My girl is leaving me

[IamFogHat]

It's taken me like two hours to build up the fortitude to post this, that's how upset I am. This is I guess a part two of the shit I posted the other week about our near breakup if you recall, if not who cares, here's the deal: Today she told me she is falling out of love with me, which is a self fulfilling profecy cuz she said this would happen like a year and a half ago when we started dating, but I never paid it any mind, but now it's happening. She also says she's very depressed, and that might be it, but I don't know. Here's the thing, I'm a total shit head, like to clarify, I've never cheated on her or have been an asshole in some extraordinary way, I try to meet her needs as much as I can, the one downfall of me is that I've got serious Fez like problems (anxiety, depression) which she knows and is cool with and I'm getting help for, so at this point I don't know how I can help the situation. She must honestly not love me anymore, and if you haven't read the other thread, this is the girl I was planning on marrying next year, so I'm totally fucking obliterated. I honestly don't know what to do, I told her take the week to think and I'll do the same cause I have so much work to do and she has traveling that we wouldn't see each other till then anyway, and then by that point, we'll talk. But now I'm totally afradi that by then she'll say I'm sorry, but I still don't love you, it's not your fault, but I don't want to be with you anymore.
I've been with a lot of women, but this is the pinacle of everything I've had until this point. So I guess my question is have you guys been posed with this point before and has it ever worked out, or should I just prepare myself for the worst. Bearing in mind, I've heard this speech before and it never worked out, so I'm not very optimistic.

[Charles Bronson]

why would you stay with someone who told you upfront that they were most likely not going to love you in the near future.

[IamFogHat]

why would you stay with someone who told you upfront that they were most likely not going to love you in the near future.

I don't think you're listening.

[Charles Bronson]

i ment from the very beginning when she said it, not the recent one.

[Bossanova]

I have gone through this,but the minute she said she wasnt in love with me I bailed. I knew she wouldnt find that love again within a week or two. I said I understand and moved on. Of course it hurts, but it hurts more by dragging it out. Accept it and let her go. Even if she is wrong she can alway come back. chances are if you are so much in love you aren't going anywhere, so you will have time to let her think. Save some face and give your self less pain by bagging it now.

[Gvac]

First off, I'm sorry for what you're going through FogHat. I know it doesn't make it any easier, but we've all been through it. I wish I could tell you it gets easier, but it doesn't.

There's obviously a lot of issues here (both hers and yours) and it sounds like she's either unable or unwilling to deal with them and she feels the best course of action is to just walk away. This probably befuddles and/or infuriates you, but women deal with problems in a completely different manner than men, so trying to understand it will only make you crazy.

Even if she decides to stay with you after this one week break, chances are she'll walk away again in the near future. I'm not trying to be negative, I'm just trying to tell you what I think of the situation from what you've shared.

I hope I'm wrong, but either way, hang in there.

[Rthentic]

I've been there dude. If there's love there then there is always hope but I guess it boils down to the question of if the love You have is something You can get back from Her. If not, then that ship must sail. I had someone I loved cheat on Me while We both told eachother that We loved one another and because of that I tried to work it out.....Love makes You blind and crazy at times. I look at the split that came afterwards as a blessing because I met someone that I fare unconditional love with and I never debate inside whether that love is or isn't there. Plus, Because I know the mind wanders during these times especially, I know alot of bad could have come from Me being in a situation where I had to fight for love while the other person doesn't care for it. You gotta love like a bird in Your hand, If it needs to go let it, because if You hold it, You'll just end up sufficating it or worse. When You have to fight fight fight some some things, maybe it's just not for You. I find that when things are right they come with ease and maybe even some genuine passion for it.

You'll be alright.....We All Get What We Want In The End.....Just Never Doubt It, Be It

AND FUCK ALL THE REST

Peace
RTNC

[Bossanova]

First off, I'm sorry for what you're going through FogHat. I know it doesn't make it any easier, but we've all been through it. I wish I could tell you it gets easier, but it doesn't.

There's obviously a lot of issues here (both hers and yours) and it sounds like she's either unable or unwilling to deal with them and she feels the best course of action is to just walk away. This probably befuddles and/or infuriates you, but women deal with problems in a completely different manner than men, so trying to understand it will only make you crazy.

Even if she decides to stay with you after this one week break, chances are she'll walk away again in the near future. I'm not trying to be negative, I'm just trying to tell you what I think of the situation from what you've shared.

I hope I'm wrong, but either way, hang in there.

G is right. Usually when get the courage to end it, it usual;ly means it is over. A break isnt going to change her mind. Women need different things and dont stay in relationships out of habit like men do.

[IamFogHat]

It's not so much that we're on a break, i hate those things, it's just that we happened to be in a period where she'll be away and I've got work where we won't see each other for a week, so I told her we'll both get our heads together in that time and see where we stand then. But yeah, I know what you all are saying, cause I've been here before, the difference is I don't want this to end like that, and yet here we are, so I'm at a total loss, based on experience. I have no idea what to do. I don't want to let her go, cause I truly love her in the rest of my life type sense, I don't know, it all seems fucked now, maybe tomorrow with clearer eyes it'll be different. thanks though, you all are coming from a good place and I appreciate that.

[moochcassidy]

"when a chick goes cold on you like that. theres nothing you can do"

id say move on. if she wants to get back in a few weeks/months dont do it.

[thepaulo]

I say stand out in the rain and serenade her with a mariachi band.

[BronxJohnny]

My man i was in a situation similar to that. Though you might not like it, you have to respect her honesty and appreciate the fact that she cares enough about you thats she honest to tell ya she doesn''t have the same feelings anymore. It's not like you caught her fucking your uncle in the back of a bodega or anything-sorry i digress-I'm figuring your a young dude so move on man and let your wang get some work, hang with some good friends and just realize things aren't always gonna end the way you want with who you want but you can ALWAYS ALWAYS do better no matter what. Find someone who will love you and go to court dates and not leave you without outstanding debts or an STD. Laugh motherfucker (i mean that in a brotherly way Foggy) and enjoy life because you only get one do something new every day and meet someone new everyday, learn something new and eventually you'll find someone worth any kind of emotion. RON AND FEZ 12-3----Chuuuuuuuuch!

[BronxJohnny]

Rather get married and have to deal with a divorce or have her feel like she owes it 2u 2 stay? That usually means sum1 else is gonna end up being her milk man you dig? ""Watch Fight Club you are not your Khakis" Love is a two way street youR at the end of the road and the light just turned green get the fuck out of there and find you a nice girl from a nice family.....LINGER LONGER! If you want it too workout i wish you happiness man but if you hold your breath im gonna call you Papa Smurf-END OF THE DAY JUST BE HAPPY.

[Celia]

I have to go with what everyone else is saying. Sounds like she's just not that into you anymore. Instead of using the time apart to think things out (because nothing is really going to change her feelings), use it as a means to start to move on and get over the hurt. You're in a lot of pain now, but it really does get better....eventually

[moochcassidy]

there's always the 'Pryor Method' to stop a bird from leavin...

http://inventorspot.com/files/images/gun.jpg

http://icpusa.icpusa.net:227/cougar1.jpg

[chubbyknuckles]

Dude, that's seriously a big bag of suck for you to have to deal with, but the majority of posts here are dead on, you gotta just leave it be and move on. You can play games and try to be the dick, or hard to get or chase after her, but bottom line , is that life isn't that pg-13 movie where it all comes together in the end. Just leave it be and get out there and start chasing down new ladies now, not sit and dwell on her or what went wrong, you can't live for anyone else but you.

[MM2]

My man i was in a situation similar to that. Though you might not like it, you have to respect her honesty and appreciate the fact that she cares enough about you thats she honest to tell ya she doesn''t have the same feelings anymore. It's not like you caught her fucking your uncle in the back of a bodega or anything-sorry i digress-I'm figuring your a young dude so move on man and let your wang get some work, hang with some good friends and just realize things aren't always gonna end the way you want with who you want but you can ALWAYS ALWAYS do better no matter what. Find someone who will love you and go to court dates and not leave you without outstanding debts or an STD. Laugh motherfucker (i mean that in a brotherly way Foggy) and enjoy life because you only get one do something new every day and meet someone new everyday, learn something new and eventually you'll find someone worth any kind of emotion. RON AND FEZ 12-3----Chuuuuuuuuch!

Listen to Bronx Johnny dude. The chances are its not going to work out. So prepare yourself for that, move on starting right NOW. If in a couple months she comes back to you saying she made a huge mistake and wants to work things out, then its up to you whether you want to attempt that or not. But don't and I REPEAT DON'T, expect that to happen. Just move on and let whatever is going to happen, happen. Of course its easier for us to say it, you and I both know what is going to happen, its just you don't want to believe it. Most of us have been there many times. Sucks man, hang in there and try your hardest to move on and be happy. It does get better, I'm three months into my newly single life after a situation very similar to yours and have dated a few girls, you just gotta do what you gotta do!

Good luck bro!

[Terry-Two]

Take the week and see what happens. Even if she does come back though, it sounds like this relationship is doomed for future failure. This will be in the back of your mind forever now, and think that she is only a mood swing away from leaving you. That will cause you to walk on eggshells and have absolutely no "hand" in the relationship. I think that it is better to cut your losses and move on. The pain will be tremendous, but it will get better and before you know it it'll be gone. And you'll be growns up and growns up.

[IamPixie]

there's always the 'Pryor Method' to stop a bird from leavin...

http://inventorspot.com/files/images/gun.jpg

http://icpusa.icpusa.net:227/cougar1.jpg

some fanny is too good to let go, eh?

[Jujubees2]

Fog,

I've been there and I know how much it sucks. I dated a woman for two years and then she decided that she needed to move away. So she goes but we still stay in touch. Then she comes to visit for a week and when I was dropping her off at the airport she tells me "I was never really in love with you." Man what a ride home from the airport for me.

I tried to stay optimistic and hoped that someday she will come back around but I was just fooling myself. After a few years (yes years) I finally realized I couldn't make anyone fall in love with me and I moved on.

A few years later, I met the woman who I've been married to for the past 13 years. Okay, so all stories don't have a happy ending :smile:

[Dougie Brootal]

pack it up and move on right now. bad news...its gonna hurt alot. good news...this is the worst it will be...more gooder news...it can only get better from here on out. ive also been in a similar situation and it didnt work out. i spent alot of time making the grand gestures you see in pg13 movies that get the girl back, and almost ended up with a restraining order. dont make that mistake dude. be the man and just let go. good luck and best wishes.

[CYYYFYYY]

I have to agree with the popular vote ehre. If she says she does not love you, you are screwed. It sucks. I doubt she will take you back but if she does it is doomed to fail. Sorry to say it but I know how this crap works

[CofyCrakCocaine]

I was gonna talk about my relationships and make it all about me or something ("look at what CCC did, what would Crakhead do, Cofyman did these things I should too") but fuck that. It doesn't help anybody. What helps tho, is to know that every swinging dick in this place can relate to your pain in some way, and that we all know that this shit, however shitty, will pass. It just seems like the end of the world and your guts feel like they were blasted by a Benelli M-2 at close range for awhile... and there's not a goddamn thing that will keep you from feeling that way for some time. But it will pass and you'll feel a helluvalot better and even freer when that happens. Bronx Johnny is completely right, as is Gvac (and a few other Joes who posted here). I'd say they know more than Yours Truly about this kind of thing, but since I can relate on alot of levels I can't help but post this as some half-retarded gesture at reaching out to help a man who's down.

It's a statement of respect that she is telling you straight up that you guys are probably through. It's bullshit and hurts like hell, but it'd be worse if you bought her that ring and found her in bed with some other dude behind your back. I know this shit is obvious and I probably don't need to say it, but it's also the truth.

Hang in there brudda. I'm pulling for you.

[jauble]

as many have said already and I sure many will this is a terrible place to be. I had a girl who I thought was the one that called me up and told me she fell in love with a seargent in the army who was still married. I was pissed and hated everything and everyone for quite awhile. Fast forward a few years and I am now with an amazing chick who makes my life wonderful. Key thoughts here...It will blow a lot for awhile, at some point you are going to give up trying to get back with her/try to find a replacement and at that point you will find that one that you really needed the whole time.

[Chainsaw]

I've been through the same thing and am currently going through the same thing. The fact that I've been through it before and came out still alive made it a little easier to deal with on subsequent times...

The only thing I can say is you've gotten awesome advice on the previous posts, there is nothing much I can add, but that it's supposed to hurt like hell b/c you cared so much. Just know that it is going to hurt a LOT less now as opposed to if this had happened weeks, months, or years later (if you can wrap your head around that)....

You'll go through the whole cascade of emotions, and just ride each one of them out...just watch out for hope...it can be both an a good and bad thing. Be hopeful that you'll meet someone else eventually, don't let hope keep you from moving on past this girl...

All the best...

[Kris10]

I've been where your chick is now and I can't speak for her but I didn't get the love back for my ex. It took me close to 2 yrs to admit I just wasn't in love with him anymore and when I told him he was upset but my feelings weren't there for him anymore. I couldn't stay in a marriage where I was unhappy and wasn't going to string him along when both of us didn't feel the same.

There are better fish in the ocean and this may not be the girl for you. Maybe its a sign, who knows. Hang in there, its sucks I know.

[keithy_19]

It's for the best if you start to move on. I don't know how you do that. I didn't know how tog et over my ex, and just reserved myself to drink heavily and now I don't remember the past summer much at all.

Eventually you'll just stop caring. You'll replace the sadness with being bitter and angry. And then you'll start seeing that there are other people out there and you'll feel less angry. And that's the process. For me anyway.

The best of luck to you. Keep your chin up.

[sr71blackbird]

Its my experience that women will walk all over a guy who carries a torch for her who she doesn't love. Love is your greatest gift, and if you give it to someone who doesn't love you back, it is not reciprocal. In order for love to flourish, it must flow both ways.
Cut your heart strings now, so that in a week when YOU tell her its over, you arent as hurt.

[DESMO22]

Hey Foghat, you are one of millions that have gone down this path!There is no right or wrong answer for your dilema. You have to replay the past 2 years of your life with her in you mind. Pick out the pros and cons of your relationship with her. Do not blame yourself for what happened,because it takes 2.If there are no children involved, it is going to be a lot easier. Time is always a healer of a broken heart. If she no longer has love for you it will not come back in a week or two. TRUST TAKES FOREVER TO BUILD AND A MOMENT TO DESTROY. The trust that you had in her is gone! Even if she says its all ok, I love you again, which I really do not believe will happen, it will never be the same as it was. SO MOVE ON, take time out for yoursself. and dont get on a drunken bindge, it will not help the situation any. Love yourself first and then you will be able to love again. Take care and best of luck in your next relationship.

[IamFogHat]

Well we tried to make it work and things were good for a while but she's gone now, left two days ago. I'm a mess right now, I'll be at the beach next week, I'm hoping I can relax there and come to terms with everything. This was a two+ year relationship and was gonna be an engagement in the winter so I'm pretty devastated. I don't know, just felt like putting an update, thanks buddays.

[Dougie Brootal]

damn bro. sorry to hear it, again. dont forget that your buddays are still here to make you laugh!


heres (http://ronfez.net/forums/showthread.php?t=64009) a good place to start.

[jonyrotn]

This is the part that sucks bro.. But going to the beach for a week is gonna do you a world of good..I would say that one to two weeks would be my average grieving period..This was an especially long union though so it may take a month or so to get over the pain but as you probably already know, you'll never get back that small part af your heart that now belongs to her..She'll keep that forever..Good luck with the entire thing.

Btw..I hope you hook up on your vacation, that'll will definitely ease the suffering..Pack some valium for the pain and some viagra for the pleasure..

And if the trip is a flop, I'll get Doug to blow you..Just kidding,
I would never do that..

I heard he gives shitty head.. :tongue:

[Dougie Brootal]

I heard he gives shitty head.. :tongue:

you heartless bastard.

[Kris10]

I'm sorry things didn't work out for you hon. It'll be hard for awhile but time will heal a broken heart.

Hooking up with some random chick at the beach isn't what I would suggest. Give yourself some time and you'll meet the girl you're meant to be with, she just wasn't the one. A breakup is easier and cheaper than a divorce :wink:

[DJEvelEd]

Life is too damn short to have to "work" on a relationship. You work all day and when you get home your happiness should be waiting there for you. If I had to deal with any bullshit after a hard day's work I would run to the hills.
Yeah you may be sad for a while but the quicker you get past this, the quicker you'll be looking to bury your face between cuter & younger titties.
I was totally distraught after my last couple of breakups. Now I am totally happy. Give it time.