Am I old fashioned?

[Alice S. Fuzzybutt]

A couple of weeks ago I met a guy (10 years younger than me) at a local bar (two blocks from my house). He walked me home and gave me his number but I didn't give him my number. Whatever. I didn't think much about it.

Around 1am last Monday my door buzzer rings. It was the guy. He wanted to know if I wanted to go to a local bar. I work 2nd shift (3-11pm) so it wasn't an odd thing to ask. Via intercom I told him I was already in bed and planned to stay there (alone).

I texted him the next day just cuz I thought it was sweet he showed up at my door. I told him I'd meet him a certain bar and he texted back, "I will defenitely [sic] see you there!"

So, like an asshole I went to the bar and waited. And he never showed. I called him and later and he texted me back a few hours later with, "I just got home from a friend's house in NYC. Will you be around later or tomorrow?"

I'm pretty much OVER being stood up. I'm just wondering, since he is 10 years younger than me, did manners change that much? I called him and told him he should have called me if he had other plans and he said, "I didn't know we had concrete plans."

I bit my tongue and didn't say, "Since you can't spell the word 'definitely' I certainly can't expect you to understand that word." But that sounded VERY mom-ish.

With the advent of cell phones and text messaging, has "dating" become more casual?

Or am I just the asshole who got stood up? Oh, and I'm ok with that.

[Towelie]

As someone in their early twenty's I can tell you that the idea of dating is pretty much a dated experience, as far as people in my age group goes.

Or at least what the old definition of dating has changed.

[drjoek]

Cougar!!

[Towelie]

The invention of the drunk dial has certainly changed our world as we know it.

[Alice S. Fuzzybutt]

Sigh... neither of you guys are helping. But thanks for your contributions. Really.

[reillyluck]

I'd say give it one more shot. if youre up for it of course.

but he did reply back to you saying he'd definitely be there? then said that he didnt know it was concrete? thats odd. i would have called him out on that, but its too late now.

see what happens if you plan something again.

[Alice S. Fuzzybutt]

To be honest, I'm pretty happy being by myself.

I just wanted to keep up with social mores and some such. I mean, the first hint and a half was that he's 10 years younger than me. In my heart I wanted to ignore him, but I decided to "get out of a rut" and I done got stood up.

I'm just asking "the kids" what's the LATEST in dating these days.

I thought it was common courtesy to call and tell someone you had made other plans. THAT can't just be me, right?

[jonyrotn]

Cougar!! Hahaha!


So your seeing black Earl?

JK..Age has nothing to do with common courtesy..He's 100% out of order..

If you liked him and you two hit it off, give him another chance..Forgive the faux pas and move on..
You'll know if he did it because he's too stupid, too arrogant or too drunk by the end of your next old fashion "date"..

Good luck!

[Friday]

If you liked him and you two hit it off, give him another chance..Forgive the faux pas and move on..
You'll know if he did it because he's too stupid, too arrogant or too drunk by the end of your next old fashion "date"..

Good luck!

i agree.
forgive and forget this once and try try again.
see what happens.
everyone deserves a second chance.

[reillyluck]

absolutely. you should give someone the heads up if you cant make it.

not to disect the scenario, but were you perfectly clear on time and place? i just dont understand why he would say he would be there and then say that he wasnt sure it was set in stone, ya know? maybe he thought you were saying you'd like to meet up with him at the place, but just didnt know when? who knows!

if you do make plans with him, make them over the phone...texting sucks for these situations. ive made plenty of fuck ups by texting. sometimes people take things a different way IE: sarcasm.


i honestly think you should give it one more try, though. like Jony said "Age has nothing to do with common courtesy"

go get em hot stuff!!!

[sailor]

i'd say it wasn't a date-date, just if you're going to this bar i'll try to bump into you there. not like "let's meet at this bar 10pm on thursday" like reilly said, give it another try if you're still interested.

[jauble]

Dont give up 100 percent he sounds a bit prickish by saying he would be there and not showing but I have a couple of good friends that do that too when they say we should hang and they will call but dont so dont make it an age thing. Plenty of gentleman (at all ages still exist...or maybe Im just from the midwest)

[DarkHippie]

I hate when people do this. if you say that you are gonna be somewhere, you better fucking contact me if you wont. Its common decency.

My last girlfriend used to do this all of the time. I let her get away with it because she let me put my dick in her, but finally it got to be too much and i left her. Common fucking decency

[Alice S. Fuzzybutt]

Thanks guys. This has given me some insight.

If i meet up with him at another time, then that's fine. Otherwise I'm not going to pursue it.

[joethebartender]

Around 1am last Monday my door buzzer rings. It was the guy. He wanted to know if I wanted to go to a local bar. I work 2nd shift (3-11pm) so it wasn't an odd thing to ask. Via intercom I told him I was already in bed and planned to stay there (alone).


I don't care what shift you're working...that's a little scary. and if it happens again I'd say; "sorry it's 1 am, time to clean my guns again."
Be careful.

[britneypablo]

awww meet up with the poor bastard again....but dont get worried if he doesnt show, you dont wanna let yourself get too emotional over some d-bag you dont know, your only punishing yourself...(i realize you will respond that your not emotional your just wonderin, but your smart and probably extremely good looking so you get my point) but just give him one more chance but make sure you all are in public in case he is a creep....if he turns out ok check his package, i always hate to fall in love and find out my man isnt packing....
and furthermore....im 24f and i stand people up on accident all the time...i do it because I am to inconsiderate to remember them (i dont mean to be, its just me!)....so he might be suffering from the same problem...for instance, i keep my phone on silent all the time because i only answer (and only wanna hear it ring) when i feel like it....my bf hates that about me....maybe this guy is a jerk like me, but that doesnt mean he doesnt have a great personality that you might end up really liking

[A.J.]

A couple of weeks ago I met a guy (10 years younger than me) at a local bar (two blocks from my house).

Robbing the cradle, huh? Nice!

Give the guy one more shot. If he fucks up again, tear him a new one.

[Bellyfullasnot]

I don't care what shift you're working...that's a little scary. and if it happens again I'd say; "sorry it's 1 am, time to clean my guns again."
Be careful.

I was thinking the same thing. Maybe you could meet him @ a nonbar type atmosphere during the day?
You're not too old fashioned.

[CHUCKWAGONCOOK]

[quote=britneypablo;1767654]...for instance, i keep my phone on silent all the time because i only answer (and only wanna hear it ring) when i feel like it....[/qu ote] I do the same thing!
And when it does ring and a name doesn't pop up on the screen that I want to talk to , I just let it go. But all in all I don't like phones anyways. Not from the receiving end at least.

[foodcourtdruide]

There are people in this world that have no concept of keeping a commitment and it sounds like this guy is one of them. I wouldn't bother with him. You had a set date and he flaked and didn't let you know. There's no reason for that, other than incompetence or ignorance.

And I agree with ReillyLuck, age has nothing to do with this. I'm 27 and I understood the concept of a date when I was 18, 22, 24 and now.

[foodcourtdruide]

awww meet up with the poor bastard again....but dont get worried if he doesnt show, you dont wanna let yourself get too emotional over some d-bag you dont know, your only punishing yourself...(i realize you will respond that your not emotional your just wonderin, but your smart and probably extremely good looking so you get my point) but just give him one more chance but make sure you all are in public in case he is a creep....if he turns out ok check his package, i always hate to fall in love and find out my man isnt packing....
and furthermore....im 24f and i stand people up on accident all the time...i do it because I am to inconsiderate to remember them (i dont mean to be, its just me!)....so he might be suffering from the same problem...for instance, i keep my phone on silent all the time because i only answer (and only wanna hear it ring) when i feel like it....my bf hates that about me....maybe this guy is a jerk like me, but that doesnt mean he doesnt have a great personality that you might end up really liking

If he is how you say, wouldn't it be even worse if she started really liking him?

[britneypablo]

i basically said "what if he is like me" and you basically said "wouldnt that be bad", if i am correct on this, then my response is...no he would be awesome aka king ding-a-ling because essentially he is like me

[foodcourtdruide]

i basically said "what if he is like me" and you basically said "wouldnt that be bad", if i am correct on this, then my response is...no he would be awesome aka king ding-a-ling because essentially he is like me

Wouldn't you say that accidentally standing up people because you are too inconsiderate to think of them is a really bad thing?

[britneypablo]

everyone has a flaw, its not cheating or another dramatically emotional or harmful flaw....all im saying if he is like that, its not the worst thing in the world compared to the way most people are...so she should give him at least another shot to find out

[foodcourtdruide]

I see your point, but I do have a fascination with people like you and apparently him. So what do you think when people confront you regarding being stood up? And with your boyfriend, why keep your phone on off, if it bothers him? Surely you can understand how someone might be suspicious if the person they are calling is not answering for no reason.

I'm not confronting you or calling you out, I'm just curious. I've encountered this situation before and I really don't understand it.

[britneypablo]

well as far as i go, im only a social person when i feel like being one...and i tell my friends and boyfriend that often so they know im not being mean...when they confront me on it, i say well thats the way i am...take it or leave it...they take it, because they know when some big problem really comes up in their lives im the one they can ask and ill be there for them during their lowest of lows...(as long as i answer their call in time) ...my rule is call me before the event if i dont answer or call back immediately, dont expect me...even my voicemail says only "Leave me a detailed message or leave me alone"
as far as trust goes, i think my bf trusts me because when i dont answer and he just shows up he will find me working on a project in my place alone or at my parents or something...

another theory onthis guy is if this guy isnt a creep and he took the time to go back to her place and knowing he might be taken as a creep and still ask to see her, how do u think he felt when he was rejected after doing a pretty brave thing if he is a little antisocial...maybe he turned out scared of being stood up and thats why he stood her up....there could be a million different reasons he didnt show up and didnt mean to ruin his chances by doing it....

does he know she showed up at the bar ....i would tell him to he knows u really went and tell him if he wants to go out again to meet you at your intercom and walk to somewhere (that you are familiar with like the bar u met at)
or just bring a gun

if my friends used a gun on me i might answer more often

[foodcourtdruide]

Do you think you are setting rules for others to respect your time, while not being sensitive to the time of others?

[britneypablo]

for me, and maybe this guy maybe not....i dont wanna get too off topic and talk about me personally because i do want to find out how this chick future date goes...but to answer your question i dont care about other peoples time, and i dont mind if they dont care about mine....i normally chill alone so that i dont have to feel guilty for not respecting other people

[zathrus]

I think manners have changed that much in 10 years.

[LaBoob]

Thanks guys. This has given me some insight.

If i meet up with him at another time, then that's fine. Otherwise I'm not going to pursue it.

Good for you. Not to disrespect anyone's advice, but I can't believe people were encouraging you to give this guy another chance. Aren't most people on their best behavior when there's someone new in their life or someone they're interested in? For him to blow off plans with you right up front shows he's an inconsiderate and disrespectful person, and if a girl has any self-respect she'll move on quickly.

I wouldn't have hard feelings towards him (doesn't sound like you would anyway), maybe it just wasn't the right timing or something, but IMO you are 100% right not to pursue it. Let him pursue you if he's really interested.

We are in a similar situation, both single ladies happy just being on our own, not desperate to be in a relationship... and I think it's important to get out there every once in a while to stay in touch with the dating world. I've had the same impression as you as far as guys being flaky and inconsiderate, and manners changing, but I am not too quick to label guys in general as being this way... at least I really hope they're not.

[reillyluck]

Good for you. Not to disrespect anyone's advice, but I can't believe people were encouraging you to give this guy another chance. Aren't most people on their best behavior when there's someone new in their life or someone they're interested in? For him to blow off plans with you right up front shows he's an inconsiderate and disrespectful person, and if a girl has any self-respect she'll move on quickly.

I wouldn't have hard feelings towards him (doesn't sound like you would anyway), maybe it just wasn't the right timing or something, but IMO you are 100% right not to pursue it. Let him pursue you if he's really interested.

We are in a similar situation, both single ladies happy just being on our own, not desperate to be in a relationship... and I think it's important to get out there every once in a while to stay in touch with the dating world. I've had the same impression as you as far as guys being flaky and inconsiderate, and manners changing, but I am not too quick to label guys in general as being this way... at least I really hope they're not.

just to recap my own advice, i wasnt saying that she should call him just to call him. if he calls her, then yeah maybe give it another try...because quite honestly it could have been a miscommunication. how will you honestly know if you dont see him again? It just doesnt add up to me....im rooting for a misunderstanding. If he deliberately did that, then yes....have him go fuck himself. :smile:

someone did point out the creepy part about showing up at your door unexpected at 1am, though. If you didnt mind, then thats cool...but i HATE when people come to my house without telling me first. im weird like that.

[Furtherman]

someone did point out the creepy part about showing up at your door unexpected at 1am, though. If you didnt mind, then thats cool...but i HATE when people come to my house without telling me first. im weird like that.

Fuzzy thought it was sweet.

I know that if I did that do some girl I just met, the cops would probably be called!!

Chicks. :dry:

[LaBoob]

just to recap my own advice, i wasnt saying that she should call him just to call him. if he calls her, then yeah maybe give it another try...because quite honestly it could have been a miscommunication. how will you honestly know if you dont see him again? It just doesnt add up to me....im rooting for a misunderstanding. If he deliberately did that, then yes....have him go fuck himself. :smile:

someone did point out the creepy part about showing up at your door unexpected at 1am, though. If you didnt mind, then thats cool...but i HATE when people come to my house without telling me first. im weird like that.


I think we are on the same page, just phrasing it differently... If it was me in this situation I'd feel the need to confront him on the issue and find out what he has to say about it, ideally in a non-confrontational way, but I would HAVE to know what the hell happened, still I would already be working on moving on...

I always used to assume the best in guys and wind up disappointed, so now that I'm older I see the worst in guys and let them earn my respect (I'm not a bitch, just a little bit guarded). Something like this would really do some damage as to my impression of this person.

And the 1AM knock on the door is BEYOND CREEPY. :huh:

[Freakshow]

cold fashioned?

http://www.turkeyhill.com/images/cold-fashioned-iced-tea.jpg

Oh, yeah.

[Alice S. Fuzzybutt]

Fuzzy thought it was sweet.

I know that if I did that do some girl I just met, the cops would probably be called!!

Chicks. :dry:


Well, I suppose I thought it was sweet because he's not particularly threatening. He's mayyybe 5'7" and I outweigh him by, errr, a lot.

Plus I had no intention of letting him up to my apartment.