Finding a Great Guy..... Outrageous Thought??

[Friday]

So all of us girls have had our share of losers come in and out of our lives.

I am posing the question to you boys of the board.

Is it really so hard to find a man who will treat us well, love us for our strengths and our flaws, and put up with our crap?

I have not lost hope. Not by a long shot.

But I am wondering what you men have to say... do tell!

[PapaBear]

I honestly wouldn't know what to say other than being 41 and broke hasn't done much for my own prospects. Don't worry Friday. Though the wait sucks, you still have plenty of time.

[KnoxHarrington]

I find great guys at interstate rest stops all the time. It's easy. Just hang out in a stall and wait.

[FUNKMAN]

not easy... a women has a better chance when she is secure in herself and her sexuality and is willing to let the man chase her and be ready to leave him if he doesn't love and respect her. what happens outside the bedroom is as important as what happens inside the bedroom...

[Jughead]

Friday..You are beautiful I have seen your pictures so I am not just saying that......Look to your friends to match you up ..You have so many I know....You have to you are so sweet and smart........Friday Net... Please call 818 and come to the office...:smile:..Juggy

[jauble]

I dont think its such a rediculous thought, moreover its the way people (both genders) approach finding a partner that makes it rediculous. We look for the complete package which means we aren't really paying attention to the things in front of you that will actually make the most sense.

These are mine but you can have them.

http://www.guitar.com/uploaded/profile_images/forum_2f455681_two_cents_small.jpg

[Kris10]

Don't look for him, he'll find you.

[PapaBear]

Don't look for him, he'll find you.
I agree with this, however it can be a mistake. I have a long history of not making the first move. Almost every relationship I've ever had wouldn't have happened, if they hadn't found me, instead of the other way around.

[TheGameHHH]

Don't look for him, he'll find you.

exactly........im currently looking for a good girl using this philosophy and i havent lost hope either.

"there are a million fine looking women in the world dude, but they don't all bring you lunch at work. most of them just cheat on ya."

[Yerdaddy]

My opinion, which is necessarily full of generalizations and

Women aren't hard-wired for picking the best mate for modern life. Human's evolved in a nasty, violent world and women are hard-wired to seek out men that are good protectors and providers - but in a cave man world.

This innate attraction is off-set to varying degrees by modern concepts of civilized society, like respect for women's wishes, sharing household chores, nurturing children, emotional complexity, and coping with the modern intellect-driven world. In many ways the two overlap. But utlimately, because humans have almost guaranteed their own survival to the age of child-bearing, our physical selves have stopped evolving in an entirely different age.

So you get OJ and other men completey unable to cope wth the concept of losing a mate to another male - unheard of in human evolutionary periods. You've got male impulses to dominate and impregnate every woman they see.

And, to finally get to the point, you've got female attraction to strong, dominant males - a virtue to survival in a long-gone era - but a curse in today's world.

If I had a nickle for every time I suggested to a woman that she seek out the nice guy too shy to approach her but who she knows wants to, only to hear her say: "Ew. How boring." well, I'd have so much money women would actually be attracted to me.

But that's the dilema that you modern women have to face - your own struggle against your nature. It's a staple of feminist and post-feminist writing that modern men are to blame on the playing field of gender relations because we've refused to sublimate our primitive desires to fight and/or fuck everything we see to the more docile and nurturing demands of modern relationships. What is conveniently left out of the literature, (since there's rarely an opportunity in today's feminism to actualy listen to men), is that men who personify these aggressive and insensive traits women claim to hate so much tend to do very well with women. And it's patently obvious - to all men, nice guy or not - that nice guys finish last. In other words, women, in general, and including a great deal of the feminists I've known, reward bad behavior in men and punish the good. Because you women have not acknowledged your own innate desires beyond admitting that you're attracted to "bad boys". Most women seem to have gone through a period of dating exclusively "assholes" - a period that may last through one asshole or whole armies of them, depending on the individual woman's tolerance of the pain that comes with these relationships. But what you generally haven't done is acknowledge that this is something that is counter to what you tell yourselves and your Friend Zone male friends when you're hurting in the aftermath of one of these shit relationships and it's you that have to overcome your own innate nature and that by not doing so you've trained a large segment of the male population that it is in thier interest, (the interest of obtaining sex and/or intimacy with women), to be aggressive and insensitive.

So, after being raised by women and spending 30-odd years in "The Friend Zone" councelling women to avoid dating assholes while knowing they're going to do the exact opposite of what my advice is, (and listening repeatedly to the self-denying statements like "Why can't I meet a nice guy like you, Yerdaddy?"), this is my advice:

Ask yourself what you're intrinsically attracted to. Not logically. Not what you should be attracted to, or what you're attracted to when you've been fucked over once again. Then ask yourself what you want in a relationship with a man - logically. Then find a way to find an acceptable ballance. If you're really used to assholes then you may truly find yourself bored with "nice guys". But much of that could be because you only know bad relationships and good relationships are different and different is scary and disorienting, (why so many women go from abusive relationship to abusive relationship). You have to know that what you really want IS going to be and feel different, and it takes time to get comfortable with and appreciate the value of a different kind of relationship. It's not just about you finding different men - it's about you changing yourself to appreciate being with a different kind of man.

In short, I think this is a process that most women have to go through - learning to recognize that what they're attracted to isn't necessarily going to make them happy, and learning to change what they're attracted to so that they can be happy with the right man. I've seen it happen a thousand times and it's not always easy - men are often taught by our fathers, by other men, and by the carrots and sticks of women's attentions, to be really good liars. But sooner or later, it's the process most women have to go through to overcome their nature and have a healthy and happy relationship with a decent guy.

And, in the mean time, there's always a Welcome mat in front of Gvac's package.

[thepaulo]

all men are losers...pick one....and whip him into shape.

(and I mean literally)

[A.J.]

Only if you're looking on this messageboard.

[Sinestro]

Nice guys are out there.........but they're your "friends".

[jonyrotn]

all men are losers...pick one....and whip him into shape.

(and I mean literally)
Don't listen to this guy, he bored his last wife to DEATH...



I understand you're plight..Finding the perfect partner is not easy..Most people just settle for what's on todays menu..I know what it's like to feel like you will never find the right one..I'm 36 and have never been married or had a real chance to settle down with someone who I thought I would enjoy for the rest of my life and I know for a fact there are a shit load of men out here in the same boat, for one reason or another... So you're not alone in your search for someone to love....

So, that being said..It's only fair I tell you that I checked out the photos of you in the gallery, and you GORGEOUS!! That fact that you're not wearing a diamond the size of a oven stuffer roaster, speaks only to the actuality that you are a "picky" female ..Picky in the finest sense of the word..

Friday, it's clear to me, just by watching you negotiate the RonFez.Net aspect of your life, that you enjoy nice things...High quality and lavish accoutrements... Good foods, good drinks, exciting entertainment, Johan Santana and more of life's peripheral, ancillary entrapments...But obviously your biggest need and desire is, as it should be...Beautiful relationships..The truth is, you would have already met, married and quite possibly been devorced by now if you accepted mediocrity..Most women do..You don't..That makes you AWSOME...

My point, which you know as well as anyone, I can never seem to get to, is.... Please don't give up hope.You're way to SMART, way to BEATUIFUL and bring way to much to the table to give up...He is out there and he's not far ( have you checked Niagra Falls, Ontario Canada) ..If he hasn't found you already, which is very possible...He will find you soon...Be patient and make yourself available and approachable..Keep an open mind and open legs, that way at least you'll get some enjoyment out of the hunt Mr.Footlong..

You may or may not read this post, I know how you feel about me...But if you do please know that I respect who you are and I'm rooting for you to find what you're looking for..You deserve it Friday..Had this this been a month ago I would have thrown my hat into the ring, only because I know I'm everything you're looking for in a man..And then some (ceptin' the footlong)..But, alas I'm now involved with a woman who you very much remind me of, and she's fucking AWSOME...

Please read this post again and imagine I was looking you directly in the eyes the entire time...

Suggested play list: (no homo) Black Eyed Peas/Lisa Stansfield/Erica Badu/Connick JR...
Stay away from Alanis Morrisette's old shit..

PS...FUCK CASPER GOMEZ AND FUCK THE FUCKING DIAZ BROTHERS...

[Heather 8]

Don't look for him, he'll find you.

Or a mutual friend will find each other for you (happened in my case :wub: ).

[Tall_James]

Or a mutual friend will find each other for you (happened in my case :wub: ).

That's the way it happened for me as well.

[topless_mike]

dont look. he'll come to you. (has this already been said? )
when you least expect it, or the situation is most unlikely, you will find your shining star.

gah gah gah horsecrap. i'm sure you've heard this all before. but seriously. do your thang and karma will take care of the rest.

if that doesnt work, call me.

[realmenhatelife]

girls need to ask themselves why they keep falling for a dudes bullshit. I know a guy is shitty in two seconds, why does it take a girl 8 months?

also, you could readjust your priorities. girls are so set on nesting that when they cross the axis where 'trouble of compromising' becomes greater than 'benefit of relationship' they act like its a failure and theyve had an x month setback in their goal of settling down. for whatever reason they think that a guy will act like they do, and give a relationship the benefit of the doubt when pressured- but we dont, we cut and run.

its not like there are just a bunch of villians walking around- basically (generalizing, obviously it's not 100%) anyone who complains that they have the 'worst luck in relationships' is probably themselves to blame. for girls its probably that they totally ignore all the signals they should be picking up because they're so focused on unrealistic potential, and for guys its probably that they're assholes who act out their emotional problems and make the relationship implode.

the concept of the 'hopeless romantic' is fucking terrible, its just some dude who is the common denominator in a bunch of bad relationships.

[Furtherman]

Is it really so hard to find a man who will treat us well, love us for our strengths and our flaws, and put up with our crap?

No. Just do the same.

[Freakshow]

Short answer, Yes with an if.... long answer, No, with a but

[IamFogHat]

I'm a great guy, but I'm taken, sorry.:innocent:

[tupper65]

Ya know, being that I don't know anybody who posts on this board personally, I usually steer clear of posting in threads like this, but if I hear the "why aren't there any great guys out there?" question one more time, I'm gonna lose my head. The answer is that there are plenty of great guys and girls out there but since most of us aren't "players" or have "the gift of gab", we either don't get noticed or are just simply overlooked in the usual pickup places (bars, clubs, etc.). Before I met my wife (who by they way was through a mutual acquaintence), I can't tell you how frustrating it was trying to meet people the type of person that I wanted to be with in an environment like that. How can you get to know people who don't "play the game" if you are looking in an environment that is full of game players.

Don't get me wrong, I only know you from the boards, but in reading your posts, you sound like a very nice person, and I'm not saying that you are one of those people who only will talk to the male models of the bunch. All I'm saying is that, in my personal experience, the only way that I really got to know someone was meeting them one-on-one, without all of the bullshit and competition that goes on in the crowd setting, and getting to know them. I learned more about what my wife was all about (and vice versa) during our "set up" date, than I could have ever learned in a "pick-up" scenario.

Please excuse me for rambling on. I really hope that you find the type of person that you're looking for.

[LaBoob]

Be true to yourself... love yourself for who you are...


...it sounds cliche, but it's true. Once you exude confidence and love for yourself, believe me, people will notice.

[RhinoinMN]

Be true to yourself... love yourself for who you are...


...it sounds cliche, but it's true. Once you exude confidence and love for yourself, believe me, people will notice.

This is true. I have never met Friday in person, but I have chatted with her.

I have noticed just through the magic of chat. I can only imagine she would be like in person.

The man that she is waiting for is very close.

There are great guys out there, but a lot of them have been burned badly early in their life. This kills their confidence so in turn they aren't very noticeable.

It will happen.

[Snacks]

So all of us girls have had our share of losers come in and out of our lives.

I am posing the question to you boys of the board.

Is it really so hard to find a man who will treat us well, love us for our strengths and our flaws, and put up with our crap?

I have not lost hope. Not by a long shot.

But I am wondering what you men have to say... do tell!

the quick answer in NO!

could it?, i guess. but men have insecurities too and we have had our share of loser women in our lives. I think women take it much harder then men. men have overly high expectations of how hot they want their girl to be. but women have overly high expectations on how loving and understanding they expect their man to be. we need to all meet in the middle but it never happens.


not easy... a women has a better chance when she is secure in herself and her sexuality and is willing to let the man chase her and be ready to leave him if he doesn't love and respect her. what happens outside the bedroom is as important as what happens inside the bedroom...


i couldnt agree more. for women its all about emotions and how they feel they are being treated or loved. for men it has a lot to do with sex and visuals (looks).

[Brad_Rush]

four words:

Craigs List Casual Encounters

[smiler grogan]

This is one of those truly unanswerable questions, there is no true right orwrong. I met my wife at work we were both in commited relationships. It just so happened that we were single at the same time and went to the movies as friends only neither one of us were looking for anything. I guess you could say we both relaxed and just let things happen.

[Jimsy's Girl]

Just don't over think the situations that you are placed in. If it feels good go with it. There has got to be some nice guys out there. I didn't think that there were, but then I met mine. And I was like, "holy crap! where have you been?" I dated someone for eight years and thought that was who I was going to be with til the end, not because it was awesome or anything. I just hadn't found anyone better. Then my perspective changed when I met someone that just got me (even though I am a nut sack...). So stop looking and wondering and he might just walk into a Mexican restaurant when you are are out with your friends. Just act like yourself, treat the guy right and he'll fall in love with you (if that's what he's looking for).
But don't be fooled, most of them just want to bone you. That could work out in your favor too...:wink:

[Furtherman]

I dated someone for eight years and thought that was who I was going to be with til the end, not because it was awesome or anything. I just hadn't found anyone better.

That's what too many women do - they settle.

Congrats Jimsy's Girl on finding someone better.

[spoon]

People usually get, exactly what they bring to the table. I see this with my friends, my co-workers and of course myself. If shit is constantly falling through for you, it's time to look at yourself. Love you Friday, but it's the truth.

And listen to the wise Funk, he makes some fine points. I'm sure Yerdaddy did too, but I'm already in the middle of two books as we speak.

[Kris10]

Sorry! Wrong place for jokes!

[LaBoob]

Friday - I think one thing that's helped me is realizing that no man is "perfect"... people waste a lot of time (myself included) looking for the perfect guy. When you realize that person doesn't exist, it makes excepting their flaws easier.

I really should take my own advice...

Needless to say, it's not an easy thing to accept and move past.

[Hosp]

Women don't know what they want. When they're in a relationship that sucks, they will say they want the sweet, nice guy who makes them laugh and listens, then second they're single they will be "on the market" and will look to fulfill the fantasy more so then their needs and end up in the same situation.

I think I'm a catch. I hear that I'm funny, thoughtful, knows how to cook and everything else women claim they're looking for, yet I can never meet anyone.

I have no real answer for you, I just saw the opportunity to bitch about the situations I always find myself in. (And got a text from the most recent example of this as I was typing this)

[Friday]

The man that she is waiting for is very close.


i think you may just be correct.

*teehee* :happy:

[weekapaugjz]

dont look. he'll come to you. (has this already been said? )
when you least expect it, or the situation is most unlikely, you will find your shining star.

gah gah gah horsecrap. i'm sure you've heard this all before. but seriously. do your thang and karma will take care of the rest.

this exact thing happened to me. as anyone who has read my posts in "that's life" knows my struggles with women and me completely overthinking things. pretty much the moment i gave up all hope on the last one, i found i chick i couldn't be happier with.

i came to the conclusion the past chick wasn't worth the shit she was putting me through on a sat. the following monday a my best friend and his chick were going to meet some friends at a margarita night and i decided to go along. i walk in and my eyes were immediately drawn to this one girl in the restaurant. turns out she was one of the people we were meeting. we had a little small talk going through out the night and had a few cigarettes outside. i asked my friend about her later that night and it turned out she had asked her friend about me. we went out to dinner the next thursday and have been together since.

it was the last thing i could have expected. and it has turned out better than i could have ever hoped.

friday, your man is out there. and to think, you could have had me way back last summer if i had only lived closer to nj. :wink:

[K.C.]

put up with our crap?



That's usually where I run into problems. I'd like to think I'm a very good guy and treat women very well.

The problem is that chicks seem to take advantage of that, and almost become too dependent on me, and nagging-like, and get annoyed when I don't want to spend all my time with them, or want things for myself....so I just get very weirded out and develop this almost animalistic instinct to flee the scene.


Basically, chicks get the best relationships out of me when we both have healthy separate lives on the side of the realtionship. The ones I have the most problems with are the girls who stop hanging out with their friends after they start dating and only want to do stuff with me. Because then they almost immediately put pressure on me to do the same thing.

They become way too needy.

[weekapaugjz]

Just don't over think the situations that you are placed in. If it feels good go with it. There has got to be some nice guys out there. I didn't think that there were, but then I met mine. And I was like, "holy crap! where have you been?" I dated someone for eight years and thought that was who I was going to be with til the end, not because it was awesome or anything. I just hadn't found anyone better. Then my perspective changed when I met someone that just got me (even though I am a nut sack...). So stop looking and wondering and he might just walk into a Mexican restaurant when you are are out with your friends. Just act like yourself, treat the guy right and he'll fall in love with you (if that's what he's looking for).
But don't be fooled, most of them just want to bone you. That could work out in your favor too...:wink:

trust me, you're not a nut sack

[epo]

My experience has thought me that when you completely aren't looking for that great relationship...is generally when it stares you in the face. When that chance comes, be willing to take that risk and plunge in headfirst!

Although, sometimes you need to be careful because us boys can smell funny.

[RhinoinMN]

My experience has thought my that when you completely aren't looking for that great relationship...is generally when it stares you in the face. When that chance comes, be willing to take that risk and plunge in headfirst!

Although, sometimes you need to be careful because us boys can smell funny.

Like liverwurst and Old Dutch jalpeno potato chips?

[Friday]

Like liverwurst and Old Dutch jalpeno potato chips?

delicious!