Tell The Parents Or Not?

[RoseBlood]

I called my brother to wish him a Happy Birthday. He mentions that he had to go to the ER on Sunday, due to the fact he was having severe chest pains and couldn't breathe. He wasn't doing anything strenuous at the time. He was watching a football game at his local watering hole and the attack came on and then suddenly. He has an aortic stenosis, a history of heavy drug use and is an ex-smoker. Aside from heavy alcohol consumption, he hasn't dabbled in any of his former vices in years. He's no more then 10lbs overweight, but he could stand to be in better shape. His blood pressure goes through the roof cause he can be hot-headed and impatient (usually due to failed sports bets). He is also slightly asthmatic. I don't know if any of the aforementioned could be factors contributing to his recent chest pain or if he was experiencing some type of anxiety attack, although he has no history of such. I believe he has a gambling problem, as a series of bad decisions (bets) has left him in a financial hole; with threats against his life. I'm sure this has to have caused stress to him. My brother is a stubborn idiot and has brought alot of this on himself; nevertheless, I still love him very much and would be crushed if anything happened to him. For every stupid decision he's made, he can also be a very loyal, loving and fun person to be with and I know he hasn't always had things easy. At anyrate, he never said anything to my parents cause he didn't want to worry them. I think this is a serious enough issue that he should say something and I have issue with keeping this kind of secret.. and I hate secrets! I managed to convince him to see a doctor (he avoids doctors like the plague).. I'm sure they'll probably just refer him to a cardio-pulmonologist or some specialist, but I wish I could be there because I know he'll just be very passive and not tell the doctor anything. So, should I break his confidentiality and tell my parents or wait till he hears what the doctors have to say? I really feel our parents have a right to know what's going on but I don't want to break his trust and then have him tell me nothing further.

[Dude!]

i'm with your brother
i would never tell my parents about a health issue unless i was on deaths door
why make them worry

i would try to convince your brother to tell them
but if he doesn't want to it is his choice not yours

[PapaBear]

I would talk to him again and stress how much you think your parents should know. Tell him that, though he doesn't want them to worry, YOU are worried.

[TheMojoPin]

Tough spot to be in, Rose. Is his relationship bad with the folks?

Personally, I'd stay on him to see the docs and wait to see what they say.

[Nothing Sound]

Falls under the category of minding your own business.
If he doesn't want them to know that's his choice, not yours.

[RoseBlood]

I would talk to him again and stress how much you think your parents should know. Tell him that, though he doesn't want them to worry, YOU are worried.

Tough spot to be in, Rose. Is his relationship bad with the folks?

Personally, I'd stay on him to see the docs and wait to see what they say.

Thank you Papa and Mojo. His relationship with them isn't bad, but it isn't good either. I think I will take the wait and see advice for now, as I was leaning in that direction.

Falls under the category of minding your own business.
If he doesn't want them to know that's his choice, not yours.

I kinda agree; I like to think I know my place and try not to overstep my bounds and figure it's his news to tell, not mine. However, I do hate the fact that he decided to burden this news onto me. Part of me feels that if you don't want anyone to know something, then best not tell even one person; but that motto really only applies in the workplace, not with family.

[MacVittie]

Not that it really matters, but is it an older or younger brother?

[RoseBlood]

Not that it really matters, but is it an older or younger brother?

Older

[scottinnj]

I would talk to him again and stress how much you think your parents should know. Tell him that, though he doesn't want them to worry, YOU are worried.

Great advice, and remember this:

You by law are not allowed to tell your parents without his consent.


Welcome to the wonderful world of the Hipaa Act (http://www.hhs.gov/ocr/privacysummary.pdf)

[MacVittie]

Older

In this situation, I would probably tell my folks, just because I know they wouldn't be hyper judgmental if they found out one of their kids had a problem with addiction and had suffering health from it. They would, like any other parent, worry. I guess it all depends on what kind of family dynamic exists between you and your brother, you and your parents, and your brother and your parents. Sorry I can't be of more help. Putting myself in your shoes, I would probably tell my sister; I don't know if you have other siblings.

[RoseBlood]

Great advice, and remember this:

You by law are not allowed to tell your parents without his consent.


Welcome to the wonderful world of the Hipaa Act (http://www.hhs.gov/ocr/privacysummary.pdf)

Hahahahaa.. I'm am well schooled in the Hipaa Act.

In this situation, I would probably tell my folks, just because I know they wouldn't be hyper judgmental if they found out one of their kids had a problem with addiction and had suffering health from it. They would, like any other parent, worry. I guess it all depends on what kind of family dynamic exists between you and your brother, you and your parents, and your brother and your parents. Sorry I can't be of more help. Putting myself in your shoes, I would probably tell my sister; I don't know if you have other siblings.

The rents already know of his past addictions.. I don't have any other siblings.

[JPMNICK]

i would not tell them, it does not bode well for anyone involved. i doubt he will bow down to their request, he will get mad at you, and then you will be in the middle. let him know you are concerned and then leave it at that

[scottinnj]

Hahahahaa.. I'm am well schooled in the Hipaa Act.


Yep, the most well-intentioned fuckup the government's given us since AMTRAK.

[CofyCrakCocaine]

I agree with the words of Mojo + Papa. They couldn't have said it better so I won't bother repeating what they said.

As an aside... while it's a real rough ugly secret to have to be in on, in an uncool way it shows that he trusts you and loves you to be willing to turn to you about this shit... though of course, if my brother decided to burden me with such an "honor" I'd be fond of sticking it back up his ass and ratting him out. Not that I'd actually do that- but definitely would want to.

Good luck to your bro, and to you as well.

[ralphbxny]

Tough spot, but I think its him that has to say something. I dont say a thing to my parents till its over or I am on the mend.

Good luck to Both of You!

[jennysmurf]

Tough spot, but if anything bad does happen to him, and your parents find out that you knew something....well, it could be reallly tough. Maybe you could ask him, "When can I tell our parents?" I mean, when he's in the hospital, or at all? I wouldn't want to be in your shoes, but it sounds like you've gotten some pretty good advice so far. I hope this makes sense. Hopefully, you won't ever need any of this advice, and he'll tell them himself. Which is what really should happen.

[ChimneyFish]

Being that there is a number of things besides something heart related it could be, I'd wait until he sees the doctor.
They didn't do all kinds of tests on him to dtermine if it was his heart or not????
Doesn't sound right.
I had to go into the ER in April for sharp, stabbing chest pains, and they immediately treated it as a heart realted emergency. They even gave me the Nitro pills.
After keeping me overnight, and doing a few tests, they determined that my heart was healthy and fine and they let me go.(I didn't have insurance)
Are you forgetting something, or did he not tell you everything????
They wouldn't just let him go without making sure it wasn't his heart.

[Yosammity]

It's his responsibility to tell your parents, not yours. Doesn't mean you can't put some pressure on him to get his shit together.

[RoseBlood]

Being that there is a number of things besides something heart related it could be, I'd wait until he sees the doctor.
They didn't do all kinds of tests on him to dtermine if it was his heart or not????
Doesn't sound right.
I had to go into the ER in April for sharp, stabbing chest pains, and they immediately treated it as a heart realted emergency. They even gave me the Nitro pills.
After keeping me overnight, and doing a few tests, they determined that my heart was healthy and fine and they let me go.(I didn't have insurance)
Are you forgetting something, or did he not tell you everything????
They wouldn't just let him go without making sure it wasn't his heart.

He didn't say, all he said was they poked and prodded him until 2 am. He's not good with getting info. out of and I'm the one that had to remind him of his stenosis, which he completely denied or forgot ever being diagnosed with, so you see the kind of person I'm dealing with here :wallbash: He was suppose to be getting yearly ekg check-ups, which he hasn't and he just ignores and denies.. he reminds me of our father more and more everyday :wallbash::wallbash: I'll talk to him tonight and hopefully get some more info from him.

[RoseBlood]

Thank you for all the sound advice everyone. Nick brought up a good point, so I'm keeping my mouth shut. They didn't find anything heart related, other than his pre-existing condition. He's going for a stress test. Again, thanks everyone. :happy:

[ChimneyFish]

They didn't tell me I was alright until after the stress test.
Obviously every hospital is different, so it's possible they let him go without one if the evidence was telling them it wasn't life threatening.

He sounds like someone who despises going to the doctors/hospital, like my mother was.
Unfortunately, that can be a really bad thing, like it was with my mom.

I think you're doing the right thing in waiting to tell the p's.

Good luck with everything.