Forgiveness

[Gvac]

Life is crazy, hectic, and stressful sometimes. We all go through things that we're positive other people just couldn't understand or bear. Most likely that's not the case, and the ones who are close to us are probably dealing with their own personal nightmares as they try to forge their way through their time on this planet.

Along the way, though, we often have some rather strong feelings of opposition, resentment, and anger toward some of the very same people who were at one time very close to us. We built up hatred for them and cut them out of our lives, convinced that it's the best possible way to deal with the situation.

Sometimes there are "irreconcilable differences" but I'd be willing to bet that more often than not, the wounds we've inflicted upon one another (even the really deep ones) can be healed if the people involved were willing to forgive. It's not easy; especially when you feel you've been disrespected or humiliated or treated unfairly. It's not impossible, though, and reconnecting with someone who meant so much to you at one point is one of the greatest feelings in the world.

I'm incredibly grateful that I've been forgiven (and been able to forgive) by some of the people who mean so much to me.


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[mikeyboy]

I agree with this wholeheartedly.

[hammersavage]

Alexander Pope said it best.

To err is human; to forgive is divine.

[reillyluck]

I think Woody Harrelson in Indecent Proposal said it best: "The things that two people in love do to each other they remember. And if they stay together, it is not because they forget, it is because they forgive"

[hammersavage]

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say this is the first thread that Alexander Pope and Woody Harrelson were used in conjunction.

[reillyluck]

you can add Mahatma Gandhi to the list

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.

[RoseBlood]

This topic is very close to my heart and the current memories are still fresh so forgive me if my thoughts are disorganized. I've recently experienced the beauty and power of forgiveness. It doesn't happen overnight, nor should it, but when you are able to forgive someone(s) and "let it go" your world will take on changes you never thought possible. Maybe I sound dramatic but this has been the case for me and I am very excited and proud of myself for it.

Myself and a cousin had what some would call "unforgiveable" acts put upon us some years ago. Prior to everything coming to the surface, I wasn't able to acknowledge what had happened let alone forgive anyone. When everything finally did come to a head and secrets were exposed, a flood of emotions came rushing at me as one would expect. Everyone who knew, who I knew, loved or cared about on some level had their own ideas about how things should've been handled; some were vocal about it, some were not. This just caused me more heartache and confusion because the ones whose opinions truly mattered to me weren't matching with what others were telling me.

Soon, my angers and resentments were being misplaced onto the people who loved me and not the perpetrator(s). I'm still not sure why but maybe it was just easier to get mad at people who I knew would still love me no matter what. Maybe the hurt I felt from them for committing lesser acts seemed greater cause I expected much more from them. I do know that the feelings I had were not healthy ones. Looking back, they were probably necessary for me to go through to get to where I am currently.

So I basically found myself feeling anger and resentment towards almost everyone. At the time I don't know if I could have even recognized my feelings as such but that's what they were. I believe everything happens for a reason and something good does rise from the ashes, something did in my case. Because of my families inactions and passiveness I learned how to heal myself. My previous statement makes it sound like I'm still harboring resentments towards them but I think I'm more accepting of the way people are now.

Everything that transpired as a result made me look inside the people I love, past the surface they were showing me and as result I think I have a better understanding of why they are the way they are. Once I was able to do that, I could accept who they were. My problem was I wanted them to react and do things they were not ready, willing or able to do. I realized I couldn't measure their love for me with how much anger they showed or didn't show. Anytime the subject arose I felt hurt and angry all over again because they were not able to say what I wanted them to say.

During this past month, I was sort of forced to face my perpetrators family once again, but this time my encounters felt different. It seems odd but for the first time I didn't feel my heart sinking. I didn't feel any anger at all and I didn't feel uncomfortable. I didn't feel like running away and hiding from them. I don't know what it was but it really was like a cloud had been removed and a weight lifted from me. Maybe it's denial, although I don't think it is in my case but I was able to talk to his family and feel forgiveness for something they had little control over. When you are able to put yourself in the "enemies" shoes and really try hard to look at things from their perspective, it changes your reality.

It made me sooo incredibly happy to have let go of the anger. It's such a wasted emotion in the long run and holds you back from moving on with your life. My resentments were replaced with a little sadness over what I had lost and the fact I actually do miss these people on some level. When I spoke to my cousin, I wasn't able to pacify her and I think she feels lost now that I no longer share in her hate.

[west milly Tom]

The preservation of bitterness, and the harboring of unforgiveness is death to ones soul and separation from God and intimacy.

[A.J.]

I wish I had the capacity to trim down my "dead to me" list. I don't forgive easily.

[Gvac]

It's definitely not the easiest thing in the world sometimes, A.J., but it feels amazing once you do it. Harboring resentment, hatred, and anger for someone is hurting yourself more than it is that person. What's the point? When you let those awful feelings go you feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off your chest. And you just might make a reconnection, if you're lucky.

[JerseyRich]

*Crosses fingers* Does this mean Crankcase is getting back together?

[Don Stugots]

This past year has been tough. I have wronged people and have been wronged. I have done my best to make amends and over the weekend had a great long talk with someone that I had a falling out with. It felt good to speak with him again and to know that our friendship will pick up where it left off.

[Ritalin]

I like this thread.

Let me ask you this: are forgiveness and reconnection (or maybe reconciliation is a better word) entwined? Can you forgive what a person did to you yet still not care for that person anymore? I'll tell you what I mean. My brother and I started a business together on a handshake and the end result of that partnership was that he fucked me so spectacularly that it belongs in some "How to" book. I went through several stages of rage, anger and hurt, but now it's several years later and I've dealt with it. It doesn't eat me up.

But I still don't want to have anything to do with him, because he's a horrible person, even beyond what went down with the two of us. Sometimes you just don't want to have certain people in your life, and it doesn't have much to do with forgiveness. I could turn the other cheek, shake his hand and forgive him, but I still wouldn't want to be in the same room with him.

And I have some experience with this. My father and I were estranged for a couple of years, and it was a Dear Abby column that got us back together. She wrote of a "day of reconciliation" or something like that and it hit me the right way, so I wrote him a letter and basically said that whatever was between us isn't important anymore and let's move on, and now we're closer than we've ever been.

That feels great, and I recommend it to anyone who's picking a scab that should be allowed to heal. But I also think that there are times where that doesn't work.

There are times when an asshole is just an asshole. I don't need any assholes in my life.

[Gvac]

I agree with what you've said, Ritalin, and I don't think reconnection is necessarily a definite end result of forgiveness. That's why I said that sometimes there are "irreconcilable differences" between people, but if you've been able to forgive your brother and lose the anger and hatred for him I think you're better for it, whether you choose to ever see him again or not.

[Death Metal Moe]

There's certian people in my life I could probably forgive just about any act for because I love them. And they have forgiven me for quite a bit.

Then there are people I've just cut ties with and never wondered about again.

I guess that's the difference between loving someone and just not fulling loving them. Friend, family, boy/girlfriend, whatever.

[spoon]

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The 1:57 point holds my feelings.....especially for the likes of Norv Turner, Jose Theodore, Joel Quennville and of course Gvac.

[GregoryJoseph]

I have decided to wipe the slate clean and begin 2009 with no malice toward anybody.

I hope I can keep the slate clean well into the year, but only time will tell.

[smiler grogan]

I wish I had the capacity to trim down my "dead to me" list. I don't forgive easily.

I used to be a lot more bitter for lack of a better word about life. i came to a realization that holding a resentment towards someone is a perverse way of keeping that relationship going.
Letting go and moving on is initially difficult but healthier for everybody. That being said I have forgiven some people who crushed me but I also realize that they are toxic to be around so we must part ways.

[drjoek]

I have decided to wipe the slate clean and begin 2009 with no malice toward anybody.

I hope I can keep the slate clean well into the year, but only time will tell.



Does that include the hundred I owe you?:wink:

[Coach]

"Love means never having to say you're sorry"..had to be done.

[mikeyboy]

I don't hold grudges, unless you've hurt someone very close to me. I find that harder to forgive.

[Don Stugots]

I have wiped the slate clean. Everyone is forgiven for their trespasses against me will not be forgotten nor should the wrongs I done to others but hope that I am forgiven.





*Crosses fingers* Does this mean Crankcase is getting back together?

If only there was a band night for that to happen..........