Do All Great Couples...

[Gvac]

...break up and get back together numerous times before they become rock solid?

I was out with some friends earlier this evening and we were talking about all the "great" couples we know; the ones that have been married for a long time and are genuinely happy and still in love with one another. The ones you just know will be together forever.

As we were bringing them up, one of my friends made the observation that each and every one of them had split and gotten back together several times when they were initially dating. In fact, when they were still in the break-up/make-up phases of their relationships we joked that they were acting like high school couples. Yet each and every one of those partnerships is iron clad these days.

Do couples have to drive each other crazy before they decide they can't be apart? When they're apart does it dawn upon them that they're willing to accept the "flaws" of the other that make them so nuts?

Is it just my circle of friends or is this a necessary step for long term relationships?

[Chigworthy]

I don't think there's any absolutes in relationships. I think if you examined more, you would find that a lot of unsuccessful relationships broke up a few times as well. It's kind of the ultimate fuck-you bluff when you are fighting, and a lot of times, that bluff gets called.

[outlawfrank]

Yeah I agree, it's just at different levels. Some couples need that extreme. Losing something makes them realize what they have lost, while others just need the threat. I see those who split live in the absolute minute, am I happy now and that is all that matters. Now I believe that now is most important, but one must weigh that with tomorrow. If anyone tangles with love by the seat of the pants mentality it is doomed to fail. A couple with the view of a common future will probably succeed, many times couples don't initially have this. After they split it is apparent the partner they lost is the one that afforded them real growth.

[Bob Impact]

Sarah and I have never once broken up. We had one major fight very early on in our relationship and that was it and we're the greatest couple you know.

[Jughead]

Worked for me....Just spotted this thread after my thoughts post....

[badorties]

not for me ... met my chick seven years ago, and married two years ago, with out any breaks ... we've had a few pissy moments, nothing that carried over more than a day

if we ever at the point of even discussing breaking up, it wouldn't have worked (for me)

[King Hippos Bandaid]

not for me ... met my chick seven years ago, and married two years ago, with out any breaks ... we've had a few pissy moments, nothing that carried over more than a day

if we ever at the point of even discussing breaking up, it wouldn't have worked (for me)


what he said, but I have been with my wife for 9 years

In the beginning I set the ground rules by saying, I don't do breaks, it hasnt ever even close to a break. If it wasn't for Money we would never fight

[Heather 8]

8 and I have never broken up. We went from a (three-day-long) first date to living together in about 2 months, and were married a year and a half later. We fight like any other couple, and it got shaky a few times, but we're still very much together.

[Piuki]

Beer Bandit and I broke up once after dating for nearly a year. He was breaking my heart so I had to break it off. In that time, I met someone who was everything Bandit wasn't....hence, everything I thought I wanted. Whew, was I wrong on that one! It worked, though, because it made me appreciate all the things about Bandit that I had overlooked before. Yeah, he is stoic and complacent...but I am a neurotic mess and he never reacts to that.

So, one evening I am sitting in my apartment listening to a little Matchbox 20 and started to really listen to the lyrics to "Last Beautiful Girl". Yes, it is lame, but it was my parents' 25th anniversary, and I was feeling a little maudlin. Anyway, I impulsively emailed the Bandit to tell him I was still all smitten with him (this was about a year after our break-up). It took about 5 more months for us to be in the same room again, but once we were there, I knew I was home.

We were engaged 6 months after that. Married the following year, and are now staring down our six year anniversary. That break-up was essential. It helped us to get on the same page. He grew up, I discovered patience, and as I mentioned, I learned to appreciate things about him that I had formerly seen as detriments.

Now, would I consider us one of the "great couples". I can't say. We have had our share of rocky patches, some more recent than others. But, I try to remember that we have shared those rocky patches together and not given up on each other. So, I guess that counts for something. :wub:

[Jughead]

Beer Bandit and I broke up once after dating for nearly a year. He was breaking my heart so I had to break it off. In that time, I met someone who was everything Bandit wasn't....hence, everything I thought I wanted. Whew, was I wrong on that one! It worked, though, because it made me appreciate all the things about Bandit that I had overlooked before. Yeah, he is stoic and complacent...but I am a neurotic mess and he never reacts to that.

So, one evening I am sitting in my apartment listening to a little Matchbox 20 and started to really listen to the lyrics to "Last Beautiful Girl". Yes, it is lame, but it was my parents' 25th anniversary, and I was feeling a little maudlin. Anyway, I impulsively emailed the Bandit to tell him I was still all smitten with him (this was about a year after our break-up). It took about 5 more months for us to be in the same room again, but once we were there, I knew I was home.

We were engaged 6 months after that. Married the following year, and are now staring down our six year anniversary. That break-up was essential. It helped us to get on the same page. He grew up, I discovered patience, and as I mentioned, I learned to appreciate things about him that I had formerly seen as detriments.

Now, would I consider us one of the "great couples". I can't say. We have had our share of rocky patches, some more recent than others. But, I try to remember that we have shared those rocky patches together and not given up on each other. So, I guess that counts for something. :wub:

It sure does...:thumbup:

[Leticia]

Chris and I never broke up.


I've been in relationships where we broke up and got back together (one guy 4 times), but they all sucked.

[extracheese]

its natural for couples to grow complacent and take the partner for granted. Breaking up for a while, allows the person to realize what they had/have and when they reconcile they have those painful memories to call upon when they grow complacent again. When a rut occurs and you become bored, just think back to that time you broke up and she took all of 3 days to find that bartender to keep her company...those thoughts will keep you from allowing her to get too far away for you.

[A.J.]

My parents were high school sweethearts and have been married 39 years as of today (that reminds me -- I have to call!). I only found out a few years ago when my Mom was on her 3rd martini that she and my Dad had separated for a time when I was 2 or 3. At that time, I remember her telling me he was "working a second job late at night". But, he came back and they've been together ever since -- even through some very shitty times.

I think the secret to their success is that each of them always say that they married their best friend.

[PanterA]

ALL couples will argue. The ONLY couples that will last are when they get into the arguement, it's not about the same fucking thing you argued about time and time again.

The couples that can argue out a point and work the problem out so that it doesnt constantly come up, will stand the test of time. Unless there's cheating, hitting, or other major issues.

So it doesnt matter if you are breaking up, then getting back, and so on. As long as you're not breaking up all these times over the same reason. Cause then one or both of you are not willing to compromise.

[cougarjake13]

...break up and get back together numerous times before they become rock solid?

I was out with some friends earlier this evening and we were talking about all the "great" couples we know; the ones that have been married for a long time and are genuinely happy and still in love with one another. The ones you just know will be together forever.

As we were bringing them up, one of my friends made the observation that each and every one of them had split and gotten back together several times when they were initially dating. In fact, when they were still in the break-up/make-up phases of their relationships we joked that they were acting like high school couples. Yet each and every one of those partnerships is iron clad these days.

Do couples have to drive each other crazy before they decide they can't be apart? When they're apart does it dawn upon them that they're willing to accept the "flaws" of the other that make them so nuts?

Is it just my circle of friends or is this a necessary step for long term relationships?

dont know if it works for every solid relationship but this is exactly what happened in mine

overall we've been together 9 yrs, married for the last year and a half

we broke up numerous times, some for months at a time

and as you said when we broke up and i dated other women and saw what their flaws were like and that my ex wasnt that bad

[topless_mike]

i've been with mrs topless for 11 years now.
she hasnt kicked me out of the house yet.

[CofyCrakCocaine]

Depends. I don't think there is such a thing as an iron clad perfect relationship. Humans are way too fragile to have perfect relationships. Even at its prime a relationship can get cut down fairly easily. I've been a self-destructive prick with alot of the chicks in my life, but not with all of them...but there's always been this sense of frailty with all relationships, including the great ones where I wasn't trying to fuck it all up over nothing.

For the record my chick and I split up for a short while last year and we wound up coming back stronger than ever.

[drjoek]

not always

[Ritalin]

ALL couples will argue. The ONLY couples that will last are when they get into the arguement, it's not about the same fucking thing you argued about time and time again.

The couples that can argue out a point and work the problem out so that it doesnt constantly come up, will stand the test of time. Unless there's cheating, hitting, or other major issues.

So it doesnt matter if you are breaking up, then getting back, and so on. As long as you're not breaking up all these times over the same reason. Cause then one or both of you are not willing to compromise.

If you don't hit her, how do you get her to shut up and listen?