Your Parents

[Gvac]

One thing I've come to fully realize as I've gotten older is that my parents are human beings. I know that sounds crazy, but it's true. I know so many people who hold their mother and father in such high regard that it sounds like they view them as deities. They're infallible and always know what's best.

I also know people who despise their parents and blame them for their situation in life. The think their mom and dad were awful people who fucked them up for life. I know there are situations where this might be true, such as in cases of abuse, but I'm talking about people who had a relatively normal childhood except for the fact that their parents argued, didn't spoil them rotten, or weren't able to help them financially as they got older.

Our parents were people just like anybody else. They had kids. They tried to raise them without any instructional manual or divine knowledge. They did what they could and tried their best, in most cases. I'm sure they fucked up on a few child rearing issues, just as I'm sure they were better than most parents in certain other areas.

It astounds me when I think that by age 26 my father had two children, and I was a teenager by the time he turned 40. When I was a kid he seemed so old , now that I look back he was a kid raising a kid! My mom was even younger, and I'm amazed at what a great job she did in taking care of me and my sister.

When did it first hit you that your parents weren't heavenly angels sent from God, and they were just ordinary people like every body else? Do you get along with them now that you're an adult? Do you dislike them?

To the people who are parents, do you think of what yours did and try to learn from that as you bring up your kids?

[donnie_darko]

will someone give gvac a blog?
is kathleen using hers?

[Stankfoot]

I realized parents were human beings when my father's drinking problem got worse and it impacted his relationship with his children. In most cases it wasn't a major issue but in our lives but there were situations that would bring it to the forefront.

Because of that at an early age I realized parents aren't supermen, just regular people trying to do the best they can.

And years later when we had kids of our own and his drinking got bad again we gave him an ultimatum that if he wanted to continue that way we would need to keep him away from his grandchildren. He joined AA the next day, attends meeting regularly and is a changed man. We are all very proud of him.

[~Katja~]

I have always seen my parents as humans, and though our family was split apart and many decisions throughout their separation and years to come I respect and love them and know they did as they did just based on human reactions, the same reactions that make us do things the way we chose to as grown ups ourselves.
I have learned from their mistakes, but I would never tell them that they did us wrong.

I think it depends on who you have become as a person on how you handle your and their past.
My sister for example still will call them out on poor decisions from time to time and blame them on who she is today. It also has to do with the fact that she is not happy with her own life and does not know to help herself out of it, so she seeks for a reason and what is easier than blaming it on them.

My parents have acknowledged the things they have done wrong and on many counts regret things, so how could I blame them for being human with strong emotions and feelings that guided them through those times.

My father was very bitter over their divorce and did many things to make my mothers years difficult and only when I turned 18 and left the country for the first time it was lifted from him and he saw his mistakes... since that day they have become friends and sit at a table together, celebrate events with us together because it is not about them anymore but making our and our kids memories happy ones.

You are right, gvac, most our parents were kids raising kids, and it took them many years to grow up and put bitter feelings and selfish actions aside. They had no life experience yet and had yet to learn life's lessons and become who they are today.
Ultimately they loved us and had our best interest in mind, at the time that best interest was what they each seemed fit and also benefited themselves the most, these days that best interest is truly what is the best for us, the children and grand children.

I love my parents with all their faults, and they love me, though they may not always agree with my actions, but they have learned to let go and let me walk my own path, even if that is not the path they had in mind for me. They support my decisions and are proud of them.

[boobieman]

I think a lot of parents today try not to repeat what they hated their parents for and for what they did to them. I think everyone when they are young hate their parents at some point. Normally not a long hate, but for a short time their is some sort of hatred. That is why I think parents today, don't really yell at their kids, don't punish the kids as strictly as they were. Don't give the kid a smack when it is really called for. I see it all the time. Parents now a days, reason with the children, don't just say NO you can't have that or NO you can't do that.
When I was young, I always thought that my parents had like a book or a play list, to follow. Or it was like a automatic thing. You had kids and this is what you are suppose to do. Now that I am some what of a grown up, I see having kids are a scary as hell thing. The worry, the providing, the just wanting your kids to do better and have a better life.

I understand now and for some time. My parents and all parents are just a normal person with a hell of a lot more responsibility dumped on them. That you have to admire. Just wish parents today would show their kids that life is hard and things don't always work out the way it should or want. Also I think kids should have more fun, get a little dirtier, learn to lose and try to enjoy as much as possible. Cause when they get older, life gets harder, and having fun is a little harder to accomplish.

My parents were great and still are. They still worry about me and always try to help me out even when I don't need it. I guess I am one of the lucky ones. They are together for 48 years and still going strong. I love them and they mean so much to me.

Just have to remember that when I am trying to show them how to work a DVD player or use a ATM.....that drove me nuts.

SEEYEYYSAYAYAYAA

[Thebazile78]

My parents have always been fallible, but that's OK by me.

I am a stronger, more independent person for that.

Did they make mistakes? ABSOLUTELY. So what? We all do. How else do we learn?

After my parents' divorce (and during it as well) I was very angry with my mother for a lot of the things she had done. It took going away to college before I was able to let go of a lot of the anger ... and allow myself to become more compassionate towards her. Graduating helped, too. Now, I admit that I love my mother. (This is HUGE. I hated her for almost my entire life and have been telling her off since I was 4.)

I've never been as angry with my father for his mistakes, although I do get frustrated with him at times, but I realize that those are HIS choices and HE has to deal with the consequences. I love him anyway.

I am actually thankful for the mistakes my parents made and even more thankful that I have learned something from them. They did their best, and only what they knew, so how can I retain any resentment for that?

[biggestmexi]

will someone give gvac a blog?
is kathleen using hers?

i chuckled

[AngelAmy]

will someone give gvac a blog?
is kathleen using hers?

i chuckled

no need for the peanut gallery, remember where you are.

[paulisded]

This is an interesting thread to read just hours after being informed that some cancer was found in my mother's colon.

[Gvac]

This is an interesting thread to read just hours after being informed that some cancer was found in my mother's colon.

Sorry to hear that, buddy, and I wish you and your mom all the best.

On the bright side, it's a very treatable kind of cancer. My mom went through 2 surgeries and extensive radiation treatment for breast cancer last year so I can relate.

So far, she's got a clean bill of health.

[reillyluck]

this thread is way too personal for me to get into. the only thing i can offer in this thread is, if you have semi normal parents, cherish it. be thankful that they never abandoned you or made you feel like less of a person.

love and appreciate your normal parents.

[RoseBlood]

For a long time I put my mother on a pedestal and had little relationship with my father. Over the past 5 years and slowly with therapy and my own work, I've been able to view my parents in a much clearer, healthier light.

Without going into unnecessary details, I am very thankful for what my parents have given me. I now also realize that my mother has her flaws and I can rely on myself more. I've also learned how to have a relationship with my father and understand him better.

Gvac is right, parents are people, filled with good and bad and sometimes they don't give us what we want or need but in the long run it is up to us to accept them and live our lives regardless. And just because you say you'd do things differently as a parent doesn't make you right. We may fix our parents 'mistakes' but we will inevitably make our own 'mistakes' with our children. We can't predict the future and with each generation comes change and parents don't always know how to adjust their parental skills to suit each generation, situation and child.

There are grown ups out there I know who still hold their parents word as law and then there are those I know who have very skewed memories of their upbringing. Regardless, we are dealt a hand and we have to make the most of what we are dealt. I'm not saying we can't acknowledge that we may have been wronged but life is just to short to hold grudges.

[paulisded]

Sorry to hear that, buddy, and I wish you and your mom all the best.

On the bright side, it's a very treatable kind of cancer. My mom went through 2 surgeries and extensive radiation treatment for breast cancer last year so I can relate.

So far, she's got a clean bill of health.

Thanks, and so far it appears that you're right. The doctors don't believe it will be a problem, although you can imagine that she's pretty freaked out by any mention of the "c" word.

[~Katja~]

This is an interesting thread to read just hours after being informed that some cancer was found in my mother's colon.

wow Scott, I am so sorry.
The last months of this year have not been good to you.
I hope she gets treated quick and better fast!

[paulisded]

wow Scott, I am so sorry.
The last months of this year have not been good to you.
I hope she gets treated quick and better fast!

She goes in right away Monday.

[Foster]

This is an interesting thread to read just hours after being informed that some cancer was found in my mother's colon.

Sorry to hear about your mom, but as stated here already, when colon cancer is caught in the early stages its totally treatable.
My parents are at an age where medical concerns are starting to pop too frequently and its making me acknowledge that they will not be around forever.
We shouldn't take them for granted.

I hope for all the best for your mom.

[paulisded]

Sorry to hear about your mom, but as stated here already, when colon cancer is caught in the early stages its totally treatable.
My parents are at an age where medical concerns are starting to pop too frequently and its making me acknowledge that they will not be around forever.
We shouldn't take them for granted.

I hope for all the best for your mom.

Thanks...it is a bit of a relief to read this material.

[boobieman]

Best of luck with your Mom. Just make sure everyone is there for her. Be around her and keep her mind busy other than thinking about her sickness. Also their are support groups to help her out. If she starts to feel over whelmed by everything she should try one. I know it helped some of my family members out when things of this sort happened.

Best of luck and don't ever give up hope. It is a strong dam thing.

SEEYYAYYAAAA

[Farmer Dave]

One thing I've come to fully realize as I've gotten older is that my parents are human beings.

To the people who are parents, do you think of what yours did and try to learn from that as you bring up your kids?

My first gut reaction was 'No shit'. Then I stopped and thought about it a bit. The parent-kid relationship is a bitch.

I was hoping to farm with my dad, but he was killed. I quit college and took over the farm working for my mom. I was 21 at the time and, wow, there were issues. 19 years later we get along great.

As for my kids, we spend as much time together as any of us can stand. We go camping about every other weekend and we recently bought a ski boat. I want to spend as much time as I can with them before they hit their teen years and think Mom and Dad are complete dip shits.

[TheGameHHH]

i know my parents are human and have since i was a teenager. with that said, they are truly amazing people and did a fantastic job raising me and my sisters. if i could be half as good as my parents to my kids (when i have them) then i will consider myself a successful parent.

[A.J.]

My parents were married when my Dad was going into his senior year of college. 3 weeks after he graduated, I was born. I can't imagine that kind of responsibility at 22, let at alone right now. I also can't believe my Dad was the great father he is given the incredibly shitty childhood he had. They have sacrificed their own career paths to give my brother and me the very best they could. When I was being a little punk teenager, I barely spoke to my Dad and gave my Mom shit all the time. They never gave me the beating I so richly deserved and continued to bust their asses for me. It wasn't til I left home for college that this all sunk in through my thick skull. So therefore, I hold my parents in pretty high regard.

And even though they are selfless and are genuinely good people, they still get kicked around by others. There are things I won't go into but the last 2 years have been miserable for my Dad at work. I'm fiercely loyal to my parents. I'd take a bullet for them -- and I'm half-tempted to put a bullet into someone else for them.

I just wish my Mom would ease up with the holiday crap. I'm not a kid anymore and they have no grandkids to see.

[The Ogre]

This is a great topic to bring up, and it's one I've been thinking about over the last couple weeks. Not to join in on the cancer parade, but my dad just had his prostate removed last month, and of course when shit like that happens you start to think back and analyze his life. My folks had my sister at 21 and me at 23. Shit, at 23 I had the job I have now and will be working for the rest of my life, but I was also drinking every night and living in a house that looked like the Paper Street Soap Company. To imagine my dad taking on the burden of two kids, a wife and a 65 hour a week job in his early 20's is staggering. I think I get now why my folks were at each others throats more often than not.

My dad also had no dad of his own growing up so I know how important it was for him to be a provider. I think with a lot of our dads they looked at being a provider as more important than anything else. He might have failed sometimes at being a dad, but we never had to worry about money due to his Herculean work ethic. I know I have the same tendencies now with my own family. I was shooting the shit with my dad a few weeks ago and I think we came up with the modus operandi for our lives. We find somebody we care about so much that we marry them, take them out of the workforce and take care of them for the rest of our lives. That sounds pretty typical, but I think it has more to do with being fatherly than being a husband.

[Boogie in Va]

Trying to figure out how to put in to words what I want to say is not easy. Until it happens, you really don't think about it. Once it does happen, it's all you can think about.
I lost my father back on September 17. He turned 73 in August and was admitted to the ICU on the same day. Happy birthday right? This man was and still is my hero. I cherish every memory I have of him.
What makes this harder for my brother and I, is we both work for family business. We would see and talk to Pop every day. It is so hard walking in to my office and not seeing him sitting in his office.
For those who do not spend a lot of time with your parents, take it from me and do so. Even if it is just a phone call a few times a week.

[grlNIN]

There are things about my parents that i probably would have spewed off about in this thread years earlier but at this point in my life i can say i love them and have been firsthand to see their mistakes as human beings oh, since i was 10.

I've had ever changing relationships with them, from loving to hating to not speaking to them or living with them but now i make it a point to try and see them every week at least once and call at least once.

It's easier with my father but my mother has serious issues which really prevents me from being close to her in a mother//daughter capacity. It hurts my heart every now and then i get very depressed and wish i could do more for them but it's just the way it is.

I've tried to make the proper amends about the feelings and circumstances they wrought between my brothers and i because i don't want to have baggage for the rest of my life.

I also acknowledge that for all the good & bad, they did sacrifice and use what was within their limits to bring me up right and i feel that i was and i've turned out how i should have turned out.

[hydee]

I was born to children of the 70's that lived the total 70's life style. They didn't care for me the way they should so my grandparents ended up adopting me when I turned 7.

I never gave it much thought until I turned 33 this year. What my grandparents sacrificed to give me a good life. It astounds me. They gave up their privacy, their retirement nest egg and their golden years to take care of a 7 year old broken little girl.

To me it is amazing. They jumped into it with great intentions and I love and respect them for all they did for me. Without them I wouldn't be alive like I am now. There is no telling where I would have wound up and with whom.

I also realized that they had a lot of personal stuff to deal with over taking me in. My grandfather always wanted a girl and after they adopted me he showered me with love and care and it rubbed my grandmother the wrong way. I was also the daughter of my grandmothers favorite son, so it was hard for her to deal with me. I can't blame her but she really loved my father and I imagine that it is hard to be the mother of your favorite kids biggest mistake. Again I feel bad for the wedge that I didn't know I put in their marriage. At the end of my grandfathers life he was diagnosed with protate cancer. I dropped out of college to care for him, because the people we were paying to care for him abused him.

I became my grandfather's world (not to toot a horn or anything) but when you become the primary care giver for someone you become a rather big part of their life. I cared for him 24/7 for 2 years and that made my grandmother feel like I was taking her place. I didn't mean for that to happen it just did, we didn't get along very well after my grandfather died. I was expecting it but it wasn't very fun to live in my house.

I love that my first set of parents gave me life. I love that my second set gave me a home and a sense of who I should be and who framed the person I have become.

I can't have children, but my husband and I are talking about adoption right now. I hope I can give to an older child what my grandparents gave me.

[Thebazile78]

Thanks, and so far it appears that you're right. The doctors don't believe it will be a problem, although you can imagine that she's pretty freaked out by any mention of the "c" word.

Cancer is less and less of a death sentence because of all the diagnostic tools we have nowadays.

Treatment is still icky, but, for the most part, it works.

Sending good thoughts for your mom ... 'cause cancer sucks.

[angelinad128]

I sooo get along with them more now as an adult. But this is making me think about how I am as a parent. I think I expect to much from my daughter to be perfect...and she so isn't but I don't blame her...it's the defective genes from her father's side that have taken over that I blame!! :laugh:

[Thebazile78]

I sooo get along with them more now as an adult. But this is making me think about how I am as a parent. I think I expect to much from my daughter to be perfect...and she so isn't but I don't blame her...it's the defective genes from her father's side that have taken over that I blame!! :laugh:

But, as an actively parenting parent, don't you just want the very best for your children?

I often felt, as a kid, that my parents expected far too much from me. But, on the flip side, I now expect a lot more from myself ... which can be frustrating when I psych myself out.

[angelinad128]

But, as an actively parenting parent, don't you just want the very best for your children?

I often felt, as a kid, that my parents expected far too much from me. But, on the flip side, I now expect a lot more from myself ... which can be frustrating when I psych myself out.

I kid, but of course I do. I would do anything to make sure she gets the best that I can offer.

[Thebazile78]

I kid, but of course I do. I would do anything to make sure she gets the best that I can offer.

Including moving bodies.

I know. My dad's the same way.

[angelinad128]

Including moving bodies.

I know. My dad's the same way.

If it came to that.

[biggestmexi]

wish i had some respectable ones