How do YOU get rid of Jehovah's Witnesses?

[DolaMight]

I assume they hit up your neighbor too. You know the feeling, you look out the window and see them working the neighbors up the street, you got about 2-5 minutes to think up an excuse.

You could just not answer the door, but then they might come back ringing the doorbell later when you're eating supper etc... To really get rid of them you need to answer the door and send them on their way with conviction.

I used to act like I was interested, tell them I don't live here, just visiting, and I'd like them visit me at my home, then give them my friend's full name, address and information. When the witnesses' come to the door targeting a specific person it really creeps them out. I did it to my brother and he freaked out because he didn't know why they wanted just him, no one else in the house.

Nice guy at work was getting constantly harassed and wanted to get rid of them so his brilliant idea was to plan a meeting with them over tea and biscuits, in his home, with his family, to explain to them he's not interested.

What do you do?

http://ministryideaz.com/images/ebay/LTRPORTNH_1.jpg

[RAAMONE]

i open the door and say "no" and shut it...only takes up a second of my time and after awhile they stopped coming

[ralphbxny]

I like to open the door with just my boxers on and my crank through the front and say "WHAT!!!"


or


I just ignore them which is easier in the summer when my A/C is on and I cant here them.

[Hottub]

"KC!!"

"Go get 'em, girl! Good dog!"

[Boyzbigg]

my wife when she was a young gal opened the door and yelled she loved christmas and her birthday and slammed the door in their face!

[topless_mike]

tell them that i've been shunned.
that or open the door with my boxers pulled all the way up so my bag is hanging out.

what a site to see.

[EliSnow]

"Look! It's Jehovah across the street!"

[MisterSmith]

In my opinion it is always good to be nice. They are doing what they think is right, even if it is annoying to the general public. I have gotten rid of them in the past by thanking them for stopping by but noting that I am Cathoilic and solid in my faith. I respect their efforts and belief, but am not interested.

Even if you aren't solid in your faith (and I am not particularly), they will usually respect your right to your beliefs and leave you alone. At least that is my experience; if you have really nutty zealots visiting your house, it may not work as well.

[Furtherman]

I like to open the door with just my boxers on and my crank through the front and say "WHAT!!!"

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As for the Jehovah dopes, once they hit the bottom of the street a flurry of phone calls were made and Dad would order "Stay away from the door!"

Right after hurricane Katrina a couple knocked on my door and told me the Iraq war and Katrina were all predicted in the bible. I asked them how they got to where they were today, knocking on people's doors and making such claims. I then asked if they were sexually abused. The guy got angry and pulled the girl off my stoop and walked away. But I could see it in her eyes. Poor thing.

[DolaMight]

In my opinion it is always good to be nice. They are doing what they think is right, even if it is annoying to the general public. I have gotten rid of them in the past by thanking them for stopping by but noting that I am Cathoilic and solid in my faith. I respect their efforts and belief, but am not interested.

Even if you aren't solid in your faith (and I am not particularly), they will usually respect your right to your beliefs and leave you alone. At least that is my experience; if you have really nutty zealots visiting your house, it may not work as well.

I've tried that. Even though I'm not religious I said my boss was a jewish carpenter and instead of them respecting my beliefs and going on their way they insisted on engaging in theological debate. It was fun for a while but it became obvious I knew nothing about the bible. A big my god is better than your god waste of time.

[cozzie]

I tell them I'll listen for a while, and I tell them to wait a minute. I go back inside and get a beer and some smokes, then i sit and listen while drinking and smoking. they usually give up after 5 mins.

[JPMNICK]

just tell them i am not interested

[Judge Smails]

Tell 'em if they don't get off of your porch you'll throw a bucket of blood at them.

[LaBoob]

I'm one of those annoying people that engage them and debate them. I haven't had one visit my home in a long time, but they used to come to my parents' house when I lived there. Even though I was younger I would still talk to them and one time they came to my house when I wasn't there and my mother answered the door and flipped the fuck out when they asked for me by name.

[OGC]

I deal with them the same way I deal with junk phone calls.

A quick "I am not interested, don't bother coming(calling) back"

[DonInNC]

The JW's around here have zero persistance, so I usually just take their wachtower and go back to jacking.

[Ritalin]

I turn around, drop my pants and show them my ichiban brand.

works every time.

[CambriaBurning]

I usually say something along the lines of "Can we talk about this after you go to Catholic church with me on Sunday?" and when they say that they don't really do that kind of thing, then I say, "Yeah, I should try to be more respectful and not try to push my religion on other people", then I shut my door.

I don't even go to church, but I get my point across.

[angrymissy]

"KC!!"

"Go get 'em, girl! Good dog!"

They (or some other religious door to door group) showed up here 2 days ago, with Pronto barking and growling at them while I held him.

I just say "Not religious, thanks" and close the door.

[reillyluck]

i always tell them "no thanks! i like to celebrate holidays and close the door".

[A.J.]

Thankfully, I've never encountered any. However, I have been stopped by Mormons on the street. I get away from them by saying "My friend is LDS so I already had the pitch".

[Cleophus James]

Stop feeding them.

[Piuki]

I'm one of those annoying people that engage them and debate them. I haven't had one visit my home in a long time, but they used to come to my parents' house when I lived there. Even though I was younger I would still talk to them and one time they came to my house when I wasn't there and my mother answered the door and flipped the fuck out when they asked for me by name.

I had a similar experience when I was a teenager. They were these two nice older ladies, so I let them give me their literature and they left. I didn't want to seem "rude". They came back a few times and I always made polite conversation and accepted whatever brochures they handed out. Then they showed up in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner. My dad was pissed. I don't know what he said to them, but they stopped coming by!

Now, I just tell them I am Catholic. For some reason the ones we have around here tend to not argue with that.

BeerBandit likes to fuck with them, but he can tell his own story.

[Heather 8]

"KC!!"

"Go get 'em, girl! Good dog!"

In lieu of a dog, a well-tossed cat that still has her claws also works wonders.

My brother and I used to live next door to a couple of JW's, who would sit in the stairwell of our building and wait for us. I'd always tell them, "Nope, already destimed to burn in hell, thanks," whenever they saw me. My brother wasn't quite so polite.

[King Hippos Bandaid]

I try to use my sales skills and turn them jewish

[DolaMight]

Two 14 year olds came by yesterday and handed out some edgy genX typa marketing pamphlets with a full size shot of what they said is their parish. Thing is I recognized the building and it's a daycare. They must rent it out on weekends/weeknights.

They asked my girlfriend if she knew where she will go when she dies among other things. Creepy clones.

What denomination holds mass at local school gymnasiums?

[Sinestro]

Are There Any Sexy Jehovah Women? I Wouldn't Mind Opening The Door For Them And Offer Them Tea, Biscuits And Whatelse.

[cougarjake13]

dont open the door in the first place

[nukinfuts]

Ask them to come in and watch you feed your pet snake...I believe they think that snakes are the devil. :devil2:

[FUNKMAN]

i remember a friend would ask them " so if you believe there will be just 444,000 saved then why do you have several million in your organization ? "

had a JW co-worker, we had some of the greatest/funniest times in work. I remember he loved some of the Opie and Anthony show he was listening to. this guy knew the bible from front to back and any religious question you threw at him he had a sound biblical/logical answer for it...

[Coach]

I once told them that Satan has a better health plan.

[PapaBear]

All you have to do is tell them you were a Witness and got kicked out. They aren't allowed to talk to you. My ex was a Witness before she met me. They weren't allowed to talk to her. Even her family wasn't supposed to talk to her, but they did anyway.

[FUNKMAN]

i think Grand Funk liked them...

they kept singing " can't i get a witness "

[RoseBlood]

I work with a Jehovahs Witness. I've never met a Jehovah before and none of them have come around my parts in ages. He really hasn't tried to push his religion onto me or preach to me but I have noticed the only times he seems to have any spark in his voice is when he talks about his "beliefs". It seems to be the ruling force behind his entire life and it comes first in his life.

My curiosity got the better of me and I guess I made the mistake of inquiring about his religion when he brought it up. He probably mistook this as me being interested because he went on to tell me all about it and even gave me a book about how to interpret the bible etc etc. I have no interest in converting, but I find any religion fascinating, in terms of it baffling my mind what people are willing to believe.. to each their own.

The only thing I really didn't like was when he encountered an 82 yr. old, mentally challenged patient and kind of belittled him for being a smoker, not because of any health reasons but because it goes against his religion and it's dirty in Jehovah's eyes or something. When the patient was making small talk and asked him when his birthday was, instead of just answering the poor old man, he must've felt it necessary to let him know that "birthday's are unimportant and selfish".. eh.. I kinda thought that was inappropriate for him to say given the environment, but no one was hurt, so whatever.

I dont know if all Jehovah's are like him but he does seem slightly judgemental (as i suppose we all are in our own way). I asked him if he was raised Jehovah and he proceeds to tell me that his father is Jewish and his mother is an "inactive" Jehovahs Witness from the Phillipines and how he's hoping his parents will be "saved" because of his connection and that they "reap what they sow". I think he was insinuating that because his parents aren't practicing Jehovah's, they are pretty much damned. :huh: :thumbdown:

[Sue_Bender]

I don't open the door for anyone, so this isn't an issue.

[Chigworthy]

If you post your feces above the door, they know exactly where you stand.

[Thebazile78]

I dated a kid in high school who was a Witness.

It was a rough time in my life, so it was kind of easy to get me to go around with him to meetings or whatnot ... but it felt kind of, I dunno, cultish to me.

(The thing that makes me say that is that they really tried to get me to join up once they found out that my parents were splitting up and I wasn't taking it well. It felt like they were just .... hovering waiting for me to collapse and give up on being Catholic.)

My dad used to fuck with them by countering their points with the same bits of scripture. (This is incentive enough to learn the Bible.)

Nowadays, I prefer the Mormons. I think that they're more polite. Plus, they're easier to overpower in a conversation. And they wear name tags. That's so cute!

[ANC]

Just retort all their preaching with "But why?" like a toddler...

[LaBoob]

Nowadays, I prefer the Mormons. I think that they're more polite. Plus, they're easier to overpower in a conversation. And they wear name tags. That's so cute!

I worked for a Mormon company based in Utah for 4 years. In my experience, they were always very polite and friendly, and very focused on family values. They were pleasant to work with and be around and never EVER talked to me about their religion! Mormons over JW's ANYDAY.

[Thebazile78]

Just retort all their preaching with "But why?" like a toddler...

That makes them stay longer, dude.

Seriously. They love the explication. That's why they read the Bible.

[EddieMoscone]

http://www.yellowdoggereldemocrat.org/images/20071215_NoSolicitingSign.jpg

[Thebazile78]

http://www.yellowdoggereldemocrat.org/images/20071215_NoSolicitingSign.jpg

Totally wish that worked.

[Fallon]

Two 14 year olds came by yesterday....

Alllllright!

http://img294.imageshack.us/img294/6426/quagmire3865fj8.jpg

[ANC]

First of all you have to dice the body into six pieces and pile it up into a bag. Then you'll need to find a pig farm and starve the pigs for a couple of days. The pigs will be so hungry that the body will look like curry to them. They will go through bone like butter, that means that 40 pigs can digest 80 pounds of fat, that's 2 pounds every minute.

[EddieMoscone]

...I'd make him waffles and let him read the bible to me front to back.

Any Prince fans? Curious to know what he's been up to lately? Turns out he became a Jehovah’s Witness in 2001 and literally goes door to door to preach about his new faith.

The singer told USA Today that fans completely freak out when they open their door and find Prince waiting for them.

"Sometimes fans freak out. It might be a shock to see me, but that’s no reason for people to act crazy, and it doesn’t give them license to chase me down the street."

Prince is so devoted to his faith that he even takes the Bible to business meetings - to show executives he is serious about doing a deal.

"There are all kinds of possible deals artists aren’t privy to. I love to bring the Bible to the table. I start by asking if they believe in God, then: ‘What kind of business do you want to conduct: Transparent or hide the ball?’ I’ll do tours and albums if the deal is clean."

[Fezticle98]

It's like I always say: If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

[BeerBandit]

I usually have a wonderful discussion with them at the front door. "War is a good thing." "Population control." "I was born a snake-handler, and I'll die a snake-handler." They really help to keep my improvisational skills keen. To me their like hot lesbians: I just know I can turn them.

[midwestjeff]

Two of them kept trying to start a conversation with me yesterday at the laundromat.
I am really disappointed in myself for not having fun with it.
Could have been a great time killer. :thumbdown:

[red_red_red]

i had 2 teen girls come to my door and ask for my mom :laugh:, how could i be rude after that? i just laffed and said we're not religious and closed the door.

[Patient zer0]

spray lambs blood all over your doors and windows and I find it helps if you etch 666 into your door frame

[smiler grogan]

If you engage them or take some lit. your address is noted and they will come back. If you like fucking with them thats one thing but the best thing to do to dissuade them is to politely say no and close the door.

I have around JW's all my life they are a harmless annoyance.

[sailor]

i always tell them "no thanks! i like to celebrate holidays and close the door".

wouldn't it be easier to just close the door without warning them?

[ahhdurr]

I'm pretty rude with people (anyone) who thinks its ok to interrupt your day for their gain. Ron mentioned something about people handing things out ... sales: "excuse me sir, would you like to try this lotion?" No- I'm going somewhere. hehe.

Telemarketers, aggressive salespeople (unless I have time and she's smokin' hot), JW's, promoters, I would tie off and drown collectively in a world without consequence.

I understand the JW premise of trying to save my eternal soul. Look - the jury's out on the existence of an eternal soul and I'd like to get back to pancakes and Oswald.

My Dad and another friend of mine do the over-the-top reversal thing where they'll even make them fucking coffee (in a figurative sense) and argue religion with them until they get frustrated and leave... this is very funny to me, but I don't have that kind of time or interest.

[ahhdurr]

I turn around, drop my pants and show them my ichiban brand.

works every time.

Dave?

[sr71blackbird]

I answer the door like this:


http://i119.photobucket.com/albums/o132/heightass/heightpics030.jpg

[britneypablo]

im always lonely so i talk to them for a while

[djproject]

I just let them in, lock the door and say "welcome to the jungle baby your gonna die!!" LoL

[Lady Resin]

I have my cell phone in one hand and the cast iron pan in the other.

[BlackSpider]

I invite them in and try to get them to join my cult...

[brettmojo]

Answering the door naked works for me.

[NYHCmikeX]

Lock the door.

"Now yous cant leave"

And then I pummel those bikers into oblivion and stand over them and say,

"Look at me, I'm the one who did this to you"

They dont usually come back.

[FezsAssistant]

If I were president I'd have every religious person executed. No exceptions.

[ScottFromGA]

My brother and I always had an idea of doing the living room up like a slaughterhouse with dead bodies chopped up, blood splattered on the walls, human meat hanging from the ceiling and Death Metal playing in the background.

put the devil sign on your forehead, dissolve a blood capsule and let it drip out of your mouth as if you were eating something bloody while wearing a butchers outfit holding a knife, then put some black contacts in.


when you hear the knock, open the door really fast and scream, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?!?!?" and watch the comedy ensue.


do that or answer the door naked with whipped cream on the tip of your cock.

[ChimneyFish]

Option #1
http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c217/luxa1/uuabg6DcV_edited.jpg

Option #2
http://i28.photobucket.com/albums/c217/luxa1/uua5ZG6k4.gif

Which option would you take????

[cozzie]

I always say yes I'll listen but can you give me a minute. Then I go inside grab some beers and my smokes. I come back out smoking and drinking. I offer them the same( which they refuse) after 5minutes they are gone and never heard from again. I Once listened to 30 minutes of babble while drinking beers at 10 in the morning.

[keverlast]

Invite them in for cookies and coffee. Then have someone else siphon there gas while inside. Leave them a little to get the fuck out of yer yard. I love Jehovah's, there welcome at my place, anytime:devil2:

[Thebazile78]

Invite them in for cookies and coffee. Then have someone else siphon there gas while inside. Leave them a little to get the fuck out of yer yard. I love Jehovah's, there welcome at my place, anytime:devil2:

Nah, I still prefer the Mormons.

Mormons are much more polite. And they wear those cute little black name tags on their white shirts.

I love their name tags!

[skyscraper]

To me their like hot lesbians: I just know I can turn them.

why would you want to turn lesbians if they are hot?

[NYHCmikeX]

why would you want to turn lesbians if they are hot?

So they'll put your penis in their mouth.

[skyscraper]

So they'll put your penis in their mouth.

well, you don't want to turn them all the way, just enough. they should still be into other hot lesbians.

[west milly Tom]

I like to invite them in and ask all sorts of weird, "can I still" questions. Can I still participate in orgies? Can I still sell meth to children? Can I still go to temple?

[Slumbag]

Why get rid of them?
I like to chat with them. In all seriousness, they are possibly the nicest people to deal with. Not pushy or arrogant. I like to listen to them, and have a nice point/counterpoint with them. You can learn a lot about people when you listen to them talk about their religous beliefs.

[boosterp]

I point to my Ankh, Isis, and Osiris tats and explain their meaning to me. Usually it strikes up an interesting conversation but leads to any religious individual leaving my place without giving me a brochure, bible, or with any donations.

I did spit at a southern baptist once because he told me I was going to hell, I replied with calling his god a hypocrite and launching a large amount of spit onto his shirt. At least listen to my view if I give you the time to listen to yours.

[Slumbag]

I did spit at a southern baptist once because he told me I was going to hell, I replied with calling his god a hypocrite and launching a large amount of spit onto his shirt. At least listen to my view if I give you the time to listen to yours.

Watch yourself man. My chick is a Baptist, and if you spit at her, me and you are gonna have issues.
http://blogs.pitch.com/plog/ShirleyPhelpsRoper.jpg

[boosterp]

Watch yourself man. My chick is a Baptist, and if you spit at her, me and you are gonna have issues.
http://blogs.pitch.com/plog/ShirleyPhelpsRoper.jpg

:lol::lol::lol:

[ToiletCrusher]

All a jemima's witness needs is some pancakes and they will leave you alone.

[CHUCKWAGONCOOK]

I was living on a mountain in NH with my two buddies, Mike and Bubba. Bubba was a big guy like me.

We use to get up in the morning and do what we call "Fat Guy Stretches" That's when one fat guy lays on the ground while the other one works his limbs for him. Stretching him out real good.

Did I mention that the front of the A-Frame we lived in was all glass? Did I mention that we use to do these stretches in our boxer shorts?

We'll one day, Bubba and I were in the middle of our Fat Guy Stretches when we looked up and saw Two J-Holes and there little 6-7 year old daughter knocking on our glass doors.
We let them in.

We sat with them in our boxer shorts sipping tea and smelling awful.Did I mention that Bubba has a wicked bad BO problem? I believe there were beer cans and bongs everywhere too.

I felt bad for the little girl. She didn't need to see that. But they never came back.

[tanless1]

I point to my Ankh, Isis, and Osiris tats and explain their meaning to me. Usually it strikes up an interesting conversation but leads to any religious individual leaving my place without giving me a brochure, bible, or with any donations.

I did spit at a southern baptist once because he told me I was going to hell, I replied with calling his god a hypocrite and launching a large amount of spit onto his shirt. At least listen to my view if I give you the time to listen to yours.

christians really are the largest hurdle to christianity. to many social networkers in the congrigation.

[JohnGacysCrawlSpace]

Nothing is more fun then watching Jehovah's Witnesses navigate a yard full of land mines.

[tanless1]

...or code enforcement for that mater.