Kathleen From The Bronx
07-31-2008, 12:00 AM
Dear Ron and Fez Shooow,
Before I admit to this crazy idea, you have to understand; I thought that I was un-tackleable.
Until I was about ten years old I really believed that I could not be tackled. Until I was about ten years old, I wanted to be a football player... when I grew up....
I wasn't particularly fast, but I could catch a football and none of my younger brothers or the kids that we played with up at the field at The Oval Park could knock me down.....I mean I would drag these little fuckas...
I realize that this isn't exactly the type of thing that a girl might brag about. Sure it seems bout as insane as quoting your J.V. stats as an adult.... Ahhh well, you get the picture... I certainly wasn't a dainty one.
I don't know if playing in the NFL was, in all actuality, my dream job as a child....but I do remember that I so loved the feeling of catching that football and I so loved feeling tough....and feeling like I was good at something... and feeling like, "I wouldn't mind doing this forever." Certainly I had those little kid fantasies...... but that one eventually ended... and... I can't say for sure whether it was the fact that I finally got tackled one day, or if the reason for my change of direction was due to the fact that one day I started thinking twice about my constant sweat-suit wearing...
I don't even have some sad story to relate of little girl's hopes dashed at a sudden epiphany that women don't play in the NFL..... I mean, I knew there were no girls on the Jets or the Giants...or any other team for that matter.... Sure I've never really been one to Lisa-Simpson-it-up, all, "I'll show you that girls are just as capable as boys;" I don't think that was what stopped me..... realizing I was going to remain a girl even though in my time I could drag them kids through the dirt one attached to each leg....
Did I just lose interest..... or was it that I realized that I reeeeally wasn't the ruffian that I imagined myself to be.....?
Imagining... that might be it, you know....
I've always been more adept at daydreaming about situations than really pullin em off in reality... Well fuck it, I don't think I have any regrets about changing my mind on that dream....or whatever......
I've changed my mind on a lot of them, believe me. I really have been thinking about this...all the changes of direction....even if they were only in my imagination..... ever since Monday when yez had the author Mike Edison come in to talk about his book......and how afterward the conversation flowed to you guys all talking about your dream jobs from when you were kids.
When I was in tenth grade I had the opportunity to take a photography class in school....and you can rest assured that when I was shooting and developing my own photos that year, I was envisioning myself the next Diane Arbus or Annie Liebovitz...shit, even before I knew who they were....
A theory I now hold is that almost every girl goes through a serious photography stage.
One thing I know is that I really can cook..... so you know I had the idea in my head, for a while, that I was gonna go to culinary school and make my way as a chef somewhere....or a saucier... based on that time I worked my way through virtually every sauce recipe in Auguste Escoffier's Ma Cuisine....
One day it occurred to me... I came to the conclusion.... that as much as I was good at cooking, the frantic and stressful world of a professional kitchen might not be for me.... and I thought I'll be happy enough cooking at home... ya know... but exceptionally well..... AHhhh I'm fuckin braggin again....
There were a good couple of years that I thought maybe I should try being a cartoonist.... until I realized that I could only take my violent vegetable cartoons with accompanying punny haikus so far....
Did I mention haiku? OOh, yeah I thought maybe the haiku was my calling....
Oh, and I'm leaving some out even! All this thinking about the daydream jobs I've concocted during my time had me wondering.... were they dream jobs.... were they dreams I really had for myself, or was it a case of, "OK, I'm good at this, maybe this is what I can do...Let's see if this will stick..."
....cause truly, I always said, "I don't know," when asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
I'm supposed to be grown up now.... and I still don't really know.... (shit, most of those dream jobs I was rattlin' off there were being kicked around in my skull after I was already an adult!!).... Oy...and I am never quite sure that when I feel like I am good at something if it's REAL or if I am imagining it..... like I did when I was a football player, or a photographer.....or anything else...
I worked so many shitty, mind-numbing jobs since I was thirteen.... to throw in for the family....rent....school..... the fly sneakers I wanted.... and working hard never bothered me when it was a necessity..... but now that I haven't worked for a while and I have fuckin flitzed tryin to figure out the path....I really start to question..... if what I think I want to do, if anything I think that I have any talent at, at all...is completely a figment of my imagination..... maybe that's why I don't seem to hold onto some of the dreams too tight....cause they might be all in my head..... again.... like the football player.....
But then again....maybe the point of the path is all about the flitzin'.
Listening to Mike Edison talk about his varied career..... I was thinking that maybe I don't need to force myself to figure out, "the one thing." He had not just done one thing... and man his book says, "I Have Fun Everywhere I Go."
Well anyway, any time you guys talk about the little kid stuff, it always seems to resonate with me....
As much as I am no longer a kid, I can so vividly remember what it could feel like at times.... Of course there are the carefree times, but there are many lonely, miserable, confused times as well...especially if you are having a particularly hard experience in school or wherever.
I was thinking about that today when you guys had the non-Pink Floyd David Gilmore on the line talking about his book, The Film Club.
I know that it was a risk to allow his son to leave school after 9th grade and it's certainly not a traditional approach in handling a situation when your child is hating life.... but I found it really interesting... cause it was a risk that he was willing to take in order to attempt to make the kid happier and in the long run, to help him find his path....or to find his way to his path... whatever that might be....
Gilmore said that the film club he had with his son three times a week led them back to enjoying each other's company.... that they would start off discussing the film that they had just seen, but then the conversation would drift to other topics.... to other ideas.....
See that made me think of the Ron and Fez Show..... my lil radio club with myself everyday...... I may have no idea what I'm doin, but when I listen to you guys and the things that you talk about everyday....I find myself ruminating on those topics, but then they lead me a long a winding maze of thoughts and memories that start with the day's discussions but often take me somewheres often off the track a bit... and yet it seems to help me.....
Like just now when I ramble on and on about childhood and current dreams, whether attainable or existing in utter lunacy....it started with the show and took me back to a place where I'm considering that maybe I haven't totally given up on being part of the cast of a Christopher Guest mockumentary..... if for the love of all that's holy they go back to that formula..... come on....
....or maybe I could join up and rule in some roller derby. The latter thought did occur to me, you know.... from back some shows a whiles ago when Tenacious C came in to promote a league.....
Just tonight I revisited that possibility.... I might just be able to rock that... after all, I believe myself to be un-tackleable..... Whooo knows......
OK, so this was either a blog or a mental breakdown.....or both.... they always are :0) Peace out homies,
kathleen from the Bronx :):):)
Before I admit to this crazy idea, you have to understand; I thought that I was un-tackleable.
Until I was about ten years old I really believed that I could not be tackled. Until I was about ten years old, I wanted to be a football player... when I grew up....
I wasn't particularly fast, but I could catch a football and none of my younger brothers or the kids that we played with up at the field at The Oval Park could knock me down.....I mean I would drag these little fuckas...
I realize that this isn't exactly the type of thing that a girl might brag about. Sure it seems bout as insane as quoting your J.V. stats as an adult.... Ahhh well, you get the picture... I certainly wasn't a dainty one.
I don't know if playing in the NFL was, in all actuality, my dream job as a child....but I do remember that I so loved the feeling of catching that football and I so loved feeling tough....and feeling like I was good at something... and feeling like, "I wouldn't mind doing this forever." Certainly I had those little kid fantasies...... but that one eventually ended... and... I can't say for sure whether it was the fact that I finally got tackled one day, or if the reason for my change of direction was due to the fact that one day I started thinking twice about my constant sweat-suit wearing...
I don't even have some sad story to relate of little girl's hopes dashed at a sudden epiphany that women don't play in the NFL..... I mean, I knew there were no girls on the Jets or the Giants...or any other team for that matter.... Sure I've never really been one to Lisa-Simpson-it-up, all, "I'll show you that girls are just as capable as boys;" I don't think that was what stopped me..... realizing I was going to remain a girl even though in my time I could drag them kids through the dirt one attached to each leg....
Did I just lose interest..... or was it that I realized that I reeeeally wasn't the ruffian that I imagined myself to be.....?
Imagining... that might be it, you know....
I've always been more adept at daydreaming about situations than really pullin em off in reality... Well fuck it, I don't think I have any regrets about changing my mind on that dream....or whatever......
I've changed my mind on a lot of them, believe me. I really have been thinking about this...all the changes of direction....even if they were only in my imagination..... ever since Monday when yez had the author Mike Edison come in to talk about his book......and how afterward the conversation flowed to you guys all talking about your dream jobs from when you were kids.
When I was in tenth grade I had the opportunity to take a photography class in school....and you can rest assured that when I was shooting and developing my own photos that year, I was envisioning myself the next Diane Arbus or Annie Liebovitz...shit, even before I knew who they were....
A theory I now hold is that almost every girl goes through a serious photography stage.
One thing I know is that I really can cook..... so you know I had the idea in my head, for a while, that I was gonna go to culinary school and make my way as a chef somewhere....or a saucier... based on that time I worked my way through virtually every sauce recipe in Auguste Escoffier's Ma Cuisine....
One day it occurred to me... I came to the conclusion.... that as much as I was good at cooking, the frantic and stressful world of a professional kitchen might not be for me.... and I thought I'll be happy enough cooking at home... ya know... but exceptionally well..... AHhhh I'm fuckin braggin again....
There were a good couple of years that I thought maybe I should try being a cartoonist.... until I realized that I could only take my violent vegetable cartoons with accompanying punny haikus so far....
Did I mention haiku? OOh, yeah I thought maybe the haiku was my calling....
Oh, and I'm leaving some out even! All this thinking about the daydream jobs I've concocted during my time had me wondering.... were they dream jobs.... were they dreams I really had for myself, or was it a case of, "OK, I'm good at this, maybe this is what I can do...Let's see if this will stick..."
....cause truly, I always said, "I don't know," when asked, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
I'm supposed to be grown up now.... and I still don't really know.... (shit, most of those dream jobs I was rattlin' off there were being kicked around in my skull after I was already an adult!!).... Oy...and I am never quite sure that when I feel like I am good at something if it's REAL or if I am imagining it..... like I did when I was a football player, or a photographer.....or anything else...
I worked so many shitty, mind-numbing jobs since I was thirteen.... to throw in for the family....rent....school..... the fly sneakers I wanted.... and working hard never bothered me when it was a necessity..... but now that I haven't worked for a while and I have fuckin flitzed tryin to figure out the path....I really start to question..... if what I think I want to do, if anything I think that I have any talent at, at all...is completely a figment of my imagination..... maybe that's why I don't seem to hold onto some of the dreams too tight....cause they might be all in my head..... again.... like the football player.....
But then again....maybe the point of the path is all about the flitzin'.
Listening to Mike Edison talk about his varied career..... I was thinking that maybe I don't need to force myself to figure out, "the one thing." He had not just done one thing... and man his book says, "I Have Fun Everywhere I Go."
Well anyway, any time you guys talk about the little kid stuff, it always seems to resonate with me....
As much as I am no longer a kid, I can so vividly remember what it could feel like at times.... Of course there are the carefree times, but there are many lonely, miserable, confused times as well...especially if you are having a particularly hard experience in school or wherever.
I was thinking about that today when you guys had the non-Pink Floyd David Gilmore on the line talking about his book, The Film Club.
I know that it was a risk to allow his son to leave school after 9th grade and it's certainly not a traditional approach in handling a situation when your child is hating life.... but I found it really interesting... cause it was a risk that he was willing to take in order to attempt to make the kid happier and in the long run, to help him find his path....or to find his way to his path... whatever that might be....
Gilmore said that the film club he had with his son three times a week led them back to enjoying each other's company.... that they would start off discussing the film that they had just seen, but then the conversation would drift to other topics.... to other ideas.....
See that made me think of the Ron and Fez Show..... my lil radio club with myself everyday...... I may have no idea what I'm doin, but when I listen to you guys and the things that you talk about everyday....I find myself ruminating on those topics, but then they lead me a long a winding maze of thoughts and memories that start with the day's discussions but often take me somewheres often off the track a bit... and yet it seems to help me.....
Like just now when I ramble on and on about childhood and current dreams, whether attainable or existing in utter lunacy....it started with the show and took me back to a place where I'm considering that maybe I haven't totally given up on being part of the cast of a Christopher Guest mockumentary..... if for the love of all that's holy they go back to that formula..... come on....
....or maybe I could join up and rule in some roller derby. The latter thought did occur to me, you know.... from back some shows a whiles ago when Tenacious C came in to promote a league.....
Just tonight I revisited that possibility.... I might just be able to rock that... after all, I believe myself to be un-tackleable..... Whooo knows......
OK, so this was either a blog or a mental breakdown.....or both.... they always are :0) Peace out homies,
kathleen from the Bronx :):):)