A wake

[TooLowBrow]

My mothers best friend's mother just died.
The wake is today, the funeral tomorrow.
I haven't been to a wake or funeral since i was 12.
Not that I don't know people who have died,
it's just that I feel that a wake and funeral are not how I choose to mourn/remember.
I like to remember people's lives, and having the corpse sitting right there seems morbid and odd.
And watching it being buried too.
I'd think its more important to be near the person around when they died rather than when they're buried.
But no one in my family went to see this woman in her nursing home.
Maybe they want to go to this out of guilt for that.
I'm trying not to hurt anyones feelings.
But does everyone else feel that the wake -> funeral is the only way?
I think that once the person has died, the body becomes unimportant
and that you can hold a wake anywhere else, with the living people who miss them.

[RAAMONE]

i think funerals are weird...and i personally dont understand them

but i go because thats just what people do

[PanterA]

i have to go to a wake today. i hate them. i dont want to go to anyones wake and i wouldnt want anyone to come to mine. they are fucking creepy, the people that run the funeral homes are fucking creepy, and the people that kiss and touch the corpse are fucking creepy.

[TooLowBrow]

i have to go to a wake today. i hate them. i dont want to go to anyones wake and i wouldnt want anyone to come to mine. they are fucking creepy, the people that run the funeral homes are fucking creepy, and the people that kiss and touch the corpse are fucking creepy.

if your wake is in bayside, maybe its the same wake

[LaBoob]

the people that kiss and touch the corpse are fucking creepy.

My grandmother believes that you do that so the person doesn't come visit you in your dreams. She swears by it. I find it creepy.

I always go to funerals, even if I didn't know the person intimately. However, my family's style is to sit in the back and make each other laugh the ENTIRE time (quietly and respectfully, of course!). Not a whole lot of crying. If one of us starts to cry we distract them with humor until they feel better. We all wind up leaving the funeral feeling better.

I don't LIKE funerals... I just go to make my parents feel better and to cheer them up, and to just be supportive of them.

[Furtherman]

However, my family's style is to sit in the back and make each other laugh the ENTIRE time (quietly and respectfully, of course!). Not a whole lot of crying.

Whenever I find myself stuck in a church, I grab the hymn book for a good laugh. Maybe not a good trick for your family, but I like to open a page to certain songs, nudge my friend next to me, and point out some titles and breathe heavy.

Come Christians
Come Said Jesus
Come Then Lord Jesus
Come Thou Long Expecting Jesus
Come On To Me Jesus


I've had guys run out the side door pissing themselves.

[PanterA]

if your wake is in bayside, maybe its the same wakeno, im going to one in Maspeth, but what funeral home in Bayside is it?

[LaBoob]

Whenever I find myself stuck in a church, I grab the hymn book for a good laugh. Maybe not a good trick for your family, but I like to open a page to certain songs, nudge my friend next to me, and point out some titles and breathe heavy.

Come Christians
Come Said Jesus
Come Then Lord Jesus
Come Thou Long Expecting Jesus
Come On To Me Jesus


I've had guys run out the side door pissing themselves.

:smile::smile::smile: Christmas is going to be fun this year!!!

[djjd]

I always go to funerals, even if I didn't know the person intimately. However, my family's style is to sit in the back and make each other laugh the ENTIRE time (quietly and respectfully, of course!). Not a whole lot of crying. If one of us starts to cry we distract them with humor until they feel better. We all wind up leaving the funeral feeling better.

my dad's side of the family is like that, at my grandmothers funeral, one of the funeral directors had to come into a back room where my aunt and a bunch of cousins where having far too much fun, and apparently making too much noise

but we we're remembering funny things about my grandmother, and really what a better way to remember somebody

[Tenbatsuzen]

and the people that kiss and touch the corpse are fucking creepy.

QFT. When my grandmother died, nobody touched the corpse except for my uncle's father's new wife who he met in the nursing home. She touched my grandmother's hand right in front of me and it took everything inside of me at that moment (I was lot less mature back then) not to tackle her and start whaling on her.

[RAAMONE]

Whenever I find myself stuck in a church, I grab the hymn book for a good laugh. Maybe not a good trick for your family, but I like to open a page to certain songs, nudge my friend next to me, and point out some titles and breathe heavy.

Come Christians
Come Said Jesus
Come Then Lord Jesus
Come Thou Long Expecting Jesus
Come On To Me Jesus


I've had guys run out the side door pissing themselves.

:lol:

[PanterA]

ugh i just remembered how creepy my mother is. she takes pictures of the fucking corpse in the casket. what a sicko!

[Tenbatsuzen]

ugh i just remembered how creepy my mother is. she takes pictures of the fucking corpse in the casket. what a sicko!

I've always considering funerals to be non-photography events... isn't it kind of awkward for someone to pull out a camera in the first place? It's not like everyone looks great and is in a happy mood.

[Furtherman]

ugh i just remembered how creepy my mother is. she takes pictures of the fucking corpse in the casket. what a sicko!

Yikes!

*flipping through photobook*
And here she is at the beach, lounging by Authur's pool, Oh! Here's that trip to Lancaster we took that summer, remember? Yeaaaa. Oh, here she is in that red hat. She loved that red hat! Here she is at Thanksgiving. Here she is dead.

[PanterA]

Yikes!

*flipping through photobook*
And here she is at the beach, lounging by Authur's pool, Oh! Here's that trip to Lancaster we took that summer, remember? Yeaaaa. Oh, here she is in that red hat. She loved that red hat! Here she is at Thanksgiving. Here she is dead.you have no idea how true that statement is.

[Zorro]

I've always just assumed the wake and the funeral were for the living, not the dead. Seemed like a way for the people close to the deceased to transition.

[britneypablo]

yea i agree the wake and funeral are def for the living....if u cared about the person that died rather than yourself youd have spend time with them...unless its a freak accident thats a different story i reckon, but in the case that someone is on their final years, if u didnt wanna see them while they were alive then the only purpose of a funeral and wake is so that u can feel sad that u didnt say what u needed or wanted to say....the dead body isnt going to open its eyes and say thanks for coming dont forget to sign the book on ur way out!

when i die i just wanna be cremated and fed to a dolphin bc i really like dolphins

[TooLowBrow]

no, im going to one in Maspeth, but what funeral home in Bayside is it?

gleason's

some notes.
she wore glasses
the priest during his speech patted her shoulder and said how shell be seeing jesus soon
and i was acting somber which i thought was appropriate, but everyone else was just talking, not whispering, about day to day shit (the weather, etc),
that was weird because there was a dead body in the room, just laying there

[grlNIN]

My mother and aunts were beside themselves when my grandfather died and were at the coffin crying over his body for extended periods of time.

We also always kiss the cheek of the person or lay our hand over theirs while saying a silent prayer but only if they're immediate and very well known family members.

[Friday]

the wake is definitely a big part of the goodbye process.

my moms wake was healing for a lot of people in the family who hadn't spoken in years.
we're talking a father and his 4 sons ... that was pretty huge... even if it only lasted a few days. and estranged friends.... they came and i think getting a comforting word from me or seeing themselves in a picture with her helped them heal too.

strangely enough, i had kind of a fun time with my aunt making the picture boards of her life. lots of laughs at a time when it feels so strange to be even smiling.

yeah... it's definitely creepy hanging out with the body... touching their cold hands. at that point they are a shell, in makeup... but i think it's better to see them and say goodbye in your own way. even if you just hang back by the entryway and talk to friends.

but i completely agree with you that at that point it truly is just a body.
the person is probably already miles away floating free... laughing at our silly rituals.

[TooLowBrow]

the wake is definitely a big part of the goodbye process.

my moms wake was healing for a lot of people in the family who hadn't spoken in years.
we're talking a father and his 4 sons ... that was pretty huge... even if it only lasted a few days. and estranged friends.... they came and i think getting a comforting word from me or seeing themselves in a picture with her helped them heal too.

isnt it a disrespect to her that they waited till she died to come together?
wouldnt it have meant more if they had done it before she died, so she lived to see it?

[Friday]

isnt it a disrespect to her that they waited till she died to come together?
wouldnt it have meant more if they had done it before she died, so she lived to see it?

yeah.
it would have meant the world to her.
she was always trying to get them to stop their assholery and just talk.

but people are inherently flawed.
especially her family.
so i can only hope she was hanging around watching it happen in some invisible form.

probably having a cigarette and enjoying the irony.

[PanterA]

I just got home from the wake. Holy fucking awkward!!

My mother is so socially inept. It's her boyfriends mother who died. Its pretty sad, she was kinda young. So she says to me..."I want to introduce you to someone." Now I'm standing just outside the "wake room" or what ever its called, and this lady comes walking out crying her eyes out saying "I'm never going to see my sister again!" My mother guides her by her arm and says "I want you to meet my son Bobby..."

And I wonder why I'm so fucking weird....

[TooLowBrow]

I just got home from the wake. Holy fucking awkward!!

My mother is so socially inept. It's her boyfriends mother who died. Its pretty sad, she was kinda young. So she says to me..."I want to introduce you to someone." Now I'm standing just outside the "wake room" or what ever its called, and this lady comes walking out crying her eyes out saying "I'm never going to see my sister again!" My mother guides her by her arm and says "I want you to meet my son Bobby..."

And I wonder why I'm so fucking weird....

i got the same thing!!!
i got walked around being introduced to strangers, with nothing to do with me, who were going though their own things

[PanterA]

i got the same thing!!!
i got walked around being introduced to strangers, with nothing to do with me, who were going though their own thingsWhen my mom told me she wanted to introduce me to people, I told her, "As long as I dont have to go to their wakes too."

I got a smack for that one. 32 years old getting a smack in the back of the head from my mother.

[Friday]

i got the same thing!!!
i got walked around being introduced to strangers, with nothing to do with me, who were going though their own things

hah
there are always soooo many strangers.... lol

the funniest part of my moms wake... (yes funny!)... was when a friend of my Grandmas was giving me her condolences and said "You look so much like your mother..." very sweetly.

I am adopted! And Mexican!

ok. yeah. TooLow... you win. Wakes are just silly.

[PanterA]

hah
there are always soooo many strangers.... lol

the funniest part of my moms wake... (yes funny!)... was when a friend of my Grandmas was giving me her condolences and said "You look so much like your mother..." very sweetly.

I am adopted! And Mexican!

ok. yeah. TooLow... you win. Wakes are just silly.Oh boy! Please tell me you didnt call her out on it. It's SOO awkward to be there in the first place. You're just looking for something to say that will make you feel better.

If you did, I bet that person replays that conversation in her head all the time and feels like the biggest douche.

[Friday]

Oh boy! Please tell me you didnt call her out on it. It's SOO awkward to be there in the first place. You're just looking for something to say that will make you feel better.

If you did, I bet that person replays that conversation in her head all the time and feels like the biggest douche.

nahhh.... i am not that mean.... hehe

i just gave her a hug and a thank you and then went and had a good chuckle with my friends who were there...

[LaBoob]

nahhh.... i am not that mean.... hehe

i just gave her a hug and a thank you and then went and had a good chuckle with my friends who were there...

Maybe she saw similarities in the way you talk or move or some other mannerisms you might've picked up from your adopted mother?

[TooLowBrow]

Maybe she saw similarities in the way you talk or move or some other mannerisms you might've picked up from your adopted mother?

"you look so much like your mother"
then a double take
"no, you look more alive"

[LaBoob]

When my mom told me she wanted to introduce me to people, I told her, "As long as I dont have to go to their wakes too."

I got a smack for that one. 32 years old getting a smack in the back of the head from my mother.

My mother would've laughed at that... I gotta give credit where credit is due... the lady's a little nuts sometimes but she's got a great sense of humor. And she happens to think I'm funny. But then again... she's nuts, so does it even count?

[Gvac]

I'm going to a wake in about an hour for an old buddy of mine.

I'm still not sure how I feel about these things.

On the one hand I understand the need for the family to grieve and have their close friends and relatives there to console them, but on the other I find it somewhat archaic to gather around and stare at a cadaver.

I really don't want anyone looking at my corpse when I pass.

[epo]

I really don't want anyone looking at my corpse when I pass.

I can't imagine the mess you'll leave behind.

[biggirl]

I go to wakes/funerals out of respect for the family left behind. That is their closure to the deceased.

Last fall, I was at the hospice where my grandmother died. I was holding her hand as she took her last breaths. It was the most surreal experience I have ever had, however it was very peaceful. I never cried at her wake or funeral. I had my closure the day she died. I was so glad that I was there when she left this world and entered the next.

I am not kidding when I say this, but I actually felt another presence in the room.

This may be creepy, but I hope I can always be there the day my loved ones take their last breaths.

[Dirtbag]

I've made it a goal to never attend a wedding or a funeral.

So far so good.

[Gvac]

It's always weird at first when you enter the funeral home and hear nothing but raucous laughter.

It's a good thing I guess, but you arrive there in such a somber mood and the last thing you expect is to feel like you've just walked into a comedy club.

[sr71blackbird]

I know this is an old thread, but you need to go out of respect and just because it is part of popular tradition. The closer the person to you, the more important that you pay your respects. You need to tough it out and go. Get some dark clothing and get a sympathy\mass card and bring it. Its not as bad as it used to be. They do it better than they used to. Just get it over with and go. This will also be practice for when someone really close passes away. You will be fine.

[WampusCrandle]

It's always weird at first when you enter the funeral home and hear nothing but raucous laughter.

i've always found that calming, for some reason.