Something is weighing on me

[BoondockSaint]

I found out the other day that my mother has liver cancer. Some of you know but for those that don't: My mother has had a brain disease that effects her very much like Alzheimer's. A few weeks ago she stopped eating. Because she doesn't talk any more my father couldn't tell if she was in pain or something. It turned out that her intestines were impacted. After the hospital cleared her out they recommended that she get a sonogram. When she had that they saw a mass on the liver. She went for a CAT scan the other day and a lot of blood work. From what I understand it's pretty advanced. They've talked to my father about experimental drugs because even if my mother beats cancer she wasn't really living life anyway.

I think I'm going to move back down state to be with my parents.

[DiabloSammich]

I'm truly sorry to hear about this Boondock. I just lost my mother to cancer in October after a harsh battle, and there is nothing anyone can say to prepare you for what is ahead. The thing to remember is the community you have here. I know it would have been easier for me had I been able to vent to everyone here back then. Stay strong, budday, and we're here to help if we can.

[Snacks]

Sorry for your situation. I know what its like to have a dying parent and it sucks so bad. I would say no, dont do it. let your mother die with dignity. she sounds like she has suffered enough so maybe its time to let her go. I wish you and your family luck and hopefully you make the right decision for all.

[Bossanova]

I am sorry to hear this Boony. If there is anything I can do (please let it be pick on Kevin) let me know. Diablo I am sorry for your loss as well

[Hottub]

Boony, it looks like you will be travelling down a difficult road. Do all you can to keep your parents comfortable and happy.
As Sammich said, we are all here for you.
I am throwing out positive thoughts for Mom, and your whole family.
Stay strong, brother.

[Grendel_Kahn]

I too lost my mom back in Oct. Do not be afraid to be angry at the word or to be sad over the shitty hand you were dealt. At the same time you have to be strong for your family and for her. If you need anything or need to talk/Rant yell, feel free to pm me. If you need to meet up with someone when you're in the city I would be happy to help. we are all here for you.

[SinA]

Fuck.

I don't know what I could say that would help, but I'm one of +30K dotnetters that care about you and support you if you need anything.

[FUNKMAN]

Sorry your Mom is going through such an ordeal!

[jetdog]

I hope whatever decision you come to brings your mother and you peace. You or your mother don't owe anybody anything.

[Justice4all]

Sorry for your situation. I know what its like to have a dying parent and it sucks so bad. I would say no, dont do it. let your mother die with dignity. she sounds like she has suffered enough so maybe its time to let her go. I wish you and your family luck and hopefully you make the right decision for all.


I could not agree more with Snacks. He pretty much summed it up perfectly (IMHO)

I will pray for your family to get thru this. Good luck BDS

[WhistlePig]

I'm so sorry for you and your family. I hope what ever happens results in the least pain for your mom. My prayers are with you.

[Bulldogcakes]

Very sorry to hear that Boonie. I recently lost my Dad from a cancer that spread to his liver and its very rough. When they stop eating there's not much time left, it aggravates the liver situation. The fact that she's not the same mentally adds another layer in your case. My Nana had Altzheimers and it seemed like we lost her long before she actually died. Best luck to you and your Dad in dealing with this.

[A.J.]

Sorry to hear about this. All of the best to you and your family.

[douchebagsean]

I am trully very sorry to hear this, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family my friend

[Gvac]

I can't even tell you how sorry I am to hear this Boondock. All my best wishes to you and your family in dealing with this.

Hang in there brother.

[Alice S. Fuzzybutt]

Hi BdS!

My dad had stomach cancer and it spread to his liver and although they worked on his stomach once they saw his liver they just sewed him up. It's a sad, sad thing. My dad had his full faculties so I am SO thankful for that.

Hang in there budday. There has been a plethora of us who have gone through similar situations. We're here for you.

Stay strong and never give up the faith.

Petrina


http://www.youthblog.org/archives/calvin%20hug-thumb.jpg

[PopPop]

Looks like there is a lot of people who really do understand what you are and will be going through, on this board. You will do the right thing whatever that might be. My dad died from complications of his cancer treatment last December. Just spend as much time with your parents as you can, because it sure happens in a hurry sometimes.

[WampusCrandle]

i'm sorry that this is happening to you, and i hope you and your love ones can get through this in one piece. to see a loved one not being their true self is hard, but if you want, you know, we are all here for ya.

[BoondockSaint]

I think my dad is leaning towards an experimental therapy. I appreciate all of your opinions. I haven't slept all night because I worry about my father worrying.

[FANDICK]

Sorry to hear this, man.

The loss of a parent is indescribable.

Just take comfort that when it IS over, she won't be suffering anymore.

That's what made the death of my father a little easier.

He had been in so much pain for about a decade. He used to say how he was in constant pain and just waiting to die.

When it was finally over, ironically from a car accident, it was "kind of" a relief.

Again, sorry to hear about your situation.

[BoondockSaint]

http://www.youthblog.org/archives/calvin%20hug-thumb.jpg


How did I miss this? C&H are my favorite of all time. Thanks Fuzzy.

My father and I switched bedrooms the other night because my father was having trouble sleeping because the smell from my mother's room was overwhelming him. My mother no longer has control of her bowels, so at night... My father couldn't sleep. They've found cancer all over my mother. She has it in her colon and her pancreas and they still want to look at her ovaries. The tumor on her liver is 4in by 6 in. The fucking insurance takes 2 weeks to clear everything.

The one thing they seem to agree on is that she is too frail to undergo any intensive treatment but that doesn't seem to stop them from ordering more tests.

[ChrisTheCop]

You and your family will be in my prayers tonight budday.

Man, do I hate that c word.

[Friday]

hang in there, budday.

my mom died last year after 13 years of battle with the big C and in the end it was other complications that took her. but it doesn't negate the battle that cancer brings upon your entire family.

this sucks. and it will suck for a long time. i won't sugar coat it for ya.
but i will tell you that strength comes from the most unexpected places.
wherever you find it, grab onto it and hold tight.

PM me if you want to vent.

[KC2OSO]

I think I'm going to move back down state to be with my parents...

Well played sir.

[PapaBear]

I hate this for you, buddy. I'm adding your mother, father, and you to my prayers.

[BoondockSaint]

I'm just so angry. And the is no physical thing to be angry at. Which makes me angrier.

[PapaBear]

I'm just so angry. And the is no physical thing to be angry at. Which makes me angrier.
This probably won't help you, but that statement says so much about what you're feeling. If you ever talk to a therapist or grief counselor about what you're going through, that's EXACTLY what you should tell him or her.

[Friday]

I'm just so angry. And the is no physical thing to be angry at. Which makes me angrier.

being angry is TOTALLY normal.

what is there not to be angry about? heh...

i do agree that a therapist is a good idea. i was a rock for a long time and then lost it.
having an unbiased party is important when it comes to sharing this crap.

hospice may be an option. look into it. there are so many options these days.
this can not only be helpful for your mom, but for you and your family too....

[Justice4all]

I'm just so angry. And the is no physical thing to be angry at. Which makes me angrier.

PB is right....you should go to a greif counselor. He or She might help you with what you are going through.

I pray you and your dad stay strong. And that you mom suffers with little or no pain at all.
When the end comes I hope it is quick and with more mercy then God could grant.

Stay strong. You are in many people's thoughts and prayers...mine included.

[Gvac]

You know you've got all the love and support of your buddies here Boonie.

I wish you all the strength in the world to deal with this.

[keithy_19]

You know you've got all the love and support of your buddies here Boonie.

I wish you all the strength in the world to deal with this.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

[nukinfuts]

I'm just so angry. And the is no physical thing to be angry at. Which makes me angrier.

These are the things which worry me as my parents get older because I still have that image of my parents from when I was young and they were young and I think that is what I want to hang on to. I cannot begin to understand how you feel and my thoughts and prayers go out to you.
I do know it is difficult to take care of someone who is so ill, my mother did that when her mother was dying from complications of lupus and she really wishes they had hospice back then because those people are really amazing with helping out families so when the time comes you may want to consider that option. Hang in there and bless you and your family.

[Bulldogcakes]

I just went through something similar recently and wish I could offer some advice/help for you, but unfortunately I really can't. These things leave you feeling pretty helpless.

Peace, bro.

[Jughead]

Me and Mrs Jug will be praying for her tomorrow.....Even though everyone on here is different...We all do care about each other.. Im so sorry you have to go through this..Jug:sad:

[marcpsych]

I'm very sorry you and your mom and dad are going through this, BDS. I lost my dad to prostate cancer in 2000, and the whole thing is a horrible experience. The end leaves everyone feeling especially powerless and helpless.

You are doing the right thing in terms of being there, so just keep giving as much love as you can.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Take care.

Marc

[KnoxHarrington]

I know exactly what you're going through, because this morning at around 9:30 am, my mother died after a long bout with Alzheimer's disease. She had stopped eating earlier in the week, and Saturday I got the call that she was unresponsive and pretty much in the dying process. She went this morning.

I'm sad, but not as sad as I thought I might be, because she had been, in any way that counts, dead for quite a while now. My mother was gone, replaced by this shell of a body, ravaged by disease, who didn't even know who I was most of the time. She had no idea she was a grandmother. I really wish now I'd been able to give her the big final shot of morphine to send her off with a little more dignity, but, for some reason, we can't quite get that death isn't something to fear and put off by any means available, even if the life of the person in question is over.

She's free now. If there's nothing beyond this life, then she's released from a state that was death in its own way. If we go on to the next life, then her soul is released to start the next time on this planet, and that's a soul we really need out there. And if there's an afterlife -- well, if she doesn't get into heaven, we're all fucked.

When you get to this place, I hope you've reached some peace with it. Remember that it's not something to fear and lament -- maybe you can't be happy about it, and I'm not, but in all the ways that matters, she's not going anywhere. My mom is still as alive in me as she ever was.

My deepest sympathies, budday.

[Bulldogcakes]

I know exactly what you're going through, because this morning at around 9:30 am, my mother died after a long bout with Alzheimer's disease. She had stopped eating earlier in the week, and Saturday I got the call that she was unresponsive and pretty much in the dying process. She went this morning.

I'm sad, but not as sad as I thought I might be, because she had been, in any way that counts, dead for quite a while now. My mother was gone, replaced by this shell of a body, ravaged by disease, who didn't even know who I was most of the time. She had no idea she was a grandmother.

I had 2 grandmothers, one who had Alzhiemers and the other Dementia, and I felt the exact same way. They were already long gone by the time they actually died. Sorry to hear of your loss, buddy.

[BoondockSaint]

I know exactly what you're going through, because this morning at around 9:30 am, my mother died after a long bout with Alzheimer's disease. She had stopped eating earlier in the week, and Saturday I got the call that she was unresponsive and pretty much in the dying process. She went this morning.

I'm sad, but not as sad as I thought I might be, because she had been, in any way that counts, dead for quite a while now. My mother was gone, replaced by this shell of a body, ravaged by disease, who didn't even know who I was most of the time. She had no idea she was a grandmother. I really wish now I'd been able to give her the big final shot of morphine to send her off with a little more dignity, but, for some reason, we can't quite get that death isn't something to fear and put off by any means available, even if the life of the person in question is over.

She's free now. If there's nothing beyond this life, then she's released from a state that was death in its own way. If we go on to the next life, then her soul is released to start the next time on this planet, and that's a soul we really need out there. And if there's an afterlife -- well, if she doesn't get into heaven, we're all fucked.

When you get to this place, I hope you've reached some peace with it. Remember that it's not something to fear and lament -- maybe you can't be happy about it, and I'm not, but in all the ways that matters, she's not going anywhere. My mom is still as alive in me as she ever was.

My deepest sympathies, budday.


WOW. That story really helps.

[BoondockSaint]

I have two brothers. One is 9 years older than me and he refuses to talk to his wife about my mother. My other brother is 7 years older than me and he has checked himself into the psych ward at the VA in the Bronx. (Not the first time.)

Good times, good times.

[Gvac]

You, my man, have got a full plate. It ain't easy, but try to remember that the only thing you can control is yourself.

All the best to you brother.

[BoondockSaint]

It ain't easy, but try to remember that the only thing you can control is yourself.



At times I wonder if even that is true.

[BoondockSaint]

So today my father was pretty sick with the flu so he went to bed early and I took my mother bed. It was the first time in a while that I had to undress and then dress my mother in her pajamas. I was shocked at how skinny she is. I hadn't noticed it in the last month. It scared the fuck out of me.

[ralphbxny]

Brother all I can do is tell you to hang in there. It's such a horrible thing to witness. Like GVAC said you always have your buddays here. I recently lost my Best friends dad who was a father and mentor to me when I was a bigger asshole than I am now.

A counselor or just a group where you can talk shit out will help you greatly. It's what helped my best friend through the process and he is still dealing with it now.

Hang in man!

[Friday]

So today my father was pretty sick with the flu so he went to bed early and I took my mother bed. It was the first time in a while that I had to undress and then dress my mother in her pajamas. I was shocked at how skinny she is. I hadn't noticed it in the last month. It scared the fuck out of me.

i remember this feeling like it was yesterday. it's frightening and upsetting as hell. and i am sorry that you and your father are going through it.

at this point i can almost tell you to be a little bit thankful for her state of mind because it's probably better that she doesn't see/interpret this fully. my mom saw herself and became aware of her deterioration and it was more heartbreaking than anything to witness such a strong person suddenly realize she is helpless against her own mortality.

just keep telling her you love her..... though your actions make it very clear just how much you do.

[ahhdurr]

I'm sorry to hear about your family's troubles. Lean on friends - the fact you put this out there is proof you'll do that though.

Maybe just forget the cause and treat the bio-symptoms to start- like putting on a bandage until you can get to the ER. There's a great buddhist meditation that asks you to follow your breath. :furious:To let go and observe the breath like it's an upset toddler. You allow him to be upset but you keep him from hurting himself or others ... until he's calm again.:tongue:[/SIZE]

[BoondockSaint]

I struggle with this thread. I'm usually one of those outwardly macho, "I'm fine." "It is what it is!" kind of guys, especially in person. Then, I have a moment where I post something here (usually after a few drinks (like now)) that is so personal that the next few days I avoid reading the responses because of some embarrassment I feel. But, I would like to say that I appreciate everyone's posts, suggestions and concerns. They have helped me. Hopefully this is the hardest part of my life that I will ever go through and I just wanted to thank everybody here for helping.

[Bossanova]

No need to thank anyone, just happy to see a friend through a situation. Just wish I had more i could give you. Never had to go through this

[BoondockSaint]

No need to thank anyone, just happy to see a friend through a situation. Just wish I had more i could give you. Never had to go through this
Well, I just thank God for the internet because those 1-900 party lines I used to call would have never been so supportive.

[Hottub]

No need to thank anyone, just happy to see a friend through a situation. Just wish I had more i could give you. Never had to go through this

What he said.

[cozzie]

I'm just so angry. And the is no physical thing to be angry at. Which makes me angrier.

I'm sorry to hear about your mothers condition , but why be angry, when there is nothing to be angry about?. People get old and yes, die. We would love to have our parents around forever but that doesn't work. If you've had a good life , you bury your parents, instead of them burriyng you. I'm 40 years old and I burried my mother when I was 24, so just be happy with the time you've had with your mom & your dad, and when it's time , it's time!

[Tenbatsuzen]

Well, I just thank God for the internet because those 1-900 party lines I used to call would have never been so supportive.

1-800-We-Are-18 usually has excellent cancer support groups. And only 1.99 a minute!

[BoondockSaint]

1-800-We-Are-18 usually has excellent cancer support groups. And only 1.99 a minute!

So you took my joke and remixed it in this thread. Good for you.

[BoondockSaint]

1-800-We-Are-18 usually has excellent cancer support groups. And only 1.99 a minute!

Never mind, this is some of that comedy writing that he talked about.

[Tenbatsuzen]

Never mind, this is some of that comedy writing that he talked about.

I was trying to be supportive, in my usual dark way.

[BoondockSaint]

I was trying to be supportive, in my usual dark way.

really?

[Tenbatsuzen]

really?

As much of an asshole I am, I take cancer very seriously.

[BoondockSaint]

On Thursday morning my mother succumb to her cancer. She fought like a motherfucker. Even at the end in the emergency room when she was 90 pounds it took morphine and 2 sedatives to get her to sit still for a CT Scan.

[PapaBear]

That's heartbreaking, Boondock. My sympathies go out to you, buddy.

[BoondockSaint]

That's heartbreaking, Boondock. My sympathies go out to you, buddy.

But she fought like a linebacker

[BoondockSaint]

Thank you, papa bear.

[BoondockSaint]

BTW, I feel like celebrating !

[PapaBear]

BTW, I feel like celebrating !
I've got plenty of rum. You bring the hookers.

[BoondockSaint]

I've got plenty of rum. You bring the hookers.


This bourbon is plenty.

[MacVittie]

It's really tough to watch someone you care about slowly deteriorate. I hope for the best for you during the healing process.