Two babies. Am I going to lose my mind?

[Caseyelan]

Seriously.

I am having a little mental breakdown worrying about having such a young baby and being pregnant.
I am starting to have a hard time picking her up and getting around without back pain.
When Dave goes back to work I fear I won't be an effective mom.

Man, Hormones suck it.


How did you guys do it? If you ever did.

http://img155.imageshack.us/img155/8397/preggerseq7.jpg

[Dude!]

one of my great-grandmothers had 14 kids
all about 18 months apart
they all turned out fine and so did she
she lived to be almost 100

you will be fine with 2

[KatPw]

My boss and his brother are 11 months apart. Their mother was 17 when she had both of them. Both brothers became Dentists, something that would make any Jewish mother proud :thumbup:. If my boss's parents could do it, so can you. Just do what you have to do. And demand back rubs. Lots of back rubs. Oh, and foot rubs. And are allowed to be as hormonal as you like.

[Tall_James]

No, you won't lose your mind. You may get a little frazzled from time to time but just make sure that Dave knows that you need his help when he gets home from work every day. Its easy to forget, as a guy coming home tired from work, that motherhood is a much tougher gig than he might have himself. Especially if the two of you are raising the kids without help from a nanny, baby sitter or live-in relative.

It may not seem like it now but this is one of greatest times in your parental life. Like any worthwhile endeavor there will be work involved, but the reward is immense.

[Friday]

davey looks like he is about to eat your face. :happy:

you will be fine...

of course, i have cats. so what do i know...

but if those jon and kate people can do ten kids, then you will excel with your two babies.
and you guys are way more fun than those squares!

be sure to remind me of how positive i was when it's my turn. :p

[Caseyelan]

Not so much the having two. It's the thought of running around pregnant and picking up and playing with a 7 month old, who requires alot of my attention these days.

When I was preggers with Julianna I was able to rest when I wanted and take baths when I hurt etc.
No such luxuries this time around.

[TooLowBrow]

you are gonna lose it.

sorry

at least youll have 2 beautiful babies to show for it

[~Katja~]

having 2 that close apart was my greatest fear and I am glad I don't because I would worry just as you do.
I do have a lot of friends that had a baby within a year of their first and they all do so well. It seems by the time baby no2 is born especially little girl siblings try to be a helper and they have a lot of nurturing feelings and want to have their "own" baby. So you may be very lucky and Julianna will be an awesome big sister. It also often makes the older one grow up a bit faster... and being less needy and stressful during their tantrum phase...
Anyway, most of my friends with kids that close apart love it, and it will be great for Julianna to have a playmate so close in age which a year or two down the road will make things much easier for you, as they will entertain each other.

[~Katja~]

Not so much the having two. It's the thought of running around pregnant and picking up and playing with a 7 month old, who requires alot of my attention these days.

When I was preggers with Julianna I was able to rest when I wanted and take baths when I hurt etc.
No such luxuries this time around.

take any help offered from friends and family. Don't feel guilty for it, just take it. They all love you and want your best.

[disneyspy]

try some basic breath meditation
its more or less just breathin normally and feeling the motion of breath.breath in positivity and breathe out negativity.think positive thoughts and try to see the positives in all your experiences.if that doesnt work, beat a rug

[MacVittie]

You'll probably feel like you're losing your mind quite a bit. But a little of that might be a good thing; one shouldn't be too cavalier about (double) parenthood. Just remind yourself that people much less capable than you have raised children, and you'll be fine. Plus, your children have grandparents, uncles, friends, and radio hosts that care about them very much.

[Caseyelan]

You'll probably feel like you're losing your mind quite a bit. But a little of that might be a good thing; one shouldn't be too cavalier about (double) parenthood. Just remind yourself that people much less capable than you have raised children, and you'll be fine. Plus, your children have grandparents, uncles, friends, and radio hosts that care about them very much.

Ron and julianna just fight all the time. It's uncomfy.


I know, I know. We will manage.

But I fear that at 1:45 monday julianna will need to get upstairs and I won't be able to lift her.

[~Katja~]

Ron and julianna just fight all the time. It's uncomfy.


I know, I know. We will manage.

But I fear that at 1:45 monday julianna will need to get upstairs and I won't be able to lift her.

Then the same way you baby proof your house make it pregnancy proof. Use a play pen during the day and keep her downstairs for naps.
And at night time Dave can take her upstairs for you.
Just change things up a bit to make yourself more comfortable. Back pains are the worst during pregnancy, not to mention when the ligaments start hurting... be easy on yourself and Julianna will not notice that much of a difference, she is too little to remember that time.

[MacVittie]

Ron and julianna just fight all the time. It's uncomfy.

Its a new year, perhaps those two can hash out their differences and start over clean.

But I fear that at 1:45 monday julianna will need to get upstairs and I won't be able to lift her.

Could you get Beanie/Other Grandmother to come and give you a little help? I'm sure they'd understand.

[CuntagiousChris]

You probably will lose your mind at least in spurts i know i did and i only had one pot helped though when i got 2 stressed i just smoked a bowl and the world lightened its load. more than anything relax when you get all worked up your no good to yourself or anyone around you

[Sarge]

When we were told my wife was pregnant with twins, we almost passed out. Two babies at once was like nothing I've ever dealt with. Looking back on it, I'm glad it was twins. I can't imagine having to deal with the pregnancy while raising a 7 month old. That being said, You guys will be fine. As others have said, you have a lot of people willing to help you out, don't try to do it alone, let them help. I'm sure it will get a little crazy but you'll be o.k.

[donnie_darko]

It seems like with Dave's schedule he'd be of great assistance.

[Caseyelan]

It seems like with Dave's schedule he'd be of great assistance.

Hmmm... I have to drive him to the bus with the baby at 8:30 am.
i have to pick him up with the baby at 7:30 (on average)

Not exactly an ideal schedule.

[MacVittie]

You probably will lose your mind at least in spurts i know i did and i only had one pot helped though when i got 2 stressed i just smoked a bowl and the world lightened its load. more than anything relax when you get all worked up your no good to yourself or anyone around you

Pot & Pregnancy: a good idea?

Where's Dr. Steve when you need him?

[sailor]

Hmmm... I have to drive him to the bus with the baby at 8:30 am.
i have to pick him up with the baby at 7:30 (on average)

Not exactly an ideal schedule.

why such long hours? there's not that much prepared material is there?

best of luck with it all.

[Caseyelan]

why such long hours? there's not that much prepared material is there?

best of luck with it all.

well, we live in nj.

2 hours commute almost each way with bus and trains.
they have meetings and things.

[TooLowBrow]

But I fear that at 1:45 monday julianna will need to get upstairs and I won't be able to lift her.

do you know anyone who sells stair chairs?

[sailor]

well, we live in nj.

2 hours commute almost each way with bus and trains.
they have meetings and things.

that's still 7 hours in the office for a 3 hour show. don't want to derail the thread but it just seems like a lot longer than most people would assume.

[Caseyelan]

that's still 7 hours in the office for a 3 hour show. don't want to derail the thread but it just seems like a lot longer than most people would assume.


Yeah, I don't see why thats weird.

:)

It IS a job.

[Friday]

do you know anyone who sells stair chairs?

haha!

handi lift IS a lifesaver... but i think Miss Casey can handle the situation without one.
she will be one... and walking by then. this can be her moment to go above and beyond to get up those stairs!
then we shall call her.... SuperBaby.

[moochcassidy]

that's still 7 hours in the office for a 3 hour show. don't want to derail the thread but it just seems like a lot longer than most people would assume.

yeah you do make alot of fuckin assumptions about what goes on in there.

[sailor]

yeah you do make alot of fuckin assumptions about what goes on in there.

wow. i have no idea what you're talking about.

[smiler grogan]

well....we are trying to get where you and Dave are. I do think about how crazy it will be with another lil' one around so I understand how you can be freaking out. One suggestion and I know its a big one is getting a second car or Dave drives himself to the bus while your pregnant, at some point you aint gonna want to drive him. As others have said ask friends and family for help you deserve it and down the line I am sure you will repay the favor.

[smiler grogan]

I was talking to a coworker a while ago when we decided to try for a second that there is a built in genetic drive to continue our genetic code by having a child. After having one realizing how insane it is to raise children and wanting more is a sure sign of madness. We are all mad.

[Caseyelan]

well....we are trying to get where you and Dave are. I do think about how crazy it will be with another lil' one around so I understand how you can be freaking out. One suggestion and I know its a big one is getting a second car or Dave drives himself to the bus while your pregnant, at some point you aint gonna want to drive him. As others have said ask friends and family for help you deserve it and down the line I am sure you will repay the favor.

Yeah, that would be nice... but very unlikely.
We are saving every penny right now for all the new expenses and although the family lives close to us... They aren't THAT close that they could drive him.

I'll have to check into local buses to take to the nyc bus.
Maybe there is something kinda close.

edit: closest bus station 4 miles.

[WhistlePig]

My husband's mom had 11 kids and many of them were within a year and a half of each other. You'd think if it was a horror show she wouldn't have done it but she did and loved it. Think positive and enjoy every minute of it. You'll figure it out. That is what moms do best.

[Tenbatsuzen]

One, I love that pic. It looks like a promo pic for a mid-80's network sitcom.

Secondly, Case, the biggest issue you have is doubt. You have a wonderful support system. Dave, Beanie, Deb, Mr. Doug, Arelis, everyone. You may feel alone, but you aren't. Relish that. Fall back on their experience. You have shoulders to cry on and people to laugh with.

[topless_mike]

casey,
just think of it this way:

millions of other moms have gone through this same situation. what makes you any different?


its like riding the highest roller coaster ever imaginable. you will survive it.

[Tenbatsuzen]

yeah you do make alot of fuckin assumptions about what goes on in there.

and you're being really fucking condescending to someone who may not know how the business works. Mooch, remember the forum. Thanks.

[spoon]

First off, that makes 3 kids bc super east side dave surely is your toughest project!

That being said, remember how many out there are still trying just to have one healthy baby. I'm happy as hell for you guys, but the pros easily outweigh the cons, and Davey seems like a good dad too all kidding aside.

Perhaps you too can buy my townhouse right next to the bus stop to NYC here near route 3, and I can make my bid on a nice new house. I'll give you a good deal!

Anyway, good luck and you'll be fine kiddo!

[Coach]

well, we live in nj.

2 hours commute almost each way with bus and trains.
they have meetings and things.
Don't do the daycare down the street from the Neptune HS! We had more calls there than I can count!
I know a few good sitters in Ocean Grove. Just saying, cause I figure he catches the bus out of there every day.

[nukinfuts]

I don't know that pregnancy would be any easier if she was a little older than 7 months because then you would be pregnant and trying to chase around a toddler. At least she is not very mobile yet and you can keep her somewhat easily contained. I had to chase my 4 year old son around when I was pregnant with my daughter and looking back I wish I had had them a little closer together. You will manage because you are a good mommy and it will just come natural. Men try to help they really do and take as much help from Dave as you can get or he is willing to give and remember they really can't understand what it's like to be in your shoes so don't hold it against him. I have found that men don't take hints very well...some genetic flaw. You will be fine, just take as much time for you as you can get during the day and stay healthy. Like someone else said don't feel guilty about asking or taking help from the family...you are carrying around a prospective beenie cup contender:wink:

[Tenbatsuzen]

Don't do the daycare down the street from the Neptune HS! We had more calls there than I can count!
I know a few good sitters in Ocean Grove. Just saying, cause I figure he catches the bus out of there every day.

I don't think the Jew of the Year is allowed in Ocean Grove.

[Coach]

I don't think the Jew of the Year is allowed in Ocean Grove.You'd be surprised, I know a Rabbi has a house there. They do have an Old Nun's Home on Main street.

[furie]

i have two now. It's not much harder than just the one.
but the crying and screaming. when they're both at it, i feel like i will go mad.

[Tenbatsuzen]

You'd be surprised, I know a Rabbi has a house there. They do have an Old Nun's Home on Main street.

To allow non-Jerseyans on the joke:

Ocean Grove is one of the most super-concentrated Christian communities on the Jersey Shore, if not the entire state. It's also one of the nicest areas on the shore. It's quiet, beautiful, and no shore trash.

[Coach]

To allow non-Jerseyans on the joke:

Ocean Grove is one of the most super-concentrated Christian communities on the Jersey Shore, if not the entire state. It's also one of the nicest areas on the shore. It's quiet, beautiful, and no shore trash.
Well, pretty true..you get the occasional Nuts..there are 4 or 5 Mental health group homes that you have to deal with at times.
For a "dry" town there are a lot of drinkers..sit outside on a Friday night and watch the people walk over to Clancey's.
A load of drugs too..if you see a guy in his 30's with his head tilted to the side talking to your teen daughters..ask him if his name is Josh, if he says "yes" punch him the fuck out!

[TooLowBrow]

im feeling kinda good

two babies good

[WhistlePig]

Don't do the daycare down the street from the Neptune HS! We had more calls there than I can count!
I know a few good sitters in Ocean Grove. Just saying, cause I figure he catches the bus out of there every day.

Daycare? Christ, I hope not. Why bother having more babies if you're handing them off to someone else to raise? If you're doing it yourself, great. Things will just come natural.

[Coach]

Daycare? Christ, I hope not. Why bother having more babies if you're handing them off to someone else to raise? If you're doing it yourself, great. Things will just come natural.
Not a fan of daycare. that's why I said I could suggest some babysitters, All moms with kids a few months older than hers..some kind of support group.

[TooLowBrow]

theres nothing wrong with daycare if its done well. kids build incredible social skills at a young age in that setting.

[Caseyelan]

I plan on staying home with the babies as long as I can.

For now anyhow.... Daycare is Sesame Street for one hour a day.

[Farmer Dave]

I don't have any advice to offer. I do know that as a women you have super powers and that will get you through.

[ScottFromGA]

wow...I don't know how I would handle it.....that basically why I refrain from having sex with my Wife for the FEAR of having a 2nd baby.....


Anberlin is enough for us right now, shes a total drama queen and attention hog...

Only assumption I have is that Dave is going to have to grow up a ton MORE than he already has and be there as much as he can.....wow....I feel for you, sweetie. :unsure:

[landarch]

It's a lot of work, I'm sure. But, remember the kids will benefit so much from being so close in age. My daughter and her cousin are two months apart in age, and already at less than a year it is really evident how much they learn from each other and feed off of each other. It'll be more good than bad.

[drjoek]

My kids are close in age (not close as Casey 16 months ) You will do it Julianna will be ok at the times when you can't give her total attention. Kids are remarkably resilient. On the plus side my kids are as thick as theives, best friends for 17 years so far.
Good luck

[EliSnow]

Our daughters are 2 1/2 years apart, and I find the hardest thing is the lack of sleep. Maybe because our first child was a great sleepr, but I think the odds of having a full night of sleep decrease exponentially with the second kids.

And at times, you will think you're losing your mind. The lack of sleep won't help. But you'll come up with a system, and you'll get help from family and friends. I recommend making sure you have your alone time, just you alone and time where it's just you and Dave and someone is babysitting the kids.

But it will be worth it the first time you see your kids smiling at each other.

[~Katja~]

theres nothing wrong with daycare if its done well. kids build incredible social skills at a young age in that setting.

Thank you, I completely agree. If you can afford to stay home, more power to you... however having a child in daycare has a lot of benefits over a babysitter coming to your house.




Casey, aren't there any type of ride share or commuter van's into the city? sometimes they actually stop at your house or a very local drop an pick up point. Maybe it's worth checking into.

[Piuki]

When I figure it out, I'll give you all my secrets. In the meantime, we can just cry and panic together.

I try to stay focused on the fact that in a year or so they'll have each other as playmates and I won't have to be the sole form of entertainment. Here's to hoping.

[Dudeman]

The new baby will benefit from all of the experience you have learned raising Juilanna.

Julianna will begin to learn patience.

It can be win win.

[Caseyelan]

Piuki.
How much sleep are you getting right now?

5 hours?

[midwestjeff]

You are free to lose your mind.

ESD is in control now.

Relax.
He will create a perfect world for you and your offspring.
The man is a pleaser.

[Houston]

At least you didn't have this "Two Baby".
http://d.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/ap/20081222/capt.d58eb06e7f744c3f8c38c67034467264.ye_india_two _faced_baby_nyye270.jpg?x=400&y=303&q=85&sig=dXyfh2.CuZ_8bgpRGCeEZw--

[Caseyelan]

At least you didn't have this "Two Baby".
http://d.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/ap/20081222/capt.d58eb06e7f744c3f8c38c67034467264.ye_india_two _faced_baby_nyye270.jpg?x=400&y=303&q=85&sig=dXyfh2.CuZ_8bgpRGCeEZw--

awwwww. That's adorable!


thanks for the jinx!

[Furtherman]

I don't have any baby advice but I'd just like to say that damn... you and Dave take GREAT pictures. Or is that make great pictures? Either way, they're awesome.

[Hosp]

As far as the transportation for Dave, have you ever researched a car pool or something like it coming from the area? Or at least have thrown a post up on Craigslist requesting if someone would be interested? I know my brother in law has done that and the guy always wants to use his own car, just wanted him to pay a fair share in the gas.

As far as the household responsibilities, lean on Dave for the truly labor intensive stuff (laundry, dishes, cooking), and as someone else said Julianna is young enough that she should be able to adjust with you. This is temporary, 5 months may seem daunting, but it's nothing compared to the reward of a lifetime of a happy family.

And yeah, I know I don't have kids, but I was heavily involved in raising my oldest nephew and niece (including my sister's first pregnancy hormone swings).

[walking joint]

i just read the first post, so i have no idea how responses went...but we just had our 2nd child and my oldest just turned two. i love the two of them, but it is a bit much right now and there is NO WAY i want a third. i'd like my two year old to stay 2...but i want my 6 week old to quickly turn two also. I'm not a fan of the early months.

[Piuki]

Piuki.
How much sleep are you getting right now?

5 hours?

Around 5-6 for the most part. And I am a 10-hours-a-night kind of girl, so this sucks. Lucky for me BeerBandit takes the early morning feeding before he leaves for work, so I am getting a little bit more sleep than I would if it all fell on me.

I can tell you, though, that it's only been 8 weeks and it's already getting easier. :)

[nate1000]

Ours were not as close apart- 25 months, but my wife was chasing a 18-20 month old around while she was pregnant. There were some frantic days. Basically, when I got home at 5-5:30, I took over and she rested. Unfortunately, with Dave getting home at 7:30, she'll be heading to bed anyway.

The other thing no one warned us about was that it took almost a year to get them on the same schedule, so that all the down time you get now while Juliana is napping or watching Sesame Street will be out the window- consumed by #2. It sucks, but you'll get through it.

Personally, I took a couple of weeks off to be around to let everyone get into a rhythm, then I abandoned ship. Hung her happy little ass right out to dry. But that's me: Father of the Century.

[skyscraper]

my mother had 3 kids within 30 months, starting when she was 23. My sister is one year and one week older than I, and my brother is 17 months younger.
of course, my mother DID lose her mind, but I don't know for sure that it was because of the kids....
my wife and I have 2 kids, 5 years apart. they are 8 and 3 now. the 8 year old is a great help with the younger one.

[Piuki]

Ours were not as close apart- 25 months, but my wife was chasing a 18-20 month old around while she was pregnant. There were some frantic days. Basically, when I got home at 5-5:30, I took over and she rested. Unfortunately, with Dave getting home at 7:30, she'll be heading to bed anyway.

The other thing no one warned us about was that it took almost a year to get them on the same schedule, so that all the down time you get now while Juliana is napping or watching Sesame Street will be out the window- consumed by #2. It sucks, but you'll get through it.

Personally, I took a couple of weeks off to be around to let everyone get into a rhythm, then I abandoned ship. Hung her happy little ass right out to dry. But that's me: Father of the Century.

This is very true, and probably the hardest part so far!!

[Sheila]

I have 2 boys 17 months apart (right now pregnant with the third, so that has its own anxiety too, I can relate!) and it is hard but as most of the other posters say it you just handle it, and you have a good support network. In the beginning as you know the baby sleeps alot and isn't as active so it will give you some time to ease into it. I had such anxiety before, thinking how could I handle a toddler and baby, what if the toddler runs away, but it's not as bad as you think. A few meltdowns at playgrounds, stores where both kids were screaming, inconvenient poopy diapers, but you get over it, I took those kids everywhere. Get a double stroller, don't get the graco duoglider, we made it work, and it definitley got some good use till the oldest was 3, but it's hard to maneuver... the phil and teds stroller (e3 or vibe) rocks ( i just got a used e3 one for the third, and have been using it with the boys, it's great when you have to go shopping but pricey.. ) Also, if Dave can just bike it to the station I think that may help esp. with the first few months where you get no sleep...

My kids are now 2.5yr and almost 4, and it is awesome, they play together, fight together, crack each other up, instant playmates, it gets better and a lot more fun... You'll do great... Feel free to PM me..

[ozzie]

My two boys are 10.5 months apart. (5/15/98 - 4/2/99) Doesn't get much closer than that.

Their mother did fine.

Like others have said, it was probably easier caring for an infant that it would have been chasing an active toddler.

[nate1000]

Get a double stroller, don't get the graco duoglider, we made it work, and it definitley got some good use till the oldest was 3, but it's hard to maneuver... the phil and teds stroller (e3 or vibe) rocks ( i just got a used e3 one for the third, and have been using it with the boys, it's great when you have to go shopping but pricey.. ..


Another golden piece of advice no one told us. These things look great, but SUCK ASS!!!!!

http://www.myhouseclearance.com/products/thumbs/stroller1.jpg

Impossible to maneuver. You almost have to push down to lift the forward kid up off the ground to get it to turn.

Stick with a side by side like:
http://images.landofnod.com/is/image/LandOfNod/4102091_e3TwinStroller_07F1?$zm$

Or something like this:
http://www.kk.org/cooltools/archives/buggy.png