Deperately Need Help From Any Jewish Buddies .... PLEASE!!!!

[Bowel]

I went on my weekly Sunday afternoon grocery shopping and I had crackers on my grocery list. So as I was strolling down one of the 'Ethnic" aisle, I saw these Jewish crackers called Matzos. THEY WERE HUGE. I fucking said to myself, "Why buy regular SMALL ASS crackers when I could get these BIG ASS JEWISH CRACKERS. They got to be AWESOME!!! I'll fucking grab 2 of them.


OK ... here's the problem. I came home and opened the box ... grabbed one of these bad boys and bit into it and ...


IT FUCKING THING TASTE LIKE CARDBOARD!!!! It doesn't even taste like crackers. I tried putting peanut butter on it and it taste like peanut butter and cardboard. Put some jelly, butter spread .... CARDBOARD. I can't get rid of the cardboard taste.


What in the hell do the Jews use it for? Why ohhhh why does this Matzos even exist. Is this some sort of trickery? You would have thought when someone who originally cooked these crackers they would have said to themselves, "Just need a pinch of this and a pinch of that before I finalize this recipe."


WHAT DO I DO WITH THESE THINGS ... WHAT DO I DO??? HELP ME PLEASE!!!!


http://img146.imageshack.us/img146/4695/dsc00475rszpm8.jpg

[Sue_Bender]

Ice cream.

Try ice cream.

[Kevin]

Doesn't seem so seperate.

Hippos is a jew in name only, so scratch him out. And Jon will just ignore you like he does everyone.

Edit: forgot about Jeff. Maybe he can help.. not sure.

[jauble]

They are unleavened bread crackers. You could go anti kosher and throw some cheese and meat on them or if that doesnt work for you I heard this does fine.

http://education.jpl.nasa.gov/inventionchallenge/2006/images/image005.jpg

[GvacNoMore]

Butter and salt.

End of story.

[Friday]

butter.
omg now i need matzoh.

damn you, jewish board character! damn you!!!

[FUNKMAN]

break e'm up and put them in chicken broth

or give them to obamas wife, she loves crackers :lol:

sometimes i cracker myself up

[SatCam]

Where have you been the past 2000 years?

[ahhdurr]

Duct tape 5 of them together at a time (with a sixth as a lid) and put away the winter baby socks.

[Chigworthy]

Aren't these the fabled unleavened breads that sustained the Jews on their stroll across the desert? How could they be boring? Just taste the history when you eat 'em.

[Bowel]

Butter and salt.

End of story.



I tried that ... still has that cardboard taste.




Though maybe if I put the crackers between two pads of butter. :unsure:

[Bowel]

Aren't these the fabled unleavened breads that sustained the Jews on their stroll across the desert? How could they be boring? Just taste the history when you eat 'em.



Listen, Africans were brought to this country and subjected to slavery and very cruel conditions. But they still came up with some BBQ and finger licking fried chicken.



Didn't one of the Jews before the trek through the desert say, "Hey, we came up with the bagel guys ... we could do fucking better than this."



It's a shame that Jesus wasn't born before that time .... maybe they would have asked themselves, "What Would Jesus Do?" It would have changed everything! Matzos would be right up there the bagel.

[Chigworthy]

Are there better brands of the stuff? I see those dusty boxes out here in non-jew land and I can only imagine that they are horrendous. I beat freshly baked ones would be goddamn good. I love a simple product made almost entirely of starch.

[jonyrotn]

Try eating the box..I always eat the box and it's alway delicious..

BTW, whoever you are, please come clean and show yourself ... Because this post had me laughing harder then I've laughed in YEARS and that's the truth..
I wanna meet the man who coined the phrase "big ass Jewish crackers"..It's brilliant..

Top 3 funniest antisemites, in descending order..
1)Bowel
2)Marc with a C
3)Anthony Cumia

[Chigworthy]

Farrakhan's pretty funny too.

[Sue_Bender]

break e'm up and put them in chicken broth

or give them to obamas wife, she loves crackers :lol:

sometimes i cracker myself up

Boooooooooooooooo!



Boooo.

[Kevin]

Farrakhan's pretty funny too.

I hear Obama's pastor is a riot.

[Dudeman]

butter.
omg now i need matzoh.

damn you, jewish board character! damn you!!!

yeah, butter those bad boys up.

(i've been told that dipping them in chocolate milk/ hot chocolate is good too, but ive never tried it.)

[LaBoob]

Peanut butter and jelly!

Or dip them in a good, hearty soup.

[A.J.]

Put a nice shmear on them.

[drjoek]

http://www.ecovativedesign.com/

[Dude!]

spread them with delicious shrimp or lobster salad
or pile them high with pulled pork
and wash down with a big glass of milk

[Yerdaddy]

sell em on OyBay

[mendyweiss]

Some One Please Change My Board Name To " Big Ass Jewish Cracker "

[TheMojoPin]

Who "desperately needs help" over a box of crackers?

[mikeyboy]

Who "desperately needs help" over a box of crackers?

I think this is another ethnic "bit".