Finally Quit

[ahhdurr]

After much interpersonal bullshit, I've quit.

We did a show last Saturday and I almost had a tantrum on stage... which is the way I quit last time. This time, I calmed down and confronted them at the end of the show about a few things and got "what are you talking about?" Like I'm the one who's crazy here I guess? Fuck that. Very disappointing. I'd have been more than satisfied with "yeah, we just can't stand you anymore... so were fucking with you." They really took it to the next level. I'd be working the room a little and get cut off by drums or guitar. Topics would be brought up that they knew would piss me off - with almost a pause and a pan to my face for reaction. Just bullshit. Very disappointing. Did I mention that? So I called the guitarist and cancelled my participation in the last show.

"I'm really hurt that you would bring it to this and take it this way .." Bullshit. He got together with the drummer and took his line. The whole passive aggressive scenario with those guys.

The politics at work are status quo - bullshit but they're getting a little better.
The politics of my dojo are going from bad to worse. I used to get a lot of solace there but I've been so angry, tired and miserable lately that my instructor there pretty much just tolerates me. I guess the expression is wearing your heart on your sleeve? I've been doing that a lot lately and I can't hide disgust with people.. the problem is, it's not to my advantage to be like this in many situations. The worst part is - on a rational level, I know when I'm justified in my anger and when I'm not ... but even when I know I'm not, I have a hard time regining it in.

I don't feel good lately. Just mentally, physically. I feel like I'm doing the things that I need to do for myself for the most part but prior to the baby, I'd have a day off and spend 2 hours in the gym. Yoga, strength training, cardio, swimming... Now, I stretch a little and do my martial arts but that's about it. I'm constantly doing something... bing! bing! bing! all over the place.

I feel like quitting everything and just making trips out of the house for work. This started as a rant against the band but it snowballing.

On a lighter note - my relationship with my wife has never been better. Every day I realize she's the best thing in my life. The boy's healthy. I just ran wire and installed my first 20 amp circuit and hooked up the new dishwasher. And I just got registered for my first college - level engineering course. Maybe I'll wind up with a degree that's worth something. Also on a lighter note, I've been through a lot worse... and it doesn't feel like it's all going to come crashing down but it's not optimal either.

Well - there's a little peek into my life.

[RAAMONE]

your sig pic is hilarious

[LaBoob]

I don't know if that's "wearing your heart on your sleeve"... you gotta reel it in a little bit! Pick and choose your battles... your band sounded like a situation that you didn't want to be in anymore, so power to you for standing up for yourself. I hope you don't regret quitting.

Just make sure you are communicating with people whether you are in a bad mood, stressed, or not appreciating the way they're treating you... don't just blow up or blow people off. It might be just a rough patch for you, but you don't want to be burning bridges left and right, which is what it kind of sounds like you're doing.

[drjoek]

your sig pic is hilarious

I think his Avatar is even better
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/3/3a/Harvard_Wreath_Logo_1.svg/200px-Harvard_Wreath_Logo_1.svg.png
My guess of its inspiration

[Furtherman]

What was your band all about? Name, music?

Just so I don't accidentally pay a cover charge for the

[ahhdurr]

Thanks LaBoob - I really am on the verge of just laying waste to my entire non-essential life. You got that right. When I get like this, I'll circle the wagons and just lay down a hail storm of cover fire. The band, though, that's been brewing for - I'd say 10 years... :happy: so, we just took a little action there. I guess the worst part is I became pretty close with the guitarist, but it seems he's chosen his side here... but I'm not destroyed by it. I had some childhood friends that it went sour with about 8 years ago- that was pretty devastating, this is nothing.

You guys are funny - that's the message board equivalent of "ok pal? hey, nice ride - that's fuel injected right?"
My avatar inspiration is actually from the family shield.
<br>
<img src = "http://www.geocities.com/paperbag3/shaw.gif">
<br>

Furtherman - there's little chance you'd run into this dumb band. If you did - no cover and in fact, we'll play your bar again if you insult us, if you under pay us, if you ... on and on and on :wallbash: Part of my gripe was that there was a total lack of creativity and effort in talking with people who seemed interested and marketing the band. We couldn't even keep business cards handy. And anytime I got inspired and really started doing extra, there was no recognition for it - no increase in consent to my creative input etc... it was like working your ass off for that family business that's not your family and will never kick you a little compensation for the work. In fact the feeling was "this is my project and I'll run it into the ground if I want and you can either accept that or beat it."

In the end it seems it was total fear of recognition and success and it was maddening.