Ask Dr. Sammich. Landscaper Extraodinaire.

[ahhdurr]

I don't know how to prune a tree - I keep just hacking at one that I have and it looks like shit.

What are the guidelines?

[RAAMONE]

i dont know...but since this is a pruning thread...how do you know when to prune a banzai tree also?

[bobrobot]

Saw full branches off, saw at an angle & always saw away from your face!!!

http://prototypes.pbwiki.com/f/Leatherface.jpg

[Chigworthy]

When you look at a tree branch that has not gone all woody, you will see the little "buds" where new branches form. When you prune, you prune directly above one of these buds. That triggers the tree to send growth energy to that bud. You can "aim" how a tree will grow by pruning above a bud that is aimed in the direction you want that branch to grow. When pruning larger, woody branches, you want as clean a cut as possible, with little to no splitting at the end of the cut. Less surface area of the cut means less chance of infection or disease spreading to the exposed surface. Many people use a sealing product to treat cut branches over the diameter of a golf ball or so, but others claim this can seal in spores of harmful organisms. I use a non-asphalt sealer and have had good results. One thing to shoot for when pruning a tree is getting rid of all instances where two branches are touching each other.

[ahhdurr]

When you look at a tree branch that has not gone all woody, you will see the little "buds" where new branches form. When you prune, you prune directly above one of these buds. That triggers the tree to send growth energy to that bud. You can "aim" how a tree will grow by pruning above a bud that is aimed in the direction you want that branch to grow. When pruning larger, woody branches, you want as clean a cut as possible, with little to no splitting at the end of the cut. Less surface area of the cut means less chance of infection or disease spreading to the exposed surface. Many people use a sealing product to treat cut branches over the diameter of a golf ball or so, but others claim this can seal in spores of harmful organisms. I use a non-asphalt sealer and have had good results. One thing to shoot for when pruning a tree is getting rid of all instances where two branches are touching each other.

:blink:

Thanks!

[Dingbat_Charlie]

When you look at a tree branch that has not gone all woody, you will see the little "buds" where new branches form. When you prune, you prune directly above one of these buds. That triggers the tree to send growth energy to that bud. You can "aim" how a tree will grow by pruning above a bud that is aimed in the direction you want that branch to grow. When pruning larger, woody branches, you want as clean a cut as possible, with little to no splitting at the end of the cut. Less surface area of the cut means less chance of infection or disease spreading to the exposed surface. Many people use a sealing product to treat cut branches over the diameter of a golf ball or so, but others claim this can seal in spores of harmful organisms. I use a non-asphalt sealer and have had good results. One thing to shoot for when pruning a tree is getting rid of all instances where two branches are touching each other.

wow. what an amazingly thorough, detailed answer. I gotta remember rf.net the next time I'm stumped out in the yard (we bought our house this winter after living in the city forever, so it happens every weekend).

[Freakshow]

I see you already got a decent answer. But Tom Anderson says it's not what you cut, it's what you don't cut. And also don't wack off in his trailer...

[midwestjeff]

I see you already got a decent answer. But Tom Anderson says it's not what you cut, it's what you don't cut. And also don't wack off in his trailer...

http://i20.ebayimg.com/03/c/00/c1/af/17_8.JPG

[TooLowBrow]

if amelia bedelia taught me anything,
first, buy a jar of prunes,
second, stick them on all the branches of the tree,
third, admire your handiwork

[DiabloSammich]

First, go to your neighborhood Home Depot and buy a quality pair of pruning shears. Upon exiting, find a nice, young man of Hispanic descent waiting in the parking lot. Hand him the shears, and offer a bag of avocados as payment for pruning your tree.


If you insist on doing this yourself, we can get you through this. You gotta keep your chin up. First and foremost, what are you pruning? Different trees and shrubs require different pruning methods, should take place only at certain times of the year, and may require extra care during pruning. Let's start there, and see where this takes us.

[DiabloSammich]

i dont know...but since this is a pruning thread...how do you know when to prune a banzai tree also?



Since BONSAI trees are grown indoors in fairly consistant conditions, they can be pruned any time. The trick, and this is where the are of bonsai growing comes in, is knowing which branch to prune, and how much. It's hard to describe, but you just prune off anything that doesn't look like a miniature tree. Vague enough?

The most important thing is to keep the roots pruned. At least twice a year, take the plant out of the pot, and cut back the white roots that are exposed. Not doing this is why the bulk of bonsai trees never make it past year two.

[Hottub]

Since we are asking Dr. Sammich.
I get 2 to 3 dozen lovely blooms in the spring. After they are done, I trim back the stem that they are on.
Then I wait until next spring for more blooms.
Help me.

[cougarjake13]

I don't know how to trim a bush - I keep just hacking at one that I have and it looks like shit.

What are the guidelines?

[DiabloSammich]

Since we are asking Dr. Sammich.
I get 2 to 3 dozen lovely blooms in the spring. After they are done, I trim back the stem that they are on.
Then I wait until next spring for more blooms.
Help me.



More than likely, what is happening is your roses are succumbing to the more than 1,234,833 various viruses, fungi, intsects, and various environmental shitbags that attack roses.

Roses suck balls.

If you are serious about it, some simple things to do is make sure they are heavily fed, heavily watered, and take up any mulch that you have under them. If you can't keep up on weeding, replace it with weed fabric.

Prune about two thirds of the bush off in late winter/early spring. Also, you don't have to cut the whole stem back when the bloom dies. Just pick off the bloom.

I could get much more involved with pesticides/fungicides (all organic) but this will make a big difference.

[Team_Ramrod]

If you are going for a specific shape you'll need to start at the outermost edge. Determine a line on your first series of clips, continue that line down until you no longer have unsatisfactory bush to trim.

Ensure you take the time to stand back and view your progress fairly often, you'll be able to see how it's shape is progressing and whether or not you are staying consistent. It takes time. Also, you have to have sharp clippers. If you use dull clippers your bush will not look as spry as you were hoping and you will risk having the neighbourhood kids pointing and laughing at your handy work.

[Devo37]

carefully.

[jonyrotn]

You don't, you shave it..

[Don Stugots]

carefully.



Be sure that the ether worked.

[LaBoob]

if amelia bedelia taught me anything,
first, buy a jar of prunes,
second, stick them on all the branches of the tree,
third, admire your handiwork

That reference might be lost among all these guys, but I wanted to let you know I appreciated it very much. :happy:

[led37zep]

i want to encourage people in my hometown to start using Faux lawns instead of real grass. Please let me know the pros and cons of both.


Signed,


Jauble

[Tall_James]

Since my lawn is a horrible mixture of 107 different types of grass & weeds, am I doing myself no favors by mulching and not bagging?

I fear that I am going to have to have a new lawn put in. Does it also make sense to do that without installing some sort of sprinkler system?

Thanks.

[DiabloSammich]

Since my lawn is a horrible mixture of 107 different types of grass & weeds, am I doing myself no favors by mulching and not bagging?

I fear that I am going to have to have a new lawn put in. Does it also make sense to do that without installing some sort of sprinkler system?

Thanks.


First, always mulch, don't bag. There are too many advantages to mulching.

Second, with the exception of a few very aggressive weeds (i.e. thistle, nimblewill, mile-a-minute) most of the bad stuff in the lawn can be handled without the Armageddon approach, which I admit, is my favorite. But I've told many homeowners, give me three seasons (and cash money y'all) and I'll get you back to looking like the yard was just installed.

Generic program is as follows: Two applications of fertilizer with weed control in the spring, one fert. with grub control in the summer, aerate and overseed with whatever seed you want to grow in the fall, and fert in early winter. Take a soil sample in the winter and send to your local ag extension to tell you if you have to do anything drastic. If you want, PM with the general area that you live and I can give you a more detailed program.

Irrigation, if you can afford it, is a nice luxury, but is by no means crucial. It all depends on your lawn expectations. If you want the 18th green at Augusta out your back door, install a system. If you are willing to let your lawn go brown a little in the summer, don't bother.


Your's Truly,

Sammich

[Tall_James]

First, always mulch, don't bag. There are too many advantages to mulching.

Second, with the exception of a few very aggressive weeds (i.e. thistle, nimblewill, mile-a-minute) most of the bad stuff in the lawn can be handled without the Armageddon approach, which I admit, is my favorite. But I've told many homeowners, give me three seasons (and cash money y'all) and I'll get you back to looking like the yard was just installed.

Generic program is as follows: Two applications of fertilizer with weed control in the spring, one fert. with grub control in the summer, aerate and overseed with whatever seed you want to grow in the fall, and fert in early winter. Take a soil sample in the winter and send to your local ag extension to tell you if you have to do anything drastic. If you want, PM with the general area that you live and I can give you a more detailed program.

Irrigation, if you can afford it, is a nice luxury, but is by no means crucial. It all depends on your lawn expectations. If you want the 18th green at Augusta out your back door, install a system. If you are willing to let your lawn go brown a little in the summer, don't bother.


Your's Truly,

Sammich

I'm putting you on retainer. Thanks so much buddy. My lawn is a source of constant irritation for me.

[Tall_James]

http://i43.photobucket.com/albums/e374/nayabean/EmoLawn.gif

[ahhdurr]

First, go to your neighborhood Home Depot and buy a quality pair of pruning shears. Upon exiting, find a nice, young man of Hispanic descent waiting in the parking lot. Hand him the shears, and offer a bag of avocados as payment for pruning your tree.


If you insist on doing this yourself, we can get you through this. You gotta keep your chin up. First and foremost, what are you pruning? Different trees and shrubs require different pruning methods, should take place only at certain times of the year, and may require extra care during pruning. Let's start there, and see where this takes us.

I like that idea - but just in case
<br>
<img src = "http://www.geocities.com/paperbag3/tree.JPG">

<br>
I think it's a birch

[Sheeplovr]

Since BONSAI trees are grown indoors in fairly consistant conditions, they can be pruned any time. The trick, and this is where the are of bonsai growing comes in, is knowing which branch to prune, and how much. It's hard to describe, but you just prune off anything that doesn't look like a miniature tree. Vague enough?

The most important thing is to keep the roots pruned. At least twice a year, take the plant out of the pot, and cut back the white roots that are exposed. Not doing this is why the bulk of bonsai trees never make it past year two.

we have a bonsia tree thats grown for like 80 years in the park so its all big and giant


i want to bring back the roses to my park i keep asking them to this whole section thats called the summer garden used to be all roses when the house was first built

but people got lazy

man i hope someone asked about wysteria and jap beetles so i can jump in and impress some people
or edgeing questions
ooo i can talk about edging

i hate mulch
well i hate the mulch we use
g
i know things too is all im sayin

[DiabloSammich]

Howdy Joe, welcome to the board!


There's something strangely familiar about you....

[RhinoinMN]

My dogs' piss is lethal to my grass. What should I do barring killing my dogs?

[DiabloSammich]

My dogs' piss is lethal to my grass. What should I do barring killing my dogs?



Yeah, the ol' highly concentrated stream of nitrogen in the form of urea. Believe it or not, the best way to do avoid this is to take a hose and wash down the spot that he just pissed in. It disperses the piss to where it won't kill anything.

And although this does work, I don't expect you to do it. Nobody ever does.

I know one guy who trained his dog to go in one corner of his town house back yard, and every year he would only have to fix that one spot.

Other than this, be prepared to keep raking the spots that brown out and die, and constantly reseeding.


Happy piss-washing!

Sammich

[RhinoinMN]

Yeah, the ol' highly concentrated stream of nitrogen in the form of urea. Believe it or not, the best way to do avoid this is to take a hose and wash down the spot that he just pissed in. It disperses the piss to where it won't kill anything.

And although this does work, I don't expect you to do it. Nobody ever does.

I know one guy who trained his dog to go in one corner of his town house back yard, and every year he would only have to fix that one spot.

Other than this, be prepared to keep raking the spots that brown out and die, and constantly reseeding.


Happy piss-washing!

Sammich


That's a good idea. That's where I go so we could all do it together.

[RAAMONE]

we have a bonsia tree thats grown for like 80 years in the park so its all big and giant


i want to bring back the roses to my park i keep asking them to this whole section thats called the summer garden used to be all roses when the house was first built

but people got lazy

man i hope someone asked about wysteria and jap beetles so i can jump in and impress some people
or edgeing questions
ooo i can talk about edging

i hate mulch
well i hate the mulch we use
g
i know things too is all im sayin

i love the smell of mulch

[DiabloSammich]

I like that idea - but just in case
<br>
<img src = "http://www.geocities.com/paperbag3/tree.JPG">

<br>
I think it's a birch



Allright, paperbag, a couple things.

That would be a river birch, so named because they grow naturally along river banks in the woods. They are beautiful trees, especially in the winter, when the bark peels off in strips, alternating between brown and bright white. I use them all the time, mostly in hedgerows, and in meadow or stream plantings.

They are, however, a little wild, and they don't like to keep a very uniform shape. They won't develop a central leader, instead growing in an upright vase shape, or like a fountain. If the guy in the garden center where you bought this tree told you these trees stay very uniform in shape, go back and kick him in the balls. If it was a woman, woo her, date her, ask her to marry you, and then leave her standing at the altar.

It looks like you are trying to keep it looking like a nice globe shaped suburban tree. This is what my grandfather would call, "pissing up a rope." He drank a lot.

My best advice here, is to just prune out the dead, crack open a beer, and let nature take it's course. If it becomes too unsightly or unweildly, have it removed.

[ahhdurr]

Allright, paperbag, a couple things.

That would be a river birch, so named because they grow naturally along river banks in the woods. They are beautiful trees, especially in the winter, when the bark peels off in strips, alternating between brown and bright white. I use them all the time, mostly in hedgerows, and in meadow or stream plantings.

They are, however, a little wild, and they don't like to keep a very uniform shape. They won't develop a central leader, instead growing in an upright vase shape, or like a fountain. If the guy in the garden center where you bought this tree told you these trees stay very uniform in shape, go back and kick him in the balls. If it was a woman, woo her, date her, ask her to marry you, and then leave her standing at the altar.

It looks like you are trying to keep it looking like a nice globe shaped suburban tree. This is what my grandfather would call, "pissing up a rope." He drank a lot.

My best advice here, is to just prune out the dead, crack open a beer, and let nature take it's course. If it becomes too unsightly or unweildly, have it removed.

Thanks Sammich - :thumbup:

Just keep cutting things off - got it.

[ahhdurr]

Mr. Sammich -

Got another one ...

I want to landscape around my deck. I'd like to place bushes around it every few (4-5) feet. The bushes aren't for the purposes of providing cover so they can be 2 or 3 feet tall -maybe up to about 4 or 5 feet tall. What would you recommend? There'll be direct bright sunlight for most of the day.

Also - I understand that planting a bush is no easy process and they can die if you do it wrong... any tips?

[midwestjeff]

I'll field this one Sammich, if you don't mind. I took a landscaping class in high school so I am very qualified.

The solution to all your problems lies in two words Paperbag3, if that is your real name,




Rock Garden.

[ahhdurr]

I'll field this one Sammich, if you don't mind. I took a landscaping class in high school so I am very qualified.

The solution to all your problems lies in two words Paperbag3, if that is your real name,




Rock Garden.

I'm thinking about doing a rock garden everywhere - they're very popular down the shore area; I'd be the only one on my block with one, but then I'd tell prospective buyers the lagoon in the backyard leads directly out to the bay. They'd probably think it's a good joke b/c ... no lagoon! hahaha. :wink:

[IMSlacker]

Dr. Sammich, how's your cold? We're all very concerned.

[biggestmexi]

I have a shit load of shit around my house from the previous owners that I want OUT?

What to do? So that I can possibly grow there again?


I like jimmys idea the best. PAVE OVER EVERYTHING

[DiabloSammich]

Mr. Sammich -

Got another one ...

I want to landscape around my deck. I'd like to place bushes around it every few (4-5) feet. The bushes aren't for the purposes of providing cover so they can be 2 or 3 feet tall -maybe up to about 4 or 5 feet tall. What would you recommend? There'll be direct bright sunlight for most of the day.

Also - I understand that planting a bush is no easy process and they can die if you do it wrong... any tips?



Winterthur Vibernum. My latest favorite plant. Or any holly shrub will do very well. It really is like asking what shirt should I buy. There's tons out there, depending on what you want them to do. Flowers? Berries? Hallucenogenic capabilities?

Planting a shrub is fairly simple. Dig a hole as deep as the root ball of the plant, twice as wide, work some fertilizer in to the dirt as you back fill, and keep watered. The vibernum and the holly and tough fucking plants, the only way you will kill them is if you don't water them.

[DiabloSammich]

Dr. Sammich, how's your cold? We're all very concerned.



Better, thank you for your concern. But I am still blowing pretty decent snot rockets, which is a benefit to working outside all day.

[DiabloSammich]

I have a shit load of shit around my house from the previous owners that I want OUT?

What to do? So that I can possibly grow there again?


I like jimmys idea the best. PAVE OVER EVERYTHING


Rent a mini excavator from your local rental store and destroy everything around your house and start over. That's my first recommendation to 90 percent of the people I talk to.

[Whiskey_monger08]

A control burn would also help biggestmexi . . . distribute mass amounts of gasoline light a match then run.

[ahhdurr]

A control burn would also help biggestmexi . . . distribute mass amounts of gasoline light a match then sit down in lotus position and wait to be on the next Rage album cover.

No one knows how to get their 15 minutes anymore. Sheesh.

[ahhdurr]

Winterthur Vibernum. My latest favorite plant. Or any holly shrub will do very well. It really is like asking what shirt should I buy. .

Thanks for the landscaping wisdom.

Now on to shirts ... I'm currently between two right now and I have to make a decision, what do you think?
<img src = "http://www.geocities.com/paperbag3/shirt1.jpg">
<img src = "http://www.geocities.com/paperbag3/shirt2.jpg">

[ahhdurr]

Winterthur Vibernum.

Just got the ok from the wife. (in fact here's a quoted email: don't really have an opinion. don't love them or hate them.) Perfect!



<img src = "http://www.geocities.com/paperbag3/vibernum.jpg">
<br>
Not a bad looking little bush.
<br>
Now - can I plant in the middle of August?
<br>
I'll post pics when I'm done. :clap:Bushes!

[DiabloSammich]

Thanks for the landscaping wisdom.

Now on to shirts ... I'm currently between two right now and I have to make a decision, what do you think?
<img src = "http://www.geocities.com/paperbag3/shirt1.jpg">
<img src = "http://www.geocities.com/paperbag3/shirt2.jpg">



The Bruce Lee.....



and nothing else.

[Bossanova]

Mr Sammich, when you get your emplotees, do you contact a "Coyote" or do you just drive to the local 7/11

[DiabloSammich]

Mr Sammich, when you get your emplotees, do you contact a "Coyote" or do you just drive to the local 7/11



Depends on the skill level required at the time.

Sometimes I'll just drive my truck into an immigration reform protest and cart off whoever lands in the back. Set the broken leg and throw a rake in his hand. Done, and done.

[Bossanova]

Depends on the skill level required at the time.

Sometimes I'll just drive my truck into an immigration reform protest and cart off whoever lands in the back. Set the broken leg and throw a rake in his hand. Done, and done.

Ah, nicely done. Now if you plant Azalea bushes do you suggest using plasit or newspaper under the mulch to avoiding weeds popping through

[DiabloSammich]

Ah, nicely done. Now if you plant Azalea bushes do you suggest using plasit or newspaper under the mulch to avoiding weeds popping through


No.

I advise you to stop being a lazy hippie and pull a fucking weed once in a while.


Seriously, don't use that stuff. They do more damage than good. If you can't keep up with the weeds, buy a bottle of Roundup from Home Depot, use it every time you mow. Easy peezy.

[Bossanova]

No.

I advise you to stop being a lazy hippie and pull a fucking weed once in a while.


Seriously, don't use that stuff. They do more damage than good. If you can't keep up with the weeds, buy a bottle of Roundup from Home Depot, use it every time you mow. Easy peezy.

Thank you sir. What kind of damage/ Just curious now

[epo]

Dr. Sammich:

I've got a unique question for you. I've got a potted 6 foot tall grapefruit tree that has a bit of personal history with me. I happen to live in Wisconsin so in the spring it goes outside and in the late fall in comes inside.

In the last 2 weeks, in the morning a bit of the dirt from my tree has been dug out and I can see a bit of minor roots exposed/attacked by something. A couple of days ago I woke up early and found a squirrel in the base of my tree. It ran away before I could crush its skull.

I tried to play nice and place one of those 18 X 10" "fences" around the tree to protect it, but the squirrel has obviously been back in the last few days.

Now I don't wanna kill the squirrel, but should I be concerned about these attacks and how/should I stop them?

I'll hang up and listen for your response.

epo

[Chigworthy]

Dr. Sammich:

I've got a unique question for you. I've got a potted 6 foot tall grapefruit tree that has a bit of personal history with me. I happen to live in Wisconsin so in the spring it goes outside and in the late fall in comes inside.

In the last 2 weeks, in the morning a bit of the dirt from my tree has been dug out and I can see a bit of minor roots exposed/attacked by something. A couple of days ago I woke up early and found a squirrel in the base of my tree. It ran away before I could crush its skull.

I tried to play nice and place one of those 18 X 10" "fences" around the tree to protect it, but the squirrel has obviously been back in the last few days.

Now I don't wanna kill the squirrel, but should I be concerned about these attacks and how/should I stop them?

I'll hang up and listen for your response.

epo

Fertilizer is a frequent cause of animal diggery. Many fertilizers, particularly those marketed as organic, use savory bits of bone and manure that carnivores find interesting. If you fertilized recently, I would be more apt to blame a racoon or dog than an incidental squirrel.

[DolaMight]

Dear Sammich artist, first time long time,

My house is on the rolling foothills of a mountain. My backyard has a ever so slight incline downwards. It's about 50'x60' big. I don't know the exact degree of incline but the ground is a bit more than a foot higher at the base of my house than it is at the fence at the edge of the backyard 60' away.

How much would it cost to buy fill and have it completely leveled?

I'll log off and wait for your reply

[DiabloSammich]

Dr. Sammich:

I've got a unique question for you. I've got a potted 6 foot tall grapefruit tree that has a bit of personal history with me. I happen to live in Wisconsin so in the spring it goes outside and in the late fall in comes inside.

In the last 2 weeks, in the morning a bit of the dirt from my tree has been dug out and I can see a bit of minor roots exposed/attacked by something. A couple of days ago I woke up early and found a squirrel in the base of my tree. It ran away before I could crush its skull.

I tried to play nice and place one of those 18 X 10" "fences" around the tree to protect it, but the squirrel has obviously been back in the last few days.

Now I don't wanna kill the squirrel, but should I be concerned about these attacks and how/should I stop them?

I'll hang up and listen for your response.

epo



Wisconsin? I never knew.

While Chig has a point with the fertilizer, I'm willing to bet that you haven't fertilized recently (being August and all) and with you being as far north as you are the squirrles have went into Ron Jeremy mode, burying their nuts anywhere they can. And the soft dirt around your transplanted grapefruit makes a perfect place. The squirrles laugh at your stupid fence.

What does work is to take rat wire or rabbit fence, which is metal fence with very small openings, and lay it flat in a cirlcle around your tree. If it is unsightly, you can cover it with some mulch. When they start digging and hit the fencing, they will become discouraged and move on.

Next caller.

[DiabloSammich]

Dear Sammich artist, first time long time,

My house is on the rolling foothills of a mountain. My backyard has a ever so slight incline downwards. It's about 50'x60' big. I don't know the exact degree of incline but the ground is a bit more than a foot higher at the base of my house than it is at the fence at the edge of the backyard 60' away.

How much would it cost to buy fill and have it completely leveled?

I'll log off and wait for your reply

I have no frame of reference for how much things cost in Canada. Do you guys still barter in sheep?


I can tell you that the area you have laid out will take approximately 7-8 dump trucks full of material. Whether you use fill dirt, or nice topsoil will affect that price. Down here a full load of topsoil can run as much as 300 bucks delivered. And then someone has to spread all that dirt.

A good cost effective measure is to scout the area to see if there is any excavation happening where somebody is trying to lose dirt. Guys digging swimming pools will be a good place to start. They've already figured the cost of hauling and disposing of the dirt, and if you give them a place nearby to dump for free, they usually jump on it.

Anyway, around here that would be a $4000 to $5000 job. Go ahead and convert that to loonies or whatever you people do.

[sailor]

Dear Sammich artist, first time long time,

My house is on the rolling foothills of a mountain. My backyard has a ever so slight incline downwards. It's about 50'x60' big. I don't know the exact degree of incline but the ground is a bit more than a foot higher at the base of my house than it is at the fence at the edge of the backyard 60' away.

How much would it cost to buy fill and have it completely leveled?

I'll log off and wait for your reply

it's about a .95 to 1.05 degree slope, depending upon how much above one foot the actual rise is. split the difference and call it aboot a 1 degree slope.

[Whiskeyportal]

When you look at a tree branch that has not gone all woody, you will see the little "buds" where new branches form. When you prune, you prune directly above one of these buds. That triggers the tree to send growth energy to that bud. You can "aim" how a tree will grow by pruning above a bud that is aimed in the direction you want that branch to grow. When pruning larger, woody branches, you want as clean a cut as possible, with little to no splitting at the end of the cut. Less surface area of the cut means less chance of infection or disease spreading to the exposed surface. Many people use a sealing product to treat cut branches over the diameter of a golf ball or so, but others claim this can seal in spores of harmful organisms. I use a non-asphalt sealer and have had good results. One thing to shoot for when pruning a tree is getting rid of all instances where two branches are touching each other.

It's also very important to disinfect your shears prior to and pruning. I landscaped for 9 years and majored in horticulture and soil sciences

[DiabloSammich]

It's also very important to disinfect your shears prior to and pruning. I landscaped for 9 years and majored in horticulture and soil sciences



So that's why you're so good at growing...uhh.....never mind.

[Tenbatsuzen]

Sammich, I need you, four mexicans, two wheelbarrels, and some plants. I can pay in pizza, beer, and tastykakes.

[Whiskeyportal]

So that's why you're so good at growing...uhh.....never mind.

ya......umm....let's leave it at that:unsure:

[DolaMight]

I have no frame of reference for how much things cost in Canada. Do you guys still barter in sheep?


I can tell you that the area you have laid out will take approximately 7-8 dump trucks full of material. Whether you use fill dirt, or nice topsoil will affect that price. Down here a full load of topsoil can run as much as 300 bucks delivered. And then someone has to spread all that dirt.

A good cost effective measure is to scout the area to see if there is any excavation happening where somebody is trying to lose dirt. Guys digging swimming pools will be a good place to start. They've already figured the cost of hauling and disposing of the dirt, and if you give them a place nearby to dump for free, they usually jump on it.

Anyway, around here that would be a $4000 to $5000 job. Go ahead and convert that to loonies or whatever you people do.

I kinda figured it's be alot o dirt but frux 4k US is about 4500 loonies or 11 sheep up here.

Thanks for the swimming pool idea, I like that, I can just put out a couple ads locally and wait for someone to put in a pool, next spring I should get a couple takers.

I was always curious and I was just looking for a ballpark so now I know. Good lookin out.

[DolaMight]

it's about a .95 to 1.05 degree slope, depending upon how much above one foot the actual rise is. split the difference and call it aboot a 1 degree slope.

Tnx, I couldn't find my half circle thing to measure angles. The thing that comes in the case with the stabby thing for math class.

I'm glad someone remembered their basic trig from high school.

[Chigworthy]

Tnx, I couldn't find my half circle thing to measure angles. The thing that comes in the case with the stabby thing for math class.

I'm glad someone remembered their basic trig from high school.

The stabby thing was a great ninja weapon.

[sailor]

Tnx, I couldn't find my half circle thing to measure angles. The thing that comes in the case with the stabby thing for math class.

I'm glad someone remembered their basic trig from high school.

please (http://www.csgnetwork.com/righttricalc.html)

[landarch]

Dear Sammich artist, first time long time,

My house is on the rolling foothills of a mountain. My backyard has a ever so slight incline downwards. It's about 50'x60' big. I don't know the exact degree of incline but the ground is a bit more than a foot higher at the base of my house than it is at the fence at the edge of the backyard 60' away.

How much would it cost to buy fill and have it completely leveled?

I'll log off and wait for your reply

A 1% slope isn't a bad thing to have in the yard, especially when it's away from the house. Any downspout runoff or other heavy concentration of water can run off and not flood your basement. Also, if you fill the entire yard, you will bury the bottom foot of your fence 60 feet away. Why not just level some of it, like so....

http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e48/bshankle/rfnetlandscape-1.jpg


At the fence you can plant nice things, a vegetable garden or nice shrubs. The closer to the fence you go with the wall, the higher the wall becomes. With your wall fifteen or so feet from the fence, the wall should be about 7 - 8 inches high, possibly achievable with treated lumber. You gain a level yard, a planting area, and retain your 1% away from the house.

[cougarjake13]

chinch bugs ???



are they really a chinch, and are they really bugs ??

[DiabloSammich]

Sammich, I need you, four mexicans, two wheelbarrels, and some plants. I can pay in pizza, beer, and tastykakes.

We're booked for about a year and a half. However, if we're talking Peanut Butter Kandy Kakes, I might be able to "find" an opening.


I kinda figured it's be alot o dirt but frux 4k US is about 4500 loonies or 11 sheep up here.

Thanks for the swimming pool idea, I like that, I can just put out a couple ads locally and wait for someone to put in a pool, next spring I should get a couple takers.

I was always curious and I was just looking for a ballpark so now I know. Good lookin out.

You're welcome. You should expect to see my bill in approx. 4-5 days.


A 1% slope isn't a bad thing to have in the yard, especially when it's away from the house. Any downspout runoff or other heavy concentration of water can run off and not flood your basement. Also, if you fill the entire yard, you will bury the bottom foot of your fence 60 feet away. Why not just level some of it, like so....


At the fence you can plant nice things, a vegetable garden or nice shrubs. The closer to the fence you go with the wall, the higher the wall becomes. With your wall fifteen or so feet from the fence, the wall should be about 7 - 8 inches high, possibly achievable with treated lumber. You gain a level yard, a planting area, and retain your 1% away from the house.


Some great ideas here, I was simply looking at cost of filling the area with dirt. But you could definitely take another look at it. And a pressure treated tie wall, depending on the size, could be a DIY'er. This is why architects get the big bucks...


chinch bugs ???



are they really a chinch, and are they really bugs ??

No, and yes. They are resistant to most pesticides, which I don't like to use anyway. Best control is to have a really healthy lawn and soil structure. If an area is particularly bad, you use insecticidal soap, or flood the area that's in question, wait for the bugs to float to the top, and then pull an HTG. Suck them up with a shop vac.

[Chigworthy]

Even a dry-stack block wall is completely do-able by the homeowner these days. They can be expensive, but I've always had good results with Allan blocks (http://www.allanblock.com/), which look 10 times better than those cheap "keystone" style blocks that a lot of people use. Them shits is hideous, yo.

http://www.angelosbuildingsupplies.com/images/Blocks_1.jpg

[ahhdurr]

I just sprayed the lawn with one of those fertilizer bottles that hook to your garden hose - guess whose lawn is dying? Wtf?

[DolaMight]

A 1% slope isn't a bad thing to have in the yard, especially when it's away from the house. Any downspout runoff or other heavy concentration of water can run off and not flood your basement. Also, if you fill the entire yard, you will bury the bottom foot of your fence 60 feet away. Why not just level some of it, like so....

http://i36.photobucket.com/albums/e48/bshankle/rfnetlandscape-1.jpg


At the fence you can plant nice things, a vegetable garden or nice shrubs. The closer to the fence you go with the wall, the higher the wall becomes. With your wall fifteen or so feet from the fence, the wall should be about 7 - 8 inches high, possibly achievable with treated lumber. You gain a level yard, a planting area, and retain your 1% away from the house.

thanks fo that, I like the logic, makes sense. I took a better look at the lawn and I realized it's about 1% for 30ft but then drops off quick towards the fence. That was the issue. I wanted to put my gazebo there but it was noticibly angled downward. It may not need as much dirt as I thought.

[mendyweiss]

D_S,

Last Year, We Had Our Front Redone, EVerything Looks Good Except We Have Two Japanese Peiris On Each Side OF The Front Step. One Is Doing Great, The Other Has ALready Been Replaced Once, And Will HAve To Be REplaced Again. They Both Get The Same Amount Of Light And Water !!

Does One Side Of Our House Have A Bad Mojo ?

[cougarjake13]

D_S,

Last Year, We Had Our Front Redone, EVerything Looks Good Except We Have Two Japanese Peiris On Each Side OF The Front Step. One Is Doing Great, The Other Has ALready Been Replaced Once, And Will HAve To Be REplaced Again. They Both Get The Same Amount Of Light And Water !!

Does One Side Of Our House Have A Bad Mojo ?

nope its just that one side is where mojo stops to take a leak

[ahhdurr]

Booyah!

[DiabloSammich]

I just sprayed the lawn with one of those fertilizer bottles that hook to your garden hose - guess whose lawn is dying? Wtf?


Sorry, paperbag, I don't trust those things. If the concentrate came out a little strong, and if it was a high nitrogen fertilizer, and it was a nice hot sunny day, you got trouble. Call me old-fashioned, but a good ol broadcast spreader works best for me.

D_S,

Last Year, We Had Our Front Redone, EVerything Looks Good Except We Have Two Japanese Peiris On Each Side OF The Front Step. One Is Doing Great, The Other Has ALready Been Replaced Once, And Will HAve To Be REplaced Again. They Both Get The Same Amount Of Light And Water !!

Does One Side Of Our House Have A Bad Mojo ?

Every Japanese Pieris I've ever had to rip out has been planted in the same place as yours. Pieris are found in the wild as woodland plants. They do best in filtered shade, well draining soil.

"But, the tag says full sun!"

Yes, I know. They will live in full sun. But they are not thriving. And when they don't thrive, they are more susceptible to all sorts of diseases and pests, most commonly lacebug, which you probably have. If they are small, you have two options, cut your losses, transplant the one that is still doing well to somewhere with more shade, or plan on treating the two bushes with fungicide and insecticide every year.

Right plant, right place people. I can't stress this enough.




Dr. Steve ain't got shit on me.

[ahhdurr]

Sorry, paperbag, I don't trust those things. If the concentrate came out a little strong, and if it was a high nitrogen fertilizer, and it was a nice hot sunny day, you got trouble. Call me old-fashioned, but a good ol broadcast spreader works best for me.




Thanks Sammich - honestly though - everytime I go to fertilize my lawn = dying lawn. You know the best looking part of my lawn? where the dumb pugs shit. they tend to go toward the back of my backyard along the fence. The lawn looks great there. Real thick. Maybe just kill my dogs and grind them up? What do you recommend I mix them with... they're small.

[epo]

Dr. Steve ain't got shit on me.

You've really been working hard for a new mod quote. When will those crazy bastards notice?

[DiabloSammich]

Thanks Sammich - honestly though - everytime I go to fertilize my lawn = dying lawn. You know the best looking part of my lawn? where the dumb pugs shit. they tend to go toward the back of my backyard along the fence. The lawn looks great there. Real thick. Maybe just kill my dogs and grind them up? What do you recommend I mix them with... they're small.



Cornmeal.

It holds moisture, and you will get more coverage per dog.



Fertilizing is not as easy as Home Depot would like you to believe.

First, take a soil sample to your local ag extension. Should be in the yellow pages. Our's is at the local university. They'll do a soil profile, and tell you how bad you've fucked up the lawn. Then they'll tell you how to fix.

Usually, killing a lawn from fertilizing is too much nitrogen, usually in the form of urea. Don't ever think, "Well this much does a good job, so if I double it I'll have a golf course!"

[DiabloSammich]

You've really been working hard for a new mod quote. When will those crazy bastards notice?



Nobody listens to me, epo. JerseySean won't even quote in the Obama thread.

[ahhdurr]

Cornmeal.

It holds moisture, and you will get more coverage per dog.





:lol:
Those dogs are fuckin' DEAD!:dry:

[epo]

Nobody listens to me, epo. JerseySean won't even quote in the Obama thread.

He's probably just enamored with your avatar. But who could blame him?

[Freitag]

Dear Dr. Sammich:

1) I just removed a water feature and re-sodded the area where it was. Do I need to put some grass seed in some of the "seams" where the topsoil is still exposed?

2) I just pulled the majority of the weeds out of the patio and then sprayed all the cracks with weed killer. Do I need to put sand in the cracks?

3) We have a listeria tree about 7 ft tall that the wife wants to get rid of. I'd probably want to replace it with another tree. Any suggestions? We already have a dogwood in the back yard.

4) The wife wants to put a garden for veggies in the backyard. The backyard faces the west, and there's a 6 foot fence with a large treeline about 10 feet beyond the fence. We are concerned that the backyard may be too shady to grow vegetables.

5) Should I just take pictures of my backyard and PM you?

[Thebazile78]

....

3) We have a listeria tree about 7 ft tall that the wife wants to get rid of. I'd probably want to replace it with another tree. Any suggestions? We already have a dogwood in the back yard.
...

Listeria is a highly virulent bacterium that often contaminates stuff like cold cuts. Cold cuts are gross enough without a bacterial infection.

Here's a picture; they're magnified here:

http://www.sflorg.com/sciencenews/images/imscn080706_01_01.jpg

I hope to God we don't have Listeria in our backyard.

What we have is WISTERIA.

Here's a picture:

http://www.sloatgardens.com/images/wisteria.jpg

The fragrance of the WISTERIA flowers makes me sick to my stomach.

Oh, and WISTERIA is a vine, not a tree.

[jessicaduh]

is it worth it to get beneficial nematodes? i've heard everything from them lessening mole activity to them eating the flea larvae that might get onto my dog...he's never had fleas, but still...

[KC2OSO]

Listeria is a highly virulent bacterium that often contaminates stuff like cold cuts. Cold cuts are gross enough without a bacterial infection.

Here's a picture; they're magnified here...
I hope to God we don't have Listeria in our backyard.
What we have is WISTERIA.
Here's a picture...
The fragrance of the WISTERIA flowers makes me sick to my stomach.
Oh, and WISTERIA is a vine, not a tree.

Maybe you have HYSTERIA!

http://o.aolcdn.com/art/amgmusic/album/pop/cov200/drf600/f600/f60034r9k0d.jpg

They don't make a spray for bad music though.

[disneyspy]

dear dr sammich,how many times should i whip a lazy mexican?

[ToiletCrusher]

dear dr sammich,how many times should i whip a lazy mexican?

Asking such a question means that you already are not whipping enough.

[disneyspy]

Asking such a question means that you already are not whipping enough.

i gave him 4 lashes and sent him home,but i thought that may be too extreme

[drjoek]

Listeria is a highly virulent bacterium that often contaminates stuff like cold cuts. Cold cuts are gross enough without a bacterial infection.

Here's a picture; they're magnified here:

http://www.sflorg.com/sciencenews/images/imscn080706_01_01.jpg

I hope to God we don't have Listeria in our backyard.

What we have is WISTERIA.

Here's a picture:

http://www.sloatgardens.com/images/wisteria.jpg

The fragrance of the WISTERIA flowers makes me sick to my stomach.

Oh, and WISTERIA is a vine, not a tree.


I saw that post earlier and had a good laugh. I thought Lysteria was a bit too obscure to make a joke about but you have done it proud.:clap:

[DiabloSammich]

Dear Dr. Sammich:

1) I just removed a water feature and re-sodded the area where it was. Do I need to put some grass seed in some of the "seams" where the topsoil is still exposed?

2) I just pulled the majority of the weeds out of the patio and then sprayed all the cracks with weed killer. Do I need to put sand in the cracks?

3) We have a listeria tree about 7 ft tall that the wife wants to get rid of. I'd probably want to replace it with another tree. Any suggestions? We already have a dogwood in the back yard.

4) The wife wants to put a garden for veggies in the backyard. The backyard faces the west, and there's a 6 foot fence with a large treeline about 10 feet beyond the fence. We are concerned that the backyard may be too shady to grow vegetables.

5) Should I just take pictures of my backyard and PM you?


1 - Yes. As a standard procedure, we always broadcast dry seed on the area just before sodding. It will fill in any areas where the seams might separate. We also fertilize the ground prior to installing the sod. The roots will grab hold of the ground much quicker. Also, if it's not too late, always lay your sod like your stacking bricks. Reduces the amount of gaps where sod corners would touch.


2 - I'm assuming this is a brick patio and not concrete. Sand will migrate, or wash out. What your looking for is Poly-Sand, or an equivalent polymeric sand mixture. It's sold at your local landscape supply yard where hardscaping is sold. I've seen it in Home Depot but I don't remember the name it was sold under, and the awesome people that work there don't know fuck.

Polymeric sand is awesome. It looks and feels like real fine sand, and is swept into the cracks of your patio. You blow off any excess, and then lightly spritz the entire area with water. The water activates the polymers in the sand, turning it into something like slightly flexible concrete. We use the stuff on all of our hardscaping projects, even our natural stone patios.

3 - Listeria trees rule. Yes, I can recommend any of approx. 20,000 varieties of trees and shrubs that would replace a Wisteria vine. I need to know some things...sun or shade? Do you want flowers? Fruit? Shade? Screening? Birds? Hate birds? Drought tolerant? We could go any direction here.


4 - Tough call, with out seeing how the yard is actually situated. I've seen vegetable garden do fine in a partly shady area, you just don't get as good of an output as you might expect, and you might get some more insect issues. But if you're getting 5 to 6 hours of good afternoon sun you shouldn't have any problems.

5 - You certainly can. I am here for you all. Take of me what you will.

[DiabloSammich]

is it worth it to get beneficial nematodes? i've heard everything from them lessening mole activity to them eating the flea larvae that might get onto my dog...he's never had fleas, but still...



Beneficial nematodes are as good as you've heard. They are the cornerstone of our organic yard programs. We've also used them to revive the root systems of 100 year old boxwoods. Amazing little guys. Just remember to follow the directions. If not applied properly you end up killing all of them, and then you have that on your conscience.

[DiabloSammich]

i gave him 4 lashes and sent him home,but i thought that may be too extreme



The fact that you have had to resort to physical violence shows that you might have already lost control.

Always rememer to carry yourself higher than you actually are, never blink when you look at him, remind him that you are the alpha dog. He needs to always wait until you are finished eating before he can start. And try to get the kids around him at a young age. Get him used to their smell.

Follow these tips, and you should be back on top in no time!

[Hottub]

Dear Dr. Sammich,
I think I am addicted to bright red mulch. All of my flowerbeds are "Sierra Roja". I think it looks neat. It is also said to be a natural weed blocker and keeps moisture in the roots during those hot days.
Am I right or do I need a program?

Your pal,
Tub.

[Tenbatsuzen]

Dr. Sammich:

I will take photos of the yard tomorrow and submit them for your review. I will pay you for your consultation with a box of tastykakes. And a Tony Luke's roast pork sandwich.

And now for a question:

Have you ever considering an all Latina bikini team of day laborers?

And does the concept of Machete scare you?

[DiabloSammich]

Dear Dr. Sammich,
I think I am addicted to bright red mulch. All of my flowerbeds are "Sierra Roja". I think it looks neat. It is also said to be a natural weed blocker and keeps moisture in the roots during those hot days.
Am I right or do I need a program?

Your pal,
Tub.




Red mulch is one of the absolute worse things to burst into the landscaping scene since minimum wage. Pardon me while I get my soapbox....

First of all, the red is not natural, it's a dye. The dye won't adhere to good quality mulch, because it is already a rich dark black or brown due to the natural decomposition process. So in order for the dye to work, it is applied to what looks like freshly shaved or chipped hardwood, nice and white. Another common material that is used for the dyed mulch is recycled material, building lumber, but most commonly, pallets. A lot of suppliers will also spray the material with a pesticide, to repel termites. So you've just covered your landscape with ground up pallets that were painted red and covered with pesticide. Nice work.

Triple shredded, or even double shredded, hardwood mulch, the natural stuff, not dyed, is hard to beat for the health of your plant material. Any mulch will help keep weeds down, and help retain soil moisture.

[Tenbatsuzen]

Pardon me while I get my soapbox....


Can I borrow that? I need to make some red mulch.

[DiabloSammich]

Dr. Sammich:

I will take photos of the yard tomorrow and submit them for your review. I will pay you for your consultation with a box of tastykakes. And a Tony Luke's roast pork sandwich.

And now for a question:

Have you ever considering an all Latina bikini team of day laborers?

And does the concept of Machete scare you?



Peanut Butter Kandy Kakes, thank you.

I have not considered that. Their shaving habits are not my cup of tea.

We actually have about a half dozen in the shop. They are actually fucking awesome when you are clearing brush, or creating a line-of-sight through woods for surveying equipment. I don't think the guys would ever think of using them on me....

[Chigworthy]

Use a propane weed torch to weed your hardscape. Destroys weeds, seeds, is isn't poison. Plus you can fry little bugs till they pop, all the while casting furtive glances over your shoulder, hoping the Mrs. won't see you and your boyish grin.

[Tenbatsuzen]

Peanut Butter Kandy Kakes, thank you.

I have not considered that. Their shaving habits are not my cup of tea.

We actually have about a half dozen in the shop. They are actually fucking awesome when you are clearing brush, or creating a line-of-sight through woods for surveying equipment. I don't think the guys would ever think of using them on me....

No, not THAT Machete...

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/W8cCzltPD6Y&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/W8cCzltPD6Y&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

(NSFW)

[ToiletCrusher]

Dear Sammich,

One of my plants, for the sake of retaining my heterosexuality, let's say azalea.

It's outside in a large planter (20 inches tall, round and 14 inch diameter).

I have two of these. One flourishes, the other is actually starting to show early signs of fatigue. It is actually wilting a bit.

Please help.

Sincerely,

PlantCrusher

[drjoek]

Dr Sammich
How can my wife encourage her Hydrageas to grow big , puffy and dark Blue. She is envious of the neighbors.
Thanks in advance

[DiabloSammich]

Dear Sammich,

One of my plants, for the sake of retaining my heterosexuality, let's say azalea.

It's outside in a large planter (20 inches tall, round and 14 inch diameter).

I have two of these. One flourishes, the other is actually starting to show early signs of fatigue. It is actually wilting a bit.

Please help.

Sincerely,

PlantCrusher


If you have two plants in exact same conditions, being watered the same, in the same kind of container, chances are you just got a bad plant, or a plant that was stressed in the nursery. How long have they been in the containers?

[DiabloSammich]

Dr Sammich
How can my wife encourage her Hydrageas to grow big , puffy and dark Blue. She is envious of the neighbors.
Thanks in advance



This year, prune the hydrangea as soon as the flowers start to fade and then dont touch it the rest of the season, and then fertilize it heavy in the fall with Holly Tone.


Your wife will have the puffiest, bluest.......ummm.....flowers on the block.

[Gvac]

Dearest Diablo,

What can I plant to pretty up the place yet keep it manly looking? No faggy flowers, just macho ones.

Thanks.

P.S. - the area I want to pretty up faces south...lots of sun.

P.P.S. - You're adorable.

Love,

Greggie Poo

[TooLowBrow]

What can I plant to pretty up the place yet keep it manly looking? No faggy flowers, just macho ones.


try pansies

[DiabloSammich]

Dearest Diablo,

What can I plant to pretty up the place yet keep it manly looking? No faggy flowers, just macho ones.

Thanks.

P.S. - the area I want to pretty up faces south...lots of sun.

P.P.S. - You're adorable.

Love,

Greggie Poo


A nice upright holly or yew. Solid. Green. Doesn't take any shit. I prune mine to look like this...




http://img86.imageshack.us/img86/8351/topiary0id.jpg




And as to the second part of your question, I AM adorable. It's time more people took notice.

[disneyspy]

A nice upright holly or yew. Solid. Green. Doesn't take any shit. I prune mine to look like this...




http://img86.imageshack.us/img86/8351/topiary0id.jpg




And as to the second part of your question, I AM adorable. It's time more people took notice.

dear dr sammich,is that a vinca vine topiary? and whats the best way to spring a potted mandevilla back to growth,theyve had only winter/inside sun,theres some new growth/shoots but the some of the old vines are still viable,should i trim the old out?

[Tall_James]

Hey DS, the azaleas I planted last year are all dead. They just wouldn't take. My property has a lot of pines and they were in pretty direct sunlight through most of the day.

Can you recommend another plant that can take their place that have the same kind of burst of color in the spring but are hardier in somewhat acidic soil?

[Tenbatsuzen]

somewhat acidic soil?

Stop pissing there to begin with, ya savage.

[ToiletCrusher]

If you have two plants in exact same conditions, being watered the same, in the same kind of container, chances are you just got a bad plant, or a plant that was stressed in the nursery. How long have they been in the containers?

They were in containers for under a week. Oh I wish, I wish I hadn't killed that fish. What can I do?

[DiabloSammich]

dear dr sammich,is that a vinca vine topiary? and whats the best way to spring a potted mandevilla back to growth,theyve had only winter/inside sun,theres some new growth/shoots but the some of the old vines are still viable,should i trim the old out?


My wife is more of an expert in indoor plants. We shall discuss your dilemma tonight whilst rolling around in the sack.

[Tenbatsuzen]

My wife is more of an expert in indoor plants. We shall discuss your dilemma tonight whilst rolling around in the sack.

You are straight?

[DiabloSammich]

Hey DS, the azaleas I planted last year are all dead. They just wouldn't take. My property has a lot of pines and they were in pretty direct sunlight through most of the day.

Can you recommend another plant that can take their place that have the same kind of burst of color in the spring but are hardier in somewhat acidic soil?




Try some of the following...

Miss Kim Lilac - Lilac blooms and fragrance, only in dwarf shrub form. Blooms from now through summer

Flowering quince - Hardier than azaleas, blooms at same time, dark red color

Winter jasmine - clumping shrub, yellow, blooming now.

Forsythia - I'm sure you know what this is, but what most people don't know is there are dwarf varieties that don't turn into the monsters that everyone sees. 4 feet by 4 feet at maturity.


Also, you can try deciduous azaleas. These are native azaleas that lose their leaves in the winter. We've found that these are a lot hardier in a lot more places than standard azaleas. Plus, they have some really crazy colors, like a fiery orange. The flowers will bloom before any of the leaves come out. Fun plant.

[DiabloSammich]

You are straight?



Fez isn't the only one with a secret.

[DiabloSammich]

They were in containers for under a week. Oh I wish, I wish I hadn't killed that fish. What can I do?



Honestly, if it went that quick, it was dead or dying on the way to the container. Try another one, and make sure you keep it watered up to when you plant it in the container.

[Thebazile78]

I saw that post earlier and had a good laugh. I thought Lysteria was a bit too obscure to make a joke about but you have done it proud.:clap:

Thanks budday.

I thought that listeria is part of the the reason pregnant women are advised to avoid cold cuts (or nuke 'em) ... also, it becomes a concern as more people join the raw dairy movement. (It's also a plot point in Plain Truth by Jodi Picoult.)

....

Listeria trees rule. Yes, I can recommend any of approx. 20,000 varieties of trees and shrubs that would replace a Wisteria vine. I need to know some things...sun or shade? Do you want flowers? Fruit? Shade? Screening? Birds? Hate birds? Drought tolerant? We could go any direction here

....

The area is mostly shade because of the oaks and the fence. Soil may be acidic due to oaks as well, but that's easily tested and remedied with crushed limestone, right?

I have allergies, so most things that bloom are out of the question. I happen to love both lilacs and wisteria, but their fragrances make me queasy. I also love the LOOK of magnolias, but, again, the scent makes me sick.

Anything with shaky pollen is out of the question.

I was considering mock orange, which we had in my backyard when I was a kid, but don't remember how I react to it. (Bees love it, so maybe that's not a good idea ... our neighbor on that side has a dog and the other neighbors have little kids.)

Fruit trees are probably a lot more work than I want to deal with, unless you can recommend something I can plant and forget about ... I like the IDEA of having a fruit tree, but don't want to put a lot of work into its care. (My grandmother had a pear tree in her backyard

I think our primary motive for another tree or bush would be privacy. I know that usually means evergreens, but I'm concerned about them getting scraggly and attracting bugs. (Ewww.) I seem to be the gnat-attractor without anything else.

Shade is a consideration as well, but with all the oaks outside the fence line, I don't know that it's a necessity.

Birds terrify me; I don't know why. Please, don't suggest anything that would attract birds.

Drought resistant might be a bonus, considering we don't have a sprinkler system, but not necessary.

Use a propane weed torch to weed your hardscape. Destroys weeds, seeds, is isn't poison. Plus you can fry little bugs till they pop, all the while casting furtive glances over your shoulder, hoping the Mrs. won't see you and your boyish grin.

No, he's casting furtive glances over his shoulder to be sure I don't steal it and have the same kind of fun myself.

[drjoek]

The area is mostly shade because of the oaks and the fence. Soil may be acidic due to oaks as well, but that's easily tested and remedied with crushed limestone, right?

I have allergies, so most things that bloom are out of the question. I happen to love both lilacs and wisteria, but their fragrances make me queasy. I also love the LOOK of magnolias, but, again, the scent makes me sick.

Anything with shaky pollen is out of the question.

I was considering mock orange, which we had in my backyard when I was a kid, but don't remember how I react to it. (Bees love it, so maybe that's not a good idea ... our neighbor on that side has a dog and the other neighbors have little kids.)

Fruit trees are probably a lot more work than I want to deal with, unless you can recommend something I can plant and forget about ... I like the IDEA of having a fruit tree, but don't want to put a lot of work into its care. (My grandmother had a pear tree in her backyard

I think our primary motive for another tree or bush would be privacy. I know that usually means evergreens, but I'm concerned about them getting scraggly and attracting bugs. (Ewww.) I seem to be the gnat-attractor without anything else.

Shade is a consideration as well, but with all the oaks outside the fence line, I don't know that it's a necessity.

Birds terrify me; I don't know why. Please, don't suggest anything that would attract birds.

Drought resistant might be a bonus, considering we don't have a sprinkler system, but not necessary.

.

You are just as picky with trees as you are with dog breeds!
Too bad you werent as picky with husbands!:laugh:

(and thats just a zinger not a shot)



(that IS a shot at Matty because, well, he can take it):tongue:

[Thebazile78]

You are just as picky with trees as you are with dog breeds!
Too bad you werent as picky with husbands!:laugh:

(and thats just a zinger not a shot)



(that IS a shot at Matty because, well, he can take it):tongue:

You've obviously never met any of my exes.

I still cringe and look furtively around me for exits and assistance whenever an Infiniti QX4 drives by because my psycho-ex from college drove one. He has guns. Most of them are unfireable, historic replicas, but enough of them are real that I worry.

[Dude!]

there is no plant that doesn't attract
either birds, bees or some form of insect
you have to live with one of them

bees that go from flower to flower
are absolutely harmless
you do not need to worry
about neighborhood dogs or kids

my grandmother showed me how
to actually 'pet' a bee as it makes
its way around a flower

i show little kids how to pet bees
and they go hysterical

[Thebazile78]

there is no plant that doesn't attract
either birds, bees or some form of insect
you have to live with one of them

bees that go from flower to flower
are absolutely harmless
you do not need to worry
about neighborhood dogs or kids

my grandmother showed me how
to actually 'pet' a bee as it makes
its way around a flower

i show little kids how to pet bees
and they go hysterical

I think you misunderstood and I was unclear in my specifications.

I really don't like birds. I'll get citronella for the biting bugs and bees I can deal with, although I'm afraid of them. Even bumblebees. (Which is why I rarely-to-never wear perfume in summer.)

[Freitag]

You've obviously never met any of my exes.

I still cringe and look furtively around me for exits and assistance whenever an Infiniti QX4 drives by because my psycho-ex from college drove one. He has guns. Most of them are unfireable, historic replicas, but enough of them are real that I worry.

Does he have a radio show, by any chance?

[Thebazile78]

Does he have a radio show, by any chance?

I hope not.

[DiabloSammich]

Thanks budday.

I thought that listeria is part of the the reason pregnant women are advised to avoid cold cuts (or nuke 'em) ... also, it becomes a concern as more people join the raw dairy movement. (It's also a plot point in Plain Truth by Jodi Picoult.)



The area is mostly shade because of the oaks and the fence. Soil may be acidic due to oaks as well, but that's easily tested and remedied with crushed limestone, right?

I have allergies, so most things that bloom are out of the question. I happen to love both lilacs and wisteria, but their fragrances make me queasy. I also love the LOOK of magnolias, but, again, the scent makes me sick.

Anything with shaky pollen is out of the question.

I was considering mock orange, which we had in my backyard when I was a kid, but don't remember how I react to it. (Bees love it, so maybe that's not a good idea ... our neighbor on that side has a dog and the other neighbors have little kids.)

Fruit trees are probably a lot more work than I want to deal with, unless you can recommend something I can plant and forget about ... I like the IDEA of having a fruit tree, but don't want to put a lot of work into its care. (My grandmother had a pear tree in her backyard

I think our primary motive for another tree or bush would be privacy. I know that usually means evergreens, but I'm concerned about them getting scraggly and attracting bugs. (Ewww.) I seem to be the gnat-attractor without anything else.

Shade is a consideration as well, but with all the oaks outside the fence line, I don't know that it's a necessity.

Birds terrify me; I don't know why. Please, don't suggest anything that would attract birds.

Drought resistant might be a bonus, considering we don't have a sprinkler system, but not necessary.



No, he's casting furtive glances over his shoulder to be sure I don't steal it and have the same kind of fun myself.




Allright, lets see what we can do.

Basically it sounds like you have acidic shade, slightly dry, and need some screening first, flowers second as long as they don't attract birds and not too many bees. Got it.

Several things come to mind. First are Viburnums, either Prague or Leatherleaf. They keep their leaves in winter, we use them as heavy screening shrubs, the Leatherleaf has a larger leaf and a slightly smaller flower than the Prague. They both flower white in May, but not real heavy, and I don't see them attract bees real heavy. Small berries in the fall, nothing to write home about. Just a good solid screen plant, with some flower show.

All hollies will do well in that area. And there are so many different varieties it would just be a matter of personal preference. Note that the really heavy berry hollies tend to flower heavy during late spring, and bees love them. Japanese hollies have a rounded leaf, and don't flower as heavy. Basically with the hollies you're getting a solid evergreen plant, maybe with red berries in the winter if you want it. Nothing spectacular, but will do well in the acidic shade.

Rhododedrons will do good in the area, but they do flower heavy, and they are fragrant. However, in shade, the boom time of Rhodos tend to be pretty quick, so you would only have a week or two to hide in the house.

My personal favorite, but a lot of people don't like it because it's too wacky, is Mahonia bealei, or Leatherleaf Mahonia. It has large holly-like leaves that turn reddish-purple in the fall and winter, the new growth is a bright yellow-green, it has large white flower panicles in the early spring (before bees are really active), and gets huge cluster of purple berries in summer. The plant is doing something crazy all year long. But I recommend finding some pictures before going out to buy one, because like I said, they're not for everyone.

[Gvac]

Dearest Diablo,

What can I plant to pretty up the place yet keep it manly looking? No faggy flowers, just macho ones.

A nice upright holly or yew. Solid. Green.

How good of a landscaper can this guy be?

I ask him about flowers and he gives me green plants. :blink:

[DiabloSammich]

How good of a landscaper can this guy be?

I ask him about flowers and he gives me green plants. :blink:



HAHA! Prick!

Ok, how about Pyracantha? Or otherwise known as Scarlet Firethorn.

Upright shrub, covered in white flowers through summer, nice reddish-orange berries in fall and winter, in fall the leaves turn bright orange, and the best part? The plant is covered in 2" thorns.

Grrrrowl.

[badorties]

here's my summer project:

this our what our backyard looked like last fall:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v296/badorties/those%20other%20sigs/backyard000.jpg

and here it is now after some pruning and cleaning up:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v296/badorties/those%20other%20sigs/backyard001.jpg


it's gonna be a work in progress for the summer, and my next step is to pull up the stones, clearing the rest of the brush and weeds, leveling the area and putting down a layer of weed barriers before returning the stones

a few questions:

is there a barrier or underlayment to recommend ...?
to help level the area, should i use sand to fill some of the bigger divets ...?

[Gvac]

Fuck you.

I bought impatiens.

[DiabloSammich]

here's my summer project:

this our what our backyard looked like last fall:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v296/badorties/those%20other%20sigs/backyard000.jpg

and here it is now after some pruning and cleaning up:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v296/badorties/those%20other%20sigs/backyard001.jpg


it's gonna be a work in progress for the summer, and my next step is to pull up the stones, clearing the rest of the brush and weeds, leveling the area and putting down a layer of weed barriers before returning the stones

a few questions:

is there a barrier or underlayment to recommend ...?
to help level the area, should i use sand to fill some of the bigger divets ...?




There's a brand name of underlayment called Typar, which is our standard, but any geo-textile fabric will work. The thicker and heavier the better, especially since your dealing with stones, however usually that means they're more expensive.


You could use sand, however stone dust would work much better if you have access to it. If you can't get a hold of stone dust, and your are using bag sand, mix one bag of dry mortar per three to four bags of sand. Lay the stones as you normally would, and the ground moisture and subsequent rainfall will make your base a lot more permanent.

After you lay your stones back down, apply a granular weed pre-emergent, like Preen, over top of the stones. It will settle down in the cracks and further prevent weed growth. If you are organic conscious, use corn gluten meal.

[DiabloSammich]

Fuck you.

I bought impatiens.






I hope they die.

[Gvac]

I hope they die.

I hope YOU die.

[DiabloSammich]

I hope YOU die.



You're the one with the face.

[biggestmexi]

how do you kill all grubs? They are fucking disgusting!!

Also any tips for growing a tree?

[Gvac]

Seriously, does a fucking lawn guy need a thread about himself?

[Hottub]

He is doing the community a great service.

[biggestmexi]

He is doing the community a great service.

more than we can say about some Gvacs

[drjoek]

He is doing the community a great service.



He told me how to make my wifes Hydrageas big puffy and blue and for that I am thankful.
As is mrsdrjoek

[badorties]

There's a brand name of underlayment called Typar, which is our standard, but any geo-textile fabric will work. The thicker and heavier the better, especially since your dealing with stones, however usually that means they're more expensive.


You could use sand, however stone dust would work much better if you have access to it. If you can't get a hold of stone dust, and your are using bag sand, mix one bag of dry mortar per three to four bags of sand. Lay the stones as you normally would, and the ground moisture and subsequent rainfall will make your base a lot more permanent.

After you lay your stones back down, apply a granular weed pre-emergent, like Preen, over top of the stones. It will settle down in the cracks and further prevent weed growth. If you are organic conscious, use corn gluten meal.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v296/badorties/those%20other%20sigs/backyard002.jpg

we spent all day saturday busting our collective asses to clearing out the weeds/garbage, removing all the stones to lay the weed blocker and finally replacing the stones (staggered)

next step/weekend, the fence

thanks for the advice

[Gvac]

Hey Sammich - I planted my New Guinea impatiens over the weekend and they're gorgeous.

Go fuck yourself.


















P.S. - What's a nice, low green bush that can thrive with a lot of sun?

Thanks!

Love you!

[Dude!]

the boxwood
is a delightful bush
that can be shaped
and pruned to your liking

[DiabloSammich]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v296/badorties/those%20other%20sigs/backyard002.jpg

we spent all day saturday busting our collective asses to clearing out the weeds/garbage, removing all the stones to lay the weed blocker and finally replacing the stones (staggered)

next step/weekend, the fence

thanks for the advice

Looks great!!!! My only other idea is to sweep in polymeric sand or a 50/50 mix of portland cement and sand. It will lock in the joints and really keep down on weeds.



Hey Sammich - I planted my New Guinea impatiens over the weekend and they're gorgeous.

Go fuck yourself.


















P.S. - What's a nice, low green bush that can thrive with a lot of sun?

Thanks!

Love you!



Once again, I can't stress enough how much I want your flowers to die.


And a Helleri Holly would be a perfect low, green bush for you. Some varieties of boxwoods can be temperamental in the Northeast.

[badorties]

[QUOTE=DiabloSammich;2285941]Looks great!!!! My only other idea is to sweep in polymeric sand or a 50/50 mix of portland cement and sand. It will lock in the joints and really keep down on weeds.[QUOTE]


thanks, that's definitely on my to do list for friday afternoon

[badorties]

we tore down the old fencing, painted the posts and put up the new fence last week ... this weekend and i trimmed off the excess (we bought a 48" fence, but all our posts are 36" -- god bless bolt cutters) and twisted off the ends

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v296/badorties/those%20other%20sigs/backyardsofar.jpg

[Hottub]

Sammich,
My wife is a wonderful gardner. Makes our place look like a friggin botanical garden.
http://img193.imageshack.us/img193/1624/img00248d.jpg
The other day I came across this while watering.

http://img44.imageshack.us/img44/1443/img00247p.jpg
Is my chick growing weed?

Thanks,
Tub.

[Gvac]

Hey buddy,

I completely dug out the area I planted my impatiens in and filled it with fertilized soil.

The flowers are doing well but I constantly have to weed. They grow like beanstalks, especially after all the rain.

How do I kill the weeds without killing my beautiful impatiens?

Thanks!

[disneyspy]

dr sammich,my cherry tomatoes exploaded this year and i have a TON of tomatoes,they're hangin from baskets and i pick them by shacking the baskets and eating the ripe ones that fall off.i dont have many blooms for new tomatoes and will run out of tomatoes in a few weeks.what can i do to spur new blooms?

thanx,denny

[DiabloSammich]

Sammich,
My wife is a wonderful gardner. Makes our place look like a friggin botanical garden.
http://img193.imageshack.us/img193/1624/img00248d.jpg
The other day I came across this while watering.

http://img44.imageshack.us/img44/1443/img00247p.jpg
Is my chick growing weed?

Thanks,
Tub.


Yes she is. You should have that new addition put on the house in no time!!

Actually it looks like some variety of begonia, or maybe ricinus. Might be a volunteer from someone else's garden.



Hey buddy,

I completely dug out the area I planted my impatiens in and filled it with fertilized soil.

The flowers are doing well but I constantly have to weed. They grow like beanstalks, especially after all the rain.

How do I kill the weeds without killing my beautiful impatiens?

Thanks!


Oh, so now look at who's coming back on their hands knees needing help with their impatiens?

Don't use any chemicals or sprays. They're real sensitive. Best you can do at this point is to mulch around your stupid flowers. Pine bark mulch if you can get it, not pine bark nuggets.

Fuck your impatiens.

[DiabloSammich]

dr sammich,my cherry tomatoes exploaded this year and i have a TON of tomatoes,they're hangin from baskets and i pick them by shacking the baskets and eating the ripe ones that fall off.i dont have many blooms for new tomatoes and will run out of tomatoes in a few weeks.what can i do to spur new blooms?

thanx,denny


Tomatoes are heavy, heavy feeders, and the mistake everyone makes is when they start getting tomatoes they slack a little with the watering and fertilizing. Make sure whatever watering and fert program you used up to this point you continue with. That will keep the season going a little farther.

[Tenbatsuzen]

help, please...

[Kevin]

dr sammich,my cherry tomatoes exploaded this year and i have a TON of tomatoes,they're hangin from baskets and i pick them by shacking the baskets and eating the ripe ones that fall off.i dont have many blooms for new tomatoes and will run out of tomatoes in a few weeks.what can i do to spur new blooms?

thanx,denny

This is the only Tomato advice worth taking.
Its at the end.

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