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How much is too much? [Archive] - RonFez.net Messageboard

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K.C.
05-01-2008, 04:33 PM
I'm kind of on the outs with my girlfriend. From my perspective, she's overcritical, overbearing, too needy, and self-absorbed.

From hers, I'm basically a cocky, overconfident, douchebag who argues too much about everything and is also quite self-absorbed.

...it was quite lovely...



Anyway, we're kind of at the 'separation' point of this where we still talk pretty regularly...we're not quite done with each other and all the way broken up, but it's pretty much there.

Anyway, I'm telling her about my little nephew who's visiting, on the phone today, and she kind of jokingly says he's going to grow up to be a serial killer...so I play along with the joke...and then she kind of takes the joke into uncomfortability by deadpanning 'he has sociopathic tendencies' (Mind you, she's see this kid like twice and knows nothing about how he's been raised.)

So I'm uncomfortable with it, but I brush it off by saying that I don't think he was raised any differently than I was, so I think he'll be fine. And she comes back with something like I'm not sociopathic, but I'm socially awkward, at which point she launches into this whole laundry list of her friends who apparently hate me (which means she apparently has discussed this quite extensively), and for pretty absurd reasons.

And then she basically starts telling me exactly what my life is like, and who I am (or so she thinks).

So I'm sitting there listening to this, and getting pissed...I'm not sure what was pissing me off more...the fact that this broad acts like she has absolute knowledge and authority on every issue (including my life) because of how her friends are (this is the basis of her argument on EVERY FUCKING ISSUE..."My friends...."...it's so fucking asinine), or the fact that this girl went out with me for almost a year and has no goddamn clue or insight into anything about me.

So I called her back a little later and basically told her I don't want to talk to her anymore...she's an inherently negative influence in my life and I just don't want to deal with it. And she responds by defending it as not being negative but observational (keep in mind she equated the fact that her friends don't like me to some kind of social childhood misdevelopment) and we go back and forth, and basically the conversation is left unresolved.

I'm sure there's future conversations coming.

My point, in all this (besides venting) is that at what point am I suppose to just cut this thing off completely. I pride myself on handling things like an adult, and being able to divorce relationship issues from friendship issues and such, but EVERY time I talk to her, she finds something wrong with me to pick at (and 95% of it is bullshit like 'I think too much' or 'I ask too many questions about things.')

I do care about this person still, and there's a bunch of reasons why that is that I can't do justice in this thread (I could have wrote a fucking book on this relationship), but it's to the point where I need to think about myself and cut this thing clean.

ZigZagBigBag
05-01-2008, 04:44 PM
i think when you say that you guys aren't quite done, you mean you're still banging each other. i would say the relationship is already done and that the first person to realize that act accordingly will feel better. she knows its not gonna work and wants to strike out at you. being friends is cool, but the banging part will always get in the way.

K.C.
05-01-2008, 04:52 PM
i think when you say that you guys aren't quite done, you mean you're still banging each other. i would say the relationship is already done and that the first person to realize that act accordingly will feel better. she knows its not gonna work and wants to strike out at you. being friends is cool, but the banging part will always get in the way.

Actually, that's not true....we don't bang anymore, and we really don't hang out anymore either.

And if there's anyone who's too clingy, it's her. I've said several times that maybe we should really deal with each other anymore, and she pretty much refuses to allow that to happen.

I'm the one that's tried ending this several times...she refuses to let it go...yet, at the same time almost ALL of the negativity comes from her.

I've played along for a while, but I'm getting tired of doing so very quickly.

milliehatchett
05-01-2008, 08:13 PM
The fact that you're still arguing means that you're not done. This won't be over until one of you cuts off contact. There's too much anger and blame right now to "talk" - it will always dissolve into this.

When you're truly tired of the back and forth, you'll stop calling her and stop returning her calls. It's hard when there's still so much anger and you feel the need to make her understand. She's not going to understand. She's too pissed off to see your side and vice versa.

Breaking up is always difficult - especially when you've been together for awhile. True closure comes when you realize that, no matter WHAT she (or her stupid friends) thinks of you - it makes no difference to who you actually are.

ChrisTheCop
05-01-2008, 08:18 PM
The fact that you're still arguing means that you're not done. This won't be over until one of you cuts off contact. There's too much anger and blame right now to "talk" - it will always dissolve into this.

When you're truly tired of the back and forth, you'll stop calling her and stop returning her calls. It's hard when there's still so much anger and you feel the need to make her understand. She's not going to understand. She's too pissed off to see your side and vice versa.

Breaking up is always difficult - especially when you've been together for awhile. True closure comes when you realize that, no matter WHAT she (or her stupid friends) thinks of you - it makes no difference to who you actually are.

Well put. I really cant think of anything to add, but best of luck.

TheMojoPin
05-01-2008, 08:24 PM
That's a crappy situation, KC. The part about her listing all of her friends who don't like you is really messed up...it's like she wants to be as hurtful as possible without it being "her" who is actually doing the hurting, like she's justiying it in her mind if she says that it's her friends saying these things and not her.

jonyrotn
05-01-2008, 09:01 PM
Not for nothing bro, but if you're not screwing this chick, why the fuck are you putting up with this kind of abuse?
Listen, I'm not gonna sit here and tell you that I haven't put up with some crazy shit from a hot female for some pussy, but.... Once the band leaves, the party's over..Let her go berate some other idiot that she's not fucking...You're KC brother...You don't need that shit in your life..
It's bad enough we abuse you and don't give you any ass, you don't need that from your loved ones too..
A good strategy now, would be to try and hook up with one of those friends of hers that hate you so much and then make "Ms. selfish box" smell your fingers..
Good luck and if you ask me, good riddance..

topless_mike
05-02-2008, 02:52 AM
sever ties, man.
you're only doing this to yourself.

Thebazile78
05-02-2008, 04:43 AM
That sounds like what one of my college exes went through with his high school ex ... and then dumped on me when our relationship was CLEARLY over.

This girl actually sounds so much like my ex's ex, I was tempted to ask if her name was Tula.

Get out and cut off all contact now, for your own mental health.

I took this kind of abuse from my ex for almost a year after we had officially broken up and it made me PHYSICALLY ill, not to mention the damage it did to me psychologically. (When I finally started eating again, I had taken up smoking. Unfiltered cigarettes.)

If all you ever do is argue, you're not getting anywhere. She doesn't have the balls to do anything more than berate you, which baits you into going off on her and that makes things worse.

I know there are probably a lot of feelings that you still have wrapped up in this, but staying so close isn't letting you resolve them in a healthy way. Get out, get counselling and stay away from her. (Yes, I know it's not as easy as I make it sound, but you'll be thankful for it.)

Jujubees2
05-02-2008, 05:35 AM
KC, sounds like you've already made the decision to officially end it and cut off contact with her. Now have to do is follow through (which I know isn't easy).

Good luck.

King Hippos Bandaid
05-02-2008, 05:41 AM
you are way too young to be arguing like a 50 yr old couple


cut ties and play the field, I started dating my now wife at 21, would have loved ages 21-25 to have some fun

Furtherman
05-02-2008, 07:44 AM
There is a billion other single women out there. Find one.

Kris10
05-04-2008, 09:05 PM
KC, you deserve better... why are you still with her? Its not meant to be, she isn't the one for you. I'm sorry, end it with her before you get hurt.

Bossanova
05-04-2008, 09:07 PM
Seriously, you gotta walk bro. Not worth feeling like shit over anyone