I think I have a savior complex

[K.C.]

Man, I've been hitting this forum hard the last week.

Anyway, I realized that I feel an extreme amount of guilt any time I see people around me, or even people I don't even really know, struggling or suffering.

So much, that a lot of times I help people directly at my own expense, and do things that are directly harmful to me to help others.

For instance, I have some significant debt that I am only now getting under control. The reason that debt exists is because instead of paying it off, I would use my cash to help out some buddies, or buy groceries for a chick I'm dating at the time who may be a little behind that month or any other number of things.

It's not even a strictly monetary thing. I just spent the whole day trying to work a bunch of connections, that I'd never work for myself, to help an ex-girlfriend from a ways back try and get a job. The oddest thing about this is, that at no point did she ask me to do this. It's like the idea jumped in my head "I need to help her" or some catastrophic fate would befall her.

And it's not like there's some deep seeded caring there. I think i do it to satisfy my own ego so I can say to myself "Man, I really am a good guy."


The problem is, I don't know how to stop this. Somehow the idea gets wedged in my mind that the world around me will fall apart if I don't do something.

The more I think about it, the more a quote from 'Lost' sticks in my mind where Jack's dad tells him "when you fail, you just don't have what it takes to let go."

I really think that's a statement that sums me up...but how does a person go about not caring so much about things?

[Ritalin]

Listen, if helping people makes you feel better, then what's wrong with that? I don't completely believe that we do things for other people out of some completely selfless sense of altruism. There are a lot of people who do horrible things to people in order to make them selves feel better. I'd say that what you do is a much nice way to manifest your ego gratification.

I don't see what the problem is if you do good for others in order to make yourself feel good. I think anyone who would deny that there wasn't at least a little bit of that element in their motivation to help people are lying. The problem for me would be if you were doing good in order to balance the ledger for something bad you've done. For example, if you had stolen money, you couldn't give some to the poor and feel good about yourself, at least in my world.

I know that there's a fine line to this, but what is so wrong with looking yourself in the mirror and saying "I'm a pretty good guy. I helped someone out, and I feel good about that". Maybe that's what you're really good at. Maybe you should be in a field where you counsel and help people. Sounds like you're built that way.

[K.C.]

Listen, if helping people makes you feel better, then what's wrong with that? I don't completely believe that we do things for other people out of some completely selfless sense of altruism. There are a lot of people who do horrible things to people in order to make them selves feel better. I'd say that what you do is a much nice way to manifest your ego gratification.

I don't see what the problem is if you do good for others in order to make yourself feel good. I think anyone who would deny that there wasn't at least a little bit of that element in their motivation to help people are lying. The problem for me would be if you were doing good in order to balance the ledger for something bad you've done. For example, if you had stolen money, you couldn't give some to the poor and feel good about yourself, at least in my world.

I know that there's a fine line to this, but what is so wrong with looking yourself in the mirror and saying "I'm a pretty good guy. I helped someone out, and I feel good about that". Maybe that's what you're really good at. Maybe you should be in a field where you counsel and help people. Sounds like you're built that way.

The problem is that I'm doing it the expense of what I know I should be doing for myself, and that I'm not sure I'm doing it for altruistic reasons.

It's necessarily wrong what I'm doing...it's why I"m doing it.

[grlNIN]

I'm the same way, i think it's called being a Pisces.


*Edit- Only i don't do it to feed my ego, i just get extremely upset and emotional about other people's circumstances to the point where it causes me guilt over not being able to help as much as i could.

Now that i think of it, i have more of a martyr complex than a savior one.

[K.C.]

I'm the same way, i think it's called being a Pisces.


*Edit- Only i don't do it to feed my ego, i just get extremely upset and emotional about other people's circumstances to the point where it causes me guilt over not being able to help as much as i could.

Now that i think of it, i have more of a martyr complex than a savior one.


I'm an Aquarius.

But I'm the same way, The difference, though, is that I am interpreting it as feeding an ego.

I get upset and feel compelled to do things like you described, and more upset and guilty when I can't do more.

But when I think about it in a calm, rationale moment, it is almost insulting to the people involved to when I start thinking "I need to fix this" in regards to a situation that has nothing to do with me.

Maybe it's a combo savior/martyr complex.