Dating Someone With 'Problems'?

[AnnoyedGrunt]

So, a little while ago I got a girl's phone number and I talked to her for the second time last night. It was a great conversation, we have a lot in common and the next thing you know it's 3 hours later. However, during the conversation she was very forthcoming about a lot of things and that makes me pause a little bit. She seems to come from a bit of a screwed up family in that she didn't go in to details, but she happened to mention in passing that her grandfather molested her cousin and her aunt was involved in an act of bestiality. I was a little taken aback but you can't pick your family, right?

Later in the conversation she brings up the fact that she was date raped by an ex and his friend, then once his friend left he proceeded to anally rape her. After this she started cutting herself and her hair was coming out in clumps. This was a couple years ago and she seems to be dealing much better, in that she isn't cutting anymore. She has also quit her partying lifestyle and stopped smoking a couple months ago.

Now, I'm not sure how to take this. On one hand I can see her being up front about this since she's keen on me, could see a relationship developing and wants all her cards on the table so there aren't any shocks a couple months down the road. On the other hand there's a part of me that thinks she could be bat shit insane considering she's telling all this to someone she's only talked to a handful of times. Any thoughts?

[brettmojo]

As long as her hair has grown back... Give it a go.

[Sinestro]

Run!!!

[disneyspy]

a date or two doesnt mean you have to marry her,go out with her,i think its cool she was up front with you

[Bossanova]

Ok, I have dated a few girls who have had their own past issues. Be it a father leaving her and her mother behind or sexual assault. Although they all ended up not working out all 3 girls were very open from the start. Granted not two calls in, but early. Its more of a I like you and don't want my insecurities or wierdness to push you away. Girls like this in my experience are absolute sweethearts who have been taken advantage of and don't want to hurt you. I don't think she was being crazy as much as she was protecting you and herself. No need to get deep into something if its going to wierd you out when she reacts a certain way to something or unloads some heavy shit. If she seems cool to you, and you like her. I say give her a chance, at the very least you shouldn't be blind sided by her.

[Sinestro]

she seems to be dealing much better, in that she isn't cutting anymore. She has also quit her partying lifestyle and stopped smoking a couple months ago.

Good for her.

[UpperEastSideDave]

if you can deal with it, then try it out. We can't change our past, and she was probably trying to give you a heads up for any future insecurities that she may show.

[Westley]

she sounds like a lier

[MacVittie]

she sounds like a conglomeration of every girlfriend I've ever had.

[JPMNICK]

if i didn't, I do not think I would have ever had sex.

[Tenbatsuzen]

westley really is the worst board character ever.

[DarkHippie]

everyone has problems. and everyone is in love with their problems. the greater the problems the greater the love.

Go on a few dates, but dont expect a long term. beware the woman who loves her problems more than her man

[epo]

If you get along great, go for it.

She has obviously seen enough positive things in you that she entrusted you with her past. If she didn't think that much of you she would have just treated you like a schmo and told you nothing.

[Sue_Bender]

westley really is the worst board character ever.


Really?!

[Tenbatsuzen]

Really?!

well, I have you on ignore the majority of the time because just looking at your avatars and sigs makes me ill.

sorry, look too much like a co-worker who actually makes me physically ill (doesn't shower) so...

[LaBoob]

Really?!

well, I have you on ignore the majority of the time

Blasphemy!!

Would you rather find out about someone's past slowly so that you get it in small, digestible clumps, or right off the bat, so you know what you're dealing with up front? Anyway, it doesn't really matter who she WAS, it matters who she IS... so find out about who she is right now and judge whether you can have a relationship with her off of that.

[Dirtybird12]

stick with it. sounds like it could be an easy lay:wink:

[patsopinion]

but she happened to mention in passing that her grandfather molested her cousin and her aunt was involved in an act of bestiality. I was a little taken aback but you can't pick your family, right?


its canada
that cousin was actually her

this girl has a lot of issues and prob a lot of trust issues
but its like a dog from the pound, if you grab on now you're going to get an incredible bargin

is she hot
is she a good earner?

if yes then keep it

[keithy_19]

If you sincerely enjoy her, no problem should come between you and your feelings for her.

[El Mudo]

So, a little while ago I got a girl's phone number and I talked to her for the second time last night. It was a great conversation, we have a lot in common and the next thing you know it's 3 hours later. However, during the conversation she was very forthcoming about a lot of things and that makes me pause a little bit. She seems to come from a bit of a screwed up family in that she didn't go in to details, but she happened to mention in passing that her grandfather molested her cousin and her aunt was involved in an act of bestiality. I was a little taken aback but you can't pick your family, right?

Later in the conversation she brings up the fact that she was date raped by an ex and his friend, then once his friend left he proceeded to anally rape her. After this she started cutting herself and her hair was coming out in clumps. This was a couple years ago and she seems to be dealing much better, in that she isn't cutting anymore. She has also quit her partying lifestyle and stopped smoking a couple months ago.

Now, I'm not sure how to take this. On one hand I can see her being up front about this since she's keen on me, could see a relationship developing and wants all her cards on the table so there aren't any shocks a couple months down the road. On the other hand there's a part of me that thinks she could be bat shit insane considering she's telling all this to someone she's only talked to a handful of times. Any thoughts?


From my experiences in a relationship with a girl who had some major problems (manic depressive and tried to commit suicide twice), its good from a sense that she's giving you the heads up that shes had some major issues in her life. But if you wanna be with her there's nothing else I can really tell you other than to just be wary and on your guard, and don't be surprised/angry/upset if she flakes out on you

[Dude!]

ther are over 3 billion women in the world
why glom on to damaged goods
like the guy above said run...dont walk...away

it feels good to rescue a damaged woman
but only for a little while
then the nightmare starts