I had a weird fuckin' date yesterday (long)

[commish13]

So I've been talking to this girl online for a couple weeks (leaving school and pretty much dropping out of life for a year leaves pretty much no other choice), and we found each other attractive and interesting. I was thinking about asking her out sometime soon, and then my plans fell through for yesterday, so I was going to ask right away. Instead, she asked me out, and even though I'd have to make the hour and a half trek out to PA (in pretty much 0 visibility both ways, mind you), but since she did the asking, I figured it would be worth my time.

So I show up and she's sitting there waiting, and I figured since we had been talking very weird and goofy with each other, it would be okay for me to make a somewhat interesting first appearance. She sent me a text to let me know she was late (although I ended up being a couple minutes later than her), and it was another one of our silly-ish exchanges, as her message to me was "I'm late. It's yours". I thought - 'Ah, an accidental pregnancy joke. This should be a good time'.

After the long ride I had to take a piss, so as I walked in I asked the people at the cafe counter where the bathroom was, and noticed that I would have to walk right past her to get there. I figured that I may as well keep up the games we had been playing, and walked past her, only quickly acknowledging her with a "Hey, I'm going to just walk right past you". When I came back, we started talking in a very similar way we had been IMing and messaging online, with odd phrases, non-sequiturs and whatnot, and it was fun.

However as time passed, she started to act very distant, and wasn't responding when I tried to actually have a regular conversation like a human being. Eventually it became a 'silent game' between us, as we started an odd staring contest and I talked for a while, doing what I could to make her react, talking about her face, her eyes, lips and whatnot, and while I was able to get her to smile and react a few times even though she seemed to be trying hard not to. Still wasn't able to get her to speak, though, but I figured it was just part of the game we had begun playing a couple weeks ago.

She got up to go to the bathroom, and I decided that to maybe get into this game more and finally get her to open up, I'd switch seats with her, and be sitting in her seat when she came back out. I did that, and it didn't seem to work. Have I mentioned that she had refused to tell me her name in this entire time? Well finally I got that, when she quietly rifled through her wallet and pulled out her blood donor card that had her name on it. So I had that, and noted to her that we had the same blood type, and I almost got a laugh out of her.

This continued on for a while, with her barely speaking at all and me speaking to her in what was pretty much just a running commentary of what was going on in my mind. She eventually stood up and grabbed her stuff and walked into the art gallery part of this cafe. I followed her in but it continued to be more of the same, and eventually we made our way outside where she finally spoke up and started talking like a human. She basically apologized for her odd behaviour and told me about how she should have had better judgment with her timing as she was still deep in her writing and creative mode, which she had been deeply sunk into for the past few days (we had spoken of this Thursday and Friday). She said something about being a 20 year old girl and wanting to live more like one (something to that effect, she wasn't too clear), and she told me she couldn't explain what that meant.

She told me that she was disappointed in this and said she felt I was also disappointed (which is true) and was sorry that I didn't get what I might have been expecting (not sure what she meant by that). I told her, truthfully, that I came down just looking to have an interesting and different Saturday, which neither of us have had in a while. I said that we have each others' numbers, and that we'd talk soon, and then we hugged and went our opposite ways. Then I drove the hour and a half back home with scared drivers on the road and 0 visibility while trying to figure out what had just happened over the course of the past 2+ hours.

I figure I'll wait until Tuesday to bring anything up if she doesn't, and I'll see where we stand, if anywhere. The whole thing just seemed out of character for her based on the conversations we had been having leading up to this online.

Just felt like I needed to get this out. I talked with my brother about it today on the way bringing him back up to school, but I wanted to type it out and see if anybody here had anything to say about it. I'm mixed in my feelings as to whether there are any possibilities for a second meeting, or if it's going to pretty much end on the odd note it did.

Sorry for the length.

[Kevin]

She seems to have major issues man.. Judging by the length between you two. I say not worth it.

[led37zep]

Sorry for the length.

Were you hoping the date ended with you saying that? :tongue:


I don't know you nor the chick but all I could say that if the spark isn't there don't try and force it. If you guys hang out again and things are different then sweet...maybe she is just a crazy writer...if not walk away. No use worrying something you have no control over.

[commish13]

I'm not really worrying so much as I'm just very intrigued and curious about the whole thing. If nothing else, it was an interesting experience and a better way to spend a few hours on a Saturday than my usual sleeping in and moping around the house doing nothing.

There was some kind of odd spark, I felt, but it was in a passive-aggressive, yet confrontational kind of way. If nothing romantic is due to come out of this, on just the level of me being a curious type of person, I still plan on following up in some way. I wanna try to figure this girl out.

EDIT: Oh, and as far as your little joke there, MISTER OREGON, the 30 pound loss and trimmage has made me look quite damn good, if I may say. And I may.

[Tenbatsuzen]

I'm not really worrying so much as I'm just very intrigued and curious about the whole thing. If nothing else, it was an interesting experience and a better way to spend a few hours on a Saturday than my usual sleeping in and moping around the house doing nothing.

There was some kind of odd spark, I felt, but it was in a passive-aggressive, yet confrontational kind of way. If nothing romantic is due to come out of this, on just the level of me being a curious type of person, I still plan on following up in some way. I wanna try to figure this girl out.

EDIT: Oh, and as far as your little joke there, MISTER OREGON, the 30 pound loss and trimmage has made me look quite damn good, if I may say. And I may.

You do look better, but less teeth when you're smiling. Not good.

[King Hippos Bandaid]

1 1/2 hours just for a date (non guaranteed sex) is a lil too steep imo

also gotta get some phone calls in before meeting, to see if you can hold a convo,

[LaBoob]

She might just be a weird girl. She might have a lot going on inside her head and might try to cover that up with humor (nothing wrong with that! :smile::down::smile:)... not to say she necessarily has baggage or issues, but maybe she's just a cerebral kind of person. She might've been nervous, or have been nervous to start something new, something that, while exciting, can be scary, especially if she's 20 (?) and maybe somewhat inexperienced with dating. If you're genuinely interested in figuring her out and getting to know her romantically, put in a little bit more effort. If you're just interested in getting laid, it doesn't seem worth the fuss.

There always is the possibility that she wasn't into you as much in person as she was online. Maybe the humor and games you two share come across differently in person.

I would let her know that it was a strange night for you, but that you had fun and found her fascinating.

[Farmer Dave]

What's the worst that can happen if you give it another shot. Sound like she has you interest, if for no other reason then because of the oddity. WTF, you got nothing to lose, right?

[commish13]

1 1/2 hours just for a date (non guaranteed sex) is a lil too steep imo

also gotta get some phone calls in before meeting, to see if you can hold a convo,

I often drive longer distances for lesser things, so that's not really a big deal. And I suck on the phone, even with the people I'm closest with. It would have done more harm than good.

I would let her know that it was a strange night for you, but that you had fun and found her fascinating.

Yeah, that's the idea. I'm looking forward to seeing how that turns out.

What's the worst that can happen if you give it another shot. Sound like she has you interest, if for no other reason then because of the oddity. WTF, you got nothing to lose, right?

Nothing to lose, and also generally nothing better to do. If nothing else, it's something to do when I'm otherwise doing nothing, and it can (and already has) help with future date situations. I'm starting to come out of a real, real tough stretch in my life, and just the fact that I was able to go through with the whole thing was a big step, and the fact that I was completely comfortable in such an odd situation makes me feel good about future dates with other girls who are much more engaging.

EDIT: Oh, and my smile rules. Bite me. Or I'll bite you. With all these tooths.

[extracheese]

90% of communication is non-verbal. People make the mistake of thinking the person they
chat with online resembles in some way the person they really are. Some people can do it, but many are not. Its a weird situation..on the one hand your comfortable chatting anonymously and with the ability to think out your words just so...but when you meet in person, you have to contend with all the other senses hitting you at once. In a true blind date your both are on equal footing and feel each other out. But here, you have interacted in an unusual way and now are sitting face to face with that person.

1) Forget anything you chatted about or saw on line. The true girl is the one you met in person.

2) Long distance relationship suck, and are a bitch to pull of successfully.

3) odd girls are fun and exotic for a while, but get very tired very fast. Long term? ouch.

[Tenbatsuzen]

Nitpicking a detail - you met a girl IRL that you didn't even know her real first name?

[commish13]

She decided to withhold it from me for whatever weird reason. Didn't bother me. Got the name eventually.

cheese, if this does end up having real potential, it wouldn't necessarily be a long distance thing. In the coming months I'm going to be possibly be spending a lot of my time a lot closer to where she lives, but that's not something that needs to really be thought about until later on if anything decided to develop.

It's really not the biggest deal, I just felt like bringing it up here. As I alluded to here and have mentioned elsewhere on this site in the past, my depression/anxiety issues basically took an entire year from my life, so now that I'm beginning to be able to start doing things again, it's good for me to get out and do things like I did yesterday, if only to start putting my life together again. If I end up getting rejected, eh. Rejection has never bothered me. If it just ends up going nowhere for any other reason, eh. I'll meet somebody else anyway.

I've changed and fixed myself a lot over the past 4 months or so since I have been recovering. I've gained back a lot of my old self-esteem and I've picked up some that I never outwardly had, and I've lost a lot of weight and continue to, so that also adds to my self-esteem and will probably end up making it so I don't have to work as hard at the beginning because I won't have to do so much to work around my appearance when trying to get into something. Ya know?

[Tenbatsuzen]

She decided to withhold it from me for whatever weird reason. Didn't bother me. Got the name eventually.


Dude, that is a huge redflag. I'm sorry. If you met face to face without knowing her name, and she wouldn't tell you then she's out of her mind.

It's a reverse cyyfyy.

[Tenbatsuzen]

Here's my advice:

You lost weight, you're getting yourself in gear. If she's weird, if she's sending up redflags, don't chase her unless you're bored. Don't dedicate so much time to her because if it's that much work in the start of the relationship, god only knows how much it will be later.

Let her pursue you a little bit.

And try to meet more normal girls online. It IS possible.

[commish13]

don't chase her unless you're bored.

Key phrase right there. I've been bored for, as I keep bringing up, this miserable last 14 or so months at this point, if not more. Anything and pretty much everything is better than spending ANOTHER Saturday sitting at home doing nothing, and it's not like I was the one pushing for the in-person meeting. She brought it up, I accepted the invitation, and I went from there. Now I'm at the point where I'm just interested in finding out what she may be hiding, whether or not any kind of relationship comes out of it.

And for the time being I'm still trying to meet girls online, but I seriously prefer doing everything in person, so hopefully I'll be ready to get myself back out into the regular world again for the long term, and then I won't have to worry about trying to look for mystery girls, because I'll be out in the world doing things, and last I checked, that's where most women tend to spend most of their time.

So yeah, I get where you're coming from and I appreciate the advice, but at the moment I'm just looking at this as an adventure. I don't foresee the possibility of me getting hurt in any way by this, so I'm going to see what happens from here and follow up on my own simply out of curiosity. I'm young and currently my only responsibility is to "get better", so I can pretty much spend my time doing anything I want, and I think a bit of active competition with this girl may help me along the way.

A few months ago I was barely able to leave the house alone and walk down the street. Hell, I've spent weeks over the past year where the only time I breathed any fresh air was taking a single step outside my front door to get the mail. So to be able to drive somewhere far away that I've never been to before and to do it on my own and to meet a girl -- that's a big continuation of the progress I've been making. It's all about me; she's just coming along for the ride, and I have no idea yet where she'll be getting off (sexual connotation somewhat intended).

[Tenbatsuzen]

Talking to Commish is like talking JerryTaker if he actually took your advice.

[commish13]

Haha, fantastic. You're a good man, sir.

Except for the whole Mountaineers thing. Fuck those guys.

[extracheese]

Let us know how things go with this.

Have fun!

[CYYYFYYY]

If you are expected to travel an hour and a half a first name should be a must. The fact that she did not trust you with her first name shows she has issues. Alot of time im and phone conversations are alot different than how they are in person. I try givng a person a second try for a second date but traveling that much for someone who is kinda odd... i would pass on.

[commish13]

To be fair to myself, my original plans for the weekend did involve driving only about 20 miles less to go see a wrestling show. So it's not like I put myself out by taking the trip.

But yeah, I'm going to try to talk to her tomorrow and see what's up, and I'll go from there.

[britneypablo]

#1 keep the teeth pic, haters are mad bc they dont have them like that

#2 sounds like the girl was hoping to be fun and awesome but she realized she was a dud.....maybe she just opened up and was acting fun because she felt more comfortable not in person.....see what happens in the next few days, but do you even want her to contact you back...open a fortune cookie and see what it says, thats how i always decide

[commish13]

Oh, my smile rules. Ain't no doubt about it.

There are two things going on with this -- one, I want to follow up for the adventure of it, because it's interesting, and two, I do tend to care about people, so I am wondering how she's doing. She deleted her account on the dating site yesterday, and I honestly just want to check in and see if she's feeling alright and whatnot. Whether or not there's a relationship to be had, I'm simply concerned.

[CYYYFYYY]

It's a reverse cyyfyy.[/QUOTE]


This is bad... when there is an inside joke that involves me and I have no idea what it means.

[commish13]

The update is that there's no update. I sent her a text early in the afternoon, and the only reply I got was from my Navy pal who's home for the weekend and wants me to come over for the Giants game on Sunday.

And I talked to a guy who posted a depressed blog, and made him feel better. Then he told me his sister thought I was hot. And that she's 21.

Buuuuuuuuutttttttttt....

Well, ya know. Not a looker. And I don't have high standards. Oh well. At least I know the homely girls still like me.

[led37zep]

The update is that there's no update. I sent her a text early in the afternoon, and the only reply I got was from my Navy pal who's home for the weekend and wants me to come over for the Giants game on Sunday.

And I talked to a guy who posted a depressed blog, and made him feel better. Then he told me his sister thought I was hot. And that she's 21.

Buuuuuuuuutttttttttt....

Well, ya know. Not a looker. And I don't have high standards. Oh well. At least I know the homely girls still like me.

I had a friend in college who made a very good point..."Fat girls need lovin' too"...maybe its time.

[commish13]

Heh. I'm doing alright for myself right now. Got a couple good prospects, although one of them is all the way out in MI and soon to be in Chicargo. The worst part is that she's the one I like the best, and she feels the same about me, but neither of us have the means at the time to do something about it.

But I've got one much closer that I also have some good chemistry with. I'm going to be okay. I should stop being such a whiner and a queer.

[topless_mike]

And I talked to a guy who posted a depressed blog, and made him feel better. Then he told me his sister thought I was hot. And that she's 21.

Buuuuuuuuutttttttttt....

Well, ya know. Not a looker. And I don't have high standards. Oh well. At least I know the homely girls still like me.

so? throw her a shot while still looking around.

[west milly Tom]

So I've been talking to this girl online for a couple weeks (leaving school and pretty much dropping out of life for a year leaves pretty much no other choice), and we found each other attractive and interesting. I was thinking about asking her out sometime soon, and then my plans fell through for yesterday, so I was going to ask right away. Instead, she asked me out, and even though I'd have to make the hour and a half trek out to PA (in pretty much 0 visibility both ways, mind you), but since she did the asking, I figured it would be worth my time.

So I show up and she's sitting there waiting, and I figured since we had been talking very weird and goofy with each other, it would be okay for me to make a somewhat interesting first appearance. She sent me a text to let me know she was late (although I ended up being a couple minutes later than her), and it was another one of our silly-ish exchanges, as her message to me was "I'm late. It's yours". I thought - 'Ah, an accidental pregnancy joke. This should be a good time'.

After the long ride I had to take a piss, so as I walked in I asked the people at the cafe counter where the bathroom was, and noticed that I would have to walk right past her to get there. I figured that I may as well keep up the games we had been playing, and walked past her, only quickly acknowledging her with a "Hey, I'm going to just walk right past you". When I came back, we started talking in a very similar way we had been IMing and messaging online, with odd phrases, non-sequiturs and whatnot, and it was fun.

However as time passed, she started to act very distant, and wasn't responding when I tried to actually have a regular conversation like a human being. Eventually it became a 'silent game' between us, as we started an odd staring contest and I talked for a while, doing what I could to make her react, talking about her face, her eyes, lips and whatnot, and while I was able to get her to smile and react a few times even though she seemed to be trying hard not to. Still wasn't able to get her to speak, though, but I figured it was just part of the game we had begun playing a couple weeks ago.

She got up to go to the bathroom, and I decided that to maybe get into this game more and finally get her to open up, I'd switch seats with her, and be sitting in her seat when she came back out. I did that, and it didn't seem to work. Have I mentioned that she had refused to tell me her name in this entire time? Well finally I got that, when she quietly rifled through her wallet and pulled out her blood donor card that had her name on it. So I had that, and noted to her that we had the same blood type, and I almost got a laugh out of her.

This continued on for a while, with her barely speaking at all and me speaking to her in what was pretty much just a running commentary of what was going on in my mind. She eventually stood up and grabbed her stuff and walked into the art gallery part of this cafe. I followed her in but it continued to be more of the same, and eventually we made our way outside where she finally spoke up and started talking like a human. She basically apologized for her odd behaviour and told me about how she should have had better judgment with her timing as she was still deep in her writing and creative mode, which she had been deeply sunk into for the past few days (we had spoken of this Thursday and Friday). She said something about being a 20 year old girl and wanting to live more like one (something to that effect, she wasn't too clear), and she told me she couldn't explain what that meant.

She told me that she was disappointed in this and said she felt I was also disappointed (which is true) and was sorry that I didn't get what I might have been expecting (not sure what she meant by that). I told her, truthfully, that I came down just looking to have an interesting and different Saturday, which neither of us have had in a while. I said that we have each others' numbers, and that we'd talk soon, and then we hugged and went our opposite ways. Then I drove the hour and a half back home with scared drivers on the road and 0 visibility while trying to figure out what had just happened over the course of the past 2+ hours.

I figure I'll wait until Tuesday to bring anything up if she doesn't, and I'll see where we stand, if anywhere. The whole thing just seemed out of character for her based on the conversations we had been having leading up to this online.

Just felt like I needed to get this out. I talked with my brother about it today on the way bringing him back up to school, but I wanted to type it out and see if anybody here had anything to say about it. I'm mixed in my feelings as to whether there are any possibilities for a second meeting, or if it's going to pretty much end on the odd note it did.

Sorry for the length.



She seems strange to me. Why go back for more?

[commish13]

That's oooooooold news at this point. Right now I'm torn between two girls. One who lives nearby that I really like and have talked to on the phone a few times who I'm seeing next weekend, and one from way too far away -- and I think we've kinda fallen for each other after a couple weeks of heavy conversation. It really sucks that she lives 12 hours away.

But I do like the girl from the Bronx, so I'm not going to sabotage what might come of that even though the girl from afar and I talked about it.

Ugh. Oh well. At least it's interesting.

[Dougie Brootal]

Ugh. Oh well. At least it's interesting.

not for us... :tongue:

[commish13]

Fer enuf sir, fer enuf

[Dougie Brootal]

Fer enuf sir, fer enuf

you have beautiful teeth...

[zildjian361]

So I've been talking to this girl online for a couple weeks (leaving school and pretty much dropping out of life for a year leaves pretty much no other choice), and we found each other attractive and interesting. I was thinking about asking her out sometime soon, and then my plans fell through for yesterday, so I was going to ask right away. Instead, she asked me out, and even though I'd have to make the hour and a half trek out to PA (in pretty much 0 visibility both ways, mind you), but since she did the asking, I figured it would be worth my time.

So I show up and she's sitting there waiting, and I figured since we had been talking very weird and goofy with each other, it would be okay for me to make a somewhat interesting first appearance. She sent me a text to let me know she was late (although I ended up being a couple minutes later than her), and it was another one of our silly-ish exchanges, as her message to me was "I'm late. It's yours". I thought - 'Ah, an accidental pregnancy joke. This should be a good time'.

After the long ride I had to take a piss, so as I walked in I asked the people at the cafe counter where the bathroom was, and noticed that I would have to walk right past her to get there. I figured that I may as well keep up the games we had been playing, and walked past her, only quickly acknowledging her with a "Hey, I'm going to just walk right past you". When I came back, we started talking in a very similar way we had been IMing and messaging online, with odd phrases, non-sequiturs and whatnot, and it was fun.

However as time passed, she started to act very distant, and wasn't responding when I tried to actually have a regular conversation like a human being. Eventually it became a 'silent game' between us, as we started an odd staring contest and I talked for a while, doing what I could to make her react, talking about her face, her eyes, lips and whatnot, and while I was able to get her to smile and react a few times even though she seemed to be trying hard not to. Still wasn't able to get her to speak, though, but I figured it was just part of the game we had begun playing a couple weeks ago.

She got up to go to the bathroom, and I decided that to maybe get into this game more and finally get her to open up, I'd switch seats with her, and be sitting in her seat when she came back out. I did that, and it didn't seem to work. Have I mentioned that she had refused to tell me her name in this entire time? Well finally I got that, when she quietly rifled through her wallet and pulled out her blood donor card that had her name on it. So I had that, and noted to her that we had the same blood type, and I almost got a laugh out of her.

This continued on for a while, with her barely speaking at all and me speaking to her in what was pretty much just a running commentary of what was going on in my mind. She eventually stood up and grabbed her stuff and walked into the art gallery part of this cafe. I followed her in but it continued to be more of the same, and eventually we made our way outside where she finally spoke up and started talking like a human. She basically apologized for her odd behaviour and told me about how she should have had better judgment with her timing as she was still deep in her writing and creative mode, which she had been deeply sunk into for the past few days (we had spoken of this Thursday and Friday). She said something about being a 20 year old girl and wanting to live more like one (something to that effect, she wasn't too clear), and she told me she couldn't explain what that meant.

She told me that she was disappointed in this and said she felt I was also disappointed (which is true) and was sorry that I didn't get what I might have been expecting (not sure what she meant by that). I told her, truthfully, that I came down just looking to have an interesting and different Saturday, which neither of us have had in a while. I said that we have each others' numbers, and that we'd talk soon, and then we hugged and went our opposite ways. Then I drove the hour and a half back home with scared drivers on the road and 0 visibility while trying to figure out what had just happened over the course of the past 2+ hours.

I figure I'll wait until Tuesday to bring anything up if she doesn't, and I'll see where we stand, if anywhere. The whole thing just seemed out of character for her based on the conversations we had been having leading up to this online.

Just felt like I needed to get this out. I talked with my brother about it today on the way bringing him back up to school, but I wanted to type it out and see if anybody here had anything to say about it. I'm mixed in my feelings as to whether there are any possibilities for a second meeting, or if it's going to pretty much end on the odd note it did.

Sorry for the length.

ill say

[commish13]

you have beautiful teeth...

QFT

[denko]

But I've got one much closer that I also have some good chemistry with. I'm going to be okay. I should stop being such a whiner and a queer.

you're not a whiner.

[commish13]

STOP WITH THE SARCASM IT HURTS MY FEELINGS

and i dont appreciate having my feelings being hurt

[boosterp]

I HATE dating!

I am not doing such a good job, I have had two dates since my divorce and neither lasted past the second date. One I could not talk to and the other was more of a drunk than I am and had a Dr. Jeckle/ Mr. Hyde personality. There is a third, but she is working up in Colorado and the distance is hell sometimes.

[commish13]

Yeah, that's my problem. Distance. Except we've not even met each other. Just talked online and on the phone. But we need to meet and see what's there.

You'll get through it.

[NewYorkDragons80]

Dude, don't give this girl a second thought. If she wants to drive to see you, then let her. If not, then forget about her. If you're meeting women through dating sites, you should definitely be looking for people no more than an hour from you. There's quirky, and there's bizarre, and it sounds like she's the latter. She isn't worth the time or effort. Let her live in her crazy world while you learn to be alone for a little while longer. As shitty as loneliness can be, it beats the hell out of convincing yourself that insane behavior is cute behavior or passive aggressive is "unique". It's worth sticking out loneliness to wait for someone who won't drive you up the wall trying to get what makes her tick. If I were you, I wouldn't answer her calls for the first 2 times she calls. IF she calls again, then answer her and tell her you were uneasy about the meeting and don't cave to any excuse she gives. If she still wants to see you, have it on your terms. Make it known that she fucked up, but don't sound like it bothers you. If she doesn't accept that, she'd DEFINITELY not worth the time.

[commish13]

If that's in response to my original post, mister nydragons, then don't worry. That's LONG over.

[NewYorkDragons80]

If that's in response to my original post, mister nydragons, then don't worry. That's LONG over.

It is. I didn't read the date. I was gonna say that I didn't recall snow in the NJ/PA area :lol: