I am retired from dating

[CYYYFYYY]

I have not posted here in a long time. The reason....I really don;t have a reason. But a slight update. I fell totally in love with this young lady. We dated for 5 months and it was the best 5 months of my life. We never fought all was great and then she ended it. I knew she had issues to begin with but I did not mind them one bit. She said she had to find herself and she has been hurt in the past and scared to be hurt again. She said she never knew we would get along so great and she was very sorry. I waited a month, tried to get her back, but of course she knows what she wants and at this time she wants to be alone. It kinda bothers me that I worry about her alot but now I am a mess and she does not check on me. You could say her calling me would only hurt me more but I don;t think that is the reason. I think she is working on her issues and while she is saddened what she did to me, it is not a main priority. Should I love a woman like that. I say yes. She is still a great girl. But alas I know it will not happen between us. I have been hurt one too many times in relationships. I never cheated and all that jazz and for some reason all my relationships end in heart break. I never liked dating. I am not a ladies man and most of my dates go poorly. I am very average looking and many women just don;t want me as a BF> I understand I am an odd one and I don;t blame them. I blame the ones who date me, know me and then leave me for no real reason, always being told I am a great guy. People look back in relationships and say they should have done things differently. I look back and I really can’t find things I did wrong. Knowing what I know now, yes I would have done a couple of things differently but the things I did wrong I could have not known with the info I had then. So I fail without making mistakes in my mind. So I am retiring from dating. No one believes this and I understand why. I have said things similar to this in the past but this time I believe it. I can;t handle another heartbreak. Right now I spend way too much time feeling sorry for myself and sleeping so I don;t have to deal with the pain. I hope and kinda know the pain will go away but I do not think I will ever date again. Well I have said my story.

[KingModem]

I have not posted here in a long time. The reason....I really don;t have a reason. But a slight update. I fell totally in love with this young lady. We dated for 5 months and it was the best 5 months of my life. We never fought all was great and then she ended it. I knew she had issues to begin with but I did not mind them one bit. She said she had to find herself and she has been hurt in the past and scared to be hurt again. She said she never knew we would get along so great and she was very sorry. I waited a month, tried to get her back, but of course she knows what she wants and at this time she wants to be alone. It kinda bothers me that I worry about her alot but now I am a mess and she does not check on me. You could say her calling me would only hurt me more but I don;t think that is the reason. I think she is working on her issues and while she is saddened what she did to me, it is not a main priority. Should I love a woman like that. I say yes. She is still a great girl. But alas I know it will not happen between us. I have been hurt one too many times in relationships. I never cheated and all that jazz and for some reason all my relationships end in heart break. I never liked dating. I am not a ladies man and most of my dates go poorly. I am very average looking and many women just don;t want me as a BF> I understand I am an odd one and I don;t blame them. I blame the ones who date me, know me and then leave me for no real reason, always being told I am a great guy. People look back in relationships and say they should have done things differently. I look back and I really can’t find things I did wrong. Knowing what I know now, yes I would have done a couple of things differently but the things I did wrong I could have not known with the info I had then. So I fail without making mistakes in my mind. So I am retiring from dating. No one believes this and I understand why. I have said things similar to this in the past but this time I believe it. I can;t handle another heartbreak. Right now I spend way too much time feeling sorry for myself and sleeping so I don;t have to deal with the pain. I hope and kinda know the pain will go away but I do not think I will ever date again. Well I have said my story.

Im going to guess she is, or under 23 years old? Women have to create their identity before they can settle down with anyone. Most of the time, they just go along with puppy love, until get irked that they don't have their own personality/unique identity.

That is the reason, sorry dude, but it comes with growing up.

I hear Fez is single....

[boonanas]

Stop being a baby. I am an odd guy as well but I found someone who likes me for being odd. Just stop being a sensitive susie.

[Furtherman]

I have been hurt one too many times in relationships. I never cheated and all that jazz and for some reason all my relationships end in heart break.

You too? Wow... so I'm not the only one.

The only difference is that I'm not going to take a break from dating. Why? You only live once! Yea, I've had my feeling sorry for myself times. I've had relationships that lasted shorter than your five months, and some that lasted years and turned out the same way.

In between those times. I try and make something of myself. Started a new hobby, did some traveling, joined a gym. Keeping active is the best thing you can do, because one day, (and this will happen if you're out there not feeling sorry for yourself), some girl is going to ask you, "So, what's up?" or "What's going on?"

You'll always have something to talk about. Chicks dig that.

[A.J.]

Stop being a baby. I am an odd guy as well but I found someone who likes me for being odd. Just stop being a sensitive susie.

Not in this forum.

The That's Life forum is
meant a medium between those in pain looking for answers and those with
the life experiences to help guide them through it. This is not a
forum for humorous, sarcastic or otherwise caustic replies, as most
people posting in this forum are seeking actual assitance or advice.

Anyone
violating this policy may be banned without prior warnings. The length
of said "vacation" is dependent on the severity of the violation and
prior history of violations.

[A.J.]

Maybe your "retirement" should be Favre-like: take a few months off, clear your head and start fresh.

MY retirement on the other hand has been Jim Brown-like.

[CYYYFYYY]

Not in my 20's in my thirties. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I have had longer relationships than 5 months but not better ones. I love when people say do not be sensitive. How come when I was as happy as crazy people did not say be sensitive. I do not like dating. So why do it. For dreams of finding the RIGHT woman. I am tired of it and have given up that part of my life.

[CYYYFYYY]

I do joke I am not going to be a Brett Farve retirement. I wonder how lont will I have to stay retired before people believe I am out of the game

[~Katja~]

I think you are not being honest with yourself... and they are not honest with you. Women never break up for no real reason.
They fall out of love- it happens,their interests in life grow into a much different direction of what and who you are, they are looking to find themselves because they realize that what they have is not what they need or can make them happy or they simply don't get along.
Stop making excuses for her behavior and not checking on you, I pretty much have been in a similiar situation for quite some time and made excuses over excuses for the amn's inability to show emotions or discuss any feelings just to justify my holding onto something that never was or would have been.
Move on, date and explore other women. you might just find one that sweeps you off your feet as much as you will sweep her away!

[K.C.]

I'm not going to say the story is a textbook case sort of thing, because I do think there are people who check out for good.

But, it's very similar to most heartbreak stories I've heard, so you're not alone by a long shot.


I would keep in mind that you said that you're retiring from dating because you can't take the heartbreak again, not because of no desire for companionship.

That said, my guess is you will date again, you just need to regroup (which could be quick, or take quite a while). Usually, desire overrides fear. You find the right situation, I would guess you'd jump back in.




As for the worrying/thinking/wanting her to check up with you stuff you were talking about with this girl, I think everyone goes through that.

I sure know I do...I still have moments like that with chicks I dated like five years ago, even though I see other people. It's just a strong connection or memory that never really goes away.


I don't think chicks understand how much they torment guys. People always assume it's the other way around.

[Furtherman]

I do joke I am not going to be a Brett Farve retirement. I wonder how lont will I have to stay retired before people believe I am out of the game

There's another problem. I'm no psychiatrist, but that is your ego getting in the way.

What makes you think people will one day think, "Wow, he IS retired from dating!" ?

They'll be busy with their own lives. With the exception of a mother, because that is in most of their natures, NO ONE will feel sorry for you . ESPECIALLY the girl who just dumped you.

She's off to make herself happy. It's up to you to do the same.

[CountryBob]

DUde, dont give up on relationships. The next chick might be the real one you are supposed to be with - you never know unless you are on your deathbed and look back.
I have not had a long term relationship in roughly 2 years now. I am consumed in my work and have gotten fat as a hog but I am not giving up. In the meantime - buy some great lube, keep fresh porn handy and focus on otherthings that interest you. You'll be back in the game soon enough.

[CYYYFYYY]

I actually do not want people feeling sorry for me. I have told my friends I have given up in dating but very few did I tell how much this is hurting. I do not want there pity. There are worse things going on in this planet. A great point is that I am stoping more because of fear than because of no desire for companionship. However I really do dislike dating. Some people enjoy it. I don;t. I do enjoy relationships. I am not even going to blame this girl on the reason for my retirement. I was getting tired of it anyway. Maybe after a few months I will regroup and date again. But I don't think so. We shall see. But the odds on me dating again at Vegas must be huge because no things I am staying retired

[Furtherman]

I actually do not want people feeling sorry for me.

Well then I guess you didn't mean this:

I wonder how lont will I have to stay retired before people believe I am out of the game




However I really do dislike dating. I do enjoy relationships.

Sounds like you want to skip the whole "getting to know you" part. You might want to try an on-line service, so you can match up with someone and you already know what they like/dislike.

[~Katja~]

I can see how dating can be exhausting, and I am not one to wildly date many men at the same time either. It's up to you how you decide to date. Pace it and make it work for yourself.

I know people that just go out with many at the same time, for myself it does not work like that... I need to go out with one guy at a time, get to know the person and then move on if he does not turn out to be what I need. That's not a relationship though... there is no commitment and if he or I come across a person that seems more interesting or a better match then that is free game. But it is less exhausting than juggling many at the same time.

I do find it scary to have people get to know you and to put yourself out there over and over... but of you don't do it then you will definitely end up lonely. My fear of being lonely is greater than the fear of letting people into my life.

[Doctor Z]

I have not posted here in a long time. The reason....I really don;t have a reason. But a slight update. I fell totally in love with this young lady. We dated for 5 months and it was the best 5 months of my life. We never fought all was great and then she ended it. I knew she had issues to begin with but I did not mind them one bit. She said she had to find herself and she has been hurt in the past and scared to be hurt again. She said she never knew we would get along so great and she was very sorry. I waited a month, tried to get her back, but of course she knows what she wants and at this time she wants to be alone.
Trust me, I'm not trying to be abrasive here, but DON'T BUY INTO THAT BULLSHIT. Brace yourself, cuz she's going to be with someone new very soon. You'll appreciate my honesty some day.

[Doctor Z]

I'm not going to say the story is a textbook case sort of thing, because I do think there are people who check out for good.

But, it's very similar to most heartbreak stories I've heard, so you're not alone by a long shot.


I would keep in mind that you said that you're retiring from dating because you can't take the heartbreak again, not because of no desire for companionship.

That said, my guess is you will date again, you just need to regroup (which could be quick, or take quite a while). Usually, desire overrides fear. You find the right situation, I would guess you'd jump back in.




As for the worrying/thinking/wanting her to check up with you stuff you were talking about with this girl, I think everyone goes through that.

I sure know I do...I still have moments like that with chicks I dated like five years ago, even though I see other people. It's just a strong connection or memory that never really goes away.


I don't think chicks understand how much they torment guys. People always assume it's the other way around.

QFT, son.

[CYYYFYYY]

Believe me I have heard I want to be alone before. And I did not believe it and they were dating again very soon. I think she will be alone for awhile but when she does date it will not be with me.... So while I believe the alone part......I don't believe that is the only part. I am not that foolish. I have tried dating services in the past. Didn’t really work. On dating services usually first contact is by phone. I have an odd voice that usually freaks out women if our first contact is by phone.


As for wondering when people will think I am retired from dating... I do not see how that is making people feel sorry for me. If someone told me they were no longer dating I too would not believe them. Just wondering when people will say I guess his dating days are over.

[~Katja~]

As for wondering when people will think I am retired from dating... I do not see how that is making people feel sorry for me. If someone told me they were no longer dating I too would not believe them. Just wondering when people will say I guess his dating days are over.

do you think they are truly over?
have you really settled with the thought of never being with a woman again?
ever?

you are just in a slump and need the motivation to get out.

[KingModem]

do you think they are truly over?
have you really settled with the thought of never being with a woman again?
ever?

you are just in a slump and need the motivation to get out.

He will pull out of the slump again when he gets that tingly feeling when he really likes a girl he didnt expect to like.

I retired last year, until the most unexpected...... anyways, met a girl that really appreciates me for me, and it was completely accidental.

[Doctor Z]

Believe me I have heard I want to be alone before. And I did not believe it and they were dating again very soon. I think she will be alone for awhile but when she does date it will not be with me.... So while I believe the alone part......I don't believe that is the only part. I am not that foolish.

If I were you, I would play it safe and not believe an ounce of it. When a girl feeds you a bogus excuse as to why she's dumping you, about 99.99% of the time it's not true. The more you convince yourself to believe it, the more it's gonna hurt when you find out it was all horse shit.

[CYYYFYYY]

Na this girl is bot about BS. She is really having problems.
I think the only way I would unretire is I happen just to meet someone by chance and we talk anbd get along great. I have usually met women from singles events or dating services. But I do think I am out of the game. I appreciate that alot of you guys are really givng a damn it means alot. I won't bash this last girl though. She was and still is too good for that. Sometimes people can;t deal. I don't look at it as giving up on life by retiring, I am just looking at a new life.

[~Katja~]

so you are really just venting and not looking for opinions and advice.

Well, maybe you will run into the next when you least expect it.
Good luck!

[DarkHippie]

so you are really just venting and not looking for opinions and advice.


Considering that the only time he posts here is whenever he breaks up with a girl, you are probably right.

[donnie_darko]

you strike me as a big dashboard confessional fan.

[Freitag]

Considering that the only time he posts here is whenever he breaks up with a girl, you are probably right.

At least he's not as dramatic as Jerry. So he's got that going for him.

[~Katja~]

well, it could be just that he is still in the stage of denial... where no matter what advise someone offers it seems that you already know the answer and will deal with it your way, yet you still want to hear opinions in hope that they would fully agree with you (which they most often just won't!)
no biggie, give it time and you will come to realize and find truths that you knew all along

[DarkHippie]

At least he's not as dramatic as Jerry. So he's got that going for him.

QFT!!!

In all seriousness, CYYFYY, you are a nice guy, and I sincerely like you. But at some point you gotta man up. You keep finding these girls that are batshit insane, and while all girls are insane, not all of them are batshit. Then they break you heart. Taking a Farve retirement might be a good idea. Take care of yourself for a little bit. If you find someone, good, if not, that's what hookers are for :)

[Freitag]

And Hippie, in fairness to Cyyfyy, he does post in the wrestling forums on occassion, but it's usually to say someone sucks.

[Doogie]

I thought this was the forum where we dont bust on peoples balls??

[DarkHippie]

And Hippie, in fairness to Cyyfyy, he does post in the wrestling forums on occassion, but it's usually to say someone sucks.

well, in more fairness to cyyfyy, everyone in wrestling right now does suck

[jonyrotn]

Bro, be for fuckin real..What are you gonna do jerk off for the rest of your life..Come on man, it just makes no sense..Let's be rational

Listen to this bro..I'm almost 37 years old, I've been through more silly and serious relationships then I really even care to remember..
As far as break ups go, I've been the victim and I've been the perpetrator..I've had my heart crushed and I've ruined some women for life but no matter what, break ups always hurt someone..My heart is well schooled, so to speak..

The important thing for you to realize in this situation is, everyone mourns every loss differently..You may just need more time to get over this chick then you did for the last chick..It's all part of growing up and the quest to find the perfect partner..
Dude I'm still searching and I'm still hoping that the next one is gonna be the right one..

Another really imporant thing too remind youself of is, it has to be right for BOTH people..Just because I, you or anyone else thinks she's everything we're looking for and she's the perfect fit, we may not be exactly what she wants at that moment in time..So don't be down on yourself, good or bad, it's an issue SHE needs to deal with..

Just bare in mind that you are not the only fantastic guy who hasn't found the perfect women, there are quite a few of us that are still trying to land an awesome female and I'm not even odd just a little too picky..


I say, keep fuckin' and eventually that numbness will subside..The future Mrs.CYYYFYY is out there somewhere but you're not gonna find her sitting at home playing dungeons and dragons with the lonely hearts club..Go out and hook up as much as you need to for healing purposes..Don't disrespect any women but if you put yourself into the right situations good things will happen for you more often..

Good luck faggot..I sincerely hope you stay in the game, you can take a knee for a second but stay in the game..You'll never hit a grand slam if you don't come up to bat..:thumbup:

[K.C.]

But at some point you gotta man up.

The one thing I'll say about this situation, that's a little bit different than Jerry's, is that he's not really talking a lot about self-loathing.

CY was just wrecked by a chick, and is feeling it right now.

So I totally get him wanting to just kind of detach himself from things for a while. It's my experience that you have to make peace with everything, before you move on, or else there's a LOT that can and will go wrong if you move right on and haven't settle those feelings.


Not saying that you were implying that, DH, because you weren't, but the 'man up' advice comes out a lot in relationship threads, so this was as good a time as any to kind address it.

In the end, it is true, you either have to man up or give up, but I think it's totally appropriate for someone to step out and try and work everything out in their head.

[ahhdurr]

Now's your chance to become a master debator. hehe

One of the wisest things I've heard is that we emphasize rushing the "process" whatever it is. We rush things ... So we rush the greiving too. Especially considering how frightened we are of sadness.

Take your time but get back on the horse a little before you're ready. M'kay?

I'm off to do something manly now - get a little balance.

[CYYYFYYY]

Yep i do post in the wrestling section every so often, and I also comment on the life section on occasion as well. I also posted about my comedy which I was very happy about.... WILL BE PERFORMING AT THE APPOLLO ON SEPT 24TH.... Will post about that in the future. The thing is though... I broke up with this girl a month and a half ago. In all honesty I thought there was a chance that we would get back together but we basically said our good-byes. Some of the opinions here has really made me think and it is appreciated. Some not so much..... I think I have given up on women...... Saying I always pick insane women..... Egh things happen... I don;t go looking for insane... I think everyone has issues. Well, Thanks for all of you guys who have supported me. I do read the Ron and Fez reg, just don;t post as much but as you can see I have alot of responses from my post count.... Cna;t all be from break ups... But I do have a few about break ups. In any case. Today was a good day for me. I went to my friends, hung out with his kids. I was actually pretty damn happy for the first time in a bit. Still think my dating days are over.......But who knows.......Look forward to bitchng about my next break up.

P.S I still like wrastling

[LaBoob]

"Retiring" means you're giving up and just aren't going to make any effort at all, which I think is a lie, because if someone cute comes along and is interested in you I bet you'd allow yourself to get swept up into it in a heartbeat.

"Retiring" seems a little passive aggressive to me, like it's an excuse for striking out or an excuse to push people away before you have a chance to get hurt.

If relationships/relationship troubles are taking over your life, I do support your idea of taking a break from it, but maybe you should give yourself a time by which you would like to get back out there. Say you take a break for a year to focus on yourself, your friends, and your family, to get your shit together, you'll probably spend the first 1/2 of that year not wanting anything to do with girls, then the other 1/2 starting to keep your eye out for opportunities. It's okay to not last a year either. Don't shut out opportunities that might be either a lasting relationship or just a learning experience. And don't give your heart out too quickly or yes, it will get broken.

In all, don't take your break too seriously, and don't announce it to people because now you're committing to it, and will feel like an ass when you meet someone and fall in love with them, and that should be nothing but a pleasant experience.

[CYYYFYYY]

I have been thinking and I think you are 100 percent right about me announcing I am "Retired" was a mistake. If I stay "retired" all is good but I don’t want it to be a situation that I sayI told you so I told you I would never date again. Or even worse I stay "Retired" Just so I can be right rather than my real reason of just tired of it all and just do not want to be hurt again. I did state earlier (And who would read all of this) that if someone approached me we had a great convo and all I would not walk away. I guess making this post made me realize saying I was retired was a mistake. I guess I should just say I am taking a long break and if that break ended up being forever then let it be. Saying retired says I am trying to control life and we all know that just does not happen, you know the saying... you plan... G-d Laughs...... I guess that is why I post here sometimes..... Just to say it aloud.... see if it makes sense... cheaper than a shrink and you get alot of feedback... some which is actually GOOD!!

[LaBoob]

I have been thinking and I think you are 100 percent right about me announcing I am "Retired" was a mistake. If I stay "retired" all is good but I don’t want it to be a situation that I sayI told you so I told you I would never date again. Or even worse I stay "Retired" Just so I can be right rather than my real reason of just tired of it all and just do not want to be hurt again. I did state earlier (And who would read all of this) that if someone approached me we had a great convo and all I would not walk away. I guess making this post made me realize saying I was retired was a mistake. I guess I should just say I am taking a long break and if that break ended up being forever then let it be. Saying retired says I am trying to control life and we all know that just does not happen, you know the saying... you plan... G-d Laughs...... I guess that is why I post here sometimes..... Just to say it aloud.... see if it makes sense... cheaper than a shrink and you get alot of feedback... some which is actually GOOD!!

That makes a lot of sense. I don't LIKE talking about my problems, but I do because that's how I process things. I run things past as many people as possible but ultimately come to my own conclusion.

It's too easy to just give up, or even to make yourself believe you're giving up. You know in your heart you want to be in a relationship with a great girl, so why set up boundaries to discourage that from happening?

I took a year off from dating because I was struggling with ... well, just about everything. I do feel a lot wiser, relaxed, and put together mentally now. Not that those problems just disappeared, but not having any distractions helped me work through them instead of ignoring them, which is what I had been doing. Take some time and get your shit together... if you take the time to get yourself into a happier and more confident place, believe me, the ladies will notice.