Hey, look who's still here...

[JerryTaker]

Yeah, it's me;
Surprise surprise, nothing's changed. I'm still disgusting and horrible, and the most unattractive man to ever walk the earth. Women still want nothing to do with me, and at 31 years old without ever finding a woman who was ever attracted to me, I can't face a life alone. I live so close to a bridge with really low railings, and I'll get drunk at the bar down the street, and just stand on the bridge and look over the edge, thinking that if I just lean a little further, all of this will go away....

I need to know that nobody cares anymore, so nobody will miss me. I need to know that my life is really worthless, and that escape is just a brisk walk and a leap away... Please, show me that it's finally the only path I have left to take, and that I don't belong here, I was never meant to be here, and I never will be...

give me freedom from this short fat aging nerd I see see everyday in the mirror. tell me it's over, please?

Thanks;
-Jerry

[ChrisTheCop]

Dude, it's NOT over.

No matter what is going on in your life right now, it WILL get better.

If you do something stupid, your family here at RonFez.net will be very sad, and many will be pissed at you for making them feel that way. Do you really want to be responsible for making others sad or angry?

Youre loved here, and I bet elsewhere.

If you want my number, pm me and we'll talk, k?

[JerryTaker]

Dude, it's NOT over.

No matter what is going on in your life right now, it WILL get better.

If you do something stupid, your family here at RonFez.net will be very sad, and many will be pissed at you for making them feel that way. Do you really want to be responsible for making others sad or angry?

Youre loved here, and I bet elsewhere.

If you want my number, pm me and we'll talk, k?


please, I've established years ago that nobody gives a shit about me on here, that's why I'm looking for the "ok" here to finally call it quits, that I'm beyond help, and beyond being able to "make it all better," ugh.

-Jerry

[ChrisTheCop]

Well, youre not getting that from me budday!!

If all you need is one person (although I know there's many more), well you got him.

I want you around tomorrow, so there--you have to stay, and keep posting.

[marcpsych]

Suicide Prevention Hotline:

Philadelphia Area
1-888-855-5525

CALL THE NUMBER ABOVE TO GET HELP!!

You do not want to do anything to hurt yourself, especially being drunk, as that is something that cannot be taken back. Remember that - cannot be taken back. And you would be missed, and people would be very hurt by your demise, which will hopefully not occur.

Dude, many people have recovered from depression, hopelessness, etc. At least give yourself a chance. You are not alone.

I am in the same boat as you in terms of women. I am almost 400 pounds, unemployed, physique of latter-day Dusty Rhodes, and women think I STINK!! But things can change, and there are so many cool women out there for everyone.

Don't count yourself out.

Marc

[spoon]

please, I've established years ago that nobody gives a shit about me on here, that's why I'm looking for the "ok" here to finally call it quits, that I'm beyond help, and beyond being able to "make it all better," ugh.

-Jerry

My suggestion is move this to another forum if you're truly looking for honest opinions. By putting it here, you cut out those willing to level with you, hence you have no hope of getting what you claim to desire. In fact, I don't buy it and think you want people to show you they care. This, much like many failed suicide attempts, is a cry for help/attention. Sorry JT, just calling them as I see them.

If you want something to change, get up and make it happen. Finding nobody is plain and simple a shitty excuse. There are so many beautiful women out there in so many different ways for everyone. Perhaps BARS aren't the place, and stop trying so hard. I can't even begin to act as if I know you, but this just seems very calculated to me. You're only 31, go out and see the world, move on, do something with the little time we have. If I was in a rut, I'd get out. It really is that simple (factoring out mental disorder).

[Friday]

I, too, am 31.
Sometimes I have felt hopeless. In pain.
But there is nothing worse than giving up on hope.

Life is a gift. Some of us are dealt a shitty deck, sure, but we ALL have the tools necessary to push forward and find something good to hold onto.
Even if it's just a good movie that inspires you, or a person you want to meet.

and you know what? Nerds make the fucking world go round.
Einstein, Jobs, even Lazlow.... all nerds making exciting contributions.
so embrace your nerdity.
hell, I went to Space Camp. And I am proud to be an internet dweller!

So stay the fuck alive, because you never know if something good could be waiting for you around the corner.

[Devo37]

hell, I went to Space Camp. And I am proud to be an internet dweller!

you were great in that movie. i was so excited when you landed the space shuttle!


and to JerryTaker: nothing is bad enough to consider that option. you DO NOT have permission to to that, and i'm sure that all of rf.net agrees with me on that!

face it, you posted your message. now you're stuck with us, and we'll keep nagging you until such silly thoughts are out of your mind.

[Yerdaddy]

Yeah, it's me;
Surprise surprise, nothing's changed. I'm still disgusting and horrible, and the most unattractive man to ever walk the earth. Women still want nothing to do with me, and at 31 years old without ever finding a woman who was ever attracted to me, I can't face a life alone. I live so close to a bridge with really low railings, and I'll get drunk at the bar down the street, and just stand on the bridge and look over the edge, thinking that if I just lean a little further, all of this will go away....

I need to know that nobody cares anymore, so nobody will miss me. I need to know that my life is really worthless, and that escape is just a brisk walk and a leap away... Please, show me that it's finally the only path I have left to take, and that I don't belong here, I was never meant to be here, and I never will be...
give me freedom from this short fat aging nerd I see see everyday in the mirror. tell me it's over, please?

Thanks;
-Jerry

You and me and a lot of other people know that's bullshit. We've been there before. We've also gotten out of it and even then forgotten just what's it like to be where you're at now and then gone right back there again only to recover again. At points in my life it was a near daily occurance. Sometimes it's a cycle, sometimes it's weeks or months without the depression only to drop down in it with no apparent reason. But we always get through it because deep down we know it's bullshit - those feelings of absolute misery and the lying thoughts that come with it. You know better than anyone that emotions are liars. They're telling you that the way you feel right now is the way your life is all the time and that all the negative experiences, which is all your emotions will allow to run through your head right now, are the only experiences you have. But I know that you know that these are the lies that depression tells us - it hides all past happiness or interesting bits in our lives and makes all the negative shit as vivid as a snuff film. But I'm sure that, just like I and millions of others with this shitty depression have learned that that's the big lie and that emotions can't be trusted when you're in the deep depressions. You may not be able to think of the good shit in life right now, but you know that's only because the depression is hiding them from you right now, and you know they're there and that all you have to do is ride this depression out and you'll have more. That's the way it works. You know that. I know that. Other people like us know that.

I know you don't want to hear any stupid cliches about hope right now, but fuck you you're getting my version anyway because I'm more like you than you think and I know what it's like. Before I left the States I was on a five year dry spell with women - hadn't had so much as a kiss in that time. I'd given up hope of physical contact with women - or so I told myself - and tried to not even care. I hated my life and wanted it to end many many times. I had different reasons for not doing it - one was that I knew it would freak out my nieces and nephews like when my uncle did it when I was a kid; another was that I knew there were certain unexpected discoveries that I had made in my life that I didn't want to miss, like the first time I heard Beethoven at the symphony, the first time I discovered Mark Twain's books late one night, or the all-night gab sessions with a good friend I hadn't spoken to in a year or so. Even though, when I was in a deep depression, I couldn't conjure up the pleasure of these things, I'd decided after previous depressions that these were the things that I loved most in life and that they were worth sticking around for, and I told myself when the depression was telling me that life was all shit that these were the reasons I had already decided were the reasons I'd ride these things out.

Anyway, eventually I made one of those decisions that had always been good to me in the past - to pack everything and fuck off to somewhere I'd never been before. In the past I'd gone from Arizona to California to Chicago and then DC. It was always a bit of a struggle, but it was always interesting and forced me to change in ways that I couldn't predict. This time, in 04, I left the country altogether and flew to Cairo. The last thing on my mind, despite the five years of internet porn and crunchy tube socks, was sex. A month later I was in Jordan on New Years Eve and the girl that I had been checking out all day on a tour of the Roman ruins of Jerash had her tongue down my throat on the dance floor of an Irish pub in Amman. And I was still the fat bastatard I, and every woman who ever met me hated back in the States, hated, but I was different. I had done something that forced change on myself and I had woken up and become someone with a life and the woman saw it even if I didn't. I was a different person if only because I didn't have time on the road to tell myself what a piece of shit I was. And with that little distraction I became someone I could live with and others liked better and women became attracted to. Up to that point I was 36 and had been with 5 women my whole life. First year abroad I doubled it - and I even fell in love and survived the loss of it. I'm anything but a player. I still get depressed after rejection sometimes and sometimes I get so depressed for no reason I feel like not being around anymore. But while my life wouldn't make a movie that even I would watch, there's shit in it that's interesting enough to know that, when I want to end it, I'd me missing out on something. I always know there's another 180 countries I haven't been to and about 175 who's women I haven't shagged.

In the last three years or so I got skinny, got muscly, got fat again, got skinny and muscly again, seen about a dozen countries, learn to suck at a second language, shot an AK-47, met some amazing people, made some life-long friends, and, most of all, I've been doing almost every day what I learned long ago was the most important thing in the world to me - discovered new things. All because I resisted those urges on dozens of nights to end my life.

All I'm trying to do here is to either bore you to sleep so you'll feel better in the morning, or to tell you what you already know - that your brain is lying to you right now, and that there's hope for another day if only because hope comes through change and change is always possible. You don't need to do what I did - you only need to find your own change and you'll look back on this time as a distant part of your past. You know it. I know it. And so do millions of others who have been just where you are right now. Get help. Find some change. Now fucking do it.

[Slumbag]

I was gonna make a post about the previous post being too long. But upon actually reading it, I won't because it was very insightful.

The point Spoon made about the bars is totally valid, buddy. Maybe that's just not the spot for you to meet girls. A big problem in a bar is, it's IMPOSSIBLE to talk to someone most of the time. Do shit that girls are into. Painting classes and things of that nature. Fuck that, even beyond just meeting chicks, do things that you may not be into on a surface level, but you could find yourself enjoying it later. Cause really, that's the goal. Just make changes and enjoy yourself. You'll be alright, brother.

[Bulldogcakes]

I don't know how seriously to take this, since JT has been singing this song for as long as I've been posting here. But I'll offer this advice, which has worked for me. The best way to get out of these ruts is to find something you love doing and make a career out of it. I think people with too much time on their hands find things to complain about, whether those problems are real or imagined. Usually they are imagined, in my experience.

[sr71blackbird]

Get help bro. There is no "prize" in not being here. You win this life by living it.

There has been this rabbit I see living on my lawn for about a year and when I come out in the morning, he is sitting there munching grass, and he is a little spooked, so if you get close, he darts off. I think its cute and wonder how this rabbit made it here, as my apartment is not in a wooded area, But I still see him every day and when I come home at night, he is still there. Like I said, its been going on for about a year. On Thursday night I come home late and I see this lump in the road and as I get close, I see its the rabbit and its been hit by a car and is dead. There is this other rabbit, much smaller right next to him (her? maybe?) and its alive and kind of looking at it and I imagine its thinking "get up! Come on!!" and it really got me very sad. I kept thinking about it and how the baby was waiting for the mother to wake up. As I got close, I wished I could tell the baby that its mother is dead, or try and tell it to go away and not worry or whatever, but we all know you cant. As I approached, the baby took off and I stood there looking at it dart around trying to find safety from me, even though I meant no harm at all.

[Dr Steve]

give me freedom from this short fat aging nerd I see see everyday in the mirror. tell me it's over, please?

Thanks;
-Jerry

Jerry:

I see that same aging nerd in the mirror too, and I'm a lot older than you. You asked us to tell you it's over, well it's not, and that's a GOOD thing. I felt a lot of the same things you are now not too long ago, my life seemed so hopeless that I just wanted it to be over. I can tell you now I am SO glad that it's not over, and I can pretty much guarantee you that you're going to feel the same way in the future. When you're 86 and you look back on your life, the first 31 years is going to seem like a drop in the bucket compared to all the experiences you're getting ready to have.

First: PM me, we have a lot to talk about
Second: Post here and let us all know that you're ok, that you're not planning on hurting yourself, and that you're open to getting some help

Or maybe do the latter first, then PM me. :-)


your friend,



steve

[midwestjeff]

Sorry to hear about your rabbit friend, blackbird. So sad.:glurps:

[JerryTaker]

alright already;

Seriously, thanks for the kind words (lots of words in Yerdaddy's case, but that's a great story); I have thought about ending it for most of my life ( I tried to jump out my window when I was 8) and it's probably how I will go out, eventually, and maybe I will get nice and drunk and look over that ledge and let myself go sometime soon.

look, it's for the best to let me go, I'm too stupid to figure out what's wrong with me and change it, and that's without the problems I have that can't be changed (like my age or height or overall creepiness I radiate) There's no reason to raise alarm bells here, even if and when I do finally give it up. nobody's really going to miss me. My parents hate me, the rest of my family wouldn't even notice if they never saw me again, I've been discarded and replaced by my ex-girlfriends, and what friends I have out here just keep me around to laugh at me.

My job is too demanding for me to really do anything but work anymore, and while people respect my dedication and attention to detail, those aren't exactly traits that make women hot and bothered these days. Really, all anyone does around here is go to bars, and while my current hobbies give me as much chance of meeting women as going to a Star Wars convention, I have no time for them, forget new hobbies.

anyway, I am very much unfortunately alive for now ("this dork still 'live?") and if the mods want to move this to the confessional or somewhere else where board members can rip into me the way I know they want to, that's fine, in fact it may help me speed the process a bit.

Thanks again;
-Jerry

[ChrisTheCop]

cmon... in the midst of saying you have nothing to offer the world,
you go ahead and make me laugh!
You DO have a sense of humor, and the ability to make others feel good.

Hell, youre a Ron and Fez fan; that proves you have taste as well.

Youre a member of this community, and if you need us, we'll be here for you.
We wont let you down, and you had better not let us down either.

I'm glad you made it thru the night, but please make the time to talk to someone, You say YOU cant figure out whats wrong with you, but thats why they have professionals.

Fez is doing it, you can too.

[Yerdaddy]

alright already;

Seriously, thanks for the kind words (lots of words in Yerdaddy's case, but that's a great story); I have thought about ending it for most of my life ( I tried to jump out my window when I was 8) and it's probably how I will go out, eventually, and maybe I will get nice and drunk and look over that ledge and let myself go sometime soon.

look, it's for the best to let me go, I'm too stupid to figure out what's wrong with me and change it, and that's without the problems I have that can't be changed (like my age or height or overall creepiness I radiate) There's no reason to raise alarm bells here, even if and when I do finally give it up. nobody's really going to miss me. My parents hate me, the rest of my family wouldn't even notice if they never saw me again, I've been discarded and replaced by my ex-girlfriends, and what friends I have out here just keep me around to laugh at me.

My job is too demanding for me to really do anything but work anymore, and while people respect my dedication and attention to detail, those aren't exactly traits that make women hot and bothered these days. Really, all anyone does around here is go to bars, and while my current hobbies give me as much chance of meeting women as going to a Star Wars convention, I have no time for them, forget new hobbies.

anyway, I am very much unfortunately alive for now ("this dork still 'live?") and if the mods want to move this to the confessional or somewhere else where board members can rip into me the way I know they want to, that's fine, in fact it may help me speed the process a bit.

Thanks again;
-Jerry

You know, your problems aren't insurmountable. Maybe most people haven't had to deal with things as bad, but others have overcome worse. And most of the time they didn't do it through mere force of will - the inspiring determination that makes for popular Disney movies. They simply tried until they got lucky and things came together. They recognized they were at war with something and they fought it. And fighting made them stronger and made things better in ways they didn't expect. I know from my experiences that fighting my alcololism made the depression less severe and also gave me new tools to fight against it. It also solved a lot of my financial troubles, (after a year I paid off my debt and took a trip to Europe with the money I saved). It made my relationships with friends and family better. It fixed some problems I can't even remember I had now. And I didn't see most of the periferal benefits until much later. I was just focused on getting and staying sober - and I never even thought I could pull that off.

You sound like you're ready to give up. I'm sure you tried some things in the past and now it seems pointless. Maybe it is, but I doubt it. And since what you're contemplating is all-or-nothing, you got nothing to lose by trying. You know that. You need to be on meds. If the meds you're on aren't working, then you need different meds. You need to try counseling - group and one-on-one. If that's not working then you need a different counselor or a different school of therapy. You need to be reading books on this to know what you're up against. It's true that you need to take charge of your own care - just as when you have any other illness - and have to become your own expert.

You're at war and you need to step up and fight. You got nothing to lose, so just fucking do it and find out if I'm right. If all you've got is the chance to go down swinging then go down swinging. You're not going to get permission on here to off yourself. The people who don't like you are far fewer than the ones who actually care about you, and nobody wants to see you gone. Sorry, but that's just a fact. You'll get support here if you choose to fight. There's actually a lot of us on here who've gone through the same thing. But you have to take steps for yourself. Start the process and we'll encourage you and help you along. But we won't be a part of the other choice. Nobody wants it. So do something. Fight.

[TheMojoPin]

Jerry, it really sounds like you're not giving anyone else a chance to like you, or you believe that they can't possiby like you, because you're demonstrating such total and complete self-loathing for yourself. Like, "man I hate myself so much...how could anyone else possible like me?" When you think like that, it's easy to brush off or ignore potentially positive or friendly relationships because you've convinced yourself that everyone wants nothing to do with you. That's simply not healthy, and you're doing yourself the biggest disservice b trying to hard to have a negative opinion of yourself

[Jujubees2]

Jerry, Mojo is right. You've got to stop this self-fulfilling prophecy of "No one likes me", "I'm a loser', etc. People pick up on that and it just feeds into your problems. I know. I was there. Like Yerdaddy, I had a five-year stretch of being alone after the person I thought was "the one" for me told me that she was never in love with me. It hurt as much as anything has ever hurt in my life. I put up a strong front around friends but when I was alone, I was a mess. I tried to convince myself that there was no one in the world for me and that I may as well just fade away because no one would miss me.

After a few years, I realized that, like Yerdaddy, I had to do something. So I started doing things that I had always wanted to do. I traveled to Europe (by myself though I didn’t have the same experiences with women that Yerdaddy had :down:), started playing ice hockey for the first time in my life, started playing baseball again, and I realized that life has a lot to offer. I also realized that there were people, including little kids, who were in the hospital with life-threatening illnesses, who would change places with me in a second.

Long story short, I met up with a friend who I hadn't seen in a few years and she saw something in me that I didn't even know existed. We've been married for 14 years now!

[Furtherman]

A cry like this for attention is selfish too. If you are looking for people to tell you that you're not "disgusting and horrible, and the most unattractive man to ever walk the earth.", you have to think that YOURSELF, or you'll never hear it from anyone else.

[Justice4all]

My suggestion is move this to another forum if you're truly looking for honest opinions. By putting it here, you cut out those willing to level with you, hence you have no hope of getting what you claim to desire. In fact, I don't buy it and think you want people to show you they care. This, much like many failed suicide attempts, is a cry for help/attention. Sorry JT, just calling them as I see them.

If you want something to change, get up and make it happen. Finding nobody is plain and simple a shitty excuse. There are so many beautiful women out there in so many different ways for everyone. Perhaps BARS aren't the place, and stop trying so hard. I can't even begin to act as if I know you, but this just seems very calculated to me. You're only 31, go out and see the world, move on, do something with the little time we have. If I was in a rut, I'd get out. It really is that simple (factoring out mental disorder).


Spoon, I honestly think it IS ok to level with someone in here. I think the fact is that they do not want someone JOKING with anyone who is spilling his guts.

I feel the exact same way you do. I agree whole heartedly with what you are trying to say.


Jerry, you need to do three things in your life.
A) Stop thinking you are not worthwhile and trying to get others to say you are. The reason a woman is not with you is BECAUSE you have this outlook and WORSE...express it constantly. (I can almost garuntee it has NOTHING to do with your job or how you look) I do not remember the last time you posted something where is was positive or productive. Hell the last time you tried to post for help with a job you crapped on about 4 different people's options they gave you.

B) GET HELP. Find someone to talk to. Surround yourself with people who like you for YOU. Who share in similar interests. There are PLENTY of people in that world like that. And having a woman is not the be all and end all of existance. Find YOURSELF first THEN go find a woman.

C)Forgive yourself and others who have wronged you. If you truely do not like who you are then change it. NOT by ending it but by doing things different. I know (more then most on this board) how much anger and frustration you have inside. It is VERY not healthy. YES you had a somewhat shitty life. Everyone in one way or another felt something like that. But if you really want to be a man and prove to everyone that you are...then take the steps to make that change in your life.

It is not easy, it never is. But when you are done and look back at the person you once were...you will be shocked. But when it all comes together you will be in SUCH a better place mentally the physical will follow form and you will find yourself being the man you want to be, not dream of being.

I wish you all the best of luck in the world. I hope you really find what you are looking for in life. Because it has alot to offer everyone.


And by the way...Star Wars conventions DO have hot chicks! So have faith! :thumbup:

[Death Metal Moe]

I'm probably the last one you want advice from because I can recall busting your chops on numerous occasions for your depressing, self loathing posts. But hey, here goes.

My life ain't grand, but I felt a lot like you seem to and it can change. I don't know how and I don't know why but one day I got out of the vicious cycle of self loathing, self pity and overall depression that you seem to still be in.

One thing you may want to consider is what exactly IS it that you are looking for that you feel you don't have that makes you unhappy? You should consider this before you feel bad you don't have it, some people create an unrealistic idea of what their life should be and when they don't get it they are upset.

My suggestion is a change of scenery. Do ANYTHING different. Just try something else. Go out to a store for no reason.

Not sure if your mind is like mine but I have to keep it distracted sometimes or it will fall into the cycle I spoke of earlier.

Also, if you are anything like me, you are either to proud or embarrassed to get help, but you shouldn't be if you think it's getting that bad. I always felt that people who got help were weak and I wanted to beat whatever I was going through by myself. Nobody's perfect, ask for it if you need it. I can't give it to you but others posted shit in here.

[Tenbatsuzen]

A cry like this for attention is selfish too. If you are looking for people to tell you that you're not "disgusting and horrible, and the most unattractive man to ever walk the earth.", you have to think that YOURSELF, or you'll never hear it from anyone else.

Not familiar with Jerry's posts in the past?

(and yes, I know what forum this is in, which is why I'm not commenting further.)

[Tenbatsuzen]

. Women still want nothing to do with me, and at 31 years old without ever finding a woman who was ever attracted to me, I can't face a life alone.

Yeah, this is an absolute, blatant, out-and-out lie, and you know this. Considering there is PROOF that you had a long-term girlfriend as recently as late 2006 on this very board.

I'd be willing to help you, but you're pathological in your need for negative attention.

[JerryTaker]

Yeah, this is an absolute, blatant, out-and-out lie, and you know this. Considering there is PROOF that you had a long-term girlfriend as recently as late 2006 on this very board.

I'd be willing to help you, but you're pathological in your need for negative attention.

There's a huge difference between being attracted to and being settled for, which is something most people will never understand.

Thanks again to those of you who have shown me kindness. I've actually undergone a huge change in scenery, which has actually had me feeling more alone than ever. Meds? I don't know, there's a reason this country hasn't cured a disease in, what, fifty years? There's no money in it. I learned a lot about the pharmaceutical industry in my old job, it's much more cost-effective to keep people in pain and hooked on "legal" drugs than to really cure them of anything. I mean, really, if I see a psychiatrist, what's in his best financial interest, for me to learn to be happy? or for me to stay depressed and keep seeing him? and keep paying him? (or the insurance company to keep paying him, whichever) I've seen a lot of shrinks over my lifetime, and I just don't trust them anymore.

Actually right now I'm just trying to figure out why I'm still awake at 4am. I've been trying to sleep for a few hours, but nothing. meh. Maybe I do need alcohol...

[Yerdaddy]

Meds? I don't know, there's a reason this country hasn't cured a disease in, what, fifty years? There's no money in it. I learned a lot about the pharmaceutical industry in my old job, it's much more cost-effective to keep people in pain and hooked on "legal" drugs than to really cure them of anything. I mean, really, if I see a psychiatrist, what's in his best financial interest, for me to learn to be happy? or for me to stay depressed and keep seeing him? and keep paying him? (or the insurance company to keep paying him, whichever) I've seen a lot of shrinks over my lifetime, and I just don't trust them anymore.

I'm not going to argue over the politics of the pharmacy industry. All I know is that my life is better with meds than without because the depressions are worse and more frequent without meds. Being on meds gives me the chance to manage and fight the depression. They haven't cured my depression? So what. Fuck em. Doesn't change the fact that I have 2 choices: take meds and feel better, or don't take meds and feel worse. It was a choice between feeling like I wished I never existed and thinking of ways to make it happen, and not getting to the state anymore where that question pops into my head. Sure, I had to get to the point where I was deciding whether to live or die and that's part of what forced me to put aside any questions of politics or stigma, but once I got on them and saw the difference they meant for my life, it became an easy choice.

I've had mixed results with shrinks, but if I was back in the States and had insurance I'd be shopping for a cognitive behavioral therapist. There may exist the principle of self-interested addiction going on, but it's naive to think that every shrink fits that mold. There are plenty that can and do build a practice on helping people and building a clientel word of mouth and professional reputation. If I had the chance I'd be seeking one out with the school of thought that, in my research, is most suited to me, and is likely to have professional adherants.

Be careful that cynicism doesn't act as an excuse to stay in your comfort zone - the depression.

[Justice4all]

There's a huge difference between being attracted to and being settled for, which is something most people will never understand.

Thanks again to those of you who have shown me kindness. I've actually undergone a huge change in scenery, which has actually had me feeling more alone than ever. Meds? I don't know, there's a reason this country hasn't cured a disease in, what, fifty years? There's no money in it. I learned a lot about the pharmaceutical industry in my old job, it's much more cost-effective to keep people in pain and hooked on "legal" drugs than to really cure them of anything. I mean, really, if I see a psychiatrist, what's in his best financial interest, for me to learn to be happy? or for me to stay depressed and keep seeing him? and keep paying him? (or the insurance company to keep paying him, whichever) I've seen a lot of shrinks over my lifetime, and I just don't trust them anymore.
Actually right now I'm just trying to figure out why I'm still awake at 4am. I've been trying to sleep for a few hours, but nothing. meh. Maybe I do need alcohol...



you see Jerry these are the things others, as well as myself, have been talking about.
Just because you may seem to know a little about the drug industry (and not saying you are 100% wrong) does not mean that it is not a good option for you. You seem to shoot down all attempts at good ideas. Wether you agree with them or not. I have a second job now. Did I want one? NO. It sucks having little, if any time, for yourself. But I NEEDED one and went out and did it.

You have got to learn to stop shooting down ideas that could or would help just because you think you have all the answers to what they would do for you.

Seeing a therapist would be a HUGE help for you. HUGE. Meds MIGHT also be a big help, but that is for the Therpaist to say yes or no on.

I am keeping silient from now on. You do whatever you want to. You do not need permission or approval from anyone else on here. Just with yourself. Whatever you decide to do, it will be your decision and yours alone. As I said before, I wish you luck.