Kathleen From The Bronx
01-16-2008, 12:25 AM
Dear Ron and Fez Shooow,
Hey! Hello!! Didn't see you there! ....Come on over..(takes a moment to wipe her brow, leans on a garden hoe)..... Just here farming me dirt....listenin to this new Levon Helm CD.... Ahh me... chuckle, chuckle... Yes, yes I'm a humble dirt farmer by trade. Yes my friends, so far this year Olde Man Winter's been kind... Should be plenty of dirt come Springtime..... God willin'... I told Pa that this year we're gonna have so much dirt that we can afford to sell the farm, move to town! We'll move to town and I'll go to school to learn to be one a them veterinarians.... Pa always said that I had a way with the critters.... We never had none of our own, but in the whole county, weren't an injured goat,and weren't a bird with a busted flapper that I couldn't fix right up.... ever since I was a young'un! .....And one day I also hope to see the Ocean.
Saaay? Oh? You didn't know I was a dirt farmer? Well, your first clue should have been that I don't have TiVo. I believe the quote was something like, "You gotta be a DIRT FARMER, ya don't have TiVo by now!"
Well...... I still don't have TiVo. So...uhhh... Thanks for that, I guess! That quip of yours was just the shot-in-the-arm that my crippling sense of inadequacy needed in order to finally consume me whole!
Ahh, I'm just fuckin around... You'd never buy an indignant act offa me..... You know I couldn't get through a routine such as this without gigglin- A rank amateur! Ohh.... I didn't need to admit that. I am writing here.... You can't see me..... Aw, you know how it is, like you lose yourself in a role.... Umm...so..... Anyway, you are right though! How am I gonna go around not havin TiVo? I want that shit.. As Ronnie B. pointed out, "Why would someone have XM and not have TiVo?! They obviously like the finer things...."
Once again.... right as rain, Ronnie B.! Right as rain..... I AM one who enjoys the finer things..... XM radio, garments fashioned from imported silk and velvet....chrystal egg coddlers....
What the hell's been stoppin me? Ahh, you know Mama don't upgrade much.... You've seen my cell phone! It's a disgrace.... If somehow I lost it, and a stranger found it lying in the gutter, in a puddle.... they might believe they'd stumbled upon an ancient artifact.....from the early times.... from before you could text.......
It used to kinda tickle the ole gal when people would show their revulsion at my old, old ass phone.... but now it's beyond all that. Now I hate it and hide it like a child in the attic. I keep sayin I'm gonna finally get a new one! Nobody believes that assurance anymore. Been sayin it forever.... Just like when I say that we're movin..... I take forever!! People don't believe me when they hear my plans....... I can read their looks of scorn... They're thinkin, "Hah! You'll be stuck on that dirt farm forever...with your no TiVo... and your stupid phone!" Well, I'll show them, I'll show them alllll!!!!!!!!!
How did this even come up? Oh yeah.... You guys were talking about covering one of the Championship games this weekend..... had concerns about the delay..... Well, even though I don't have TiVo and I might have to deal with a delay.... I think it would rock to hear you guys callin the game.... That would be the coolest..... I hope that happens, is what I'm sayin! I'd be a-listenin....
I told you that I'm greedy... I like extra! I dig extra RnF... like hearing the movie talk with Paul O this weekend... The Ron and Fez Awards......Extree goodness...and so on... You know what I mean...
Sooo.... Today was a day of breakthroughs on The Ron and Fez Show, hey? Man..... I was thinking... If some of today's sagas were to be made into a film... a strange, twisted...groundbreaking film..... I was thinkin that the trailer would be full of many explosive moments....like... Fezzie screaming with dread, "Oh my God!!! This is just like the carport!!" Ron quizzically states, "I have no idea what you're talking about..." and as the tense music swells like a bladder, full-to-capacity, Fezzie wails, "When my father hosed the sand out of my ass!!!" Ronnie, his voice gravely serious then suggests, "Then get him up here because Dave's ass is disgusting!!!"
At this point in the trailer, the viewer is keenly aware that they are to be in for quite a ride..... Ron yells at Dave with revulsion, "Wipe! WIPE you filthy animal!!!!!!" Fezzie howls, "It hurts! I don't know if I can do this!!! I have NOTHING!!!" Ronnie bellows, "Now we know your ugliest sin!!!!!" and then quite somberly adds, "This is the sickest, saddest story that I have ever heard..."
Is all lost? At once there is hope! Ronnie bursts into the room, "Go for it, Fezzie!!! You can do it!!!" Soon we hear East Side Dave's mournful cries... "OHHHHH my GOD!!! It's so fuckin WARM!!!"
I'm sittin in the darkened theatre.... "Ohh my God! Did that just happen?!!" and I'm not sure if a girl like me can make it through a film like that.... Well, one thing, it was totally one of those damn trailers that gives like EVERYTHING away..... but you know..... it seems disgusting!
..... AND YET...... We did experience the piss chronicles today my friends.... and instead of simply feelin straight revulsion at Dave receiving his punishment after having lost the Pee in My Butt Challenge when his teams didn't all win this weekend.... What is this feeling....?? Is it pride? Yes, true... pride is a stranger to me.... but that's gotta be it! As much as that whole thing was bob gnarly.... I was prouda Fezzielou for pullin it off! PROUD, I say!
I am no scientist, no doctor.....(but I'd be happy to play one in the movie, WINK)...but...I would theorize that if you can piss on a man's ass, you can piss anywhere... and therefore I believe that we can close the file on this whole pee-shy thing! Conquered! Big, bold moves in 2008, chicos....and in addition... today's happenings call to mind that ole tried and true saying, "Every puddle of piss has a golden lining."
In fact, if I may be so brash, I believe that should be the film's catchphrase.....
...and when that line is said, in the trailer, Peter Gabriel's Solsbury Hill will start to play.... cause by now everybody knows that the song's a must for any movie depicting one man's tale of personal redemption.
Hey, remember that other trailer? Have you seen it? The one where Fezzie yells out, "I've gone from not-dating, to RAPE!?!" Holy Hannah hand grenades! I think that this one's gonna be a thriller.....!!!
Well, last but not least... Big congratulations to Dave and Casey on finding out that they're expecting a lil girl..... That was some good, happy news! Big grins over here!
I guessed that the baby was gonna be a girl.... I wasn't sure... It was only a guess....Ya know... 50-50 shot, eh? Usually I KNOW, but I have to be around the pregnant lady..... Ya see, of all my friends and family who've been havin babies over the last few years, I have been correct 8/8 times. I'm around the chick.... and then I get this realization... and I'm right.... I know what you're thinkin. You might want to call me a soothsayer.... Perhaps I am....perhaps I am.....but all I know is, though I'd like to up my numbers to show a 9/9..... I don't think I can.... cause it was only really a guess.....and there's no way to prove it to you anyway, that such was me guess..... surrounded by a bunch a cynics.... OK! So now that I've pulled the curtain back a touch to reveal unto you more insight into my mystical powers... I guess I'll be off!
Great, great show today Ron and Fezzie!
Signed,
kathleen from the Bronx :):):)
Hey! Hello!! Didn't see you there! ....Come on over..(takes a moment to wipe her brow, leans on a garden hoe)..... Just here farming me dirt....listenin to this new Levon Helm CD.... Ahh me... chuckle, chuckle... Yes, yes I'm a humble dirt farmer by trade. Yes my friends, so far this year Olde Man Winter's been kind... Should be plenty of dirt come Springtime..... God willin'... I told Pa that this year we're gonna have so much dirt that we can afford to sell the farm, move to town! We'll move to town and I'll go to school to learn to be one a them veterinarians.... Pa always said that I had a way with the critters.... We never had none of our own, but in the whole county, weren't an injured goat,and weren't a bird with a busted flapper that I couldn't fix right up.... ever since I was a young'un! .....And one day I also hope to see the Ocean.
Saaay? Oh? You didn't know I was a dirt farmer? Well, your first clue should have been that I don't have TiVo. I believe the quote was something like, "You gotta be a DIRT FARMER, ya don't have TiVo by now!"
Well...... I still don't have TiVo. So...uhhh... Thanks for that, I guess! That quip of yours was just the shot-in-the-arm that my crippling sense of inadequacy needed in order to finally consume me whole!
Ahh, I'm just fuckin around... You'd never buy an indignant act offa me..... You know I couldn't get through a routine such as this without gigglin- A rank amateur! Ohh.... I didn't need to admit that. I am writing here.... You can't see me..... Aw, you know how it is, like you lose yourself in a role.... Umm...so..... Anyway, you are right though! How am I gonna go around not havin TiVo? I want that shit.. As Ronnie B. pointed out, "Why would someone have XM and not have TiVo?! They obviously like the finer things...."
Once again.... right as rain, Ronnie B.! Right as rain..... I AM one who enjoys the finer things..... XM radio, garments fashioned from imported silk and velvet....chrystal egg coddlers....
What the hell's been stoppin me? Ahh, you know Mama don't upgrade much.... You've seen my cell phone! It's a disgrace.... If somehow I lost it, and a stranger found it lying in the gutter, in a puddle.... they might believe they'd stumbled upon an ancient artifact.....from the early times.... from before you could text.......
It used to kinda tickle the ole gal when people would show their revulsion at my old, old ass phone.... but now it's beyond all that. Now I hate it and hide it like a child in the attic. I keep sayin I'm gonna finally get a new one! Nobody believes that assurance anymore. Been sayin it forever.... Just like when I say that we're movin..... I take forever!! People don't believe me when they hear my plans....... I can read their looks of scorn... They're thinkin, "Hah! You'll be stuck on that dirt farm forever...with your no TiVo... and your stupid phone!" Well, I'll show them, I'll show them alllll!!!!!!!!!
How did this even come up? Oh yeah.... You guys were talking about covering one of the Championship games this weekend..... had concerns about the delay..... Well, even though I don't have TiVo and I might have to deal with a delay.... I think it would rock to hear you guys callin the game.... That would be the coolest..... I hope that happens, is what I'm sayin! I'd be a-listenin....
I told you that I'm greedy... I like extra! I dig extra RnF... like hearing the movie talk with Paul O this weekend... The Ron and Fez Awards......Extree goodness...and so on... You know what I mean...
Sooo.... Today was a day of breakthroughs on The Ron and Fez Show, hey? Man..... I was thinking... If some of today's sagas were to be made into a film... a strange, twisted...groundbreaking film..... I was thinkin that the trailer would be full of many explosive moments....like... Fezzie screaming with dread, "Oh my God!!! This is just like the carport!!" Ron quizzically states, "I have no idea what you're talking about..." and as the tense music swells like a bladder, full-to-capacity, Fezzie wails, "When my father hosed the sand out of my ass!!!" Ronnie, his voice gravely serious then suggests, "Then get him up here because Dave's ass is disgusting!!!"
At this point in the trailer, the viewer is keenly aware that they are to be in for quite a ride..... Ron yells at Dave with revulsion, "Wipe! WIPE you filthy animal!!!!!!" Fezzie howls, "It hurts! I don't know if I can do this!!! I have NOTHING!!!" Ronnie bellows, "Now we know your ugliest sin!!!!!" and then quite somberly adds, "This is the sickest, saddest story that I have ever heard..."
Is all lost? At once there is hope! Ronnie bursts into the room, "Go for it, Fezzie!!! You can do it!!!" Soon we hear East Side Dave's mournful cries... "OHHHHH my GOD!!! It's so fuckin WARM!!!"
I'm sittin in the darkened theatre.... "Ohh my God! Did that just happen?!!" and I'm not sure if a girl like me can make it through a film like that.... Well, one thing, it was totally one of those damn trailers that gives like EVERYTHING away..... but you know..... it seems disgusting!
..... AND YET...... We did experience the piss chronicles today my friends.... and instead of simply feelin straight revulsion at Dave receiving his punishment after having lost the Pee in My Butt Challenge when his teams didn't all win this weekend.... What is this feeling....?? Is it pride? Yes, true... pride is a stranger to me.... but that's gotta be it! As much as that whole thing was bob gnarly.... I was prouda Fezzielou for pullin it off! PROUD, I say!
I am no scientist, no doctor.....(but I'd be happy to play one in the movie, WINK)...but...I would theorize that if you can piss on a man's ass, you can piss anywhere... and therefore I believe that we can close the file on this whole pee-shy thing! Conquered! Big, bold moves in 2008, chicos....and in addition... today's happenings call to mind that ole tried and true saying, "Every puddle of piss has a golden lining."
In fact, if I may be so brash, I believe that should be the film's catchphrase.....
...and when that line is said, in the trailer, Peter Gabriel's Solsbury Hill will start to play.... cause by now everybody knows that the song's a must for any movie depicting one man's tale of personal redemption.
Hey, remember that other trailer? Have you seen it? The one where Fezzie yells out, "I've gone from not-dating, to RAPE!?!" Holy Hannah hand grenades! I think that this one's gonna be a thriller.....!!!
Well, last but not least... Big congratulations to Dave and Casey on finding out that they're expecting a lil girl..... That was some good, happy news! Big grins over here!
I guessed that the baby was gonna be a girl.... I wasn't sure... It was only a guess....Ya know... 50-50 shot, eh? Usually I KNOW, but I have to be around the pregnant lady..... Ya see, of all my friends and family who've been havin babies over the last few years, I have been correct 8/8 times. I'm around the chick.... and then I get this realization... and I'm right.... I know what you're thinkin. You might want to call me a soothsayer.... Perhaps I am....perhaps I am.....but all I know is, though I'd like to up my numbers to show a 9/9..... I don't think I can.... cause it was only really a guess.....and there's no way to prove it to you anyway, that such was me guess..... surrounded by a bunch a cynics.... OK! So now that I've pulled the curtain back a touch to reveal unto you more insight into my mystical powers... I guess I'll be off!
Great, great show today Ron and Fezzie!
Signed,
kathleen from the Bronx :):):)