tried to kill myself last night

[Chainsaw]

I took a whole bunch of Ambien, a handful of Clonazepam, a bunch of Vicodin, and drank until I passed out....woke up this morning. Kind of disappointed. I don't have a gun, I went to buy one but have to wait a week for it.

I know everyone will say that life is beautiful, but it can also be painful, really really painful, and I just don't enjoy the day anymore....I just want to sleep and be gone. I've been to therapists, been on medications, I've really tried to make this work, but I'm tired of it...

Needed to vent, no responses needed.

[Dougie Brootal]

what the fuck dude? why? what happened?

[drjoek]

Budday
Reach out to someone to help, Please

[Knowledged_one]

Dude this is serious business and you need to get in contact with some people to deal with this. Vent all you want people here will listen

[Furtherman]

I don't know if you're serious but if you are, you need tough love. We all have problems. I have pain. I get up and move on. Set a goal everyday, so that at the end of the day you feel you've accomplished something.

Suicide is for COWARDS.

You know whose heart you'll break? Your Mom's. Dad will hurt too. Siblings? Could go either way.

Friends? They'll get over it. A lot quicker than you think.

But you put them through this unnecessarily? You're the bad guy.

You won't get sympathy.

[TheMojoPin]

CS, please find someone to talk to about this ASAP. A mesage board isn't going to cut it.

Call 1-800-784-2433 or 1-800-273-8255 NOW. There's also a number of local lines you can call in NC that you can find at this link. (http://suicidehotlines.com/northcarolina.html) Please call one of them.

[DOHO@HOME]

you are looking for help and you should seek it out.
there is alot of places you can find it so do yourself a solid and seek out some help.:sad:

[Furtherman]

Not exactly the best avatar for this thread, Doho@Home.

[Jughead]

CS, please find someone to talk to about this ASAP. A mesage board isn't going to cut it.

Call 1-800-784-2433 or 1-800-273-8255 NOW. There's also a number of local lines you can call in NC that you can find at this link. (http://suicidehotlines.com/northcarolina.html) Please call one of them. ..Do this asap...

[mendyweiss]

Mendy Says Don't Do It.

[led37zep]

Dude,

Please go get help. No matter how big your problem is there are at least 1000 other people who have been in your boat before. Find a group, attend a meeting, hell PM me and I'll try and help.

Maybe you just need to talk to people who can understand and relate to what you're going through right now.

But please go get help.

[Tall_James]

Again....


Call 1-800-784-2433 or 1-800-273-8255 NOW. There's also a number of local lines you can call in NC that you can find at this link. Please call one of them.

[booster11373]

Dude Im in North Carolina I can maybe help or at least listen

Ive struggled with depression and anxiety myself you are not alone

[King Hippos Bandaid]

wow

dude, u just had a nice vacation away in the Islands

you have your Health , dude call the Numbers Above

[SPeeDy_Freak]

If this is real (and at times I question the validity of some of the posts here), get some help.

Posting here is a sign that perhaps you still want help. It's never too late to reach out to someone.

[Badinia]

I don't have anything to add to the great advice above, but I want to chime in so you know that people do care about you and want you to keep showing up.

[Kris10]

PM ME NOW!

WHERE THE FUCK HAVE YOU BEEN???? I haven't heard from you in ages and you KNOW how to get ahold of me!

[SyndicateParish]

I hear ya bro.
I've been in that same spot, that fucked up spot where the relaxation starts to take over after making the decision and you know it's real. No, life is not as picturesque as some would have it, but give this shit some time to stew, and give the people around you a chance to help.

[ChimneyFish]

I know everyone will say that life is beautiful, but it can also be painful, really really painful, and I just don't enjoy the day anymore....I just want to sleep and be gone. I've been to therapists, been on medications, I've really tried to make this work, but I'm tired of it...


Dude, I live this same life every FUCKING day.
You're not special.
You're not the only one who wants it over with.
Wake The Fuck Up.

Trust me. I have these exact thoughts on a daily basis.
You know what turned me around a bit????

A few years ago, my friends father shot himself.
One the most respectful, respectable men I have ever met.(the man came to my mothers' funeral, when he had never even met the woman)
He took the easy way out.

I don't know if you fully realize how much unimaginable pain you're going to leave for others in your wake.
I've seen it first hand.
The people around you don't deserve that, no matter what kind of people they are.

You might want the pain to stop(as a lot of us do), but maybe try thinking about putting all the pain you're feeling now on the shoulders of others.

Don't be a jackass about this.

[Justice4all]

Again....


Call 1-800-784-2433 or 1-800-273-8255 NOW. There's also a number of local lines you can call in NC that you can find at this link. Please call one of them.


There are many more people who feel what you are feeling. I was one of them. Many others here too (who have posted this)

Please call someone before you do anything else!!!!!!!!!!!!!


And Mojo is right...this place isn't going to cut it.
You need some serious help.


For all our sakes please get it.


Good luck buddy. We'll ALL be pulling for you.

[mugby43]

I took a whole bunch of Ambien, a handful of Clonazepam, a bunch of Vicodin, and drank until I passed out....woke up this morning. Kind of disappointed. I don't have a gun, I went to buy one but have to wait a week for it.

I know everyone will say that life is beautiful, but it can also be painful, really really painful, and I just don't enjoy the day anymore....I just want to sleep and be gone. I've been to therapists, been on medications, I've really tried to make this work, but I'm tired of it...

Needed to vent, no responses needed.

1) your experience is not unusual. i also frequently consider escaping life's pain by the ultimate escape. life is pain. reaching out (as you have) is a good thing. this dark time too shall pass.

2) as someone previously posted, suicide hurts others so much, they don't deserve it. I have also seen what can do to people i care about when someone they knew, or loved, or were simply realated to, took the easy way out. sometimes this is the only thing that kept me from follwing through.

i also have done the psychotherapy, medication, disclosing to loved ones and strangers and sometimes god, route with middling sucess for over 20 years. these things help somewhat, but in the end you are the only one who can do the work.

[Knowledged_one]

I am pretty sure that on Deadliest Catch a fisherman they picked up out of the sea said his dad told him the following

Life may suck, but the alternative is unacceptable

Just keep that in mind

[Death Metal Moe]

I'm not going to say I know EXACTLY how you feel but I was in a very bad place a few years ago. In between jobs, depressed as hell. I thought about offing myself everyday.

I can only urge you to call someone or go to the hospital and try to get help.

It didn't help me at the time to hear this but it doesn't stay like that forever. You can at least get glimpses of hope, and they are worth living through the shit for.

Please go talk to someone.

[TheMojoPin]

CS, please find someone to talk to about this ASAP. A mesage board isn't going to cut it.

Call 1-800-784-2433 or 1-800-273-8255 NOW. There's also a number of local lines you can call in NC that you can find at this link. (http://suicidehotlines.com/northcarolina.html) Please call one of them.

Call.

[IamPixie]

call the numbers previously posted!!!!! Pain is temporary and when good comes your way (and it will) it will taste that much sweeter. We love you budday, and we're glad you're still with us. The summer is quickly approaching, go to the beach, or the mountains or the lakes and enjoy nature's splendor. Just soak it all in.

<object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/oMsk-lzppNg&hl=en"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/oMsk-lzppNg&hl=en" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object>

[Death Metal Moe]

Nevermind, they deleted it. Good.

Get help my friend, please.

[keithy_19]

I just had someone very close to me try to comit suicide. There is nothing that happens in life that is worth taking your own. Nothing.

Take the advice given to you. Call that number. Open up to others.

[mugby43]

i hope it helps

[IamPixie]

pixie, i was very moved by that video! its message is right on
it's a lot more eloquent than I could ever hope to be.

[Jimsy's Girl]

I am so glad your attempts didn't take... The urge will pass, just wait it out. There is nothing wrong with my life and I think of how much I might like to to be done with it all sometimes. You're only human! You didn't want responses, but but you put it out there anyway. You obviously do want some help. Anything that we could say is cliche, but sometimes those are the words that you need to hear. If all that shit you took didn't do the job there is a reason for you to be here. Find out what that is and it might give you a purpose and some meaning in your everyday. XOXO

[BronxJohnny]

Killing yourself is a greedy act man. You suffer now but when you go its your family that pays. If you don't wanna live for yourself do it for someone you love man. You gotta love someone think about their life without you and how impossible it would be to replace that piece of who you are are to their life. Get some professional help and find something to love homie shits bad but at least your not Earl (trying my hand at levity dont presacute me for that).

[SatCam]

Is life really that bad?


Think about it and reply back to this thread

[Badinia]

Give us a shout back, let us know what's up.

[AKA]

CS, please find someone to talk to about this ASAP. A mesage board isn't going to cut it.

Call 1-800-784-2433 or 1-800-273-8255 NOW. There's also a number of local lines you can call in NC that you can find at this link. (http://suicidehotlines.com/northcarolina.html) Please call one of them.

CALL NOW!

[NickyL0885]

bro, i know what its like. when u think life sucks. ive been there. im fat, so ive been picked on most my life. i would cry everyday after school, work etc. there were nights where i would stare at the knife in the draw. but what kept me from doing it was my friends an family. b/c even if things werent going my way in some aspects in life, at least i had people to talk to and laugh with, friends especially. id miss hanging out with them. having great times. you cant have those anymore when ur dead. now, my life is great. im, depending on label approval, am going to manage my friends band. get to leave my bank job to tour around the country and have fun. i got loads of friends, im going to be godfather to my sisters second kid, whom was born today. so, things will get better. cheer up kid. :smile:

[ChrisTheCop]

A dentist committing suicide?
Do you really wanna become part of that statistic?

Please dont.

Seriously though, we've all had our problems, and many have felt very close to how you were feeling when you wrote this post. We made it through, and so can you.

Please do.

NC may be far away physically, but look at all the friends you have here who are concerned about you. We are family at RonFez.net, and we care about eachother.

We care about you.

Call the numbers provided, or PM me and I'll give you my phone number and we can shoot the shit. No psycho-babble, just talking. and listening.

[CofyCrakCocaine]

Definitely. Suicide's not the way you ought to go. Everyone cares about you here.

One kid in my old school committed suicide the night before senior year ended. He had already been inducted into some prestigious Ivy League school that I will not name for the sake of privacy to his family.

But yeah... I hate that kid. I know everyone gets upset at me for this. But it's exactly what happens when people needlessly kill themselves. If you are terminally ill or doomed to a life of homelessness that you'd rather not experience, or whatever else it is that truly ruins your life, then suicide I find morally tolerable. Hemingway is an example.

His poor parents are doomed to the rest of their lives feeling miserable and dying on the inside every single night. Even if they weren't the greatest parents for whatever reasons, if they inherently love their child, this act has effectively ruined them. And if they found that no matter what, they couldn't deal with the pain anymore of this kid's selfish act (which I guess he thought would show up some girl who snubbed him or a plethora of reasons) then I guess it would be...semi-OK if they decided to end it for themselves. They don't deserve that pain and it's something my young mind cannot comprehend and hope to never comprehend. He was their only child. What a complete, selfish waste.

You're a better guy than that Chainsaw. You really are. If you need help, get help. Be that friends you can rely upon, professionals, or even a hospital (though that is a complete and utterly LAST resort- if you can't help yourself from trying again, then you might want to give them a call)... it's worthwhile to give it a try.

[drusilla]

isn't there a way that the cops can track down his address through his ip or something so that an ambulance or cops could go to his house to take him to get the help he needs? i know i've seen it on tv a lot, but that would be pretty useful right about now.

i would think that many people in his situation wouldn't actively do anything about it until they were forced to get help.

[Thebazile78]

isn't there a way that the cops can track down his address through his ip or something so that an ambulance or cops could go to his house to take him to get the help he needs? i know i've seen it on tv a lot, but that would be pretty useful right about now.

i would think that many people in his situation wouldn't actively do anything about it until they were forced to get help.

I was just thinking the same thing this morning because I was worried.

[Knowledged_one]

not sure if there is a way to do this but can it be checked to see if has logged in recently?

(Mods go ahead and delete this post, not sure how/if this can be done and dont want to derail the thread)

[reillyluck]

not sure if there is a way to do this but can it be checked to see if has logged in recently?

(Mods go ahead and delete this post, not sure how/if this can be done and dont want to derail the thread)

He logged in at 7:30am this morning.

[spoon]

Come on Chainsaw, even the little things in life make it worth it. Find help in any way you can and make this work. CCC made some great points about you, but you definitely need to get some help. Most things that bring us down are episodic and will go away with time. Sure you may be prone to depression, but something of late has you more down than normal and you have to realize that things will change. Also, things (meds/doctors) may have not worked out just yet, but that breakthrough may be right around the corner. You can't give up like this, ever. Go out fighting, no matter what your plight might be. We all have our own.

Life is waiting for you.

<object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/tDxVkmPSAAk&hl=en"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/tDxVkmPSAAk&hl=en" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object>

[spoon]

A perfect follow up.

Seriously listen to the words.....

<object width="425" height="355"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/21fz4eQITro&hl=en"></param><param name="wmode" value="transparent"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/21fz4eQITro&hl=en" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent" width="425" height="355"></embed></object>

[Dougie Brootal]

not to derail, but i never pictured spoon as an o.l.p. fan. guess ya never know.



anyway chainsaw, get back on here and tell us your gonna call these numbers or do something.

[spoon]

not to derail, but i never pictured spoon as an o.l.p. fan. guess ya never know.



anyway chainsaw, get back on here and tell us your gonna call these numbers or do something.

Yah, love them (just like Phish) but they just fit perfectly.

Check in CS, let us know all is getting better. :happy:

[ChrisTheCop]

He logged in at 7:30am this morning.

Great news.

Cmon Chainsaw, let your buddays know youre ok.... ok?

[ChimneyFish]

Friend,
Have you ever thought at any moment since yesterday, that maybe you waking up yesterday morning might be a fucking sign from something out there in the universe trying to tell you, "Hey, it's not your time yet. This isn't where your story ends."????

Take some time, and try to see the big picture, my friend.

[Chainsaw]

Hey guys,

I just wanted to say I'm sorry for causing this drama. I never meant to worry anyone or sound selfish. I will try to get help.

I am very sorry again. You are all very amazing people. Thank you-

[ChrisTheCop]

Nice to see ya budday!
Thats great news.

Thanx for coming on and letting us know youre ok.

[Dougie Brootal]

thanks for lettin us know budday! i hope you feel better.

[TheMojoPin]

Hey guys,

I just wanted to say I'm sorry for causing this drama. I never meant to worry anyone or sound selfish. I will try to get help.

I am very sorry again. You are all very amazing people. Thank you-

So happy to see you back agan, CS!

[Hottub]

The update is appreciated. Get yourself together, get some help, and keep us updated on your progress.
We got your back, man.

[marcpsych]

I am glad that you are feeling better. Please still make sure you go ahead and get treatment ASAP. Call the help numbers listed ASAP.

Please know that we all care for you and care about what happens to you. No one wants to see you get hurt, and I presume that your family and friends top that list.

From my time in the mental health field, I know and have borne witness to the fact that suicide causes tremendous pain and suffering for surviving family members and friends. You don't want to lay that on anybody, my friend. That's one decision that truly and sadly is final when it is unfortunately carried out to its end. THAT's IT. You don't want to do that. The fact that you woke up should let you know that you have lots more life to live and love to give.

I have seen many people who were as depressed as you and even probably moreso (some as depressed and suicidal as a person can be) bounce back in a great way, but only after making or accepting the step to get help. That is no bullshit. It has happened time and again. There is hope, and your condition has been experienced and overcome by many, even if your circumstances are unique. There are better days, even if it is hard to realize that now.

Please update us on how you are feeling. Hopefully you did not actually apply for the gun permit. What is the status on that? Please stay away from guns at all costs.

You want to be smart and not put yourself (and others) in a physical harm position in a bad case scenario. Guns are bad (mmkay) if you are really depressed, and being drunk and/or high is also not a good thing when depressed in this way because people are much more likely to do something stupid in these scenarios when under the influence, even if they would not have otherwise. That is not me preaching. Those are the facts about guns, alcohol, drugs, and suicide.

I thought I might have seen someone say that you are a dentist. If so, you may understand how common these sorts of thoughts and feelings are for everyone but also for people in your profession. Treatment professionals understand this, and they might know about groups/treatment taking into account your profession.

Please let us know what's going on and how things are progressing for you.

Take care.

Marc

[Reephdweller]

Chainsaw I am really glad to see you posted an update. There is no need to feel sorry, being supportive is what we are here for and what this forum is about.

The main thing is to get help right away, I know you've said you will...and you really need to follow through with getting it. As someone else said a messageboard will not cut it. It's a great place to reach out, but your situation is way too serious and requires professional help. I implore you to get help as soon as possible. Beyond that we are also here for you for whatever you need.

Please keep checking in with updates to let us know how things are going.

[SinA]

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3058/2421925115_b54704603c_o.jpg

[Noelio]

I agree with the good people that posted a reply.

Don't do it.

Why?

#1) Your family will be fucked up forever and you will be to blame for ruining them.
----- If they are the problem... Drop them out temporarily and get your own life together.

#2) If we don't do something great in this life we are condemned by our own choice.
-----Do ANYTHING great. Write a book, take a shit, make a lonely old fella down the road smile and thank you for mowing his lawn or something.

#3) You won't have a shot at Lilly!!!
-----Even when Earl tries to make a chick stink, she's like the friggin wind bro!
-----Live for Lilly!

If the problems are financial...
-----Well Tippy Tom is one happy fucker and his legs aren't even fully rotted off yet!

If the belly grew too big and you can no longer suck your own dick...
----- Suck someone else's! Hey.... Is that what's wrong wih our beloved Fezzy? :)
(Kiddin Fez... Your belly could never grow big enough to hinder that bird...)

Dude... A lot of negative shit is in the news, in our lives etc but you need to reclaim it, share the fucking pain if people are upset by your new you. Fuck em! The best filter to ensure a good life is care about those who care about you and those who dont like you -you shouldn't pretend to like either.

LIVE man! We need your new attitude to be... Slam the fucking doors, stop letting the fuckers have the right of way, dont let those go in traffic that stick the arrogant asshole bonnets out into the street... Anyone TSKS at you, call them ugly and ask how their body succumbed to gravity at such a young age. Fuck everyone else as obviously you forgot about your own needs, wants and desires.

Otherwise I believe that if you fail suicide, you are doomed to succeed at life.

LOOK AT LILLY! :)

Why push daisies when theres Lilly! LOL!

Oh and ESD plays with poo and has shitties!!! How bad can it really be! :)
Even the Jester found a fuckin way to make it! (Sorry Dave, but you are an inspiration!)

Message me and I'll call you man. Don't do it! Every 202 listener needs to stay on this fucking earth! I've been there man but I know that's cliche. you need to fucking stay. XM shares will go down without you!!! HAHAHAHA!

Lilly '08!:wallbash:
Fuck she's hot.

[SatCam]

I've been down this road...the things you say I have said to myself...

Physiologically, the explanation could be that your serotonin levels are low/stressed. Serotonin is responsible for our "coping" mechanism...Have you been through a lot of changes, or recent stress? School can do it, a new job, a new city, lack of sleep, etc. If your body's serotonin level drops, things don't roll off your back as easily, you feel glum and mope around despite the fact that everything in your life could be appearing to go well...

The good news is that most of the time, this depression that you feel can be self-limiting and you can 'rehab' yourself with good restful sleep and a period of little to no stress (a little vacation would be great). Don't be afraid to ask your physician for a sleep aid like Ambien or Rozerem...

If this condition persists for several months (even beyond the winter time which could be explained by SADD), you may need some anti-anxiety meds that are known as SSRI's.

Shoot me a pm if you need more info...from what you said I know EXACTLY how you feel, I handled it without meds for a really long time (exercise, playing drums, etc), but with living in 3 states in 18 months, 3 jobs, 2 deaths in the family, a failing relationship, and 2 hospitalizations (including 1 surgery), I stopped being the happy-go-lucky guy I was and I got help. The best feeling in the world for me now is that I feel like my old self :clap:

All the best


What happened dude?

http://www.ronfez.net/forums/newreply.php?do=newreply&p=1542124

[Justice4all]

Glad to hear you will be getting help and you did not go thru with it.

I wish you all the best in your recovery and hope you come throught to that light at the other side of the tunnell.

We all have our pain in one form or another. So remember you are not alone with all this.



All the best of luck to you!

[Noelio]

1) More COWBELL!

2) Get an Atari 2600 and play megamania till you @ least reach the second level dice!

3) Lillies bloom in June! Mmmmmmm!:wub:

[thepaulo]

unfortunately there are lots of people who get lost in the cracks....

[keithy_19]

Good to see that you're going togo get some help.

Rememeber to keep your chin up, budday.

[SatCam]

Are you still there dude?

[Chainsaw]

Are you still there dude?

I know it had been a little while since this whole fiasco came about (i greatly apologize for that). For those who may have forgotten, I tried to kill myself with prescription meds almost a year and a half ago. I just wanted to update for those who may care or those looking for hope inspiration.

Before my ascent back up, i brought my pistol to work and waited for everyone to leave and hooked myself up to the nitrous oxide machine for a little anxiety reduction and maybe the courage to do it, however, i sedated myself too much and trying to revcover from that, I couldn't even begin to think of how to operate a pistol....so bottom had been reached.

After lots of time in personal reflection and working with a therapist, I started to feel myself get my feet underneath me. I took every day one at a time. I allowed myself to have bad days. I gave myself perspective, and it was very beneficial. I also started doing yoga and my life is different.

In short, I'm alive and happy to be alive. there are so many beautiful people and things in this world. It is the purpose of your life to enjoy all that surrounds us b/c we won't have it long. To all you RF net users, you guys are the beautiful people in this world. I am truly grateful for your responses. And I looked forward to this day that I could say "I'm doing alright!" Thank you, thank you, thank you! If I could ever be of help to someone, let me know I'd love to give back what was given to me.

[weekapaugjz]

awesome news budday! glad you are working stuff out. nothing is better in life than a clear head.

[PapaBear]

there are so many beautiful people and things in this world. It is the purpose of your life to enjoy all that surrounds us b/c we won't have it long.
Words to live by. Thanks, budday!:clap:

[razorboy]

Good thing. Stay strong, dude.

[yojimbo7248]

I know it had been a little while since this whole fiasco came about (i greatly apologize for that). For those who may have forgotten, I tried to kill myself with prescription meds almost a year and a half ago. I just wanted to update for those who may care or those looking for hope inspiration.

Before my ascent back up, i brought my pistol to work and waited for everyone to leave and hooked myself up to the nitrous oxide machine for a little anxiety reduction and maybe the courage to do it, however, i sedated myself too much and trying to revcover from that, I couldn't even begin to think of how to operate a pistol....so bottom had been reached.

After lots of time in personal reflection and working with a therapist, I started to feel myself get my feet underneath me. I took every day one at a time. I allowed myself to have bad days. I gave myself perspective, and it was very beneficial. I also started doing yoga and my life is different.

In short, I'm alive and happy to be alive. there are so many beautiful people and things in this world. It is the purpose of your life to enjoy all that surrounds us b/c we won't have it long. To all you RF net users, you guys are the beautiful people in this world. I am truly grateful for your responses. And I looked forward to this day that I could say "I'm doing alright!" Thank you, thank you, thank you! If I could ever be of help to someone, let me know I'd love to give back what was given to me.

great to hear you are doing better. You aren't alone.

[Tall_James]

Great to hear from you and that you are doing well. Keep it up, yoga is great. I watch it all the time on TV for the hot little bendy hosts!

[sr71blackbird]

Thanks for your words of inspiration! I have been depressed myself and you have helped me. Thank you and God bless and good luck in the New Year bro!

[A.J.]

Welcome back Chainsaw. Stay strong and all the best to you in the new year.

[denko]

when i hit about 18 or 19 the thought of punching out had started to creep into my brain. it grew stronger and stronger and just wouldn't go away. same thing, figured i'd either do it with drugs or a gun and would often imagine the whole thing, the pulling of the trigger and the sweet release of death that would soon follow. almost daily i would think of this until i was around 26. as much as i wanted to or as appealing as it sounded i never attempted it, and would just think to myself "ok, if it sucks so bad now it can only get better. give it another day, maybe a week" and so i did. i coaxed myself into living another day for about 7 years. i never told anyone about my thoughts or "plan" i guess for lack of a better term. then one day a met a nice young lady that really helped me. she made me feel like i was someone and she believed in me and helped me in many ways. i quit smoking, stopped drinking and "cut back" on the recreational drug use and even more recently i saw a doctor and they put me on zoloft and clonazapam for depression and anxiety and finally at the age of 30 i feel like i made the right choice in plowing through the shit because life isn't really that bad once you stop crying over what you didn't or don't have and learn to be thankful for what you do.

[thepaulo]

love and money solve all problems...if you don't have either of those, every day is a struggle.

[denko]

love and money solve all problems...if you don't have either of those, every day is a struggle.


if thats the attitude you have going in, then yes. i have neither of those now and i'm doing just fine. what would life be without struggle? you'd be one of these rich douche bags that are all over television and have no concept of reality or value. fuck that, gimme the struggle.

i have a house and car that i can BARELY afford now, a deaf dog thats 11 yrs old that got dumped in my lap and can't be left alone and list goes on and on. i don't let it bother me. whats the worst that could happen? i lose my car? my house? my dog dies? all things that can be replaced. not so much the dog, but you know what i'm saying. fuck it!

[thepaulo]

if thats the attitude you have going in, then yes. i have neither of those now and i'm doing just fine. what would life be without struggle? you'd be one of these rich douche bags that are all over television and have no concept of reality or value. fuck that, gimme the struggle.

Bravo, sir. You are strong. I am not. I need to be one of those privilaged douchebags to be happy. I feel like every month is going to be my last despite being very physically healthy.
Of course, things are even harder for those who don't believe in God. I am one who does but I don't have the comfort of an easy faith. I am in the dark and am constantly searching for answers. So far I just have an endless pile of theories about the meaning of life.
Not to be flip, God has not spoken to me yet.

[Penelope]

I'm glad this thread is here. Thank you for reaching out, and telling people instead of just doing something crazy. Things are always changing, so just ride out the pain. I don't want to lose ANY buddays. In my life I have lost two friends to suicide. One was a gunshot to the head, the other a hanging, one in 1999, the other in 2002. The horrible thing was they never reached out to me or any of my other friends know before they did it. They just went and did it. Neither left any sort of note or explanation. It seemed so selfish, and just . . . I still can't really sort out my feelings about these two people . . . I felt like they had really given us all the finger, and wanted to hurt us all badly . . . I don't have good feelings toward them anymore . . . Anyway, know you all are stronger than those people. Hugs and love to all.

[denko]

Bravo, sir. You are strong. I am not. I need to be one of those privilaged douchebags to be happy. I feel like every month is going to be my last despite being very physically healthy.
Of course, things are even harder for those who don't believe in God. I am one who does but I don't have the comfort of an easy faith. I am in the dark and am constantly searching for answers. So far I just have an endless pile of theories about the meaning of life.
Not to be flip, God has not spoken to me yet.

look at your life as something like an ice sculpture, sure its a big ugly hunk of shit now, but if you start to chip away at it here and there eventually it can be something beautiful. it takes work, you're not going to wake up one day and have everything be fixed. start with you attitude. that alone can change a lot of things. stop dwelling on the negative and pick one positive thing and go from there. put an end to this "bit" and harden the fuck up bro! i miss the movie reviews, get your shit together and get back to it.

[Doctor Z]

I'm glad Chainsaw shared his story here. It's a real life example of rock bottom and recovery, and proof that it IS possible.

It's always tough this time of year especially. The holidays just wrapped up, the new year has begun, and now we're kind of left in the quiet, alone, facing the rest of winter, to think about the past year and how shitty it was. That, even for a generally happy person, can leave you feeling horribly empty and depressed. Let's just use this story as inspiration, that things can get better.

[boosterp]

I am happy that you got the help you needed.

I've been to that dark place and never want to go back. I sometimes still struggle, have my off days, and cycle between great and not so great days but I am better equipped to handle it and have fewer of the bad days.

The point of this post is that you are not alone in your struggle. While the factor(s) that play into the cause(s) of your depression my be different than mine or others here we can still relate and lean on each other if need be.

[Arch Stanton]

Well done Chainsaw. Post more often. This place is packed with amazing people.

[Death Metal Moe]

I can't really get poetic and I'd never try to suggest I knew what you'd need to hear to live, but just remember this much:

There's always bacon.

Remember this, and smile.

[topless_mike]

nothing is better in life than a clear head.

aint this tha motha fuckin truth.

[Chainsaw]

Great to hear from you and that you are doing well. Keep it up, yoga is great. I watch it all the time on TV for the hot little bendy hosts!

the love of my life was a yoga chick---now that I'm practicing it I fell wrong to start stroking during class, but it's fair game if on TV...I now choose my women based on how well they can do standing splits and down-dog...

Thanks for the well wishes, I'm truly so happy to be "Back" with you guys-

[Chainsaw]

Bravo, sir. You are strong. I am not. I need to be one of those privilaged douchebags to be happy. I feel like every month is going to be my last despite being very physically healthy.
Of course, things are even harder for those who don't believe in God. I am one who does but I don't have the comfort of an easy faith. I am in the dark and am constantly searching for answers. So far I just have an endless pile of theories about the meaning of life.
Not to be flip, God has not spoken to me yet.

I can't imagine what you are going through/have been through. In re: to the money and love being a necessity, i agree/disagree with you.

I'm not bragging just telling you the truth. I'm a 30 year old dentist. Not married. I'm making a very good lifestyle that I didn't even envision when I got into this field. Earlier this year, I sold my house...at a loss. I went from an 3800 sq ft house to an 1600 foot place that the golden girls would live in. I but this crappy little place (with black mold) just so I could walk to the beach. there are days I cancel my patients to sit on the beach and float in the water. This bodes bad on me as a dentist and I'm not out to make all the money in the world, my goal is to have that same non-ending look of joy that the surfers have when they get out of the FREEZING cold water in the morning

I've also given up on the idea of a long-time companion. (I'm a not-practicing Episcopalian). I'd love to find someone who is the love of my life, but also my best friend. But you know what, there's a lot of people who care about me that I never realized. Whether it's the good souls on RF.net, or the guy whose name I don't know who is 70 years old and NEVER misses a yoga class. They are there and you may just not see it right now, but they are there. Where I am in my life now, I don't need a companion, i need to laugh. the last 4 girls i dated where only worried about how much $ I made (that can disillusion you about the next girl's true intentions) and they were pissed that I only work 34 hours a week. But I'm selfish, it's my life. I want to spend it on the sand, floating in the water with the sun on my face (i found things that make me happy) but I also appreciate all the small things that are good and make me laugh (girls in bikinis at gas stations refueling their jeeps or a 5 year old who uses the word 'fuck'

i rambled, but for me, it's not about money, it's not about companion. I think that they ARE important, but what makes you happy now! It may take a while to find out, but once you start idenitfying them, everything goes well. FWIW- it's not a week for me until I hear "Hey Paul-0 your life's a movie"

ALl the best=

Chainsaw

[PatFromMoonachie]

*3 Billion Years Ago* "Life Is Goo!" *3 Billion Years Ago* :bye:

http://www.pbs.org/wgbh/nova/beta/evolution/how-did-life-begin.html

[thepaulo]

I can't imagine what you are going through/have been through. In re: to the money and love being a necessity, i agree/disagree with you.

I'm not bragging just telling you the truth. I'm a 30 year old dentist. Not married. I'm making a very good lifestyle that I didn't even envision when I got into this field. Earlier this year, I sold my house...at a loss. I went from an 3800 sq ft house to an 1600 foot place that the golden girls would live in. I but this crappy little place (with black mold) just so I could walk to the beach. there are days I cancel my patients to sit on the beach and float in the water. This bodes bad on me as a dentist and I'm not out to make all the money in the world, my goal is to have that same non-ending look of joy that the surfers have when they get out of the FREEZING cold water in the morning

I've also given up on the idea of a long-time companion. (I'm a not-practicing Episcopalian). I'd love to find someone who is the love of my life, but also my best friend. But you know what, there's a lot of people who care about me that I never realized. Whether it's the good souls on RF.net, or the guy whose name I don't know who is 70 years old and NEVER misses a yoga class. They are there and you may just not see it right now, but they are there. Where I am in my life now, I don't need a companion, i need to laugh. the last 4 girls i dated where only worried about how much $ I made (that can disillusion you about the next girl's true intentions) and they were pissed that I only work 34 hours a week. But I'm selfish, it's my life. I want to spend it on the sand, floating in the water with the sun on my face (i found things that make me happy) but I also appreciate all the small things that are good and make me laugh (girls in bikinis at gas stations refueling their jeeps or a 5 year old who uses the word 'fuck'

i rambled, but for me, it's not about money, it's not about companion. I think that they ARE important, but what makes you happy now! It may take a while to find out, but once you start idenitfying them, everything goes well. FWIW- it's not a week for me until I hear "Hey Paul-0 your life's a movie"

ALl the best=

Chainsaw

If I had a million dollars , I'd have a great life and would be really really happy.

Unfortunately my financial situation is so entangled and oppressive that It overshadows everything. Nonetheless I am trying to enjoy everything I can and not sucumb.

Your life sounds great chainsaw....there are so many fun things to do....we need to make a list.

[PatFromMoonachie]

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/y-cZiu8osE8&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/y-cZiu8osE8&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>