Is there a transcript to ESD's short story about Jack Donovan?

[codenhead]

anybody?

[Antioch]

That was a great story, contrary to what Ron said.

[Slumbag]

I remember the first line was something about Raspberry flavored Pop Tarts.
And I remember "Ear Muffins". :lol:

[PapaBear]

I remember the first line was something about Raspberry flavored Pop Tarts.
And I remember "Ear Muffins". :lol:
That's Guys with Ear Muffins.:smoke:

[hammersavage]

It was as slippery as a banana peel on ice.

[Gvac]

I don't know about a transcript, but you can listen to the bit HERE. (http://www.ronfez.net/forums/downloads.php?do=file&id=2991)

[hammersavage]

I will transcribe this tomorrow. It's too late tonight but this bit makes me happier than anything so it'll be a joy.

[hammersavage]

Here you go. I have no life at all.

Jack Donovan

“There’s no justice out there. Just mice and raspberry flavored poptarts.” –Jack Donovan

Amidst the stories and articles I’ve written in the past, I’ve never written a biographical story until now. The day the heavens opened, the day Raleigh Valdere tap danced, the day I met Jack Donovan. Jack Donovan, 63 year old man, rumored to be out of a small town in New Hampshire. A man in my town is a mystery to all who populate it. I was walking alone one Saturday evening around 6 after a hard day of yard work, bad bar-b-queing, and serious waffle ball playing with some of the cousins. It had been a brutal day. Mosquitoes as relentless as Roger Ebert on a buffet table had ravaged and plundered my skin, everything from my shins to my nose. They didn’t get my ears; I was wearing my ear muffins.

My little cousin, who I swear my aunt Edna had called ‘Lucifer’, decided to catapult a tablespoon of ketchup in my general direction. Lucifer had said he was really aiming for my other cousin, his brother Kevin. None the less, the bomb of Heinz had hit me right above the left eye. Quite truthfully it was a good shot. And I didn’t know whether to be annoyed or proud of the tike. Regardless I had had enough. I only had one mission now: escape.

I covered myself in mud from head to toe. And after stopping first to take out my uncle Charlie who was standing post at the gate, I slipped away like a banana peel on ice. Yes I was free. I took off the ski mask that I had mounted on my head before my meeting with rivermud and chucked it into the bushes. Then I ran away from my house. I got about 3 blocks away before I saw him; it was Jack Donovan. He had been living in Spring Lake for a dozen years, give or take an egg. But catching a glimpse of him was like catching a glimpse of Hailey’s comet, Bigfoot, St. Nick and the everlasting all-powerful being himself all rolled into one. I searched for my 007 spytech mini-camera that was disguised like a Snickers bar to take a shot of him but I came up empty. Damn I thought, where was Marcus Brody when you need him? Nevermind, just keep walking, I’m sure he knows I’m onto him. Just stay cool.

“Hey boy! Yes you boy come here, come here boy. I ain’t gonna bite ya!” He had spoken. Jack Donovan. Rumored to have been the ex-presidential aid, rumored to have been a German war expert, rumored to have a golden collie named Gus, had spoke. Not only had he spoken, he had tried to communicate with me. This couldn’t be happening, it wasn’t true. “I got something to show you boy, come here.” I was frightened. Don’t get me wrong, this man had more rumors and gossip spread about him then most movie stars did, more than most members of the British royal family did. Hell, he had more gossip going around then most British royal family movie stars and most of it was bad. The kind of gossip that actually makes your gums bleed. Still, I was incredibly interested in him. So I walked up to him on the porch.

“Come inside boy. That’s it, come on.” I followed inside, oh what was I doing! This was crazier than dressing up as Wilford Brimley at an oatmeal convention! I was headed for certain doom. Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you’re my only hope! Jack Donovan pulled back a purple curtain revealing dead bodies. No wait, it wasn’t a mass of human corpses after all! It was an elaborate set up of oil paintings. And what paintings! Bob Ross never made art like this, mommy. Beautiful colors, breathtaking scenery. This was flat out genius. Screw Van Gogh. Leonarda Schmeamardo. I had seen art and its name was Jack Donovan. All this from a Croation chess player or whatever the hell he was rumored to be.

“I’ve seen you walk past my house before,” he said staring up at the clouds. “Like I did when I was younger. I thought you might like to see some of these paintings.”

Like was an understatement. This was art. Beautiful art and I had never even liked art before. Looney Tunes had been enough for me. But there I was in the middle of all this great art. In the presence of mysterious Jack Donovan, feeling *blest*. That’s when it hit me, I don’t know why but it did. A true enigma I tell ya. Whether it was stirring the emotions or whatever, I vomited all over Jack Donovan. I mean right on him. I shrieked in horror, surely he would eat me for breakfast now.

“Don’t worry boy, it’s an old shirt anyway. I’ll be right back.” He’s going to go get his chainsaw, he’d get a pack of 30 pound rats and let them devour me alive. He came back into the room, he was wearing a new shirt. It was nice, it was blue and had a lemon scent to it. He was holding something behind his back. He took it out and showed it to me. It was incredible. It was majestic. Unfortunately, I can’t truly describe to you what this looked like. I’ll make a feeble attempt to put this into words but bear with me. Take the most enchanting object you’ve ever laid your eyes on, whether it be the Grand Canyon, an amazing sunset, or a half pound of Swedish Fish, multiply it by infinity. A poor description, yes. But that’s how I felt. This was it, this was beauty.

“Take it,” he said. “I saw you walking and I thought it would be perfect for you.”

“Thank you,” I said. I took it. I walked out of his house wanting to go back. I felt that he should have kept it for that moment only. By the time I returned to his magical house, his sister Missy had moved in and told me he had passed away. I was upset. I was torn like urchins by a sea otter. But then I remember what he gave me, what I still hold til this day. And I smiled. And I haven’t stopped smiling since.

[mikeyboy]

Amidst the stories and articles I’ve written in the past, I’ve never written a biographical story until now. The day the heavens opened, the day Raleigh Valdere tap danced, the day I met Jack Donovan. Jack Donovan, 63 year old man, rumored to be out of a small town in New Hampshire. A man in my town is a mystery to all who populate it. I was walking alone one Saturday evening around 6 after a hard day of yard work, bad bar-b-queing, and serious waffle ball playing with some of the cousins. It had been a brutal day. Mosquitoes as relentless as Roger Ebert on a buffet table had ravaged and plundered my skin, everything from my shins to my nose. They didn’t get my ears; I was wearing my ear muffins.

Wait...

Wait...

Wait...


Did Sleeves rip off Dave???!!?!?!?!!!

[hammersavage]

The guy who wrote that got Casey. Casey!!!

He must be blest, mommy.

[JAH1013]

What's not to like?

[toolshed]

He took it out and showed it to me. It was incredible. It was majestic

Autobiographical.

[hammersavage]

I was covered in mud (shit).

[Don Stugots]

Wait...

Wait...

Wait...


Did Sleeves rip off Dave???!!?!?!?!!!



HOO HOO!

[Marc with a c]

i searched for my 007 mini-camera that was disguised like a snickers bar

[Marc with a c]

he had been living in spring lake for a dozen years, give or take an egg.

[hammersavage]

Hell, he had more gossip going around then most British royal family movie stars and most of it was bad. The kind of gossip that actually makes your gums bleed.

[Marc with a c]

this was crazier than dressing up as wilfred brimley at an oatmeal convention.

[Furtherman]

Hammersavage gets the beanie cup for that transcript.

[Marc with a c]

they give the beanie cup for being pathetic?

[AnnoyedGrunt]

Didn't Dave have another story that was supposed to be kind of a hardboiled, film noir kind of thing but quickly degenerated in to arguing about the correct change with a 7-11 employee?

[hammersavage]

they give the beanie cup for being pathetic?

That's redundant.

[hammersavage]

Bob Ross never made art like this, mommy.

Can I have a mod quote already!!

[Devo37]

Didn't Dave have another story that was supposed to be kind of a hardboiled, film noir kind of thing but quickly degenerated in to arguing about the correct change with a 7-11 employee?

the story of Arthur's trip to Stan Zenker's house. another ESD classic!

"It was my favorite time of day: nighttime."

[Sleeves]

Wait...

Wait...

Wait...


Did Sleeves rip off Dave???!!?!?!?!!!

oh my god, what have i done...

[patsopinion]

oh my god, what have i done...

for shame!

[hammersavage]

the story of Arthur's trip to Stan Zenker's house. another ESD classic!

"It was my favorite time of day: nighttime."



I inexplicably don't have this audio in my archive. But if you point it out I'll grab it and transcribe.

[hammersavage]

I'm bumping this because I just remembered I did this. That's dedication.




“There’s no justice out there. Just mice and raspberry flavored poptarts."

[Devo37]

Fez: "Hey you, Clean Neck, want a girl?"

[WhateverMJ]

The other story was even better, if only for R&F riffing on it.

"Carlo! Where'd ya get the wides!?" fucking killed me.

[hammersavage]

I will transcribe whatever is given to me.

[mikeyboy]

So, I was playing around with this animation software and decided to thrown in some of the Jack Donovan thing. There's a limit to how much text you can use, so I only did an excerpt.

<embed src = "http://www.xtranormal.com/players/jwplayer.swf" width = "500" height = "350" allowscriptaccess = "always" allowfullscreen = "true" flashvars = "height=350&width=500&file=http://video.xtranormal.com/highres/20090314/2d33b5a6-10ee-11de-906d-001b210ae39a_7.flv&image=http://video.xtranormal.com/highres/20090314/2d33b5a6-10ee-11de-906d-001b210ae39a_7_0.jpg&searchbar=false&autostart=false"></embed>

Direct Link (http://www.xtranormal.com/watch?e=20090314195710429)