Secrets among friends and partners...

[keithy_19]

I was hanging out with my best friend and my other friend. The other friend is female, though there is nothing but friendship there. My girlfriend was at her school tonight. I went and dropped both of my friends home. She got home and she went online. I go to IM her and shes not very talkative. She then puts up an away message saying, "fuck you". I ask my best friend if he knows whats going on, since theya re friends too, though not nearly as close as me and him are. He keeps on saying things like, 'she told me not to tell you anything', and 'if she wants to tell you she will'. I'm sitting inbetween a big secret that my two best friends are hiding from me. I have no diea what it is, and I'm getting nervous and worried. And I don't even know if it's justified for me to be feeling this way. But because of how they aren't telling me anything, I'm assuming that it's something fucked up.

An I know it has nothing to do with them being anything more than friends. I know that.

[LaBoob]

Yikes!!! Are you sure you didn't do anything shady, or do anything that could've been percieved as shady? Maybe that away message wasn't meant for you?

[LaBoob]

And by the way, putting that away message up... that is SOOOOOO passive aggressive. I can't stand that shit. Just come out and say what's going on... don't tease it or torture you with it. It's just not right.

[keithy_19]

Yikes!!! Are you sure you didn't do anything shady, or do anything that could've been percieved as shady? Maybe that away message wasn't meant for you?

No. I didn't. Nothing. I've been so head over heels for her. We were doing great together. Me and my best friend were just out having a good time tonight.

:sad:

[Kevin]

No. I didn't. Nothing. I've been so head over heels for her. We were doing great together. Me and my best friend were just out having a good time tonight.

:sad:

Maybe your other friend likes her and is trying to do something to break you guys up?

[FUNKMAN]

tell them you really don't care about their secret and even if they wanted to tell you what it is you wouldn't even listen...

reverse psychology

[keithy_19]

And by the way, putting that away message up... that is SOOOOOO passive aggressive. I can't stand that shit. Just come out and say what's going on... don't tease it or torture you with it. It's just not right.

And, we've told each other everything. Every single thing. We put an emphasis on the trust in our relationship.

[keithy_19]

Maybe your other friend likes her and is trying to do something to break you guys up?

I guess that's not out of the question.

[Kevin]

I guess that's not out of the question.

Can't really think of any other reason. Just got to your Gf and have a talk and let it come out.

[keithy_19]

Can't really think of any other reason. Just got to your Gf and have a talk and let it come out.

Apparently, it's all settled. Without me of course. She just needed a friend to talk to. But, that still kinda fucks with me. Mostly because, she went to my best friend who is her friend too, but, ya know, its just odd. And then they all kept it from me. Which of course leaves me thinking it was about me. Which sounds self centered, but it's the truth...

[JPMNICK]

maybe your bestfriend is trying to fuck her ansd telling her shit about you and the other girl in the picture.

[Kevin]

Apparently, it's all settled. Without me of course. She just needed a friend to talk to. But, that still kinda fucks with me. Mostly because, she went to my best friend who is her friend too, but, ya know, its just odd. And then they all kept it from me. Which of course leaves me thinking it was about me. Which sounds self centered, but it's the truth...

Id investigate the relationship by your friend and her more. And did your friend know her in other ways than through you? I mean have they been friend a while? If not, your friend is not really a freind at all if he is keeping secrets from you like that. I still think like he is trying to bang her.

[PapaBear]

Don't investigate too much. If it does end up being a deal where she and him want to be together, then it will happen if it happens. If that's not the case, and she perceives of you as jealous and suspicious, it could ruin an otherwise good relationship. Just let it slide for now.

[Kevin]

Don't investigate too much. If it does end up being a deal where she and him want to be together, then it will happen if it happens. If that's not the case, and she perceives of you as jealous and suspicious, it could ruin an otherwise good relationship. Just let it slide for now.

Well obviously not openly, but he does need to keep his eyes open.

[PapaBear]

Well obviously not openly, but he does need to keep his eyes open.
That's the problem. Most people aren't very good at investigating covertly. Especially when emotions are involved.

[keithy_19]

Id investigate the relationship by your friend and her more. And did your friend know her in other ways than through you? I mean have they been friend a while? If not, your friend is not really a freind at all if he is keeping secrets from you like that. I still think like he is trying to bang her.

He met her through me. Me and her met when we were 15 and we had a thing for each other. Nothing came of it. He met her at a carnical that we both were at. They became friends, but not close or anything. We started talking again this past ugust. I went to a play with my best friend, and she was there. I started talking to ehr and we would hang out, all of us together. But me and her would always hang out after my friend left. Then me and her started talking in a romantic light and we started hanging out without the friend, who I guess served as a buffer for the time being.

She's a beautiful girl and she's everything I could have ever asked for. I don't see why any guy woulnt want to be with her. But if you're my best friend, you shouldn't think of her like that.

[Kevin]

That's the problem. Most people aren't very good at investigating covertly. Especially when emotions are involved.

Thats a good point. I guess if she is the type of girl that would do that and he is the type or friend that would too, then they are both not worth the effort.

[keithy_19]

If that's not the case, and she perceives of you as jealous and suspicious, it could ruin an otherwise good relationship.

I'm not a jealous person. And when I do become jealous, it's usually in this shy bashful way that is cute rather than anything else.

I'm also a very trusting person. I guess because it was so obvious she didn't want to come to me about it, that I got worried. And I will talk to ehr about it. In a caing way, but I'll be firm as well.

[keithy_19]

Thats a good point. I guess if she is the type of girl that would do that and he is the type or friend that would too, then they are both not worth the effort.

She is though. She's a very private person and I'm ok with that. I'm ok with not knwoing every single thing she does. And I think it was probably a thing where she was overloaded with stuff regarding her school, and she's also on her period, so she didn't want t talk to me...?

I'm trying to think positively. I know she wouldn't cheat on me. Especially not with my friend, who is rather overweight, not that it matters, but she doesn';t find him attractive at all.

[Kevin]

She is though. She's a very private person and I'm ok with that. I'm ok with not knwoing every single thing she does. And I think it was probably a thing where she was overloaded with stuff regarding her school, and she's also on her period, so she didn't want t talk to me...?

I'm trying to think positively. I know she wouldn't cheat on me. Especially not with my friend, who is rather overweight, not that it matters, but she doesn';t find him attractive at all.

Yea, you have a better grasp at the situation, he may not be trying to fuck her but it could also be just pure jealousy for the reason to try to drive a wedge.

[PapaBear]

It's possible that the "fuck you" was directed at someone else that was bothering her at the time, and she was so upset about something, that she didn't think about how you might think it's directed at you. Not that that's a good excuse, but it is possible. I'm sure it will all work out OK.

[keithy_19]

It's possible that the "fuck you" was directed at someone else that was bothering her at the time, and she was so upset about something, that she didn't think about how you might think it's directed at you. Not that that's a good excuse, but it is possible. I'm sure it will all work out OK.

I got a text message from her saying 'I love you'. I think she was stressed out and not thinking with her head when she did that. Or maybe she meant the fuck you to me. And she can fuck me when she wants. I'll turn it into a joke...

[PapaBear]

I got a text message from her saying 'I love you'. I think she was stressed out and not thinking with her head when she did that. Or maybe she meant the fuck you to me. And she can fuck me when she wants. I'll turn it into a joke...
There you go! There should be a five day waiting period for worrying about stuff.

[keithy_19]

There you go! There should be a five day waiting period for worrying about stuff.

There should, but its hard to do when you really care for someone. But, it looks like everything is ok. Though, I want to talk to her about it. Our relationship is based ont rust and communication. Not knowing what was bothering her upset me, as you an all tell, and she should know. Maybe.

[Snacks]

And by the way, putting that away message up... that is SOOOOOO passive aggressive. I can't stand that shit. Just come out and say what's going on... don't tease it or torture you with it. It's just not right.

its not passive aggresive its childish. every problem he has with his relationships are normal immature actions that we all lived through. instead of the internet we had phone hang ups.

[Justice4all]

It's possible that the "fuck you" was directed at someone else that was bothering her at the time, and she was so upset about something, that she didn't think about how you might think it's directed at you. Not that that's a good excuse, but it is possible. I'm sure it will all work out OK.

True...how do you know she was not chatting with someone else and the Fuck You was meant for them.


But I will agree...if she could not come to you and have you help with her problem, or WORSE not tell you what the problem was in the first place...then there is a big problem with her being up front and honest with you. And that would lead to her hiding something either right now or in the future. She should have had no problem telling you what bothered her at that moment.
And if your 'best friend' really WAS that....and you asked was there something he knew and you didn't. He should have spoken up. None of this "She told me not to tell you" bullshit.
Bro's before ho's.

[LaBoob]

And I will talk to ehr about it. In a caing way, but I'll be firm as well.


It's really important to set boundaries...

She might be trying to set one with you... if she's super stressed about school, she might flip out at you for no reason and that isn't good. So maybe she wants to avoid you in those super stressed times. It's entirely possible that she'll learn to let you help her relax (and that, to me, is the mark of a great lover... relaxing a woman, not necessarily through sex, but through a calm voice, a sincere, caring attitude, and a quieted down energy - I think you have this in you, Keithy).

[jonyrotn]

If her name is Wendy, I think you should speak to Ralph from the Bx. If not, I think you have a real problem..I would play it straight forward..Confront them both..You're an adult now, these are kid games..Don't make yourself crazy. How long are you gonna let this shit hang over your head?

[keithy_19]

She thought I liked the other friend 9the girl). I don't, but she thought I did. She vented to ym friend and made him promsie not to tell me. I guess he kept his word.

I talked to her all about it today. We talked it out and had a wonderful day and a nice night, and then all of a sudden shit hit the fan and I don't even know how and I'm pretty sure I'm getting dumped tomorrow.

Don't worry, I won't start a thread about it or anything. Just kidna sucks if this ends, considering I was happier than I can recall. Oh well,

[jonyrotn]

Kieth, it aint over till it's over..If she were to recieve a dozen red roses delivered to her before she talks to you tomorrow, maybe you'll stay happy for a little longer.. Something like that, could buy you enough time to work things out..
If it does happen..Meaning,you DO get your walking papers, don't feel so bad, it happened to me last week..
We'll start an "Awsome men, and the women who dump them" thread..
Seriously, good luck Kieth..I hope things work out for you, and flowers do work...I just didn't know I did anything wrong so I had no time to deploy them..

[keithy_19]

I'm taking it in stride. It sucks that I'm in limo right now. I'm holding out hope, but I got a bad feeling.

But a club sounds great.

[Snacks]

Kieth, it aint over till it's over..If she were to recieve a dozen red roses delivered to her before she talks to you tomorrow, maybe you'll stay happy for a little longer.. Something like that, could buy you enough time to work things out..
If it does happen..Meaning,you DO get your walking papers, don't feel so bad, it happened to me last week..
We'll start an "Awsome men, and the women who dump them" thread..
Seriously, good luck Kieth..I hope things work out for you, and flowers do work...I just didn't know I did anything wrong so I had no time to deploy them..

if its just a fight then send the roses. but if you know its over then sending roses will only prolong what is going to happen anyway.

[keithy_19]

if its just a fight then send the roses. but if you know its over then sending roses will only prolong what is going to happen anyway.

I'm not positive that it's over. I just have the vibe. I could be, and hope that, I'm wrong.

[keithy_19]

I'm not positive that it's over. I just have the vibe. I could be, and hope that, I'm wrong.

I was wrong. I'm very happy I was wrong. So good vibrations all around.

[LaBoob]

I was wrong. I'm very happy I was wrong. So good vibrations all around.

Any explaination? Or is it something really private? Just curious.

[keithy_19]

Any explaination? Or is it something really private? Just curious.

It was over something that really isn't a big deal.

She has a lot of stress in her life, and at night it tends to shine through. She's not overdramatic, but she's more sensitive to things at night. Not physically, but emotionally. She sent me a few texts and called me this afternoon and apologized.

I'm jsut happy we're still good. We really are. We've gone though a lot, and it took awhile, but I'm so happy to be with her now. I'm just trying to enjoy it and take it all in.

[Justice4all]

She thought I liked the other friend 9the girl). I don't, but she thought I did. She vented to ym friend and made him promsie not to tell me. I guess he kept his word.

I talked to her all about it today. We talked it out and had a wonderful day and a nice night, and then all of a sudden shit hit the fan and I don't even know how and I'm pretty sure I'm getting dumped tomorrow.

Don't worry, I won't start a thread about it or anything. Just kidna sucks if this ends, considering I was happier than I can recall. Oh well,


Keith that's why this thread is here. So you can vent anytime you want to.


And if your girl is different in the daytime then nighttime, isn't that a symptom of being bi polar? I am not sure of what that may entail but I think it could be one of them.

I am happy that things are back on track for you. Just take it one day at a time. And remember, it's better to be single and a little lonely then to be dating someone who just keeps driving you nuts. I speak from experience.

Oh yea...and I still say it's wrong for her to vent about you and your female friend to your GUY friend. She should have come to you about it.

Bro's before Ho's.

[keithy_19]

Keith that's why this thread is here. So you can vent anytime you want to.


And if your girl is different in the daytime then nighttime, isn't that a symptom of being bi polar? I am not sure of what that may entail but I think it could be one of them.

I am happy that things are back on track for you. Just take it one day at a time. And remember, it's better to be single and a little lonely then to be dating someone who just keeps driving you nuts. I speak from experience.

Oh yea...and I still say it's wrong for her to vent about you and your female friend to your GUY friend. She should have come to you about it.

Bro's before Ho's.

She's gone through some serious stuff and is talking to a professional, and it's doing wonders for her.

She went to my friend because she knew that no matter what, I'd say no when asked if I had feelings for my friend. I can understand that. But at the same time, she should jsut coem to me. I haven't lied to her once. And if I had feelings for my friend, who is single, I would be trying to be with her. I'm not one to be with someone while pursuing someone else. (she is also friends with my friend, but not like me and him are friends)

It bothered me, but I understand. She's the best thing that has happened to me in recent memory. I'm young and stupid, but she's the kind of girl I always wanted to end up with. I'm just taking it day by day and enjoying it. :smile: