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BoondockSaint
03-01-2008, 11:34 AM
I tried to find a thread to stick these in but none seemed good to bump. So, here are two poems I've written. I'd like to get some feedback. I'd also like other people to post some of their poetry. Except for Hippo's bacon sonnets.


Dodging the Silence

The neon glow
Shines upon us
As we sit belly to bar.
The lot of us conversing
But none of us
Are listening.
We talk just to
Break the hovering silence.
It’s the silence that
Leads to thinking
And that leads to reality.
And the reason we are here
In the first place
Is to stay
The fuck away
From that.

A Walk in the Woods

Hiking through the woods
In this unseasonably warm winter
There is green grass
On the sides of the path
Where there should be new fallen snow.
The trees hold on to some leaves
Almost in disbelief at the temperature.
It is cool but not cold.
It is quiet.
I hear a creak and then a crack like
shattering ice.
I look up and see a large limb falling
From a tree fifty yards away.
It hits the ground heavy.
Some birds are stirred to flight
Then it is back to silence.
I walk over to look at the downed branch.
There is such a contrast between the rotten wood
And the lush flora.
Death and life are around us at all times.
Each person must decide how to deal
With the pair.
I stepped over them
And walked on.

King Hippos Bandaid
03-01-2008, 11:48 AM
fine

fuck you

no ode to bacon for anyone

edit

An Ode to Bacon

Oh Bacon Bacon
What Makes you so Fine
Oh Bacon Bacon, I wish you were mine
Oh Bacon Bacon, So Crispy when fried
Not Having Bacon has made me Cried

damainer
03-01-2008, 12:36 PM
Anyone got any bacon? I'm starving. The first poem made me throw up in my mouth. Is that what you were expressing.

BoondockSaint
03-01-2008, 12:45 PM
Anyone got any bacon? I'm starving. The first poem made me throw up in my mouth. Is that what you were expressing.

I don't mind you telling me that you don't like it but at least tell me why you don't. Is it content, wording, the sentiment expressed?

damainer
03-01-2008, 01:07 PM
I don't mind you telling me that you don't like it but at least tell me why you don't. Is it content, wording, the sentiment expressed?
Needs a little rythme like this:
I am Sam
Sam I am
That Sam I am
That Sam I am
I do not like that Sam I am.
Do you like green eggs and ham
I do not like them Sam I am
I do not like green eggs and ham

DiabloSammich
03-01-2008, 01:12 PM
Nice work, Boony.

I like the ideas around both of them. Very impressive.

BoondockSaint
03-01-2008, 01:40 PM
Needs a little rythme like this:
I am Sam
Sam I am
That Sam I am
That Sam I am
I do not like that Sam I am.
Do you like green eggs and ham
I do not like them Sam I am
I do not like green eggs and ham

Thank you. I'll try better next times.

keithy_19
03-01-2008, 02:51 PM
Needs a little rythme like this:
I am Sam
Sam I am
That Sam I am
That Sam I am
I do not like that Sam I am.
Do you like green eggs and ham
I do not like them Sam I am
I do not like green eggs and ham

Unfortunately content is often sacrificed for rhyme scheme. Not using rhyme is incredibly accepted and is actually encouraged.