Kathleen From The Bronx
05-21-2008, 03:12 PM
Dear Ron and Fez Shooow,
If I may quote The Dude, "This aggression will not stand!" I decided. I'm just gonna do it. I'm gonna step in and single-handedly improve South Jersey's image...BY MOVING THERE.
No, no... don't try to stop me! I know what you're sayin... I know what you're all saying! You're saying, "It's a crazy plan!" and, "It will never work!" or...possibly.... "What the fuck is she screamin about now?"
It's bound to be one of those reactions anyway.... Oooh but mark my words, I am South Jersey bound, down the shore... I'ma turn it around.... for all of us... for all of us.. (repeated and whispery for emphasis)....
Maybe you don't realize that I, Kathleen, have this lil quirk.. Ya see, I root for the underdog my friends... Yeah, that's just ME. Oooh but has there been some shit talkin bout South Jersey this week yo! I mean, when Dave learned that he had been living a lie for years, convincing himself somehow that his boyhood home was in Central Jersey...when in fact.....he had been a South Jersey boy his whole life.... Wow, his reaction..... Such revulsion! Such disgust! Such denial!....
People were chiming in from all over the Northern Jersey lands to mock and ridicule him and South Jersey.... and I thought.... "No, this is wrong... You must do something.... Help South Jersey, ole girl!"
At that very moment...and not at all three months ago... at that very moment I decided that I am goin to South Jersey- south as you can get; so far south one could not at all quibble it's southness.... and I'ma class the place up a bit! You're welcome South Jersey....You are welcome.
Again, heed my words! Upon my arrival it will be done... We're gonna make you start feelin better bout yaself, South Jersey.....and I don't care if it takes me having to buy a converted ice cream truck so I can drive the mean streets of Wildwood over to Cape May while blasting Sly and the Family Stones', "Underdog" all day and nightime too... I'll do it! I'm on your side! I get you..! I understand...
By the way, that's correct.. I will be bringin both the noise and the funk....
Don't try to stop me!
I don't care that you are reminding me that Cape May is pretty damn near lying on the same latitude as Washington D.C. and that I will be no muthafuckin more NORTH than I am just bout right now..... I'm ignoring you! I don't care!
South Jersey, mama's on her way!
'Sides, I do know a couple good places to get good hoagies there.....and even if South Jersey times do get dreary, I will have my lifeline from the wilds to my brothers in the North- The Ron and Fez Show... So don't worry about me man!
I'm lookin out for you, Dirty South....
See, here's what gets me... I am not sure if you are aware of this, state of New Jersey... but you are the butt of some jokes around the ole map there!! I'm not sayin it's right... I mean... How dare they, right? Aside from people in the NYC area constantly pitting you and Long Island against each other in the battle of who's lamer.... mmm..sad.....but then the rest of the country cruelly calls you the armpit of America on top of that.... and still, STILL acts like medical waste washes up constantly on your shores.... Hey, I know it's not true...It's fucked up!
But what do YOU doo New Jersey??!! You don't fight back against the rest of the states... who let's face it, are always watching and judging.... You turn on each other??! North and Central Jersey gang up on the low man on the New Jersey-shaped totem pole?! Oooh it's a shame.... Oh my God, I am about to launch into so many an impassioned speech.....
"New Jersey, stick together!! You are all you have!!! Don't you see?! You are all you have!!! YOU ARE JERSEY!! You are everyday people! You can make it if you try! Groovy people how do you do?!"
Slow clap? Come on...
See I'm really comin on strong with this Sly & The Family themed references here... but damn dude.. is it not the move?! I know!
I am fairly certain that the rest of Jersey won't go for my plea for unity... so then I'm back to planning the South Jersey uprising.... "Have some PRIDE God damn you! Don't you know you are loved for your tomatoes???!" Under my rule, South Jersey...South South Jersey will grow in strength AND confidence....
Now doesn't it sound just wonderful? I'm gonna be there, and ALSO we can listen to Sly and the Family Stone.... Maybe I'lll just drive the converted ice cream truck and listen to Sly and the Family all day.... or....you're right- I do sometimes tend to get grandiose....all with the delusions of grandeur.... Maybe instead I will just rock a phatty purple beach-cruiser bike with a boom-box in the basket...
Still don't it sound better already? It's a nice day c'mon we'll take a nice ride down the shore hun...
That's right with the help of some soul-invigorating funk and my general presence, I will save you South Jersey! ....Or.... we'll hang out at the beach for a year and then skedaddle.... ya know, either way...
Soooo, besides the efforts to boost South Jersey's self esteem, my other fascination du jour is asexuality!
Oooh, no no... I have no big plans for the asexuals... but I did find it really interesting when on Monday's show Ronnie was wondering if all the times he had tried to get Fezzie and Earl out there a-dating.... if that had all been a form of not accepting his friends for who they are- asexuals... Fezzie claimed that he does believe that he is just that... and everyone thinks that Earl is too... even though he faintly argues otherwise....
So I was thinking about all this a lot.. and I don't wanna be unaccepting to anyone's orientation.... and so after checking out websites and this trailer for a documentary I decided that I'm no longer gonna keep encouraging other friends of mine who show no interest in the dating or the sex to, "Get out there, you're still a fox!"
Dudes, how bout I take acceptance to the highly irritating and misguided by announcing to all my single friends, "No! I get it! You are asexual! I accept you, I accept you.... Do ya thing! Or... ya know... don't..." I may add a, "waka-waka," in there at the end so they don't find me overly glib....
Nah I'm not really gonna do that, geez... have a little faith, will you please? I told you I was doin my homework... During my after-show research I learned that asexuals may not find banging to their liking, but some still enjoy dating... Then today on the show, I heard something about an asexual love tram?!
After playing the asexual dating game, Crazed One finds himself winning a date with Stalker Patti.... a date that will be chaperoned by Fezzie and Earl...
They'll take the tram to beautiful Roosevelt Island for the day, and will dine at the island's own Trellis Diner... Fezzie will be like the tram's Captain Merrill Stubing....a modern-day Gavin MacLeod! And Earl can be everyone's favorite bartender, Isaac Hamilton! Or you know... he doesn't have to be... I'm not tryin to do a race thing here.. He can be whatever character he wants to be! I just don't think he can be Dr. Adam Bricker... cause oooh ho hoo.. though he may not have seemed like one, don't let him fool you! We all know that Bernie Kopell played the role of QUITE a ladies-man!
Ronnie suggested that perhaps this interlude might be taped for our viewing pleasure! I hope so! Asexual Love Tram is my favorite show... and not just cause it has a catchy retro theme song.....
Nutha thing! I so dug hearin ya clips from GTA 4 the other day...Those were so great...Oh, my brother just got the game a while back.. When he told me that he did I was like all geekin, "Yo, start some shit with the fire chief...he'll yell at you, 'Oh I got a little more for ya! Where you goin so fast??!' and find Fezzie on the radio talkin to Ricky Gervais!!" He's like, "They're really in it?!" I said, "I know man, isn't that cool as shit?!" It is..
I haven't played any but the first GTA... and I tell you what, the only thing I didn't dig was the driving... cause just like in real life where driving makes me all, "Ohhh God, I'm driving, yikes yikes, I'm drving..." and I can't relax.... ahhh i know it ain't that deep and it's a game, but driving poorly in A GAME, does not necessarily help the ole self confidence.... It's like, "Eeesssh... I mean, I can't drive and shoot guns at the same time annnnywheeerrre..." Like Ronnie said to Crazed, "You end up driving into the water everytime, just like in real life."
Oh, but I do think I can handle cruising the streets of South Jersey in an ice cream truck... Soo... just in case you started to worry...
Anyway, I better go.... but before I do, I want to add my name to the list of people who do not like Dr. Pepper....
... and I wanna say that it was such a shocking surprise that I loved and made me all a-cackle... to hear that spot for the ole blog here on ronfez.net... that played today .....that you guys did.... where Ronnie was doin his impression of me...or was it really me and I don't remember taking part in that lil interview that Fezzie conducted.... Another black out???
Hard to tell... cause it definitely sounded like the kinda stuff I'd scream... especially the part about, "You guys are too nice to me!" cause that's so true, by the way...
Soooo...that's enough outta me... As you can see... been diggin the shows as always... To coin a phrase, you guys are ichiban!
peace out,
kathleen from the Bronx :):):)
If I may quote The Dude, "This aggression will not stand!" I decided. I'm just gonna do it. I'm gonna step in and single-handedly improve South Jersey's image...BY MOVING THERE.
No, no... don't try to stop me! I know what you're sayin... I know what you're all saying! You're saying, "It's a crazy plan!" and, "It will never work!" or...possibly.... "What the fuck is she screamin about now?"
It's bound to be one of those reactions anyway.... Oooh but mark my words, I am South Jersey bound, down the shore... I'ma turn it around.... for all of us... for all of us.. (repeated and whispery for emphasis)....
Maybe you don't realize that I, Kathleen, have this lil quirk.. Ya see, I root for the underdog my friends... Yeah, that's just ME. Oooh but has there been some shit talkin bout South Jersey this week yo! I mean, when Dave learned that he had been living a lie for years, convincing himself somehow that his boyhood home was in Central Jersey...when in fact.....he had been a South Jersey boy his whole life.... Wow, his reaction..... Such revulsion! Such disgust! Such denial!....
People were chiming in from all over the Northern Jersey lands to mock and ridicule him and South Jersey.... and I thought.... "No, this is wrong... You must do something.... Help South Jersey, ole girl!"
At that very moment...and not at all three months ago... at that very moment I decided that I am goin to South Jersey- south as you can get; so far south one could not at all quibble it's southness.... and I'ma class the place up a bit! You're welcome South Jersey....You are welcome.
Again, heed my words! Upon my arrival it will be done... We're gonna make you start feelin better bout yaself, South Jersey.....and I don't care if it takes me having to buy a converted ice cream truck so I can drive the mean streets of Wildwood over to Cape May while blasting Sly and the Family Stones', "Underdog" all day and nightime too... I'll do it! I'm on your side! I get you..! I understand...
By the way, that's correct.. I will be bringin both the noise and the funk....
Don't try to stop me!
I don't care that you are reminding me that Cape May is pretty damn near lying on the same latitude as Washington D.C. and that I will be no muthafuckin more NORTH than I am just bout right now..... I'm ignoring you! I don't care!
South Jersey, mama's on her way!
'Sides, I do know a couple good places to get good hoagies there.....and even if South Jersey times do get dreary, I will have my lifeline from the wilds to my brothers in the North- The Ron and Fez Show... So don't worry about me man!
I'm lookin out for you, Dirty South....
See, here's what gets me... I am not sure if you are aware of this, state of New Jersey... but you are the butt of some jokes around the ole map there!! I'm not sayin it's right... I mean... How dare they, right? Aside from people in the NYC area constantly pitting you and Long Island against each other in the battle of who's lamer.... mmm..sad.....but then the rest of the country cruelly calls you the armpit of America on top of that.... and still, STILL acts like medical waste washes up constantly on your shores.... Hey, I know it's not true...It's fucked up!
But what do YOU doo New Jersey??!! You don't fight back against the rest of the states... who let's face it, are always watching and judging.... You turn on each other??! North and Central Jersey gang up on the low man on the New Jersey-shaped totem pole?! Oooh it's a shame.... Oh my God, I am about to launch into so many an impassioned speech.....
"New Jersey, stick together!! You are all you have!!! Don't you see?! You are all you have!!! YOU ARE JERSEY!! You are everyday people! You can make it if you try! Groovy people how do you do?!"
Slow clap? Come on...
See I'm really comin on strong with this Sly & The Family themed references here... but damn dude.. is it not the move?! I know!
I am fairly certain that the rest of Jersey won't go for my plea for unity... so then I'm back to planning the South Jersey uprising.... "Have some PRIDE God damn you! Don't you know you are loved for your tomatoes???!" Under my rule, South Jersey...South South Jersey will grow in strength AND confidence....
Now doesn't it sound just wonderful? I'm gonna be there, and ALSO we can listen to Sly and the Family Stone.... Maybe I'lll just drive the converted ice cream truck and listen to Sly and the Family all day.... or....you're right- I do sometimes tend to get grandiose....all with the delusions of grandeur.... Maybe instead I will just rock a phatty purple beach-cruiser bike with a boom-box in the basket...
Still don't it sound better already? It's a nice day c'mon we'll take a nice ride down the shore hun...
That's right with the help of some soul-invigorating funk and my general presence, I will save you South Jersey! ....Or.... we'll hang out at the beach for a year and then skedaddle.... ya know, either way...
Soooo, besides the efforts to boost South Jersey's self esteem, my other fascination du jour is asexuality!
Oooh, no no... I have no big plans for the asexuals... but I did find it really interesting when on Monday's show Ronnie was wondering if all the times he had tried to get Fezzie and Earl out there a-dating.... if that had all been a form of not accepting his friends for who they are- asexuals... Fezzie claimed that he does believe that he is just that... and everyone thinks that Earl is too... even though he faintly argues otherwise....
So I was thinking about all this a lot.. and I don't wanna be unaccepting to anyone's orientation.... and so after checking out websites and this trailer for a documentary I decided that I'm no longer gonna keep encouraging other friends of mine who show no interest in the dating or the sex to, "Get out there, you're still a fox!"
Dudes, how bout I take acceptance to the highly irritating and misguided by announcing to all my single friends, "No! I get it! You are asexual! I accept you, I accept you.... Do ya thing! Or... ya know... don't..." I may add a, "waka-waka," in there at the end so they don't find me overly glib....
Nah I'm not really gonna do that, geez... have a little faith, will you please? I told you I was doin my homework... During my after-show research I learned that asexuals may not find banging to their liking, but some still enjoy dating... Then today on the show, I heard something about an asexual love tram?!
After playing the asexual dating game, Crazed One finds himself winning a date with Stalker Patti.... a date that will be chaperoned by Fezzie and Earl...
They'll take the tram to beautiful Roosevelt Island for the day, and will dine at the island's own Trellis Diner... Fezzie will be like the tram's Captain Merrill Stubing....a modern-day Gavin MacLeod! And Earl can be everyone's favorite bartender, Isaac Hamilton! Or you know... he doesn't have to be... I'm not tryin to do a race thing here.. He can be whatever character he wants to be! I just don't think he can be Dr. Adam Bricker... cause oooh ho hoo.. though he may not have seemed like one, don't let him fool you! We all know that Bernie Kopell played the role of QUITE a ladies-man!
Ronnie suggested that perhaps this interlude might be taped for our viewing pleasure! I hope so! Asexual Love Tram is my favorite show... and not just cause it has a catchy retro theme song.....
Nutha thing! I so dug hearin ya clips from GTA 4 the other day...Those were so great...Oh, my brother just got the game a while back.. When he told me that he did I was like all geekin, "Yo, start some shit with the fire chief...he'll yell at you, 'Oh I got a little more for ya! Where you goin so fast??!' and find Fezzie on the radio talkin to Ricky Gervais!!" He's like, "They're really in it?!" I said, "I know man, isn't that cool as shit?!" It is..
I haven't played any but the first GTA... and I tell you what, the only thing I didn't dig was the driving... cause just like in real life where driving makes me all, "Ohhh God, I'm driving, yikes yikes, I'm drving..." and I can't relax.... ahhh i know it ain't that deep and it's a game, but driving poorly in A GAME, does not necessarily help the ole self confidence.... It's like, "Eeesssh... I mean, I can't drive and shoot guns at the same time annnnywheeerrre..." Like Ronnie said to Crazed, "You end up driving into the water everytime, just like in real life."
Oh, but I do think I can handle cruising the streets of South Jersey in an ice cream truck... Soo... just in case you started to worry...
Anyway, I better go.... but before I do, I want to add my name to the list of people who do not like Dr. Pepper....
... and I wanna say that it was such a shocking surprise that I loved and made me all a-cackle... to hear that spot for the ole blog here on ronfez.net... that played today .....that you guys did.... where Ronnie was doin his impression of me...or was it really me and I don't remember taking part in that lil interview that Fezzie conducted.... Another black out???
Hard to tell... cause it definitely sounded like the kinda stuff I'd scream... especially the part about, "You guys are too nice to me!" cause that's so true, by the way...
Soooo...that's enough outta me... As you can see... been diggin the shows as always... To coin a phrase, you guys are ichiban!
peace out,
kathleen from the Bronx :):):)