Kathleen From The Bronx
03-30-2008, 08:19 PM
Dear Ron and Fez Shooow,
AHHH-mazing show on Friday.... Has to be the most brilliant hypnotism show ever.... I think so.... has to be.... and you know I be lovin some hypnotism shows... I'm always just blown away by the funniness that emerges when the participants have gone under..and situations are suggested...after Don the Hypnotist swings his pocket watch in front of their faces until everything turns into hypnotically swirling circles... or however he does it!
There were so many times during Friday's show that I was laughing so, so hard that it was the scary laugh-times.... full of side pain and thoughts like, "Oh no, I can't stop!" One such interval that springs to mind was when Ronnie asked that Fez, Dave, Friday, and Pitzy all re-enact the famous Babygirl Piano's phone call......
They all started screamin, "Can yeeeeeew call Piiiiianoooooo's??" til it raised to such a racket.... What was killin me was that rising from the bedlam and din, special lil lines would seem to pop out from the roar, like seeing a flying fish leap from ocean..for a second...like,"The Tits are comin out!" and then of course Fezzie's never-ending, "Piiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanooooooooooooooooooo 's..." He later spelled it out, "Peeeeee-iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii- aaaaaaaaaaaaa-nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn-ooooooooooooooo- '- sssssssssssssssss......"
I already said the whole drawn out, "ahhhh-mazing," aboot the show....and I mean it.... So many examples....
First up, I was lovin ESD as the little old Jewish man from New York City- 86 year old Mr. Bernstein.... I think the first thing he said was, "Feeelin olllld....Feelin run-down..." and complaining about not even being able to take the train to Yonkers anymore.... because of certain "TYPES"...... He complained that he could no longer walk down the street, couldn't get an ice cream with the wife....like he used to do in the 30's... without street-toughs yelling at him.
He elaborated; "They say, 'Mr. Bernstein,'...and I don't even like to use this language...but they say, 'Mr. Bernstein.... Go FUCK yourself!' "
Ahhhhhhaaaaaa dude...... I don't know.... it's all killin me all over again..... something about, "Mr. Bernstein, Go Fuck Yourself," sounds so like..... like..... at the very least, a line I want to repeat over and over......or... it makes me somehow envision it up there as the title of some wonderful book...or a movie.... about a cranky old man who pisses everyone off with his kvetching but once they all get to know him he like touches their lives.... or goes through some kind of transformation and shows that you really CAN teach an old daawg new tricks, after all!
Don't worry, I know that the words, "Go fuck yourself," are rarely used in movie titles.... Just forget it....eh.. Oh...Well, maybe it could be some off-off-off Broadway play...Edgey! Mr. Bernstein.... Go F*CK Yourself is gettin pretty great write-ups......except from that one critic who likened it to, "A two-act, 'Tuesdays with Morrie,' without the life-affirming messages......or an ounce of dignity..." I was like... "In WHAT way??!! Just cause it's about an old man?!" Screw yeeeew, Mitch Albom lover! I'll take Mr. Bernstein any day!.......... Fuckin critics...
Oh shit, what if Mr. Bernstein and Iris were pals..... wow....there's just another passing senseless thought whizzing by....Come on, I know that Iris is real and Mr. Bernstein was hypnotized Dave.... I'm dangerously close to wishing that Mr. Bernstein could be real........dangerously close......
I did enjoy hearing about how all was sooo much sweeter in the 30's.... "We'd go waltzin around!" Old man Bernstein proclaimed... and one time they saw Mr. Humphrey Bogart... That's what Mr. Bernstein said.. "He was a gentleman, that Humphrey Bogart...and he smelled wonderful... like beautiful oil."
Beautiful oil? Mr. Bernstein, you are a God-damned liar... What kinda man's man smells like beautiful oil?! Bogart smelled like a man- like cigarettes and scotch and Lauren Bacall....
I didn't see the show on Paltalk... but just to imagine Dave with his new hairdoo, being Mr. Bernstein...... was killlin me extra! Before Don even took them all back to be hypnotized, Ronnie B. was asking, "Doesn't it already look like we did something to him?!" He was referring to the shaved stripe of insta-male-pattern-baldness that Dave received... by way of an O&A ambush earlier in the week...in order to make him lose the afro wars....
Dave would not concede defeat though.... as all of his hair hadn't been shorn. He vowed to keep his horseshoe of hair on his head to prove that he was still winning.... Ronnie said that the look makes him appear to be much older... "You gained 40 years! You look like Art Garfunkel....10 years from NOW!" Man.... I just wanted to say here, for a moment, that I laughed when Ron was sayin, "I have been through some maniacs...but I've never seen anyone more a maniac." I laughed cause out of all the death-defying and insane stunts that ESD has done... I had to agree that maintaining a Larry Fine hairstyle, IN DEFIANCE, has to be the nuttiest..... and strangely bravest thing. I'd go so far as to say that it takes the cake.....
Fezzie McCool was so funny... That's who emerged when Don the Hypnotist tapped him on the shoulder the first time........Fezzie McCool, you know, "the coolest guy in the world?" Yeah, that guy! He showed up on the show that day..... remarking that he was, "a little surprised," that people weren't making a bigger deal that they were in the same room as him..... and how he, "plays cool jazz...cause it makes for a cool atmosphere...for everyone."
I loved that he was too cool for the couch....and how he claimed, "It's crampin my style.... it needs more animal skins....things like that." He has a point. Animal skins are fucking cool though.... As I gaze around my humble abode here, I now simply relish the acknowledgment of my coolness...... as certainly you know that I am surrounded by many, many hides..... Ahh yes... like that bear skin rug that lies by the crackling fire!
Uh-huh...You're right... It's cool AND romantico! Sometimes I joke around and act like the head on the bear rug is biting my ankle... "AHHHH!" Sometimes I ask the head of the bear skin rug if he wants a bit of my sammich.... and oooooh how nobody laughs.......
Yeah, incidentally I don't really have dead animals littered around my house. This apartment was condemned by the county for other reasons.....That was another fib....and even in the midst of my falsehood-tellins, I still have my imagined,"everyone," react with glares that coldly pulse, "We are not amused," in response to my tired ole gags......
Oh, but it did make me laugh a lot that Fezzie McCool believed some animal skins would really spruce up the place..... Everywhere Fezzie McCool goes is the cool place to be and people can't help themselve but to notice... That's what he said...According to Fezzie McCool, they all yell, "Shit! This is one COOL 7-11!" if he was here.... He added, "and it AIN'T because of the slurpees!"
I think it's because of you Fezzie McCool....because of you. Yeaaah...Afterall, McCool is, "doin so cool...so cool it's freezin'!" like he always says... It was so fuckin cool...... so cool I feel like snappin while I type to you... like a beatnik.....Daddy-O.... Hard to snap and type though....
This cracked me up too...."Maybe you're on line, waiting to buy lottery tickets.... You already won the lottery! Fezzie McCool is HERE, baby!" I believe it. If I walked into a 7-11, or even a Wawa for that matter, and Fezzie McCool was there, I would feel like a lucky duck!
I mean, when's the last time you've encountered an extremely cool cat rockin a silky smoking jacket at the same place that also offers old cheez whiz steadily growing rubbery skin while warming in a vat? These things don't happen everyday, my friends!
OOooh and on Friday's show there was singing... by a lovely singer named Friday...first she was singin, "Hey Jude," and, "Cabaret"..... then later they were all part of a famous band, "One Mama and Three Papas." That Friday can really sing... We must also not overlook also the greatness that is Fezzie's bass voice... That deep, deeep voice had me rollin no matter what he would say... even when he told Ronnie, "Thank you for having us..." cause the band was promoting their new, soon-to-be-released album on the show... That bass voice reminded me of Harry Shearer in A Mighty Wind.... Ahhh it just cracked me up, I tell you!
I was cackling too when ya had him change his voice to tenor, right before Pitzy decided, through suggestion, that he wanted to break outta the band... go solo..... cause he wasn't gettin enough of the fame and attention.... ...."We certainly don't need another tenorrrrrrrr..." Fezzie sang in his tenor voice... while East Side Dave began to get angry....
He was pissed that Pitzy thought he could take his solo act on the road! I thought that was so funny.... Even hypnotized, ESD has this like really loyal to the band attitude.... Dug that...and dug when Fezzie sang, "Leave us in the luuuurch!"
Not only did Pitzy want to leave the band, he wanted to spice up his act with dancing as well... it turns out. He told the band that their old-timey ways were gettin em nowhere, to which Dave snapped, "This old shit is what sells!"
Pitzy began break-dancing, once challenged, to show his incredible moves. All the while he was gettin down, he chanted over and over, "We're break-dancing..... We're break-dancing.............We're break-dancing..." He added, "I can rap too!"
East Side Dave asked, "Are you having a seizure?" sounding a bit like an old fogy again... while Fezzie sang in high tones, "A dancing bearrrrr!!!"
Ronnie asked Don to take me all down for a moment, and when they would come back it would be five years later... One Mama and Three Papas would reunite! There were hugs all around and Fezzie, back to bass-voiced remarked to Ronnie, "Funny story..... We actually also broke up on a live radio show... Just days from an album release!!"
Ooh man... you know what else I love, as always.... is when the group believes that they are drunk or high..... At one point they were at a Manhattan Bar, all together.... and ESD "knee-wobblinly drunk," called for Springsteen's, "Rosalita"...... and for making speeches..."I love Ron and Fez.....and (inaudible mumbled words).. and Thanksgiving dinner.... (suddenly angry) WHERE'S the Bruce Springsteen, man?!!!" It was so funny to hear Fez laughing hard and I think I heard him say in response to Dave's antics, "He's such a pussy! He can't handle it!"
Well, as Don the Hypnotist said, each one of those shots were equal to ten.... and there's a sayin that I used to hear from time to time from older family members if were asked if they'd like another drink... and that is; "A bird never flew wit one wing..." So.... uhh.. I'm sposin they were mighty drunk..... and as these inebriated situations often deteriorate... toward the end of their hypnotized drunk get-together... Many felt the tears well up and got sentimental.....especially as it was gonna be their final gathering that night all together at that bar for some reason...
All full of emotion, Fez told the gang, "This is OUR place!" to which Ronnie responded with the classic line from The Goonies, "Because it's their time.... Their time! Up there!.... Down here, it's our time. It's our time down here...."
Pitzy was just distraught..... Through his sobs he also yelled at everyone for making him cry.....
The drunken night ended with this group hug.... which I kinda envisioned being just like one from the last episode of The Mary Tyler Moore Show.... especially cause the group hug went traveling around... to go see Sheepy who was in studio....
In the midst of the group hug Fez was repeating, "You always stuck by me man," as ESD was repeating, "I love drinking.... and I love traveling..."
When they all got hypno-stoned with the suggestion of the best cheeba, it didn't end in huggin.... That juncture concluded with paranoia and accusations....and fear that Cloverfield was comin to get em....only blocks away.....
It did start off with Dave takin a hit and noting, "This pull is for Marley, baby!" The paranoia first began to set in when Ronnie seemed to be gettin a phone call that, "someone was coming." The group started to realize that someone was missing....."Who's the asshole??!" Fezzie demanded, screaming.... Could it be the aule Mooch? A narc?! Fez pointed out that, "He'd sell his soul for a bag of potatoes..." and, "He's probably on some Irish hot line to the cops right now!" Dave's banshee-like screams rose up through the crowd every time they counted down, seeing that someone was missing..... It was great....
Oh! Before I forget, one high conversation that went on before the decent into fear and loathing was when Dave stated sharing, "Do you guys ever think.....we are part of another monster?" People seemed confused, "WHAT?" Ronnie asked.... Dave tried to shed some more light on his theory.... "You know, like human beings have dandruff....." he trailed off. The thing is... I totally think I know where he was goin with that thinkin.... Oh man... does every high conversation come back to microscopic mites that live on us, thriving on our dead skin cells??!! Excuse me while I scream in horror..... AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Dudes... mites come up so much during pot-talk! Am I right? I know....Ah, well... ESD attempted to break it all down further... "Like there are bonsai trees, right?" and Fezzie added, "With little, tiny squirrels to live in them??!"
I laughed and laughed and thought.... "Ohhh my God... how cute would that be?!" It might be as cute as having the hypnotized lot of em believing that they were all in a fan club for Sheepy, the superstar.... Oooh they all went bonkers when they heard that he was pullin up in his limo, and just might show up to meet them! Fezzie shrieked, "Tell me what elevator he came up on..... so I can use it too!"
Fezzie also reckoned aloud, "If there was a reason to piss my pants, today would be the day!"
Fez was chosen as Sheepy's #1 fan! That meant that he would receive Sheepy's sweat shirt, and a hug and a kiss.... Fez delightedly cried out, "It's still sweaty from him!! AND it smells like grape Popsicles!" Fez had also mused, before the sweatshirt was in his grasp, "Hmmm...to wear it or jack on it? Wear it or jack on it?"
Dave was lucky enough to be spit on by Sheepy... and also seemed delighted.... telling Fezzie that Sheep's spit smelled like grape popsicles too.....
Amazing ways that Sheepy has... apparently he's made of coooold, grape magic, yo.... That's what I heard.
OK... now... you see how much I was loovelovelovin every hypnotized bit of this show, right? Yes.... It's clear? OK.... cause I want yez to know this.... You guys came back from commercial to this, "O&A Show...already in progress," with hypnotized Fez as Opie, Dave as Anthony, Pitzy as Jimmy Norton, and Friday as, "sexpert," Dr. Z...... It was nuthin short of brilliant... Brilliant idea....
I was dying... dying.... It was really outstanding... I mean, it was so wild how everyone in their respective roles picked up so many of their characters affectations and habits... and sayings of those who they were portraying.....who they were thinkin they were...
One thing... at times.... Friday so eerily sounded like the actual Dr. Z.! It was somethin... Yeah, i don't wanna forget to point that out! Dave as Anthony had me rollin...his impressions of Ant doin impressions were fuckin hysterical....and RANDOM too... like how he was being Ant doin the voice of his ex-mother-in-law, "Can I have more boxed wine?!" and "No left terrrrrns!" I was laughing so hard..... ahh yes.... cause ya know three rights make a left.... The Ronald Reagan impression showed up too.... "Nancy has a head like a Pez dispenser," is what he said... Celine Dion showed up too? I know that Dice and Al Sharpton did for a few seconds..... as did calls for self-car crashes..... and sayin, "Alllllllright." It was fantastico.....
I think everyone was yellin out, "blooburrries..."
Pitzy was rockin too as Jimmy... droppin myspace and website plugs.... Steve from Yellowstone raaaaamoning...... and there was some yelling, "Frrrrrrunkis!!!" too....
Fez as Opie had me rollin......and rollin....As he repeated, "linga longaaah..." and called for a new radio contest where, "We have Big A and Stalker Patti come in and shit and the floor... and then have girls roll in it for money!" Laughed so hard when Fez as Opie agitatedly yelled that if E. Lo said no, "There will be HELL to pay if we can't do Shit roll!"
I think that one of my favorite lines though was when Fez as Opie read and instant feedback from Steve from Bayshore..... "This from Steve from Bayshore: Dr. Z. Should be called Dr. Zzzzzzzzzzzzz...' " as Friday-Dr. Z was giving out sex advice.....
Ahhh dudes, I'm nowhere near close to doin this show justice, I tell you! All I can tell you again is that I thought it was all fuckin brilliant.... and I definitely hurt meself laughin....
I loved how when Don the Hypnotist was talking to them all and brings em out of it, back to consciousness.. he says some words about them feeling good in every way and that at night when they go to sleep it will be deep and good... and Ronnie added with a growly demon voice, "With nightmares and horror, and wanting to KILL.....Crush, kill, destroy!!!"
I was cackling..... It did occur to me though... "Oooh what if those orders did slip into their brains..." I guess we would have heard by now if there were four separate instances of crushing and killing throughout the city Friday night. Four separate, freak incidences of violence that would be so easily traced to one common hypnosis show.... a hypnosis show with grave consequences, clues presented to the detectives on a silver platter..... Well ya know, if it had happened...
It was cool to hear how much each person remembered from being hypnotized.... I think Fezzie said that he remembered most, while I think Pitzy said that he remembered almost nothing.... Dave didn't recall a lot of it either..... It was great then how the real Anthony Cumia called up to kinda jog Dave's memory..... starting his call with his impression of a drunk-dialing Dave.... Goood shit....
Man... sorry this is so long! I don't wanna leave anything out even though I am sure that I have! OOooh here's another thing..... You guys were talkin about The Summer of Earl.... He said that he finally had his list of the daredevil, extreme activities he would be doin..... and all of them involved diving. "Para-dive.... Sky-dive...." I laughed so hard when Fezzie interjected, "Diiiiving.. What's the trick?" Cause that there, is one perfectly placed What About Bob quote if I ever heard one.... and I have....and I have....
Ronnie termed Earl's plans instead, "The Summer of Dull." Earl struggled to add more varied activities to his list.... He came up with mountain biking and rock climbing." I heard someone yell out mockingly, "I'm Earl! I wanna climb and dive!" That cackled me too... and then I started to wonder if maybe just minutes before compiling his list o' danger, if maybe he had seen a T.V. commercial for a cruise or something.... You know those ones, where it's not just a cruise... there are rock walls and suddenly people are having a, "lust for life," riding mountain bikes...... and diving.... Eh... It's a weee theory....
Yeah so Earl was definitely gettin some fun poked at his plans.... Wasn't the first time during the day that he caught heat either..... cause he was professing to, "not believe in hypnotism," but kept contradicting himself....
I couldn't tell if he was trying to say that he didn't believe it was real... or if he didn't believe that you should get hypnotized... It was captain confusey....... Finally Ron told him to just talk and interact, conversate....try to get rid of his "during show jitters..."
Earl began to speak about Barack Obama all outta nowhere.... Ron, sounding a bit exasperated said, "Try to break a stereotype Earl!" Earl paused for a few moments and then responded, "I don't think that all black men are violent criminals..." or something like that....
This is when the entire studio when into stunned silence for a second.....
Me too! At my house I totally froze, stopped-in-my-tracks...like.. "Whaaa?" Then it hit me. Earl LITERALLY tried to break a stereotype.
I guess he didn't catch the slight sarcastic tone in Ron's voice seconds before??? Oooh my God... I laughed so fuckin hard.... Ron yelled, "I wasn't asking you to represent your race!"
Whew.... Oh yeah... So anyway, after all the hypnotizin... You guys were asking Earl, if after seeing them all, did he still not believe? As a bit of an exercise, Don put Dave back under and when he'd awake he'd be Earl's grandmother in Heaven..... I thought... "Oooh! Here comes a chokin'! A good ole fashioned chokin'!!"
Dave as Earl's grandma reported down from above..."I'm taking a cloud boat over to Noah...Forget about the boat, I'm gonna ride you!" From there she was off! "Hi Earl, are you still a fuck-up?" and, "Me and Joan of Arc watched you spank it with your socks on... Right before she ate me out!"
Arcs..arks... Maybe they live close by each other in Heaven... same neighborhood.... or something like that.... cause neighborhoods in Heaven are organized like the phone book....? No that doesn't.... make sense... Why the hell am I sittin here wondering how Earl's grandma managed to scrump wit two highly recognizable religious figure types ....thinkin, "heh, what are the chances?" ...Heaven's big up there, right....and both of em....with....ark...and arc..... maybe they live near each other in Heaven? I'm leaving this paragraph here just so you can know the monstrously inane and senseless reasoning that goes on with me... Proof and documentation... cause... it's just stupid. But I caught myself.... and now maybe I will learn a lesson about making sense.
Anyway... Remember when Dave as Earl's grandma announced, "Earl, I'm a squirter!" "Samuel Beckett loves my heaven juice!"
Oooh man.... What had me fuckin rollin was that throughout all of those blurted out confessions from Heaven, sporadically Ronnie would exclaim with an air of disgust that was just barely covering amusement, "OH EARL.... That's your grandmother!!!!"
I waited and waited for the chokes, but they never came! You guys brought that up to Earl too.... like...."What's different today??" Earl wouldn't attack Dave's throat, explaining that he didn't want to risk it as Dave, "was in a, 'state.' "
So seems like Earl does believe in hypnotism now...? I do think that I recall him saying that he'd do it next time.... Hmmmm.....
Oooh you know what else was great... When Don had Dave thinking that he was on the show as he was last year, ready to propose to Casey...like he did.... I just wanted to note that it was sooo sweet all over again.... like I might have gotten a little choked up..... it was all awwwww........ So the chokes did come after all, but in much different way than I had expected, yes? (Raises eyebrow, nods wisely)
I tell ya what.... I believe that hypnosis is real.... I'm really curious to feel what it's like.. and yet I have this nagging notion that I probably would be a person who would have trouble gettin hypnotized.....which probably doesn't lend itself to makin it easier.. Arrr! Then I was thinkin though....I mean.. I just fuckin trance out , staring into space at times, stuck in my head... sooo... maybe......maybe it would work! I'm always in and out of trances, after all....
Ahhh, well what did I say....very curious.....especially as everyone commented afterward about how sooo wonderfully relaxed they felt.... It's just very interesting to me....that removing that thin layer of consciousness reveals this level of creativity and funniness and weird shite that can emerge without the impediments of having reservations.... It's all right there.... Does that make sense? I'm saying... everyone did so well.... I mean, the lines that were flyin out left and right..... I have to say, Fezzie in particular was just fuckin hysterical..... I kept having this thought... "His subconscious is soooo funny too...." Deeeeply rooted funniness..... It's all right there.... Hmmm.... I know I'm not explainin that as well as I wanna.... but I'm starting to feel deeeeeeeply guilty about typing more words for your eyes to read.....
One more thing... GREAT fuckin show.... Best hypnotism show ever.... You peoples rule hypnotism....
Signed,
kathleen from the Bronx :):):)
AHHH-mazing show on Friday.... Has to be the most brilliant hypnotism show ever.... I think so.... has to be.... and you know I be lovin some hypnotism shows... I'm always just blown away by the funniness that emerges when the participants have gone under..and situations are suggested...after Don the Hypnotist swings his pocket watch in front of their faces until everything turns into hypnotically swirling circles... or however he does it!
There were so many times during Friday's show that I was laughing so, so hard that it was the scary laugh-times.... full of side pain and thoughts like, "Oh no, I can't stop!" One such interval that springs to mind was when Ronnie asked that Fez, Dave, Friday, and Pitzy all re-enact the famous Babygirl Piano's phone call......
They all started screamin, "Can yeeeeeew call Piiiiianoooooo's??" til it raised to such a racket.... What was killin me was that rising from the bedlam and din, special lil lines would seem to pop out from the roar, like seeing a flying fish leap from ocean..for a second...like,"The Tits are comin out!" and then of course Fezzie's never-ending, "Piiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanooooooooooooooooooo 's..." He later spelled it out, "Peeeeee-iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii- aaaaaaaaaaaaa-nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn-ooooooooooooooo- '- sssssssssssssssss......"
I already said the whole drawn out, "ahhhh-mazing," aboot the show....and I mean it.... So many examples....
First up, I was lovin ESD as the little old Jewish man from New York City- 86 year old Mr. Bernstein.... I think the first thing he said was, "Feeelin olllld....Feelin run-down..." and complaining about not even being able to take the train to Yonkers anymore.... because of certain "TYPES"...... He complained that he could no longer walk down the street, couldn't get an ice cream with the wife....like he used to do in the 30's... without street-toughs yelling at him.
He elaborated; "They say, 'Mr. Bernstein,'...and I don't even like to use this language...but they say, 'Mr. Bernstein.... Go FUCK yourself!' "
Ahhhhhhaaaaaa dude...... I don't know.... it's all killin me all over again..... something about, "Mr. Bernstein, Go Fuck Yourself," sounds so like..... like..... at the very least, a line I want to repeat over and over......or... it makes me somehow envision it up there as the title of some wonderful book...or a movie.... about a cranky old man who pisses everyone off with his kvetching but once they all get to know him he like touches their lives.... or goes through some kind of transformation and shows that you really CAN teach an old daawg new tricks, after all!
Don't worry, I know that the words, "Go fuck yourself," are rarely used in movie titles.... Just forget it....eh.. Oh...Well, maybe it could be some off-off-off Broadway play...Edgey! Mr. Bernstein.... Go F*CK Yourself is gettin pretty great write-ups......except from that one critic who likened it to, "A two-act, 'Tuesdays with Morrie,' without the life-affirming messages......or an ounce of dignity..." I was like... "In WHAT way??!! Just cause it's about an old man?!" Screw yeeeew, Mitch Albom lover! I'll take Mr. Bernstein any day!.......... Fuckin critics...
Oh shit, what if Mr. Bernstein and Iris were pals..... wow....there's just another passing senseless thought whizzing by....Come on, I know that Iris is real and Mr. Bernstein was hypnotized Dave.... I'm dangerously close to wishing that Mr. Bernstein could be real........dangerously close......
I did enjoy hearing about how all was sooo much sweeter in the 30's.... "We'd go waltzin around!" Old man Bernstein proclaimed... and one time they saw Mr. Humphrey Bogart... That's what Mr. Bernstein said.. "He was a gentleman, that Humphrey Bogart...and he smelled wonderful... like beautiful oil."
Beautiful oil? Mr. Bernstein, you are a God-damned liar... What kinda man's man smells like beautiful oil?! Bogart smelled like a man- like cigarettes and scotch and Lauren Bacall....
I didn't see the show on Paltalk... but just to imagine Dave with his new hairdoo, being Mr. Bernstein...... was killlin me extra! Before Don even took them all back to be hypnotized, Ronnie B. was asking, "Doesn't it already look like we did something to him?!" He was referring to the shaved stripe of insta-male-pattern-baldness that Dave received... by way of an O&A ambush earlier in the week...in order to make him lose the afro wars....
Dave would not concede defeat though.... as all of his hair hadn't been shorn. He vowed to keep his horseshoe of hair on his head to prove that he was still winning.... Ronnie said that the look makes him appear to be much older... "You gained 40 years! You look like Art Garfunkel....10 years from NOW!" Man.... I just wanted to say here, for a moment, that I laughed when Ron was sayin, "I have been through some maniacs...but I've never seen anyone more a maniac." I laughed cause out of all the death-defying and insane stunts that ESD has done... I had to agree that maintaining a Larry Fine hairstyle, IN DEFIANCE, has to be the nuttiest..... and strangely bravest thing. I'd go so far as to say that it takes the cake.....
Fezzie McCool was so funny... That's who emerged when Don the Hypnotist tapped him on the shoulder the first time........Fezzie McCool, you know, "the coolest guy in the world?" Yeah, that guy! He showed up on the show that day..... remarking that he was, "a little surprised," that people weren't making a bigger deal that they were in the same room as him..... and how he, "plays cool jazz...cause it makes for a cool atmosphere...for everyone."
I loved that he was too cool for the couch....and how he claimed, "It's crampin my style.... it needs more animal skins....things like that." He has a point. Animal skins are fucking cool though.... As I gaze around my humble abode here, I now simply relish the acknowledgment of my coolness...... as certainly you know that I am surrounded by many, many hides..... Ahh yes... like that bear skin rug that lies by the crackling fire!
Uh-huh...You're right... It's cool AND romantico! Sometimes I joke around and act like the head on the bear rug is biting my ankle... "AHHHH!" Sometimes I ask the head of the bear skin rug if he wants a bit of my sammich.... and oooooh how nobody laughs.......
Yeah, incidentally I don't really have dead animals littered around my house. This apartment was condemned by the county for other reasons.....That was another fib....and even in the midst of my falsehood-tellins, I still have my imagined,"everyone," react with glares that coldly pulse, "We are not amused," in response to my tired ole gags......
Oh, but it did make me laugh a lot that Fezzie McCool believed some animal skins would really spruce up the place..... Everywhere Fezzie McCool goes is the cool place to be and people can't help themselve but to notice... That's what he said...According to Fezzie McCool, they all yell, "Shit! This is one COOL 7-11!" if he was here.... He added, "and it AIN'T because of the slurpees!"
I think it's because of you Fezzie McCool....because of you. Yeaaah...Afterall, McCool is, "doin so cool...so cool it's freezin'!" like he always says... It was so fuckin cool...... so cool I feel like snappin while I type to you... like a beatnik.....Daddy-O.... Hard to snap and type though....
This cracked me up too...."Maybe you're on line, waiting to buy lottery tickets.... You already won the lottery! Fezzie McCool is HERE, baby!" I believe it. If I walked into a 7-11, or even a Wawa for that matter, and Fezzie McCool was there, I would feel like a lucky duck!
I mean, when's the last time you've encountered an extremely cool cat rockin a silky smoking jacket at the same place that also offers old cheez whiz steadily growing rubbery skin while warming in a vat? These things don't happen everyday, my friends!
OOooh and on Friday's show there was singing... by a lovely singer named Friday...first she was singin, "Hey Jude," and, "Cabaret"..... then later they were all part of a famous band, "One Mama and Three Papas." That Friday can really sing... We must also not overlook also the greatness that is Fezzie's bass voice... That deep, deeep voice had me rollin no matter what he would say... even when he told Ronnie, "Thank you for having us..." cause the band was promoting their new, soon-to-be-released album on the show... That bass voice reminded me of Harry Shearer in A Mighty Wind.... Ahhh it just cracked me up, I tell you!
I was cackling too when ya had him change his voice to tenor, right before Pitzy decided, through suggestion, that he wanted to break outta the band... go solo..... cause he wasn't gettin enough of the fame and attention.... ...."We certainly don't need another tenorrrrrrrr..." Fezzie sang in his tenor voice... while East Side Dave began to get angry....
He was pissed that Pitzy thought he could take his solo act on the road! I thought that was so funny.... Even hypnotized, ESD has this like really loyal to the band attitude.... Dug that...and dug when Fezzie sang, "Leave us in the luuuurch!"
Not only did Pitzy want to leave the band, he wanted to spice up his act with dancing as well... it turns out. He told the band that their old-timey ways were gettin em nowhere, to which Dave snapped, "This old shit is what sells!"
Pitzy began break-dancing, once challenged, to show his incredible moves. All the while he was gettin down, he chanted over and over, "We're break-dancing..... We're break-dancing.............We're break-dancing..." He added, "I can rap too!"
East Side Dave asked, "Are you having a seizure?" sounding a bit like an old fogy again... while Fezzie sang in high tones, "A dancing bearrrrr!!!"
Ronnie asked Don to take me all down for a moment, and when they would come back it would be five years later... One Mama and Three Papas would reunite! There were hugs all around and Fezzie, back to bass-voiced remarked to Ronnie, "Funny story..... We actually also broke up on a live radio show... Just days from an album release!!"
Ooh man... you know what else I love, as always.... is when the group believes that they are drunk or high..... At one point they were at a Manhattan Bar, all together.... and ESD "knee-wobblinly drunk," called for Springsteen's, "Rosalita"...... and for making speeches..."I love Ron and Fez.....and (inaudible mumbled words).. and Thanksgiving dinner.... (suddenly angry) WHERE'S the Bruce Springsteen, man?!!!" It was so funny to hear Fez laughing hard and I think I heard him say in response to Dave's antics, "He's such a pussy! He can't handle it!"
Well, as Don the Hypnotist said, each one of those shots were equal to ten.... and there's a sayin that I used to hear from time to time from older family members if were asked if they'd like another drink... and that is; "A bird never flew wit one wing..." So.... uhh.. I'm sposin they were mighty drunk..... and as these inebriated situations often deteriorate... toward the end of their hypnotized drunk get-together... Many felt the tears well up and got sentimental.....especially as it was gonna be their final gathering that night all together at that bar for some reason...
All full of emotion, Fez told the gang, "This is OUR place!" to which Ronnie responded with the classic line from The Goonies, "Because it's their time.... Their time! Up there!.... Down here, it's our time. It's our time down here...."
Pitzy was just distraught..... Through his sobs he also yelled at everyone for making him cry.....
The drunken night ended with this group hug.... which I kinda envisioned being just like one from the last episode of The Mary Tyler Moore Show.... especially cause the group hug went traveling around... to go see Sheepy who was in studio....
In the midst of the group hug Fez was repeating, "You always stuck by me man," as ESD was repeating, "I love drinking.... and I love traveling..."
When they all got hypno-stoned with the suggestion of the best cheeba, it didn't end in huggin.... That juncture concluded with paranoia and accusations....and fear that Cloverfield was comin to get em....only blocks away.....
It did start off with Dave takin a hit and noting, "This pull is for Marley, baby!" The paranoia first began to set in when Ronnie seemed to be gettin a phone call that, "someone was coming." The group started to realize that someone was missing....."Who's the asshole??!" Fezzie demanded, screaming.... Could it be the aule Mooch? A narc?! Fez pointed out that, "He'd sell his soul for a bag of potatoes..." and, "He's probably on some Irish hot line to the cops right now!" Dave's banshee-like screams rose up through the crowd every time they counted down, seeing that someone was missing..... It was great....
Oh! Before I forget, one high conversation that went on before the decent into fear and loathing was when Dave stated sharing, "Do you guys ever think.....we are part of another monster?" People seemed confused, "WHAT?" Ronnie asked.... Dave tried to shed some more light on his theory.... "You know, like human beings have dandruff....." he trailed off. The thing is... I totally think I know where he was goin with that thinkin.... Oh man... does every high conversation come back to microscopic mites that live on us, thriving on our dead skin cells??!! Excuse me while I scream in horror..... AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Dudes... mites come up so much during pot-talk! Am I right? I know....Ah, well... ESD attempted to break it all down further... "Like there are bonsai trees, right?" and Fezzie added, "With little, tiny squirrels to live in them??!"
I laughed and laughed and thought.... "Ohhh my God... how cute would that be?!" It might be as cute as having the hypnotized lot of em believing that they were all in a fan club for Sheepy, the superstar.... Oooh they all went bonkers when they heard that he was pullin up in his limo, and just might show up to meet them! Fezzie shrieked, "Tell me what elevator he came up on..... so I can use it too!"
Fezzie also reckoned aloud, "If there was a reason to piss my pants, today would be the day!"
Fez was chosen as Sheepy's #1 fan! That meant that he would receive Sheepy's sweat shirt, and a hug and a kiss.... Fez delightedly cried out, "It's still sweaty from him!! AND it smells like grape Popsicles!" Fez had also mused, before the sweatshirt was in his grasp, "Hmmm...to wear it or jack on it? Wear it or jack on it?"
Dave was lucky enough to be spit on by Sheepy... and also seemed delighted.... telling Fezzie that Sheep's spit smelled like grape popsicles too.....
Amazing ways that Sheepy has... apparently he's made of coooold, grape magic, yo.... That's what I heard.
OK... now... you see how much I was loovelovelovin every hypnotized bit of this show, right? Yes.... It's clear? OK.... cause I want yez to know this.... You guys came back from commercial to this, "O&A Show...already in progress," with hypnotized Fez as Opie, Dave as Anthony, Pitzy as Jimmy Norton, and Friday as, "sexpert," Dr. Z...... It was nuthin short of brilliant... Brilliant idea....
I was dying... dying.... It was really outstanding... I mean, it was so wild how everyone in their respective roles picked up so many of their characters affectations and habits... and sayings of those who they were portraying.....who they were thinkin they were...
One thing... at times.... Friday so eerily sounded like the actual Dr. Z.! It was somethin... Yeah, i don't wanna forget to point that out! Dave as Anthony had me rollin...his impressions of Ant doin impressions were fuckin hysterical....and RANDOM too... like how he was being Ant doin the voice of his ex-mother-in-law, "Can I have more boxed wine?!" and "No left terrrrrns!" I was laughing so hard..... ahh yes.... cause ya know three rights make a left.... The Ronald Reagan impression showed up too.... "Nancy has a head like a Pez dispenser," is what he said... Celine Dion showed up too? I know that Dice and Al Sharpton did for a few seconds..... as did calls for self-car crashes..... and sayin, "Alllllllright." It was fantastico.....
I think everyone was yellin out, "blooburrries..."
Pitzy was rockin too as Jimmy... droppin myspace and website plugs.... Steve from Yellowstone raaaaamoning...... and there was some yelling, "Frrrrrrunkis!!!" too....
Fez as Opie had me rollin......and rollin....As he repeated, "linga longaaah..." and called for a new radio contest where, "We have Big A and Stalker Patti come in and shit and the floor... and then have girls roll in it for money!" Laughed so hard when Fez as Opie agitatedly yelled that if E. Lo said no, "There will be HELL to pay if we can't do Shit roll!"
I think that one of my favorite lines though was when Fez as Opie read and instant feedback from Steve from Bayshore..... "This from Steve from Bayshore: Dr. Z. Should be called Dr. Zzzzzzzzzzzzz...' " as Friday-Dr. Z was giving out sex advice.....
Ahhh dudes, I'm nowhere near close to doin this show justice, I tell you! All I can tell you again is that I thought it was all fuckin brilliant.... and I definitely hurt meself laughin....
I loved how when Don the Hypnotist was talking to them all and brings em out of it, back to consciousness.. he says some words about them feeling good in every way and that at night when they go to sleep it will be deep and good... and Ronnie added with a growly demon voice, "With nightmares and horror, and wanting to KILL.....Crush, kill, destroy!!!"
I was cackling..... It did occur to me though... "Oooh what if those orders did slip into their brains..." I guess we would have heard by now if there were four separate instances of crushing and killing throughout the city Friday night. Four separate, freak incidences of violence that would be so easily traced to one common hypnosis show.... a hypnosis show with grave consequences, clues presented to the detectives on a silver platter..... Well ya know, if it had happened...
It was cool to hear how much each person remembered from being hypnotized.... I think Fezzie said that he remembered most, while I think Pitzy said that he remembered almost nothing.... Dave didn't recall a lot of it either..... It was great then how the real Anthony Cumia called up to kinda jog Dave's memory..... starting his call with his impression of a drunk-dialing Dave.... Goood shit....
Man... sorry this is so long! I don't wanna leave anything out even though I am sure that I have! OOooh here's another thing..... You guys were talkin about The Summer of Earl.... He said that he finally had his list of the daredevil, extreme activities he would be doin..... and all of them involved diving. "Para-dive.... Sky-dive...." I laughed so hard when Fezzie interjected, "Diiiiving.. What's the trick?" Cause that there, is one perfectly placed What About Bob quote if I ever heard one.... and I have....and I have....
Ronnie termed Earl's plans instead, "The Summer of Dull." Earl struggled to add more varied activities to his list.... He came up with mountain biking and rock climbing." I heard someone yell out mockingly, "I'm Earl! I wanna climb and dive!" That cackled me too... and then I started to wonder if maybe just minutes before compiling his list o' danger, if maybe he had seen a T.V. commercial for a cruise or something.... You know those ones, where it's not just a cruise... there are rock walls and suddenly people are having a, "lust for life," riding mountain bikes...... and diving.... Eh... It's a weee theory....
Yeah so Earl was definitely gettin some fun poked at his plans.... Wasn't the first time during the day that he caught heat either..... cause he was professing to, "not believe in hypnotism," but kept contradicting himself....
I couldn't tell if he was trying to say that he didn't believe it was real... or if he didn't believe that you should get hypnotized... It was captain confusey....... Finally Ron told him to just talk and interact, conversate....try to get rid of his "during show jitters..."
Earl began to speak about Barack Obama all outta nowhere.... Ron, sounding a bit exasperated said, "Try to break a stereotype Earl!" Earl paused for a few moments and then responded, "I don't think that all black men are violent criminals..." or something like that....
This is when the entire studio when into stunned silence for a second.....
Me too! At my house I totally froze, stopped-in-my-tracks...like.. "Whaaa?" Then it hit me. Earl LITERALLY tried to break a stereotype.
I guess he didn't catch the slight sarcastic tone in Ron's voice seconds before??? Oooh my God... I laughed so fuckin hard.... Ron yelled, "I wasn't asking you to represent your race!"
Whew.... Oh yeah... So anyway, after all the hypnotizin... You guys were asking Earl, if after seeing them all, did he still not believe? As a bit of an exercise, Don put Dave back under and when he'd awake he'd be Earl's grandmother in Heaven..... I thought... "Oooh! Here comes a chokin'! A good ole fashioned chokin'!!"
Dave as Earl's grandma reported down from above..."I'm taking a cloud boat over to Noah...Forget about the boat, I'm gonna ride you!" From there she was off! "Hi Earl, are you still a fuck-up?" and, "Me and Joan of Arc watched you spank it with your socks on... Right before she ate me out!"
Arcs..arks... Maybe they live close by each other in Heaven... same neighborhood.... or something like that.... cause neighborhoods in Heaven are organized like the phone book....? No that doesn't.... make sense... Why the hell am I sittin here wondering how Earl's grandma managed to scrump wit two highly recognizable religious figure types ....thinkin, "heh, what are the chances?" ...Heaven's big up there, right....and both of em....with....ark...and arc..... maybe they live near each other in Heaven? I'm leaving this paragraph here just so you can know the monstrously inane and senseless reasoning that goes on with me... Proof and documentation... cause... it's just stupid. But I caught myself.... and now maybe I will learn a lesson about making sense.
Anyway... Remember when Dave as Earl's grandma announced, "Earl, I'm a squirter!" "Samuel Beckett loves my heaven juice!"
Oooh man.... What had me fuckin rollin was that throughout all of those blurted out confessions from Heaven, sporadically Ronnie would exclaim with an air of disgust that was just barely covering amusement, "OH EARL.... That's your grandmother!!!!"
I waited and waited for the chokes, but they never came! You guys brought that up to Earl too.... like...."What's different today??" Earl wouldn't attack Dave's throat, explaining that he didn't want to risk it as Dave, "was in a, 'state.' "
So seems like Earl does believe in hypnotism now...? I do think that I recall him saying that he'd do it next time.... Hmmmm.....
Oooh you know what else was great... When Don had Dave thinking that he was on the show as he was last year, ready to propose to Casey...like he did.... I just wanted to note that it was sooo sweet all over again.... like I might have gotten a little choked up..... it was all awwwww........ So the chokes did come after all, but in much different way than I had expected, yes? (Raises eyebrow, nods wisely)
I tell ya what.... I believe that hypnosis is real.... I'm really curious to feel what it's like.. and yet I have this nagging notion that I probably would be a person who would have trouble gettin hypnotized.....which probably doesn't lend itself to makin it easier.. Arrr! Then I was thinkin though....I mean.. I just fuckin trance out , staring into space at times, stuck in my head... sooo... maybe......maybe it would work! I'm always in and out of trances, after all....
Ahhh, well what did I say....very curious.....especially as everyone commented afterward about how sooo wonderfully relaxed they felt.... It's just very interesting to me....that removing that thin layer of consciousness reveals this level of creativity and funniness and weird shite that can emerge without the impediments of having reservations.... It's all right there.... Does that make sense? I'm saying... everyone did so well.... I mean, the lines that were flyin out left and right..... I have to say, Fezzie in particular was just fuckin hysterical..... I kept having this thought... "His subconscious is soooo funny too...." Deeeeply rooted funniness..... It's all right there.... Hmmm.... I know I'm not explainin that as well as I wanna.... but I'm starting to feel deeeeeeeply guilty about typing more words for your eyes to read.....
One more thing... GREAT fuckin show.... Best hypnotism show ever.... You peoples rule hypnotism....
Signed,
kathleen from the Bronx :):):)