To what extent do you "Have a friends back"?

[Slumbag]

I have this friend.
He did a lot for me when I was in high school. Like, I had nowhere to really stay when I was 17, and he let me crash at his place for a few months.
Anyways, we drifted apart as people tend to do, but we still hang out occasionally. The dude is kinda gun crazy now. Personally, not a big fan of guns. One, sure. But 7 seems over the top to me. We were at this bar up at Ball State, and he bumps into this chick, and spills some beer on her. She says "Excuse Me" (she said it kind of rudely, but it seemed like an ok response to getting beer on you). He yells "MOVE YOU FUCKING SKANK", and this chicks boyfriend comes up and starts yelling at my friend. My friend is 6'5", and the dude is equally tall. The guys yelling at my friend, and my friend is calling him a faggot, and his girlfreind a whore and stuff. So, in runs 5'8" me to break up a fight between these monsters. I'm doing the "Hey, chill out, he's wasted" thing, and the dude starts yelling at me to control my friend. He continues to yell, and I noticed my buddy walked off, and left this dude yelling at me.
Now. Had I let him get the shit kicked out of him (which he almost undoubtebly would have), it would look like I didn't have his back. That's not the first time a situation like that has happened. I wouldn't mind a fight if someone came up to him, just being a dick and running his mouth. But this dude is ALWAYS the instigator. He's kind of the guy in the group who you have to look after when you're out. He thinks he's a tough guy, but really isn't . He's just playing the role, and it's earned him a black eye or two.

So, if it was one of your buddies, would you have his back no matter what, even if he was the one being a total jackass?

[Phil_Nubbs]

Nope.

[joethebartender]

I stopped hanging out with people that are always the "liability" a long time ago. If you want someone you have to look out for all of the time, have kids. This guy needs to grow up or get to a meeting. Let him know that. That would be having his back. He shouldn't be your problem (or the bar's) everytime you guys want to go out for a good time.

[cougarjake13]

let him get his ass kicked once and let him learn a lesson


plus he wasnt near you when the incident happened so you can play off that you didnt see it going down to help out

[LaBoob]

Hell no! If any of my friends acted like that on more than one occasion, girl or guy, they wouldn't be my friend anymore... I just can't stand to be around an ass. I take this not as an offense only to the girl and the guy he was starting shit with, but to you also.
I also feel like there's a possibility he could've walked out to his car to go get a gun.

Sometimes it's okay to just let friends go... if you really don't want to lose a friend then you should make it clear: if he's going to be an ass then you won't be hanging around him... and if he acts like that again you're done. A true friend will put their foot down with the situation requires it.

[BinaryBimbo]

I have this friend.
He did a lot for me when I was in high school. Like, I had nowhere to really stay when I was 17, and he let me crash at his place for a few months.
Anyways, we drifted apart as people tend to do, but we still hang out occasionally. The dude is kinda gun crazy now. Personally, not a big fan of guns. One, sure. But 7 seems over the top to me. We were at this bar up at Ball State, and he bumps into this chick, and spills some beer on her. She says "Excuse Me" (she said it kind of rudely, but it seemed like an ok response to getting beer on you). He yells "MOVE YOU FUCKING SKANK", and this chicks boyfriend comes up and starts yelling at my friend. My friend is 6'5", and the dude is equally tall. The guys yelling at my friend, and my friend is calling him a faggot, and his girlfreind a whore and stuff. So, in runs 5'8" me to break up a fight between these monsters. I'm doing the "Hey, chill out, he's wasted" thing, and the dude starts yelling at me to control my friend. He continues to yell, and I noticed my buddy walked off, and left this dude yelling at me.
Now. Had I let him get the shit kicked out of him (which he almost undoubtebly would have), it would look like I didn't have his back. That's not the first time a situation like that has happened. I wouldn't mind a fight if someone came up to him, just being a dick and running his mouth. But this dude is ALWAYS the instigator. He's kind of the guy in the group who you have to look after when you're out. He thinks he's a tough guy, but really isn't . He's just playing the role, and it's earned him a black eye or two.

So, if it was one of your buddies, would you have his back no matter what, even if he was the one being a total jackass?

You only have yourself to blame. Don't socialize with him in public, (if at all), and the problem is solved.

He isn't going to change, and I just forget people like that before I end up regretting the 'friendship'.

I had a good friend like that when I was younger, and when we started hitting bars together he was that guy too. After three times of his starting some shit I let him get his ass kicked and told him I don't go out to babysit my drunk buddies who can't handle partying around strangers. He got himself shot in the face a few years later by starting some shit with a friend he claimed stole his 8-track player. Friend didn't steal it; but Bill paid with his life for his hot headed stupidity. Even the Judge got it; only gave the shooter 5 years for second degree murder.

[King Hippos Bandaid]

for my top friends

no felonies


for regular friends, no misdemeanors or felonies

[JerseySean]

I have this friend.
He did a lot for me when I was in high school. Like, I had nowhere to really stay when I was 17, and he let me crash at his place for a few months.
Anyways, we drifted apart as people tend to do, but we still hang out occasionally. The dude is kinda gun crazy now. Personally, not a big fan of guns. One, sure. But 7 seems over the top to me. We were at this bar up at Ball State, and he bumps into this chick, and spills some beer on her. She says "Excuse Me" (she said it kind of rudely, but it seemed like an ok response to getting beer on you). He yells "MOVE YOU FUCKING SKANK", and this chicks boyfriend comes up and starts yelling at my friend. My friend is 6'5", and the dude is equally tall. The guys yelling at my friend, and my friend is calling him a faggot, and his girlfreind a whore and stuff. So, in runs 5'8" me to break up a fight between these monsters. I'm doing the "Hey, chill out, he's wasted" thing, and the dude starts yelling at me to control my friend. He continues to yell, and I noticed my buddy walked off, and left this dude yelling at me.
Now. Had I let him get the shit kicked out of him (which he almost undoubtebly would have), it would look like I didn't have his back. That's not the first time a situation like that has happened. I wouldn't mind a fight if someone came up to him, just being a dick and running his mouth. But this dude is ALWAYS the instigator. He's kind of the guy in the group who you have to look after when you're out. He thinks he's a tough guy, but really isn't . He's just playing the role, and it's earned him a black eye or two.

So, if it was one of your buddies, would you have his back no matter what, even if he was the one being a total jackass?

First of all I would stop hanging with him in public. Second, if you go to the bar with this guy and he starts something you need to have his back, no two ways about it.

[epo]

In the situation I always defend my friends and attempt to clean up the mess. However a string of messes would cause me to slowly remove my association with that particular person.

[Drunky McBetidont]

I have this friend.
He did a lot for me when I was in high school. Like, I had nowhere to really stay when I was 17, and he let me crash at his place for a few months.
Anyways, we drifted apart as people tend to do, but we still hang out occasionally. The dude is kinda gun crazy now. Personally, not a big fan of guns. One, sure. But 7 seems over the top to me. We were at this bar up at Ball State, and he bumps into this chick, and spills some beer on her. She says "Excuse Me" (she said it kind of rudely, but it seemed like an ok response to getting beer on you). He yells "MOVE YOU FUCKING SKANK", and this chicks boyfriend comes up and starts yelling at my friend. My friend is 6'5", and the dude is equally tall. The guys yelling at my friend, and my friend is calling him a faggot, and his girlfreind a whore and stuff. So, in runs 5'8" me to break up a fight between these monsters. I'm doing the "Hey, chill out, he's wasted" thing, and the dude starts yelling at me to control my friend. He continues to yell, and I noticed my buddy walked off, and left this dude yelling at me.
Now. Had I let him get the shit kicked out of him (which he almost undoubtebly would have), it would look like I didn't have his back. That's not the first time a situation like that has happened. I wouldn't mind a fight if someone came up to him, just being a dick and running his mouth. But this dude is ALWAYS the instigator. He's kind of the guy in the group who you have to look after when you're out. He thinks he's a tough guy, but really isn't . He's just playing the role, and it's earned him a black eye or two.

So, if it was one of your buddies, would you have his back no matter what, even if he was the one being a total jackass?

you did the right thing, i also would have anthony cumia's back, because he is rich. $$$

[JerseyRich]

you did the right thing, i also would have anthony cumia's back, because he is rich. $$$

Multiply that number by 10 and you will be close.

[DarkHippie]

In this situation you did the right thing by breaking it up. If you're gonna hang out with him, and you know the kinda guy he is, you have to be prepared to do this alot.

One of my best friends is an instigator in a similar way (he is a wiseass, and pisses people off) , and i always have his back, cause he is rather small, and i am rather large. I would never let anything happen to him.

[Disaster]

You have to do what you think is best. I grew up with someone and when he went to college he became very close to a guy like that. Everywhere we went with this guy we would get into a fight because we had his back. It got old as we grew up and as he kept finding a fight and when we didn’t have the large group and couldn’t win every fight we got into. He left us about the same time I cracked open my skull and had to hang up the gloves anyway. Its up to you there are ways to tell your friend you wont get into anymore bar fights tell him when your both sober. Give him the heads up next time he starts he’s on his own and see what happens it comes to a point when bar fights aren’t worth it.

[ChimneyFish]

If one of my friends was about to get into some shit because of his own stupidity(calling a girl he doesn't know a skank, being racist, acting like he's a "tuff guy"), guess what????

My friends going to get his fucking teeth knocked out for himself.

And he only has himself to blame.

I don't plat these childish games when I go out, and I'm certainly not going to jail for someone else's stupidity.

[lleeder]

I think some people are jumping to conclusions. Did this girl look like a skank? If so your friend was justified in his assessment, damn those bumping into a motherfucker skanks.

[MacVittie]

I have some friends that were definitely like that in their late teens and early 20's. After a while they mellowed out and figured out how to act right drinking in a bar with other adults as opposed to a backyard kegger with some teenagers. If this guy is any older than 22 and acting like this in public, you have no obligation to defend him.

[Farmer Dave]

You did the right thing, and then he left you hangin? That would be my last time. He doesn't have your back in return so fuck him.

[grlNIN]

I stopped hanging out with people that are always the "liability" a long time ago. If you want someone you have to look out for all of the time, have kids. This guy needs to grow up or get to a meeting. Let him know that. That would be having his back. He shouldn't be your problem (or the bar's) everytime you guys want to go out for a good time.

Same here.

A year or so ago i started reconnecting with my friends from high school to see if a relationship could be rekindled. I was soon to realize just how much i didn't want that to happen because as cliche as it sounds, some people just never leave that high school mentality behind them.

So in short, those kinds of people usually have a cloud of drama hovering above them, which makes them questionable and unreliable amongst other things.

As an adult there should be no reason to have to "have someone's back" i understand that the phrase invokes a certain amount of loyalty but be real. I can count on my hand how many people would defend me if i needed it but i am also not the type of person to put my friends in a situation where someone else may have to have their backs as well.