Dealing with depression...

[El Mudo]

I'll get right to the point. My girl friend has some serious depression issues. To the point where we've talked about it and both feel that we should "take a break" in our relationship for a while so she can get healthy. This really sucks, because I love her a lot, but I also realize that being with me isn't the best thing right now.

Anyway, I can't help but wishing/feeling there was something I could do to help her. I HATE the fact that I feel so powerless in this situation. But I also realize that its not all about me, and that she's gotta get healthy, and that comes before anything.

In any case, I have no idea on how to deal with depression (although I do have some significant anxiety issues of my own). For those of you out there with it, how do you deal with it? Whats it like to live with? Just trying to learn as much as I can about it...

[booster11373]

Excersise!

Excersise!

Excersise!


I went the Fez route and did pills and shrinks and for me the only thing that I felt made me better was Excersise

But that was for me and might not work for your GF but I tmight be something you could do together

[LaBoob]

Excersise!

Excersise!

Excersise!


I went the Fez route and did pills and shrinks and for me the only thing that I felt made me better was Excersise

But that was for me and might not work for your GF but I tmight be something you could do together

True... it's so funny how I always forget about exercise. It really is one of the best ways to cope with stress and elevate your mood.

I'm not sure I understand why you and your girlfriend can't be together while she helps herself get healthy... maybe it's something you don't want to share, and that's fine, but it seems to me that having someone strong to help her through a difficult time would appeal to her. It also seems to me that breaking off a relationship or separating herself from someone she loves might not be the best way to begin getting over her depression problem.

If you remain in her life, I would recommend just letting her vent whenever she needs to and I strongly recommend you not dismiss her problems as "non-issues" or make them seem small or unimportant, or non-existent in any way. It's the worst when a boyfriend has no clue how to support or nurture you.

[CofyCrakCocaine]

Depression can't be dealt with. It makes no negotiations, never is pleased when its demands are met, and will never stop. It's alot like the Terminator. The best thing you can do is reduce it with something... exercise as mentioned before helps to an extent. Stepping outside yourself is also useful...she could try volunteering at a shelter or health clinic. A girl I know is brilliant but also very depressed and when she's not working at a research lab, she volunteers as a firefighter (she's German. She can knock down doors). Seems to work great for her. Other people just surround themselves with others. Isolation usually is not the answer and I've just about never seen someone "recover" from depression by going down that route. Whatever she does, it needs to exhaust her depression and suck time away from it...long-term isolation does the opposite. It cannot be given too much room or it will just take more and more.

At the same time, it's unrealistic to view depression as something to be crushed or destroyed. Usually trying to do so results in repression or denial or some other unhealthy thing... it's better to let the depression breath a little bit. But you can't expect to "deal" with it either... maybe the semantics of what I'm saying are confusing... endure is perhaps better word for what you do with it.

I'm sure there's a mob of people who don't agree with me and think I'm talking out my ass... but trust me, I've dealt with enough depressed people (as everyone has) to know that I'm not full of shit. They're full of shit and can go fuck themselves, which they likely do anyway.

I wish you and your chick the best, but do not expect to be able to save her from herself. That's her fight... not yours... much as you may or may not want it to be.

[Alice S. Fuzzybutt]

Depression can't be dealt with. It makes no negotiations, never is pleased when its demands are met, and will never stop. It's alot like the Terminator. The best thing you can do is reduce it with something... exercise as mentioned before helps to an extent. Stepping outside yourself is also useful...she could try volunteering at a shelter or health clinic. A girl I know is brilliant but also very depressed and when she's not working at a research lab, she volunteers as a firefighter (she's German. She can knock down doors). Seems to work great for her. Other people just surround themselves with others. Isolation usually is not the answer and I've just about never seen someone "recover" from depression by going down that route. Whatever she does, it needs to exhaust her depression and suck time away from it...long-term isolation does the opposite. It cannot be given too much room or it will just take more and more.

At the same time, it's unrealistic to view depression as something to be crushed or destroyed. Usually trying to do so results in repression or denial or some other unhealthy thing... it's better to let the depression breath a little bit. But you can't expect to "deal" with it either... maybe the semantics of what I'm saying are confusing... endure is perhaps better word for what you do with it.

I'm sure there's a mob of people who don't agree with me and think I'm talking out my ass... but trust me, I've dealt with enough depressed people (as everyone has) to know that I'm not full of shit. They're full of shit and can go fuck themselves, which they likely do anyway.

I wish you and your chick the best, but do not expect to be able to save her from herself. That's her fight... not yours... much as you may or may not want it to be.

Tim took the words out of my mouth.

I've been hospitalized three times (does that make me the craziest on the board? I think it DOES! Whoo hoo!). Depression is hell on earth for both the person going through it and for those who have to deal with it.

I've lost SO many people because of it. A lot of them [may have] thought that all I needed was "the right person." Those relationships crashed and burned. Horribly. DO NOT BE THAT PERSON!

My advice to you is to be understanding and listen when she needs to talk. There's only so much you can do for her. Is she see a therapist? Is she on meds?

I understand that you are feeling helpless. I've had loved ones throw up their arms in frustration because they "can't do anything for [me]."

As I said, depression is hell on earth. And as Tim said (I'll paraphrase) it will not let go until IT is ready. I've been through bouts of it and TRIED to pull myself up by my own bootstraps, so to speak. It doesn't work. It may for some, but not when I am in the midst of a major depressive bout.

I wish you luck and the strength to deal with this!

Petrina

[Melrapuo]

Probably one of the worst feelings you can get from depression is feeling like you're alone in it all. That's what happens a lot of the time. My seperation from my ex threw me right back into depression; probably the worst I've ever had in my life so far. The only way she can cope with it by herself (which shouldn't be the case, only because you can dig yourself even deeper into that depression) is to recognize it and make attempts to alleviate it, even if she feels that she lacks any motivation to do so. Therapy is a great way to do it, but she has to be willing to do it on her own. I know myself that I've always wanted to go to therapy, but I was hesitant because I was afraid it would never work, and that I didn't wanna force anymore emotions up to the surface.

The truth is, she needs support from family and friends, and possibly more. I don't know how the agreement was made between you both, but I'd suggest leaving the option open to be available if she ever needed to talk to you or needed your support. That doesn't mean you have to check up on her every day; but let her know that if she ever needed your help, you'll be around. She can get as much help as she can as possible, but in the end its all up to her to understand her depression and learn how to somewhat control it. You can't make depression disappear, but you can recognize it and lessen it as much as possible.

Good luck to you both. Hope everything works out for the best. : )