Never Talking To Someone Again

[Doctor Z]

I'm gonna attempt to get right down to brass tacks here... Several months ago, my girlfriend cheated on me and spent 2 months lying through her teeth to me about it. The way I found out was by various means, none of which included her actually telling me. To this day, she never actually confronted me or apologized to me for what she did. She's still dating the guy she left me for.
That being said, I decided somewhere along the way, after picking up my pride and gluing the pieces back together, that I would never speak another word to this bitch again. She handled the situation like a 15-year old, and though it took me a long time to realize it, I should've never been with this girl in the first place. She's spoiled, emotionally unstable, has daddy issues, and conducts herself in relationships in a way that is only excusable if you're in high school. In retrospect, I'm almost embarrassed for ever having thought she was a decent person.
But, like I said... I decided that anyone with an ounce of dignity (and I happen to have exactly one ounce remaining), would never speak to this person again. Why should I? I'll take my pride and walk away. No use looking back.

But in recent weeks, she has been attempting to contact me (via AIM of course, because she never had the guts to pick up a phone)... First couple of times to say "Hi" or "hope all is well with you"... I never replied to any of them. Again, why should I? This person lied to me and handled everything in a horribly undignified manner. I figure if I don't answer, she'll get the idea and go away forever.
But now I'm getting messages like "Are you gonna ignore me forever?" To which I am tempted to reply "Yes"... but then I'd be breaking my own promise to myself.

I'm sure some of you have been in this position before, so I could use some wisdom...
Do I give this sub-human piece of shit the time of day? Or do I stick to my word and never talk to her again?

[Chigworthy]

Not meant as an insult or anything, but vowing to never speak to someone ever again is kind of 15-year-oldish. Just don't talk to her if she bugs you.

[BlackSpider]

forget all about her.
no need to talk to her...

[Gmann]

Youre better off without her man.
The fact that shes trying to contact you probably means she feels guilty about what she did and its eating away at her. Let it rot away at her insides and you go out and live your life and enjoy it.

[IamPixie]

stick to your guns and ignore her.

[Coco Puckett]

See, I'm going a whole different direction on this than most. Personally it looks as though it still REALLY has you pissed off and talking to her may be more beneficial to you, not her. Chig did mention you sounded a little childish in ur own way with your rundown on the situation, but if you really are a better person, you have nothing to hide or protect by discussing this. I truly feel it could give you some closure, but realize that getting back with this girl should not be an option ever again.

My advice is that a respone isn't a betrayal of your vow, but more a chance at closure. Just realize that losing control in this setting will give her some ability to put this back on you in the end, so keep it at all times. Be civil and let her know just how bush league her moves were, and that it truly reflects her character. In the end "Hawk" :wink:, be glad it happened now, as opposed to later. We all grow from our past relationships (if we have good perspective), but not if we dwell on them and pine. It's over, why not put it behind you and move on? Just my two pennies worth.

Good luck buddy. (stop stealing wings!)

[FUNKMAN]

if you got nothing better going on then why not talk to her. and if you guys decide to see each other just don't take things so seriously with her. have a good time, enjoy each other, but leave your options open...

[Jughead]

I have been married 33 years...I cheated at 7 years we re married and are together now..anything is possible..good luck Buddy......

[Doctor Z]

I appreciate all the responses and all the advice, but I just wanna clarify something cuz I think some people may be getting the wrong idea... This is not about "getting back together" with this girl. Not an option. I have zero interest in ever doing that. Nor does she, as far as I can tell.
I'm simply asking if I should sit back and ignore her till she goes away forever, or if I should dignify her with a response.

[epo]

Doctor Z, I can honestly tell you that nobody can truly tell you what to do. I'll give you an abridged version of what happened to me in this situation.

Boy meets girl. Boy and girl are cool for 2 years, then girl shockingly leaves. Boy stunned, but over time figures out what happened as another boy stuck his nose in my business and drove a wedge inbetween us.

My heart was absolutely broken and I didn't speak to her for quite awhile after the initial mess. Yes, she and I spoke again, but it was after time and it was certainly bittersweet. But it was something that I probably needed at the time for some form of closure and she honestly was grateful that we could speak again.

Did I take her back? No way. Could I look at her the same way? Not a chance. Do we speak regularly today? Not at all. But somewhere in my heart I still cared and needed to do a little mending in my heart at the time.

[Coco Puckett]

I appreciate all the responses and all the advice, but I just wanna clarify something cuz I think some people may be getting the wrong idea... This is not about "getting back together" with this girl. Not an option. I have zero interest in ever doing that. Nor does she, as far as I can tell.
I'm simply asking if I should sit back and ignore her till she goes away forever, or if I should dignify her with a response.

And I stick by my prior response. I truly think it will do you some good as well.

[Coco Puckett]

Doctor Z, I can honestly tell you that nobody can truly tell you what to do. I'll get you an abridged version of what happened to me in this situation.

Boy meets girl. Boy and girl are cool for 2 years, then girl shockingly leaves. Boy stunned, but over time figures out what happened as another boy stuck his nose in my business and drove a wedge inbetween us.

My heart was absolutely broken and I didn't speak to her for quite awhile after the initial mess. Yes, she and I spoke again, but it was after time and it was certainly bittersweet. But it was something that I probably needed at the time for some form of closure and she honestly was grateful that we could speak again.

Did I take her back? No way. Could I look at her the same way? Not a chance. Do we speak regularly today? Not at all. But somewhere in my heart I still cared and needed to do a little mending in my heart at the time.

Exactly what I feel may be in play here. Yet as Epo stated, only you know what should be done in the end by weighing all our advice. Many here say to simply ignore her forever, but to me that's being just as childish and doesn't do Dr. Z justice in getting the closure he deserves.

[Doctor Z]

I definitely see what you're trying to say, Epo and Sp-- *ahem* Coco, and I can tell that there's clearly a lot of legitimate experience in your words. But there's really no part of me that feels a need for closure. I've grown stronger from this experience, and gotten whatever I can out of it. At this point, I feel like talking to her could only have one of two outcomes: 1) She continues acting like an oblivious dumbass, and tries to lay it all on me, or 2) She gets the closure SHE wants, but doesn't deserve.

[Towelie]

I'm an outta sight, outta mind type of person.

I burn bridges. Is it the best thing to do? Probably not. But its worked for me.

Are there times I wish I could still contact people? Sure, but I'm better off knowing that I can say that I didn't back down on my original principals.

[KC2OSO]

Pride. It's the killer of us all. Set her free to make someone else miserable.
Set yourself free man. Let her go.

[epo]

I definitely see what you're trying to say, Epo and Sp-- *ahem* Coco, and I can tell that there's clearly a lot of legitimate experience in your words. But there's really no part of me that feels a need for closure. I've grown stronger from this experience, and gotten whatever I can out of it. At this point, I feel like talking to her could only have one of two outcomes: 1) She continues acting like an oblivious dumbass, and tries to lay it all on me, or 2) She gets the closure SHE wants, but doesn't deserve.

Doctor Z- You've got to do what is right for you in this situation, nobody can tell you something to the contrary. The only true advice I can give you is to keep an open mind to the idea of some closure when the time is right.

I can say that it made a world of difference for me.

[spoon]

I definitely see what you're trying to say, Epo and Sp-- *ahem* Coco, and I can tell that there's clearly a lot of legitimate experience in your words. But there's really no part of me that feels a need for closure. I've grown stronger from this experience, and gotten whatever I can out of it. At this point, I feel like talking to her could only have one of two outcomes: 1) She continues acting like an oblivious dumbass, and tries to lay it all on me, or 2) She gets the closure SHE wants, but doesn't deserve.

If that is truly the case, then you already know what needs to be done. However, the simple fact that you asked us here what our thoughts were shows me there is more to this. Just by your words I feel you'd get something out of having one last discussion with her.

Whatever you do, at least you seem to have learned something from it. Use this and find someone new who blows this chick out of the water. Might I suggest Justice4all? I hear he has a vagina.

[Doctor Z]

If that is truly the case, then you already know what needs to be done. However, the simple fact that you asked us here what our thoughts were shows me there is more to this. Just by your words I feel you'd get something out of having one last discussion with her.

Whatever you do, at least you seem to have learned something from it. Use this and find someone new who blows this chick out of the water. Might I suggest Justice4all? I hear he has a vagina.

I've seen it, and it looks like the sarlacc pit from Return of the Jedi.

[ahhdurr]

Don't talk to her - but you don't need to strain in order to do it.

Push yourself into a more positive direction that precludes talking to her - or wanting to talk to her. Bluntly - find a new girl or date around or whatever. Take it as a challenge to do something new... I've found that even the company of a new woman eases the pain so to speak and before you know it you get that feeling when she calls. (just the first :07)

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[spoon]

I've seen it, and it looks like the sarlacc pit from Return of the Jedi.

Are u sure? That just might have been Mikeyboy's ass! JustJon told me all about it.

[CofyCrakCocaine]

"Have a good life" would work fine for me in this situation. 'Course, that's just me.

[Death Metal Moe]

Why should you be expected to talk to someone who has wronged you and hurt you? Never speak to her again, period.

The only reason I would talk to her is to tell her what a piece of shit she is and then say "And that is why I'm never speaking to you again" but if you don't even want to do that, just cut her off completely like you have been doing.

There's no reason you should have to talk to her again.

[Tall_James]

Let me try an analogy.

If you go the refridgerator and take a carton of milk out and find out that its spoiled. Do you put it back in and hope that in a few weeks it won't still be spoiled?

Don't answer her. She hasn't changed.

[yojimbo7248]

I definitely see what you're trying to say, Epo and Sp-- *ahem* Coco, and I can tell that there's clearly a lot of legitimate experience in your words. But there's really no part of me that feels a need for closure. I've grown stronger from this experience, and gotten whatever I can out of it. At this point, I feel like talking to her could only have one of two outcomes: 1) She continues acting like an oblivious dumbass, and tries to lay it all on me, or 2) She gets the closure SHE wants, but doesn't deserve.

It's great you have no need for closure. She will lay the failure of your relationship on you no matter what. No one I have ever met, including me, is rational about a break-up. It is useless to state your case and hope that she will suddenly say, "wait, now I completely see what an immature bitch I have been. I am so sorry." On the other hand, it seems like you are still pretty angry. it's fine, in my opinion, to still be mad at her but deliberately not giving her closure seems like you are letting her get to you. If you were really over her, you could just calmly and quickly tell her that you have no interest in talking to her again but not because you are seething with rage but because she bores you. The deliberate silence says that you are still stuck on her.

[MacVittie]

I'd say give it some more time and then eventually it might be worth talking to her. At that point, if she hasn't changed or starts giving you any type of shit, then never talk to her again.

[Farmer Dave]

New guy here, but if I may. How about a "Look we both know you're a worthless human, now quit wasting my time and go away" The End

[Death Metal Moe]

New guy here, but if I may. How about a "Look we both know you're a worthless human, now quit wasting my time and go away" The End

If you're looking to hurt her back, I like this one. If not, your current approach of never speaking to her is fine.

[ahhdurr]

Let me try an analogy.

If you go the refridgerator and take a carton of milk out and find out that its spoiled. Do you put it back in and hope that in a few weeks it won't still be spoiled?

Don't answer her. She hasn't changed.

You should be called Tall_Jesus... that's just like a mustard seed analogy.

Put it in the book!

[hurlmon]

To this day, she never actually confronted me or apologized to me for what she did.?

She couldn't talk to you about this why should you talk to her? Why talk to her so she feels better? Move on and let her fester in her guilty feelings.

[Tall_James]

You should be called Tall_Jesus

Thanks. Gotta go - I'm in the middle of trying to turn water into wine for a party I'm having later.

[KatPw]

I'm sure some of you have been in this position before, so I could use some wisdom...
Do I give this sub-human piece of shit the time of day? Or do I stick to my word and never talk to her again?

Don't give her the satisfaction of a reply. All remaining in contact with an ex does is prevent you from moving on. Which is most likely why she is contacting you, you may be her "backup plan" if she can't find someone else. Trust me, I have been there. Can you block her from contacting you on AIM? If so, block her.

[FUNKMAN]

as you grow older you'll realize life's too short... talk to her, what have you got to lose just don't make it the be-all/end-all

i said nuff

[A.J.]

As someone who holds grudges, especially against those who have hurt me, I say bravo to you Sir. Tell her: "You're dead to me. Fuck off."

[Tall_James]

As someone who holds grudges, especially against those who have hurt me, I say bravo to you Sir. Tell her: "You're dead to me. Fuck off."

You have what I refer to as "Irish Alzheimers". That's when you forget everything except for a grudge.

[tele7]

Ignore her. She's only trying to feed her ego own by contacting you. The fact you are not replying is probably bugging the shit out of her more than you know. Been there....Move on and best of luck.

[sailor]

now wanting to talk to her sounds great, but her texting you over and over isn't going to do you any good. i think a quick note saying you're not interested in talking to her might do you a world of good.

[Tenbatsuzen]

Hook up, take pictures of her, post to internet, tell her to hit the bricks.

Other than that, just block her on AIM. Betrayal is the one sin that is unrecoverable from in my book.

[Tall_James]

Burn the bridge...piss on the ashes.

[Melrapuo]

Boy meets girl. Boy and girl are cool for 2 years, then girl shockingly leaves. Boy stunned, but over time figures out what happened as another boy stuck his nose in my business and drove a wedge inbetween us.

My heart was absolutely broken and I didn't speak to her for quite awhile after the initial mess. Yes, she and I spoke again, but it was after time and it was certainly bittersweet. But it was something that I probably needed at the time for some form of closure and she honestly was grateful that we could speak again.

This is exactly what happened to me a few months ago. She left me for the guy that stuck his nose into my business, then dumped him a month and a half later while leading me on the whole time. When I asked if she wanted to try and fix things, she said she wanted to date other people. That's when I had it. A couple weeks ago, after receiving random (and kinda sarcastic) IMs from my ex about me not talking to her anymore, I sent her a straightforward email laying out how I felt, how she made me feel, and telling her we couldn't be friends. In a sense, I told her goodbye and good luck. Yea, she treated me like shit in the end. I'm not gonna treat her like shit back. As I've read before, the opposite of love isn't hate. Its indifference. I know I still care for her, and probably still love her. But I'm separating my heart from my head, because my heart will only make me hurt more. I've GOTTA find someone else, and if I have to I will.

Took her off my myspace friends, facebook. Blocked her AIM. Deleted my myspace altogether. Phone number is gone, almost all memories of hers thrown out. The one person I trusted the most in the world became the most distant person in my life.

Don't talk to her. Don't respond. Her guilt is eating away at her. She hasn't suffered yet, but now she is. She's probably realizing what she's really done, what she really lost. If you have your closure already, than good. She has to find her own closure. Maybe in the future your thoughts on things will change, and you'll be past everything that she's done. For now, you aren't ready. If you were, you wouldn't be asking us for advice on it. Prevent her from talking to you in any way possible. Its up to you if and when you wanna talk to her again.

[Gmann]

You have what I refer to as "Irish Alzheimers". That's when you forget everything except for a grudge.

Ive always loved that saying for some reason.

[Doctor Z]

Hook up, take pictures of her, post to internet, tell her to hit the bricks.

Other than that, just block her on AIM. Betrayal is the one sin that is unrecoverable from in my book.

Those pictures already exist, but despite how much I would love to, I'm not taking the low road.

[MisterSmith]

I appreciate all the responses and all the advice, but I just wanna clarify something cuz I think some people may be getting the wrong idea... This is not about "getting back together" with this girl. Not an option. I have zero interest in ever doing that. Nor does she, as far as I can tell.
I'm simply asking if I should sit back and ignore her till she goes away forever, or if I should dignify her with a response.

I haven't read the last part of page 1 and nothing on page 2, so forgive me if somebody has said something similar.

IMO, sending a short message via AIM doesn't really count as "talking to her" and can possibly keep her from coming back.

I'm not saying you make an effort to contact her, but if she IM's you again it's time to set her straight. Something like "I appreciate what we once had, but I have no interest in communicating with you any longer; have a good life, but please leave me alone." It's short, sweet, to the point, and classy.

After that you can completely ignore any continued attempts at contact.

[MisterSmith]

Let me try an analogy.

If you go the refridgerator and take a carton of milk out and find out that its spoiled. Do you put it back in and hope that in a few weeks it won't still be spoiled?

Don't answer her. She hasn't changed.

I like this analogy, but there is another viewpoint. IRL, I would put the milk back in the fridge, but not hoping it would somehow return to good milk; I don't want it to stink up my trash so I'll keep it in the fridge until I go to the dumpster.

In that way it is similar to my viewpoint of sending her a "Please leave me alone" message as a last, classy go f-yourself.

[K.C.]

You want this person to go away, that's clear.


So you have to decide what will make the person go away faster. Telling them that you'll ignore them forever, or just ignoring them.

Telling them could send a clear message and get rid of her quickly, but it could also open the door to where she thinks she needs to 'make things ok again,' which means lots more attempts to chat.

Whereas if you just ignore her, my guess is she'll eventually go away, but it may take a while.


Tough call.


I'm assuming you have no interest in be friends with this chick, or talking to her, under any circumstances, so it shouldn't much more difficult than that.

[sr71blackbird]

In your situation I would not want to give her the chance to get back into your life. She probably feels guilty and wants a second chance because she figured out in your absence that you are a good guy. But if you do give her that chance, you are also sending the signal that you are a push over and she will do this again on you and you will be hurt again. If you stand your ground and not let her in, she learns a valuable lesson. So, you do not get hurt and she learns something. It is a win win to not let her in.

[Alice S. Fuzzybutt]

Just speaking from experience here. I haven't spoken to my sister since 1990 and my life is all the better for it.

[cougarjake13]

I'm gonna attempt to get right down to brass tacks here... Several months ago, my girlfriend cheated on me and spent 2 months lying through her teeth to me about it. The way I found out was by various means, none of which included her actually telling me. To this day, she never actually confronted me or apologized to me for what she did. She's still dating the guy she left me for.
That being said, I decided somewhere along the way, after picking up my pride and gluing the pieces back together, that I would never speak another word to this bitch again. She handled the situation like a 15-year old, and though it took me a long time to realize it, I should've never been with this girl in the first place. She's spoiled, emotionally unstable, has daddy issues, and conducts herself in relationships in a way that is only excusable if you're in high school. In retrospect, I'm almost embarrassed for ever having thought she was a decent person.
But, like I said... I decided that anyone with an ounce of dignity (and I happen to have exactly one ounce remaining), would never speak to this person again. Why should I? I'll take my pride and walk away. No use looking back.

But in recent weeks, she has been attempting to contact me (via AIM of course, because she never had the guts to pick up a phone)... First couple of times to say "Hi" or "hope all is well with you"... I never replied to any of them. Again, why should I? This person lied to me and handled everything in a horribly undignified manner. I figure if I don't answer, she'll get the idea and go away forever.
But now I'm getting messages like "Are you gonna ignore me forever?" To which I am tempted to reply "Yes"... but then I'd be breaking my own promise to myself.

I'm sure some of you have been in this position before, so I could use some wisdom...
Do I give this sub-human piece of shit the time of day? Or do I stick to my word and never talk to her again?



i'll preface this by saying im selfish so


what do you have to gain by talking to her ?? from what you posted it seems like nothing

and if you respond she kinda wins in a way, she's prob upset that you cut her off completely and wont even respond

[Fez4PrezN2008]

I like this analogy, but there is another viewpoint. IRL, I would put the milk back in the fridge, but not hoping it would somehow return to good milk; I don't want it to stink up my trash so I'll keep it in the fridge until I go to the dumpster.

In that way it is similar to my viewpoint of sending her a "Please leave me alone" message as a last, classy go f-yourself.
I say keep that milk shut up in the fridge for another month and they you'll have cheese - who doesn't like a nice piece of cheese?

Nah, pour gas on that milk, light it and walk away dude, your next adventure is waiting for you somewhere out there right now.

[Doctor Z]

Had to ignore 2 more IMs today, but this time at work. I'm ready to just drop her one line, saying "There's no chance to salvage a friendship, please stop trying to contact me." Think I'll e-mail it to her tomorrow or something. That should end this shit for good.

[IamPixie]

Had to ignore 2 more IMs today, but this time at work. I'm ready to just drop her one line, saying "There's no chance to salvage a friendship, please stop trying to contact me." Think I'll e-mail it to her tomorrow or something. That should end this shit for good.

just block her name and don't say anything. Don't give her the satisfaction of communication. She'll stop eventually.

[Doctor Z]

Also, thank you all for all the advice/recommendations/wisdom on this subject. It means a lot and I really do appreciate all of it.

[CofyCrakCocaine]

You're best off sending her a one-liner or something- think of yourself as Arnold and she's the bad guy who just got a steam pipe in the gut (that's a Commando reference in case nobody else has seen this movie). While some people here think that you should really talk to her again for some kind of closure, I will say right now there is no closure for that situation and nothing the two of ya say will make things feel better or resolved. Betrayal is unforgivable.

It'll always bug ya if you keep her around. First step to getting out of the bullshit is to FULLY CUT HER OFF. As for the satisfaction of communication you'd be giving her, that really doesn't matter if you're saying something along the lines of 'get fucked' - that's all for your satisfaction.

If she persists in bothering you... just block her IM name, email, and number.

[Doctor Z]

You're best off sending her a one-liner or something- think of yourself as Arnold and she's the bad guy who just got a steam pipe in the gut (that's a Commando reference in case nobody else has seen this movie). While some people here think that you should really talk to her again for some kind of closure, I will say right now there is no closure for that situation and nothing the two of ya say will make things feel better or resolved. Betrayal is unforgivable.
Couldn't agree more.

if you're saying something along the lines of 'get fucked'
Unfortunately, she is.

[jennysmurf]

Took her off my myspace friends, facebook. Blocked her AIM. Deleted my myspace altogether. Phone number is gone, almost all memories of hers thrown out. The one person I trusted the most in the world became the most distant person in my life.

Don't talk to her. Don't respond. Her guilt is eating away at her. She hasn't suffered yet, but now she is. She's probably realizing what she's really done, what she really lost. If you have your closure already, than good. She has to find her own closure. Maybe in the future your thoughts on things will change, and you'll be past everything that she's done. For now, you aren't ready. If you were, you wouldn't be asking us for advice on it. Prevent her from talking to you in any way possible. Its up to you if and when you wanna talk to her again.

This guy has got it--take his advice--I command you!

[Melrapuo]

This guy has got it--take his advice--I command you!

O yea, the advice definitely helps. But it doesn't diminish any of the pain of a break up. There are still nights (three months later) where I find myself thinking about her, wishing none of it had happened, crying at random moments during the day. But its been 23 days since I told her goodbye, wished her luck. And I'm not gonna contact her anymore. I may want to, but that's only the hope inside of me that I'm still trying to kill. Now my mind is in control instead of my emotions - she wants to date other people, she can. But she won't have me to come to if things don't work out, whether it is just as a friend or if she's trying to get back together with me. I deserve more than that, and I know you feel that you deserve better too, Doc.

At least not contacting her helps you move on faster. I'm slowly getting there, but eventually everything turns around. It will with you, too Z.

[Knowledged_one]

well two ways of going about this

1. Block her AIM account or just tell her what she did hurt you and that you would rather be the one to make contact with her

or

2. Shes willing to cheat on you, she definetly probably open to do it again, screw her and let her new b/f know what she did

although 2 is very selfish and probably the wrong thing to do you would get some satisfaction out of it

[CofyCrakCocaine]

Personally, I do not think a break-up is automatic terms for a burial of all communications. It depends on the break-up and the kind of person the two of ya are. If you're the needy type, then yes, you should definitely get away from the ex because it'll just become another thing you're used to and will go through drug-like withdrawel when the relationship eventually fizzes out or she starts dating again. Like smoking, the earlier you cut out, the better.

90% of my ex's I do not talk to anymore. My newest ex I still talk to however- we managed to still be friends so far, somehow. However, this is only because it was a mutual break-up and we're acting like a couple of adults about it... we still needed a good long vacation from talking to each other nonetheless. But this thread isn't about myself.

In Z's case, I think he's got the right ideas. The terms of this break-up are irrevocable and the only real thing to do is to leave it burning and smoking in the distance. Until Z responds, I think this thread doesn't need any more advice.

[Furtherman]

Or do I stick to my word and never talk to her again?

Stick to your word. She isn't worth it.

[disneyspy]

my last chick disappeared 10 days before x mas,i texted her daily til new years.she texts me once every coupla months to tell me shes ok.i respond with im glad for you.i feel better bout not bein a dick.it hurt for a month but ive kinda moved on.my friends chicks have set me up on a coupla dates and i no longer think about what i did wrong.i say takin the high road means bein civil to her,good luck.

[Leticia]

I think telling her you no longer want to talk to her is tricky.

It can either work, or make her want to fix things, as someone said in this thread earlier.

I say just don't talk to her... it sounds like you don't really want to at all. Even telling her you don't want to talk to her might make her think there's an opening for her to "get through to you". As stupid as that may sound. But she's already done something stupid.

It sounds like responding to her would help her, and give her closure she just doesn't deserve. (also a good point brought up by someone else.)

Stupidly enough, I had a soret of mirror image situation like this happen to me.

After a completely horrible relationship and several break ups, I told him I did not want to speak to him.
He was the one to break up with me but then regretted it and would not leave me alone.

He sent flowers, to my place and my job and emailed me drunken angry emails followed by morning after apology emails.

He wouldn't leave me alone and I almost got a restraining order on him.

When I got engaged, I sent him an email telling him. (I promise it wasn't to rub it in, we had the same circle of friends and thought it would be better to hear it from me than just as gossip)

He then responded to me saying that I WAS STALKING HIM!!!! That he was blocking me from his email and does not want me to send him any more emails.

I IMMEDIATELY regretted contacting him in any way and was reminded of what an immature idiot he was.
I believe he created an entirely different situation in his head and was waiting for a chance to blame things on me.

So he got his fake closure and left me wishing I had never met him at all...


I don't want a stupid variation of this to happen to you. (hopefully she's not that crazy tho)

It has been over a year since this happened and I have not heard, nor want to hear from him..

I say just let it go. Do yourself the favor.

Geez that was long... sorry.

[KC2OSO]

Stick to your word. She isn't worth it.
As in - stop it.

Take control and make it stop. It's easy.

No matter what she does, don't:

write
FED-EX,UPS,USPS anything.
call
telex
email
text
napkin message
whistle message
packet mail
have your friends talk to her friends
submarine radio call
shout whilst standing on her lawn
write it on a rock
talk to her friends/relatives
morse code
deaf hand sign
leave message on answering machine
slip note under door
call from seat phone in a plane
sky write
hidden newspaper obituary message


If you can't refrain from this then you may have to marry her.:wink:

[Soupy_Dreck]

As in - stop it.

Take control and make it stop. It's easy.

No matter what she does, don't:

write
FED-EX,UPS,USPS anything.
call
telex
email
text
napkin message
whistle message
packet mail
have your friends talk to her friends
submarine radio call
shout whilst standing on her lawn
write it on a rock
talk to her friends/relatives
morse code
deaf hand sign
leave message on answering machine
slip note under door
call from seat phone in a plane
sky write
hidden newspaper obituary message


If you can't refrain from this then you may have to marry her.:wink:

you forgot smoke signals

and i say to keep ignoring her, she'll eventually get the hint but i'm guessing she'll be sending what she thinks is a hurtful email/text

[angelinad128]

I have been in this situation and the best thing to do is NOT have contact with this person. Before you know it, they will be a distant memory. Block this person on your aim.

[Piuki]

you forgot smoke signals

and i say to keep ignoring her, she'll eventually get the hint but i'm guessing she'll be sending what she thinks is a hurtful email/text

And that one with the little flags? Semaphore? Don't do that either.

Honestly, based on your description of her, she seems like the type that would only be so persistant in contacting you because you aren't responding. Some of the other folks made similar points already. Insecure girls HATE when their "fall back plan" disappears. She most likely assumed that you'd be falling all over yourself if she showed some interest again. Doesn't mean she's changed as a person.

I'd stay away. Though I don't think it would be so awful to tell her that you are, in fact, planning to ignore her for the rest of her life.

[ANC]

I'm gonna attempt to get right down to brass tacks here... Several months ago, my girlfriend cheated on me and spent 2 months lying through her teeth to me about it. The way I found out was by various means, none of which included her actually telling me. To this day, she never actually confronted me or apologized to me for what she did. She's still dating the guy she left me for.
That being said, I decided somewhere along the way, after picking up my pride and gluing the pieces back together, that I would never speak another word to this bitch again. She handled the situation like a 15-year old, and though it took me a long time to realize it, I should've never been with this girl in the first place. She's spoiled, emotionally unstable, has daddy issues, and conducts herself in relationships in a way that is only excusable if you're in high school. In retrospect, I'm almost embarrassed for ever having thought she was a decent person.
But, like I said... I decided that anyone with an ounce of dignity (and I happen to have exactly one ounce remaining), would never speak to this person again. Why should I? I'll take my pride and walk away. No use looking back.

But in recent weeks, she has been attempting to contact me (via AIM of course, because she never had the guts to pick up a phone)... First couple of times to say "Hi" or "hope all is well with you"... I never replied to any of them. Again, why should I? This person lied to me and handled everything in a horribly undignified manner. I figure if I don't answer, she'll get the idea and go away forever.
But now I'm getting messages like "Are you gonna ignore me forever?" To which I am tempted to reply "Yes"... but then I'd be breaking my own promise to myself.

I'm sure some of you have been in this position before, so I could use some wisdom...
Do I give this sub-human piece of shit the time of day? Or do I stick to my word and never talk to her again?

Same exact situation happened to me, only she fessed up to cheating on me. We started seeing each other casually but then she tried to get the hooks back into me and wanted "more". I wanted nothing to do with it, told her so and never spoke to her again. Best thing I coulda done.

Aside from one difference, you described my ex-girlfriend to a T on all accounts.

[CYYYFYYY]

Saying yes would give her power. Just totally ignore her. She cheated on you for 2 months. Let her wonder if you will talk to her. It bugs her. Talking to her even just to say yes....will slightly help her. No need to do that.

[Doctor Z]

So I guess this topic was discussed on today's show, as a Moral Conundrum. Sounds like most of the people in studio would do what I have done and never talk to her again.

I'd also just like to thank everyone again for all their input. It's been really insightful to hear a lot of your stories and how you handled them/how you would handle them differently/etc. I'm still open to hearing more opinions, so keep 'em coming.