Kathleen From The Bronx
12-05-2007, 05:04 AM
Dear Ron and Fez Shooow,
So we meet again. Hey, ya know something that really made me laugh today? Twas during the mystifying discussion on the ever-nearing Apocalypse and factoids about the Anti-Christ.... Ronnie brought up that, since forever, people have accused, "anyone who's successful and able to pull things off," of being the Anti-Christ....... Yeah man.. that's true..... I have even seen a site that claims that the beast is David Hasselhoff hiding in plain sight...The Hoff.... in our midst.... So it seems they're just pulling names outta thin air anymore. Anything flies.... It's old hat.
What really got me though was when Ronnie told that story about drivin through the South one time and hearing an infuriated preacher just screaming about The Smurfs..... "You ever seen The Smurfs go to church???!?!" Nooo I did not, but I did see them outsmart that wicked Gargamel time and time again...Ahhhh chuckle,chuckle....... Papa Smurf... Smurflings.......
Man, do you know how many people have told me that The Smurfs are communists when I say musingly how much I love them lil blue fellers who live in mushrooms? Oh, like all the time. "Huh huh....the're communists, you know." I'm like... "Hey, let's relax a second..... The Smurfs, they are not real....Soooo.... even if they ARE indeed lil communists, they're not gonna come and get you and throw you down into the mines, or whatever happens...when the communists get ya...Not real!!" Ohh it's simply ridiculous the absurdity that I am forced to quibble with!
Well, that tale that Ronnie told got me thinkin..... I was remembering the times before the glorious days of XM satellite radiooo from coast to coast..... We'd be left at the mercy of local radio stations on trips cross country....... stumblin over one bizarre gem after the next..... I have to say, the preacher's anti-Smurfs rant has to take the cake.....
Once when we were driving through Idaho, the only station that we could find, in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of the night, was playing an episode of Touched by an Angel....
Desperation sets in, you know..... We listened to an entire episode, start to finish... and i wouldn't ever eeeven WATCH that show....... I've also noticed that we used to end up hearing way more random country music than we ever had planned on catchin.... Anyway.... On the first of many, many roadtrips that Brian and I have taken, I kept this like....doofy little travel journal.....Oy Gahhh... I wonder if I had just read On the Road, or something....Who did I think I wuz!?! Anyway...I was reminded of that trip today for some reason.... So I'll share a slice of that nonsense with ya.....
7/16/99 Today we're leaving VA! Northwest through PA 70 to 76.....Pittsburgh for the first time....Hey, Ohio first time too...(I drew an unsmiling, deadpan smiley face) Whoopee! It looks like Maryland ..... and it takes a loooong time........ & ladies with blue old-lady hair, with old lady hairdoos ....have been in every rest area here, (little cartton with old-lady hair, waving.... say's "I'm from Ohio..")... In Ohio there are still some drive-in movies.... Saw them on the side of the road......That's one thing..... Every radio station is playing church music (little musical notes doodled) Oy! At least five hours we've been driving through Ohio (frantic, frazzled smiley face).....6:26 PM ENTERING INDIANA ~ Our fifth state today! Never been here before either....... It looks like how I pictured it in me brain....(doodle of corn and grass)....Right now on the radio there is a guy named Fred who's singing the praises of corn and fresh produce...... "Sitting by my pool with my belly in the aaair, eatin' fresh Indiana marshmallows!!!"
Yeah, what the hell!!? I don't know what that was about...... Do marshmallows grow on trees in Indiana?? I dunno... Do they just LOVE em?? I just always thought it was a mighty strange thing, that live read commercial..... A mighty strange thing indeed........
Hey, ya know what was strange and wonderful.....anchorwoman segue......was when Ronnie was psychically in-tune with East Side Dave and brought up things from his past that nobody could have ever known...... OoooOOoooh it was SPOOKY! All this stuff about Dave's Uncle Buddy, "and I was his lil buddy..." Dave said in a creepy and wondrous tone....... Yes indeed he was moved.... and my favorite part was when Ron started yellin, "Carnies and rubes! Rubes on the Midway!.......They get this stupid happy glow and you got em......Let the weak-minded talk and get behind em!" The other line that killed me was when Ron said to Dave, "I can't think about your past without feeling queasy." It reminded me of the type of scene where the sage or the mystic suddenly drops out of the trance....."I grow...weary......" heh, heh, but in this case it'd be....."I can't go on.......I grow queasy...." Yup.....
I also particularly cackled when Ron B. brought up that he had received a call from the court house saying that someone had called saying that they were himself....tryin to get out of jury duty. Ronnie told them that it wasn't he who made the call.....How odd!
As it was Fez who had made the call, Ronnie told him that he had committed a crime..... and Fezzie launched into this nutty on-the-stand type breakdown shrieking, "Loyalty!!! That's my crime! Loyalty! That's the only crime I can be accused of!!!!" That shit just had me rollin- the dramatics! So funny...like straight outta the revealing-of-a-culprit scene in Murder She Wrote..... I cackled some more when Ron responded, "I wasn't raised like you...I'm not a liar."
Ahhh.... laughed again... That was the best.....especially since Ron's the one who asked Fezzie to make the call.....
Hey, what's the deal with jury duty? Like... do you have to currently have a job to qualify? Seriously, I'm not gonna go and research how this all works... I'm just gonna ask you. I was wondering though, cause..... I've never been called. Before you raise an eyebrow and start judging me, I only haven't had a REAL job for two years.... Don't get all carried away with some crazy idea that I've had no experience or knowledge of the plight of the working class...OOOh I have tales to tell!! Yeah.... So how bout you take a step back, if you would...... Ohh and I don't wanna be called for jury duty either. The whole thing seems like a nightmare to me and I'd like to have no part of it. If I was called down to jury duty I'd wear a Zubaz suit. Cause that should probably serve as some sort of warnign sign that I will be of no practical use! I decided that just now cause I remember that Ron said that Pitzy was so, "Cliche Long Island," that he, "should be wearing a Zubaz suit." Haaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Hey, that was really cool that Alan Cumming sat in with yez today for a while..... That guy seems like fun to me.... Every time I see him on T.V. being interviewed he seems to talk with a smile on his face... and he looks like he's about to get into some mischief....Ehhh at least that's how I read it... but you know I'm a fuckin lunatic, so don't listen to me......
You guys were talking about NYC cabs and how they now have T.V.s in the cabs playing information about the city... and how people will watch that instead of looking out the window onto actual Manhattan..... One of my favorite things was when Allan C. brought up the ole taped messages from a few years ago.. that used to play in the taxi when you'd get in...was part of this Celebrity Talking Taxi Program ...and he did this Pavarotti voice...."Helllllloooo, I'm Luciano Pavarotti..."
Hmmm. Turns out, just as American actors cannot seem to accurately pull off any regional accent, I cannot type re-enact a Scottish man doin an Italian accent in type form..... Anyway..... Oh yeah! I remember those! I laughed when Ronnie said, "Yeah and then it's like, 'Ooh, who am I gonna get this time!' " YEAH. That's totally how it was for me.... Ain't that goofy? Yeah.....That made me laugh cause, so true! I was always pretty irritated if, ONCE AGAIN, I'd get the Dennis Franz one.... He told you to, "buckle up," in character as Detective Andy Sipowicz from N.Y.P.D. Blue...... I'd think, "Gimme a fuckin break!! Come on!" with annoyance... That dude Franz was from Chicaaaaago....It doesn't even make sense! Andy Sipowicz isn't real! Andy Sipowicz isn't real!!!!
There were a bunch of em, but that one I seemed to have to hear a lot....... I guess in a way I should have felt somewhat grateful... What if every time you got in a cab you heard Jackie Mason address you? Look, no offense... but I don't need to hear his voice ever again after seein that abominable Caddy Shack 2....... Some terrible images you don't need dredged up.... Oh, I fuckin know if his voice came on every cab ride, whatever gentleman who was drivin would be privy to me, unsolicited, complaining about that flick...... Oooh that's one of the angry buttons, it is!!! Raaar, rrrar, crazy ranting is guaranteed... Aight.... enough of this...
Hey, about Alan Cumming, he looks like he could pull off a wink. I dunno..... but probably.... Yeeeah, let's just talk a little more about winking. I think you are right...... It really has gone the way of the whistle and the cartoonish, "hubba-hubba."
Don't get me wrong, I am a fan of a GOOD wink... I have been on the receiving end of a good wink where afterward I am all, "Awww you, I'm so shy and blushy now...shy, shy, shy.." ..but you have to understand, it affects me adversely when it is done with no skill or panache....a.k.a. when a bad or uncomfortable wink appears...... Those are the winks that torment and haunt..... and haunt....and make you keep thinking, "What a peculiar character!"
I believe it to be a fact that one is born to with the ability to be a good winker.....You are either a good winker or you are not.... and in that latter case... you should never, ever attempt.
You know why I don't wink at people? Well, one reason is that it's just not my style..... Another reason is that I know I'd just look freakish.....as if perhaps I had been born with a terrible facial tick. I don't wink. Vince Vaughn is a winker...I'm not sayin I'm a particular fan of his wink.... but at least it come naturally..... He's probably winking in all his school pictures.....born-that-way....... and I say good for him. That's his thing.......
I'm just sayin that people should maybe take into consideration the feelings of others.... FOR ONCE....and not leave these others with creepy memories. They could be aware of their winking capabilities before they go around disturbing people with their bizarre contortions........It's really not that much to fuckin ask!!! Stop making people wonder if a gnat flew into your eye!!
Well, it sounds like there are some bad winkers on yer show RnF...from the way that Ronnie B. described it. I've never laughed at references to Bells Palsy before, that's something new! Ron said of Dave's wink, "Help me! I have Bell's Palsy! I can't stop winking!" and I just fuckin fell out.... Dave said his personal wink was modeled after that of Harrison Ford's in Indiana Jones.... Ron said that he would love to live one day of his life without having to hear Dave mention Harrison Ford.
Fez claimed that his wave-and-wink combo was, "friendly and inviting!" Fez said it was meant as a, "Hey kiddo!" Ron asked, "Who the hell says, 'Hey kiddo!'???" Ron didn't agree about the, "friendly and inviting," description either. He became...I would say... aghast.... when Fez and Dave said that many of their maniac winks were directed at children....
Ron asserted, "The only time to wink is when you're sayin, 'I got the money;' the money has been handed over, the deal is done...Now we leave separately." Yeah, when it comes to winks there's a world of difference between stroke victim and classy.......
Yeah..... Man-friends, I know I have left probably tons of stuff out..... This is what always troubles me when I bid you adieu! As soon as I hit, "send," I'll think of more cackles I had today listenin to yez......and then I curse yell at myself, "Get it together PINHEAD!" like a coach......Hmmm Ok... Night night.......
Signed,
kathleen from the Bronx :):):)
So we meet again. Hey, ya know something that really made me laugh today? Twas during the mystifying discussion on the ever-nearing Apocalypse and factoids about the Anti-Christ.... Ronnie brought up that, since forever, people have accused, "anyone who's successful and able to pull things off," of being the Anti-Christ....... Yeah man.. that's true..... I have even seen a site that claims that the beast is David Hasselhoff hiding in plain sight...The Hoff.... in our midst.... So it seems they're just pulling names outta thin air anymore. Anything flies.... It's old hat.
What really got me though was when Ronnie told that story about drivin through the South one time and hearing an infuriated preacher just screaming about The Smurfs..... "You ever seen The Smurfs go to church???!?!" Nooo I did not, but I did see them outsmart that wicked Gargamel time and time again...Ahhhh chuckle,chuckle....... Papa Smurf... Smurflings.......
Man, do you know how many people have told me that The Smurfs are communists when I say musingly how much I love them lil blue fellers who live in mushrooms? Oh, like all the time. "Huh huh....the're communists, you know." I'm like... "Hey, let's relax a second..... The Smurfs, they are not real....Soooo.... even if they ARE indeed lil communists, they're not gonna come and get you and throw you down into the mines, or whatever happens...when the communists get ya...Not real!!" Ohh it's simply ridiculous the absurdity that I am forced to quibble with!
Well, that tale that Ronnie told got me thinkin..... I was remembering the times before the glorious days of XM satellite radiooo from coast to coast..... We'd be left at the mercy of local radio stations on trips cross country....... stumblin over one bizarre gem after the next..... I have to say, the preacher's anti-Smurfs rant has to take the cake.....
Once when we were driving through Idaho, the only station that we could find, in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of the night, was playing an episode of Touched by an Angel....
Desperation sets in, you know..... We listened to an entire episode, start to finish... and i wouldn't ever eeeven WATCH that show....... I've also noticed that we used to end up hearing way more random country music than we ever had planned on catchin.... Anyway.... On the first of many, many roadtrips that Brian and I have taken, I kept this like....doofy little travel journal.....Oy Gahhh... I wonder if I had just read On the Road, or something....Who did I think I wuz!?! Anyway...I was reminded of that trip today for some reason.... So I'll share a slice of that nonsense with ya.....
7/16/99 Today we're leaving VA! Northwest through PA 70 to 76.....Pittsburgh for the first time....Hey, Ohio first time too...(I drew an unsmiling, deadpan smiley face) Whoopee! It looks like Maryland ..... and it takes a loooong time........ & ladies with blue old-lady hair, with old lady hairdoos ....have been in every rest area here, (little cartton with old-lady hair, waving.... say's "I'm from Ohio..")... In Ohio there are still some drive-in movies.... Saw them on the side of the road......That's one thing..... Every radio station is playing church music (little musical notes doodled) Oy! At least five hours we've been driving through Ohio (frantic, frazzled smiley face).....6:26 PM ENTERING INDIANA ~ Our fifth state today! Never been here before either....... It looks like how I pictured it in me brain....(doodle of corn and grass)....Right now on the radio there is a guy named Fred who's singing the praises of corn and fresh produce...... "Sitting by my pool with my belly in the aaair, eatin' fresh Indiana marshmallows!!!"
Yeah, what the hell!!? I don't know what that was about...... Do marshmallows grow on trees in Indiana?? I dunno... Do they just LOVE em?? I just always thought it was a mighty strange thing, that live read commercial..... A mighty strange thing indeed........
Hey, ya know what was strange and wonderful.....anchorwoman segue......was when Ronnie was psychically in-tune with East Side Dave and brought up things from his past that nobody could have ever known...... OoooOOoooh it was SPOOKY! All this stuff about Dave's Uncle Buddy, "and I was his lil buddy..." Dave said in a creepy and wondrous tone....... Yes indeed he was moved.... and my favorite part was when Ron started yellin, "Carnies and rubes! Rubes on the Midway!.......They get this stupid happy glow and you got em......Let the weak-minded talk and get behind em!" The other line that killed me was when Ron said to Dave, "I can't think about your past without feeling queasy." It reminded me of the type of scene where the sage or the mystic suddenly drops out of the trance....."I grow...weary......" heh, heh, but in this case it'd be....."I can't go on.......I grow queasy...." Yup.....
I also particularly cackled when Ron B. brought up that he had received a call from the court house saying that someone had called saying that they were himself....tryin to get out of jury duty. Ronnie told them that it wasn't he who made the call.....How odd!
As it was Fez who had made the call, Ronnie told him that he had committed a crime..... and Fezzie launched into this nutty on-the-stand type breakdown shrieking, "Loyalty!!! That's my crime! Loyalty! That's the only crime I can be accused of!!!!" That shit just had me rollin- the dramatics! So funny...like straight outta the revealing-of-a-culprit scene in Murder She Wrote..... I cackled some more when Ron responded, "I wasn't raised like you...I'm not a liar."
Ahhh.... laughed again... That was the best.....especially since Ron's the one who asked Fezzie to make the call.....
Hey, what's the deal with jury duty? Like... do you have to currently have a job to qualify? Seriously, I'm not gonna go and research how this all works... I'm just gonna ask you. I was wondering though, cause..... I've never been called. Before you raise an eyebrow and start judging me, I only haven't had a REAL job for two years.... Don't get all carried away with some crazy idea that I've had no experience or knowledge of the plight of the working class...OOOh I have tales to tell!! Yeah.... So how bout you take a step back, if you would...... Ohh and I don't wanna be called for jury duty either. The whole thing seems like a nightmare to me and I'd like to have no part of it. If I was called down to jury duty I'd wear a Zubaz suit. Cause that should probably serve as some sort of warnign sign that I will be of no practical use! I decided that just now cause I remember that Ron said that Pitzy was so, "Cliche Long Island," that he, "should be wearing a Zubaz suit." Haaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Hey, that was really cool that Alan Cumming sat in with yez today for a while..... That guy seems like fun to me.... Every time I see him on T.V. being interviewed he seems to talk with a smile on his face... and he looks like he's about to get into some mischief....Ehhh at least that's how I read it... but you know I'm a fuckin lunatic, so don't listen to me......
You guys were talking about NYC cabs and how they now have T.V.s in the cabs playing information about the city... and how people will watch that instead of looking out the window onto actual Manhattan..... One of my favorite things was when Allan C. brought up the ole taped messages from a few years ago.. that used to play in the taxi when you'd get in...was part of this Celebrity Talking Taxi Program ...and he did this Pavarotti voice...."Helllllloooo, I'm Luciano Pavarotti..."
Hmmm. Turns out, just as American actors cannot seem to accurately pull off any regional accent, I cannot type re-enact a Scottish man doin an Italian accent in type form..... Anyway..... Oh yeah! I remember those! I laughed when Ronnie said, "Yeah and then it's like, 'Ooh, who am I gonna get this time!' " YEAH. That's totally how it was for me.... Ain't that goofy? Yeah.....That made me laugh cause, so true! I was always pretty irritated if, ONCE AGAIN, I'd get the Dennis Franz one.... He told you to, "buckle up," in character as Detective Andy Sipowicz from N.Y.P.D. Blue...... I'd think, "Gimme a fuckin break!! Come on!" with annoyance... That dude Franz was from Chicaaaaago....It doesn't even make sense! Andy Sipowicz isn't real! Andy Sipowicz isn't real!!!!
There were a bunch of em, but that one I seemed to have to hear a lot....... I guess in a way I should have felt somewhat grateful... What if every time you got in a cab you heard Jackie Mason address you? Look, no offense... but I don't need to hear his voice ever again after seein that abominable Caddy Shack 2....... Some terrible images you don't need dredged up.... Oh, I fuckin know if his voice came on every cab ride, whatever gentleman who was drivin would be privy to me, unsolicited, complaining about that flick...... Oooh that's one of the angry buttons, it is!!! Raaar, rrrar, crazy ranting is guaranteed... Aight.... enough of this...
Hey, about Alan Cumming, he looks like he could pull off a wink. I dunno..... but probably.... Yeeeah, let's just talk a little more about winking. I think you are right...... It really has gone the way of the whistle and the cartoonish, "hubba-hubba."
Don't get me wrong, I am a fan of a GOOD wink... I have been on the receiving end of a good wink where afterward I am all, "Awww you, I'm so shy and blushy now...shy, shy, shy.." ..but you have to understand, it affects me adversely when it is done with no skill or panache....a.k.a. when a bad or uncomfortable wink appears...... Those are the winks that torment and haunt..... and haunt....and make you keep thinking, "What a peculiar character!"
I believe it to be a fact that one is born to with the ability to be a good winker.....You are either a good winker or you are not.... and in that latter case... you should never, ever attempt.
You know why I don't wink at people? Well, one reason is that it's just not my style..... Another reason is that I know I'd just look freakish.....as if perhaps I had been born with a terrible facial tick. I don't wink. Vince Vaughn is a winker...I'm not sayin I'm a particular fan of his wink.... but at least it come naturally..... He's probably winking in all his school pictures.....born-that-way....... and I say good for him. That's his thing.......
I'm just sayin that people should maybe take into consideration the feelings of others.... FOR ONCE....and not leave these others with creepy memories. They could be aware of their winking capabilities before they go around disturbing people with their bizarre contortions........It's really not that much to fuckin ask!!! Stop making people wonder if a gnat flew into your eye!!
Well, it sounds like there are some bad winkers on yer show RnF...from the way that Ronnie B. described it. I've never laughed at references to Bells Palsy before, that's something new! Ron said of Dave's wink, "Help me! I have Bell's Palsy! I can't stop winking!" and I just fuckin fell out.... Dave said his personal wink was modeled after that of Harrison Ford's in Indiana Jones.... Ron said that he would love to live one day of his life without having to hear Dave mention Harrison Ford.
Fez claimed that his wave-and-wink combo was, "friendly and inviting!" Fez said it was meant as a, "Hey kiddo!" Ron asked, "Who the hell says, 'Hey kiddo!'???" Ron didn't agree about the, "friendly and inviting," description either. He became...I would say... aghast.... when Fez and Dave said that many of their maniac winks were directed at children....
Ron asserted, "The only time to wink is when you're sayin, 'I got the money;' the money has been handed over, the deal is done...Now we leave separately." Yeah, when it comes to winks there's a world of difference between stroke victim and classy.......
Yeah..... Man-friends, I know I have left probably tons of stuff out..... This is what always troubles me when I bid you adieu! As soon as I hit, "send," I'll think of more cackles I had today listenin to yez......and then I curse yell at myself, "Get it together PINHEAD!" like a coach......Hmmm Ok... Night night.......
Signed,
kathleen from the Bronx :):):)