Funeral question

[sr71blackbird]

Out of curiosity, when the family of the departed are about to witness the wake of a loved one, does the funeral home or some doctor offer them any medication to help them get through it?
I often worry how I will get through a funeral of a family member or loved one, and as I never had anyone really that close to me die, I just do not know the answer to this question.

[Hottub]

Being a funeral director and being a pharmacist are 2 separate jobs.
No, they don't offer you anything.
You try the best you can to get through with the love, thoughts and prayers of family and friends. For me a breakdown is inevitable, but people always help me through it, and I do likewise for them.

[sr71blackbird]

Oh man, thats what I was worried about. I went to a wake a few years ago for a woman I work with whose husband had died unexpectedly, and she seemed drugged and really out of it.
I would think it would be a little comforting to know that when the times comes, you could be given a little something to take the edge off.. Some people do not have supporting family around them, or few friends, I wonder what they do?

[AngelAmy]

Some people just handle it differently, she was probably in shock or on some kind of anti depressants or maybe some other unrelated medication.

When my grandfather died my grandmother kept talking about how she didnt cry once and she was worried of how people might see that. I think she was on some anti depressants at the time. It actually scared her that she couldn't cry.

Everyone handles it differently.

It's perfectly normal to break down at a wake.

For me personally I was pretty calm at all the wake session things until it was the last day where the family says their last goodbyes before they bring you to funeral. We got there early enough for me to be able to stand in the room by myself with him. It was the first time in the few days of wakes (or maybe it was just one day but two different sessions) anyway it was the first time I had gone right up to the casket. I am not big into going up to the casket, it freaks me out. I wanted to say goodbye. I stood there and looked at him for a while talking to him in my head. I appologized for never visting him in the nursing home or while he was at the hospital and I appologized for not saying my last goodbyes because I was scared and then I lost it. For the first time since I heard the news I broke down and started hysterically crying.

You just never know how you're going to react to any situation, especially one such as a death of a close family member. You just have to remember that no matter how you grieve there is no wrong way and you will always have someone there to comfort you when/if you finally break down.

[DiabloSammich]

During the death of my grandmother, not long ago, I was witness to my uncle (who is hyper-emotional) being practically force fed Valium by his cousin who was a registered nurse. He wasn't in histrionics during the services, but I didn't get the feeling he was able to properly grieve either. When my mother passed, even less long ago, I was determined to refuse all offers for medication, even alcohol. The emotions involved during a funeral are raw, intense, and extremely difficult. Facing these feelings head on, with as clear a head is possible, is essential to the greiving process. No one, and I repeat, no one, will think less of anyone having a hard time keeping it together at a funeral.

[sailor]

i wish they did. often you'll be numb by the time of the wake/funeral that i could see people thinking you were drugged.

[drusilla]

Out of curiosity, when the family of the departed are about to witness the wake of a loved one, does the funeral home or some doctor offer them any medication to help them get through it?
I often worry how I will get through a funeral of a family member or loved one, and as I never had anyone really that close to me die, I just do not know the answer to this question.

when my dad died my godfather had to be sedated. he's already had like 2 heart attacks & a bunch of stents put in, so they were worried about how he'd handle everything. he was pretty out of it for a while. but his dr thought it was the best thing to do.

i almost wanted someone to do that for my mom because i was really afraid she was gonna be a casket jumper. luckily a lot of people were there to hold on to her.


& you never really know how you are going to react to something until the time comes. a lot of times you could surprise yourself & really be calm & collected. especially if you're the one that has to take care of things. you'll get your time to cry, it just might not be along with everyone else.

[hunnerbun]

I think that some people are just more emotional then others period.
When my dad died 3 yrs ago I had just moved 3000 miles away 6 months before and hadn't gotten home for Christmas that year. That was really hard for me to deal with because i didn't get to see him just before he died.
At the funeral home was the first time I saw him since I'd moved away, when I went up to the casket the first thing I thought was....ohhhhh, thats not how my dad looks. I am a hairstylist and they had his hair all flattened down, so I was trying to make it stand up the way he wore it. The funeral director came over and offered me some gel so I could make him look how we all remembered him. Once I got his hair fixed the right way I felt better. I was very sad, but I didn't actually cry until the funeral the next day. My dad loved fiddle music and my mom's brother played a song in the church, thats when I lost it. I could imagine all the times my dad would be sitting tapping his foot to fiddle music.

I don't think its bad if you don't cry or get emotional, but some people just seem to have a much harder time coping then others. I personally believe that if you have unresolved issues with the person then you may have a harder time coping.

[sr71blackbird]

I guess the escapist part of me would be comforted with the knowledge that if that time came and I really wanted it, it would be available.
Otherwise, who could think of trying to get in touch with your doctor during a time like that? I wish now that it was a part of the services.
I understand the sentiment here, that it is probably healthier to deal with the grief it as it comes as naturally as possible.
Thankfully I am not in that situation right now, but the idea of it does scare the crap out of me, because I know it will inevitably come.

I appreciate the kind words and personal experiences too. Thanks.

[drusilla]

i guess it depends on your relationship with your doctor. & how well you know yourself. i guess since all you non jews do that whole wake thing in the afternoon & evening you have plenty of time during the day to go to your doctor & tell him you're freaking out.

[EddieMoscone]

Some people do not have supporting family around them, or few friends, I wonder what they do?

Most people I know would rely on this:

http://www.ilovejackdaniels.com/wallpaper-bottle.jpg

[WhistlePig]

I'm thinking how hard it will be to go to a funeral of someone really close (haven't had that happen yet) and how I'd like some "help" but I think drugs just end up putting off the inevitable reaction and it will be better to just face it raw, with no crutch. I think personally that would make me feel stronger and better able to handle it.

[FUNKMAN]

i've seen 'ammonia capsules' or something similar available in case someone passes out

[Alice S. Fuzzybutt]

I passed out at my dad's funeral/wake. I was feeling woozy as it was and the incense the orthodox priest was burning didn't help. My aunt wouldn't let me sit down and basically told me to suck it up. SO I locked my knees, which caused the blood to pool in my legs and away from my brain so I went down like a sack of potatoes.

For a while all she could do is tell me how I ruined the funeral. Is it any wonder I keep no contact with them?

I'm not sure if this will help you since you're an adult but my family wouldn't let me see my mother when her casket was open. I was allowed to go into the wake room once they closed the casket. I was 10 and they wanted me to remember her as she was.

EDIT: I'd recommend grief counseling too. I was in college when my dad had cancer and I'd blow up over little things b/c I was under such stress. A nun who specialized in grief counseling visited our campus to lecture and we asked her if she could visit us. Then one of my roommate's dad committed suicide so we REALLY needed it. It was a wonderful experience and really made me realize how much my friends cared about me.

[FUNKMAN]

one time I started coffin alot

[Coach]

If you are at an Irish Wake..chances are there will be booze aplenty...at my uncle's wake was the first time I was wasted ..I was 17....if you are a close relative..some doctors will give you a script for a sedative....otherwise you are on your own.. I suggest..buying a flask and fill it with good booze just in case.

[ScottFromGA]

for me, when my mother passed away......I spent half a day with her on her final day.....

she seemed fine, but she was going through the final stages of her cancer and life expectantcy as we all had found out weeks prior from the Hospice caretaker. I had a feeling in the back of my mind that I just knew something was bout to happen, that THAT day was gonna be the day. Sure enough, when my mothers cousin showed up to take over for me so I could go on in to work, my dad called me an hour later to tell me to come home, she had passed away.

When I showed up, I saw my mother dead in her Hospice bed covered with a sheet. It wasn't a pretty sight at all. When the funeral home folks arrived to get her, the two people they sent to do it was so old that they couldn't lift a baby if there were told to....so myself and my brother, (ShanefromGA, yes...he's not me...) had to lift our dead mother up off her bed with sheets and place her on the gurney.......Now you would think that a normal person would be a wreck, but since I had that feeling earlier in the day....it was like a ton of pressure was lifted off my shoulders. I knew my mother was gonna pass....I knew shes in a better place.....I seen her suffering, I seen and heard everything she was going through. It was better for her.

She laid in state for 4 days cause of the day she died, it was in conflict with previously scheduled events at the church she was being buried at. Her family reunion of all things. The only time I really got emotional was when we were about to close the casket the final time and when the Preacher started talking about my Mothers family. See, at the time my soon-to-be wife was pregnant with my little girl, only 1 month away from being born, I was getting married in 2 weeks, my brothers daughters loved my mom to death......so all that just got to me and I teared up but I wouldn't say I brokedown. Not to mention that it was September 11th when we buried her.....

Anyways....after all that setup....My best advice is to remember the good things about a loved one when they pass, cause its going to happen sooner or later. I'm only 25 years old, I know death is around any corner...so its best to just basically "Suck it Up" and do what your suppose to do in celebrating that persons life. In my eyes, thats what a funeral is about. To mourn and remember how great that person was.....how much they loved each and every one of the people he or she was around, in good times and bad.

its not easy.....but its something you just have to do. :sad:

[sr71blackbird]

Wow, that was beautiful Scott! Thanks!