CofyCrakCocaine
06-22-2008, 05:03 PM
The past 30+ days have been some of the worst in my life. Maybe that's revealing of how privilidged I am or something since lots of people have suffered way worse, but I obviously don't see it that way right now.
I already posted about my cat of 20 years dying. He died the day I graduated from school for the semester, which left me with nothing to really keep me busy. I believe if you really want to help yourself get past losing a loved one in any way, you really need something or someone that's going to keep you busy. (And thank you to everyone for posting and showing love and care in that thread- it truly means alot and makes a fella think the world of you lot o' louts.)
An uncle of mine died the same day very unexpectedly- he was 59 and in tip-top shape- the circumstances of his death were traumatic for my family. We found out about this a few days after it happened. My family was pretty messed up over it and I focused on pushing back my own grieving so I could just be there for the old folks. Be a pillar for them. Put on a strong face, suck it up, don't whine, all that shit. I'd wait till after the funeral to let myself fall apart for a couple days, which wasn't long ago.
Then my girlfriend and I wind up splitting yesterday. Same girl from October- we had managed to work through our problems and all. I've earned some money, but it's not enough still and she wants to get married and have kids right away. She's a few years older than me, which makes this sense of urgency to hurry up so important. This breakup was actually mutual because I sensed her unhappiness and our relationship was hitting some rough road. I wish we had stuck around long enough so we'd grow to hate each other or something so that the breakup would feel more like a relief than anything else.
I know life doesn't grant anybody any favors and I shouldn't go around expecting things to go according to plan. But jesus christ... couldn't this have waited another month? We haven't even finished cleaning out my uncle's house yet. My chick has been my best friend for the past couple years and she's really the glue that's held the house of CCC together since things started getting shitty last month. I can't make her stay and I wouldn't even if I could- her happiness is more important- but goddamn it- NOW?!!?!
May-June 2008 has completely SUCKED.
I already posted about my cat of 20 years dying. He died the day I graduated from school for the semester, which left me with nothing to really keep me busy. I believe if you really want to help yourself get past losing a loved one in any way, you really need something or someone that's going to keep you busy. (And thank you to everyone for posting and showing love and care in that thread- it truly means alot and makes a fella think the world of you lot o' louts.)
An uncle of mine died the same day very unexpectedly- he was 59 and in tip-top shape- the circumstances of his death were traumatic for my family. We found out about this a few days after it happened. My family was pretty messed up over it and I focused on pushing back my own grieving so I could just be there for the old folks. Be a pillar for them. Put on a strong face, suck it up, don't whine, all that shit. I'd wait till after the funeral to let myself fall apart for a couple days, which wasn't long ago.
Then my girlfriend and I wind up splitting yesterday. Same girl from October- we had managed to work through our problems and all. I've earned some money, but it's not enough still and she wants to get married and have kids right away. She's a few years older than me, which makes this sense of urgency to hurry up so important. This breakup was actually mutual because I sensed her unhappiness and our relationship was hitting some rough road. I wish we had stuck around long enough so we'd grow to hate each other or something so that the breakup would feel more like a relief than anything else.
I know life doesn't grant anybody any favors and I shouldn't go around expecting things to go according to plan. But jesus christ... couldn't this have waited another month? We haven't even finished cleaning out my uncle's house yet. My chick has been my best friend for the past couple years and she's really the glue that's held the house of CCC together since things started getting shitty last month. I can't make her stay and I wouldn't even if I could- her happiness is more important- but goddamn it- NOW?!!?!
May-June 2008 has completely SUCKED.