I have giver's fatigue

[IamFogHat]

In the last few months, both my parents have been recovering from cancer, and I've been the one in the family to basically totally take care of them, plus my sister has a six month old, who is my god daughter, and I've been helping out a lot over there cause she has an insane three year old and my brother in law works a lot. Plus not only at home, but I've also been a long terms substitute teacher for my mom at her school.
And I gotta say, at this point, I am fucking spent. I don't know if I can do this anymore. I've heard this is a natural thing but I still feel guilty for feeling this way.
Can anyone relate? Or have advice?

[Thebazile78]

In the last few months, both my parents have been recovering from cancer, and I've been the one in the family to basically totally take care of them, plus my sister has a six month old, who is my god daughter, and I've been helping out a lot over there cause she has an insane three year old and my brother in law works a lot. Plus not only at home, but I've also been a long terms substitute teacher for my mom at her school.
And I gotta say, at this point, I am fucking spent. I don't know if I can do this anymore. I've heard this is a natural thing but I still feel guilty for feeling this way.
Can anyone relate? Or have advice?

I can empathize with you, even though I am not going through this myself. But I do see it happening with my grandparents ... my grandmother, all 5'2" of her, is the primary caregiver for my grandfather (all 6'1" of him) because Grandpa has ALS. It's hard on her physically as well as emotionally, so my mother and her siblings do their best to help out every now and again to give my grandmother a bit of a respite from caring for Grandpa. They are also fortunate enough to have a home health aide who they both like and trust. She comes a few times per week to help in the mornings...which usually allows my grandmother to go grocery shopping or do laundry because she doesn't have to worry about helping Grandpa.

This is common among caregivers of all types, whether it's caring for an aging parent, ill spouse or child or even being a professional caregiver like a doctor or nurse.

Find a support group or other resource specifically for caregivers.
Figure out ways to make sure you're not the only one doing all the care-giving. It's hard when it's family like this, but, the bottom line is you need some time for yourself.

I found this after a Google search:

Caregiver.com (http://www.caregiver.com/)

Do you have other siblings besides your sister?
Would your parents' health insurance pay for a home health aide once or twice a week to help out?
Are your parents members of a church, synagogue or other organization that would have ready volunteers or other services to give you a break a couple times per week?

There are a lot of resources out there; you just have to look for them. You will be OK.

Good luck, buddy.

[Bulldogcakes]

Sounds like you're overdoing it, and I'll guess that there are others in the family who could pick up some of the slack. Is there? Have you reached out to them?

Don't try to more than you feel you can, and don't beat yourself up about it. You can't expect any more of yourself than that.

[Gvac]

It sounds like you've got a full plate, FogHat.

I can empathize and I applaud your willingness to help everyone out, but you've got to learn to scale it back a little bit and say 'no' once in awhile. Don't feel guilty; you'll be unable to help anyone if you wind up in the hospital from complete exhaustion.

Hang in there.

[Friday]

You are not in an easy situation.
And people would be surprised at how little other family members are willing to give of themselves. Seriously...

I went through a like situation with my mom, but she was fiercely independent though and would rarely ask for help. So i had to be sneaky about my care giving. hehe.

All I can say is make sure you take some time for yourself. Don't lose you within the boundaries of your role as care giver. I managed to keep a life ... which gave me some guilt but in the long run it ended up helping me keep a level head in the times when the shite would hit the proverbial fan.

[jonyrotn]

Can I borrow your car and $20 for gas???..JK..I can identify totally.Your a giver and a caretaker..Your spirit wants to give,give,give but you'll kill yourself..Do only what Your mind and body will allow you to do....You'll be able help more people in the long run...Don't stress youself out..For everyone's sake you should stay in a zone that affords you some sense of sanity..Good luck..