birds. Bird dander. Just sayin....
Leticia and another caller also divulged that they were alarmed by mannequins..... That one I can understand too........As Ron pointed out, "It's the dead, soulless eyes....." YEAH.... that shit is a bit unsettling..... Painted-on eyes are scary like that... on mannequins.... on porcelain dolls....... Dead eyes, cruel intentions.......Arggh... We used to go to this Vietnamese restaurant in Arlington all the time.... and on the same street there was a wig shop that had mannequin heads with wigs on em... When we would walk passed that shop, I would switch sides with Brian so he would be on the wig-store side..... So I could be protected from the creepiness.... Decapitated heads with soulless eyes, wearing wigs.......No good.
I understand steering clear of clowns as well....... As Ron put it, "Show me one instance in the history of life where a clown has been funny!" Yeah.... I couldn't..... So the lack of funniness is something to fear....... He added, "At their worst they are terrifying......at their best, you are bored." Shudder......
Ronnie was sayin that people who have phobias take their own very seriously.... but have no time for others'. That's pretty much true for me... I certainly have me own, but when this chick that a friend of mine was dating started panicking at the sight of Lego structures I did think to myself, "You gotta be fuckin kiddin me..." while rolling my eyes......I was like, "What the fuck!?" and kinda widened my distance away from them.....cause I'm sensitive and caring when other people have problems......
The dude was like, "Oh shit, I forgot this mall had The Lego Store..... she's so afraid of Legos!" She was near crying and clutching his arm!!! Legos? Nice move man...... This chick was afraid of legos and all out in front of the store were giant Lego replicas of The Capital, and The White House...... and a large troll made out of legos for some reason....... HAH! He ruined her life by taking her to the mall....... Ahhh geez.... See, Ron was right, I'm not sympathetic! So wrong of me.... I got dumb shit that I'm afraid of too....
Well, where as I apparently like to scoff at the fears of others....when it comes to superstitions...... woooo..... different story...... I am pretty superstitious.... I have many that I adhere to...... The dumb thing is, that many times I will hear new ones..... and then I will actually add them to the mental compendium of irrational beliefs and practices that I already possess..... Believe me, I did not grow up touching the outside of planes before boarding....... In the past I never would have yelped in horror if someone put a box bearing new shoes on the table.......Don't let me see an owl in the sunlight! Forget it........ I'll be a mess tryin to counteract the bad luck about to rain down......
Anyway.... I'm just rambling.... I'll talk to yez later.....
Signed,
kathleen from the bronx :):):)