Any Uncomfortable / Douche Chill Moments in Your Life?

[Judge Smails]

I had some old highschool buddies over last night to play poker and we were reminiscing about the old days and someone brought up a story that I guess I had blocked out of my mind.

OK - so I grew up in a virtually all-white suburb. There was only one black guy in my graduating class and probably five black kids in the whole school - two of which were his younger brother and sister. Despite what you may have heard about white kids in the suburbs we were not a racist bunch and actually went out of our way to include him in stuff. (I know - this, in and of itself, is a form of racism because we were treating him differently because of his race. But c'mon at least we were trying to do the right thing.)

So, one night we were going into the city and there were about 6 or 7 of us piled into a car. We came up to the toll plaza at the Lincoln Tunnel and the toll collector was a black woman. As we pulled away from the toll booth, my one friend - for reasons unknown to any of us and that he still can't explain to this day - screams out the N-word at the toll collector at the top of his lungs. Immediately realizing what he just did he turns to our one African-American friend and stammers: "uhhh, I'm sorry." The kid just played it cool and says something like "Why are you sorry? I have no idea what you're talking about."

We made that trip through the tunnel, in bumper to bumper traffic, in total silence. Once the FM radio cut out in the tunnel you could hear a pin drop in that car. It wasn't until some time later, when we all had some drinks in us, that we all started to loosen up a little. Thinking back, I don't think that guy ever did come out with us after that.

[disneyspy]

without thinkin i once asked a black friend why he n------ rigged his car stereo that way

[disneyspy]

ive had so many douche moments in my life i cant believe im still alive

[instrument]

The only thing worse wouldve been, "oh, you're notta nigger cause you ain't like the resot of them"

Whatever the F that means.

[GreatAmericanZero]

i was working in an independently owned video store in a big hispanic neighborhood (Freeport, NY if any long islanders here). Anyway, the owner was kind of a sleazy bag. One day i noticed he was playing Playstation in the back room with a black girl that looked about 19 years old..didn't think much of that

anyway, one day i was there by myself and a middle aged black couple comes in, furious. The dad is shaking. They are asking where the other guy who works there is..i had no idea. The man then tells me that he thinks hes fucking his 13 year old daughter and they were PISSED. I was like "i don't know where he is". Anyway, as i was talking to them, the owner actually walks in the door. So I tell him they want to speak with him. So here i am, standing to the side as a black couple yells at him accusing him of fucking their 13 year old daughter. He said that the girl just has a crush on him and he swears he didn't do anything (i have no idea IF anything happened or not). Eventually he calmed the couple down enough where they left...but i swear, i think of myself, standing to the side, watching this unfold saying nothing..its soooooooo uncomfortable. I'm sweating typing this up

[DarkHippie]

While working at a school for special kids, I told a co-worker that he was "fucking retarded"

[meanmrbill]

About 7 years ago I worked for a small company owned by very nice people. Well, that year the Christmas party was at a local country club with about 20 people seated at one long table. For some reason on that night I was killing. Everything I said got big, big laughs and everyone was drinking and having fun. That is, until I told some story that involved me displaying double middle fingers. I somehow forgot that 90 percent of these people were church-going people. Needless to say there was total, complete dead silence for a few seconds until someone rescued me by changing the subject. The whole vibe of the evening was derailed by that one shitty story. To this day i get embarrassed when I think of that situation.

[instrument]

I'm very light, and at a outside party I was talking to someone and said the "n" word a few times, a black kid I didn't know took offense and a few of his friends were basically planning on jumping me.

I had never had to prove that I was black to anyone before, which involved us all going into the house so they could actually see me.

[midwestjeff]

While working at a school for special kids, I told a co-worker that he was "fucking retarded"

:lol::lol::lol:

I have a ton of douchey moments, mostly related to girls. I'm not sharing any, but believe me, they are terrible.
Sometimes at work I spend hours just remembering them all and thinking about how terrible they were.
It's theraputic. In a painful way.

Ugh, just thinking about it now makes me want to stab my eyeball.

[ToiletCrusher]

I douche chill every time I look at my board name.

[Dude!]

there was a girl in my 7th grade class that was smokin hot
but i was too shy to approach her

she moved away the next year and i forgot all about her

when i got to be 19 and pretty goodlooking and confident
i started to think about her

i had no idea where she would be, so i wrote a letter to her 7th grade best friend
and asked her if she knew where the girl was

her friend wrote me back a letter that said "you used to call me horse-face; why should i tell you anything"

geez...i didn't know or remember i had called her names, but she she sure did

kids can be so cruel

[Sue_Bender]

ive had so many douche moments in my life i cant believe im still alive


Did your chills ever develop into a Douche Flu?

Those are the worst!!

[midwestjeff]

her friend wrote me back a letter that said "you used to call me horse-face; why should i tell you anything"

Nothing worse than a horse-faced cockblocker.

[midwestjeff]

Did your chills ever develop into a Douche Flu?
Those are the worst.


Who are you trying to kid, Sue?

You have no clue about anything with the word "douche" involved.

[Puggle_kicker]

Ive had plenty in my day.

Ill go for this one. When I was a junior in high school this nerd family was hosting a foreign exchange student from Brazil. I dont remember the exact way it came up but Brazil came up and I immediately called them a third world worthless country in front of the Brazilian chick (who was not nearly as hot as I have been led to believe a Brazilian girl would be).

Now Im a mean prick but that was totally by accident. I remember thinking, "Oh fuck," but it was too late.

[Judge Smails]

I do a good job of blocking them out, but now that I'm thinking about it they're starting to come to me.

OK, when I was about 5 or 6, my parents brought me to Wild West City. It was set up like an authentic old western town where you could go into the stores and people in costume would walk around in character (just like the recent South Park episode).

Anyways, they would have a gunfight show at scheduled times right in the middle of the street and hundreds of people would line up outside the stores to watch. The bad guy was shot "dead" about 10 feet from where we were standing and his gun was laying on the ground right next to him. I guess it was a hot day and my dad had had quite a few beers, or sasparillas, because he saw me eyeballing the gun and he tells me: "You want it? Go ahead, go get it."

So, I duck under the horse hitching post and run out to the middle of the street to grab the gun. The Sherrif, who was at the other end of the street giving some kind of speech, yells at me and the "dead" guy sits up and grabs the gun before I can get to it. All the park guests were staring at me, mouths agape. All I wanted to do after that was go home, but my dad had paid his $8.00 a person and he wasn't about to leave anytime soon. What an uncomfortable day that was.

[King Hippos Bandaid]

everytime my bro and I go out to dinner with my borderline personality mom

she either becomes best friends with the waiter/waitress and gives them our life story and intimate details or hates them with a passion says awful things out loud so the watress can hear


she also starts fights purposely because she wants the negative attention,she will loudly insult you and wish you dead

I can go on further but I am getting a chill thinking of this

[Sue_Bender]

Who are you trying to kid, Sue?

You have no clue about anything with the word "douche" involved.


:laugh:

Oh, Jeff...


You're wrong...




I read your posts.

[GreatAmericanZero]

everytime my bro and I go out to dinner with my borderline personality mom

she either becomes best friends with the waiter/waitress and gives them our life story and intimate details or hates them with a passion says awful things out loud so the watress can hear


she also starts fights purposely because she wants the negative attention,she will loudly insult you and wish you dead

I can go on further but I am getting a chill thinking of this

i had these depression-era grandparents (my fathers side) and they were the biggest assholes to the wait staff at the restaurant. Like, if the waiter wasn't around, they would just stand up in the middle of the restaurant to get their attention. Anyway, my grandmother was yelling some bullshit at the waiter and told him to bring more bread. The brand of margarine with the bread was called "Promise". So shes yelling "bring some more bread...and "Promise". and the waiter, really sarcastically says "ok, i promise." It was fucking funny but embarrassing cuz my dad's parents were such assholes

[lleeder]

she will loudly insult you and wish you dead


At least marc and sailor have the decency to say those things behind your back.

[sr71blackbird]

I have has sooo many. But the one that sticks out is the one when I was in high school and my friend picked us up at the bust stop and this black kid named Earl wanted a ride too, so he jumps in with us. It was a monday and I worked for my father all weekend and we are about half way to school and everyone is talking about what they did over the weekend and I blurt out that I worked like a n_gger over the weekend! The car gets stone silent and my friend says, What did you say? I was like... Uhhh... The silence continued all the way to school and got worse when we were walking in the school and I say to Earl, Hey, I am really sorry... and he just stares ahead. I knew him all my life and I was so ashamed and I have no idea why I said it or where it came from. But honest to god, to this day I get chills thinking about it and wish I could take it back.

[hydee]

I went to high school in a small country school my graduating class was 74.

There was this girl that's family had to heat their house with a wood burning stove, so she smelled like wood smoke all the time. I was a very mean girl in high school and gave her the nick name Hickory Farms, it was a clever turn of words and the nickname stuck for 3 years.

OMG I can't believe I am telling this story.

Years later my husband and I were visiting my home town and we had to stop for gas, and there she was behind the counter. I walked up to the counter and tried to act like I didn't know who she was, but she knew it was me and was so so so nice to me. She ask about my life and who I was with and really it was a nice moment, but my god the guilt I had and the utter shame of it still fills me with that not so fresh feeling to this day.

[west milly Tom]

I went to high school in a small country school my graduating class was 74.

There was this girl that's family had to heat their house with a wood burning stove, so she smelled like wood smoke all the time. I was a very mean girl in high school and gave her the nick name Hickory Farms, it was a clever turn of words and the nickname stuck for 3 years.

OMG I can't believe I am telling this story.

Years later my husband and I were visiting my home town and we had to stop for gas, and there she was behind the counter. I walked up to the counter and tried to act like I didn't know who she was, but she knew it was me and was so so so nice to me. She ask about my life and who I was with and really it was a nice moment, but my god the guilt I had and the utter shame of it still fills me with that not so fresh feeling to this day.



Its too bad you can't Massengil your soul.

[Coach]

Went to recruit a swimmer for the college I worked at..brought a few swimmers from the college team that knew him..well it was at A Jewish Community Center near Cherry Hill. They wouldn't let us into the pool to wait for the meet, so we had to leave the stands. One of the kids I brought bumps into some people he knows and in the middle of the conversation with them he goes.."yeah, we're waiting to get into the pool, the swim Nazis kicked us out." The rest of us had eyes like saucers..the kid sees us and goes "what?"
After about a three seconds of silence..he remembers where he is..I was so embarassed.

[Gvac]

None here.

I've lived a perfect life thus far.

[underdog]

That time I read a thread about Wayne's World sucking. That was truly douche chill inducing.

[ecobag2]

The time Bossanova posted thinking he was Ricky Henderson and rooned a great bit.

[lleeder]

Right now being sober watching my sister get drunk while she talks about fighting with her boyfriend.

[ecobag2]

The time I was at second base in little league and overthrew first. That out would have ended the game with a win.

Then I overthrew first again. That out would have ended it.

I've relived that moment. Awful.

We still won but ooofa.

[Gvac]

Right now being sober watching my sister get drunk while she talks about fighting with her boyfriend.

Is she cute?

[~Katja~]

when I just moved here and had no work permit I did some baby sitting for some pretty wealthy families.
The one had two kids and I took the boy to karate every week as well as watched them whenever the mother went out or they both went on a date.

One day I was at karate with the kids and the boy is supposed to put on his sparing gear.
I open the little bag with his mouth guard in it and out comes a baggy with drugs/ pipe.
I had no clue about drugs... but I put it away and had it in my car for a few days not knowing how to bring it up to the mother. I knew it was hers, cause it was a flowery baggy and def not the fathers, he was little involved in taking care of the kids.
I finally decided I had to confront her because I was a teenager driving around with drugs in my car... no police officer would have ever believed me my story if pulled over.

So I went to her house and she was on the threadmill.
I told her I found the baggy and that I really did not care what she did with her life, but to never ever put me in the situation of driving her kids around with drugs in their bag.

She was so shocked and ashamed... but just said ok and not to mention it to her hubby.

[lleeder]

Is she cute?

Yeah but she likes a more ethnic man than yourself.

[Gvac]

Yeah but she likes a more ethnic man than yourself.

Does everyone in your family hate white people?

[lleeder]

Does everyone in your family hate white people?

Jamaican,puertorican and dominican thats how we roll.

[Gvac]

Jamaican,puertorican and dominican thats how we roll.

Racists.

[lleeder]

Racists.

White people are so played out.

[Gvac]

White people are so played out.

You may be on to something. I'm pretty sick of white chicks myself.

I'm debating whether to go Asian or Latina next.

[PerryWinkle]

You may be on to something. I'm pretty sick of white chicks myself.

I'm debating whether to go Asian or Latina next.

give asian a try

[Gvac]

give asian a try

Asian it is!

Japanese? Chinese? Korean?

So many choices...

[PerryWinkle]

Asian it is!

Japanese? Chinese? Korean?

So many choices...


so which one will you start with first?

[A.J.]

Any time I tried asking out a girl.

[Coach]

One that I brought up in another thread about dogs..
I was hooking up with a woman I kinda knew..(and by "hooking up" I meant we were heading towards sex like a fat woman to a cake buffet.)
We retire to her room and mid missionary...I feel this small tongue lapping in an inconvenient place..I swat back like I would at a fly..lil teacup doggie falls off bed..coitus continues..I roll over for another position...yelp/crunch..no lie..she didn't hear it..we finished..I lay there waiting for her to fall asleep so I could leave..no such luck....I waited for her to have to go pee, then ran like the Dickens!

[sr71blackbird]

Asian it is!

Japanese? Chinese? Korean?

So many choices...

I shop at a Korean market, they are the most like "us"..go Korean

[Coach]

I shop at a Korean market, they are the most like "us"..go Korean
Best I ever had was Japanese...they go right for the good parts...

[joethebartender]

I'm working in the bar one evening and a guy walks in wearing a suit...he always wore jeans or work clothes to the bar.

I'm no rookie and I know never to ask a group in suits where they're coming from but I say to this guy, loud enough for most to hear: "Nice threads... Who died?!"

This got a chuckle from the usual drunks, most of which he knew by name.

He then looks me dead in the face and says "My mom".

The worst douche chills lasted about 10 seconds...I began to appologize and just started to giggle, thinking about how stupid a joke it was and how silent the bar went. Then we both started laughing to the point of tears. Everyone at the wood was cracking up to the point that people just walking in and anyone who didn't hear what happened were scared.

I think his laughter was a "get me out of this day" kind of thing and mine was a reaction from going from sheer terror to a sort of relief.

(I have so many of these mini horor stories.)

[Coach]

In all my years of EMT...
Hands down....the guy who stroked out while stroking one out at the tv...We arrived..entered the domicile...there was the guy in mid stroke...smile and all......a daughter going nuts, yelling at us to defib him..it was pretty funny/intense.

[underdog]

Asian it is!

Japanese? Chinese? Korean?

So many choices...

Start at Korean, then go to Japanese.

[SatCam]

The time I was at second base in little league and overthrew first. That out would have ended the game with a win.

Then I overthrew first again. That out would have ended it.

I've relived that moment. Awful.

We still won but ooofa.

here is a little league story that is more sad than uncomfortable



I was in little league in 5th grade and we made it to the game that decided whether we'd be in the playoffs or not ( i think everyone made it there). In one of the last innings we were down, so when we go up to bat the coach says, "ok kevin, I want you to swing ONLY after you get two strikes. understand?" I say yes, go up, get about 2 balls and swing at something I think is gonna be out of the park. I ground out to first.

After the inning the coach repeats his plan to the team but he says "Kevin isnt playing this inning because he swung, so don't swing or I'll have to bench you". I felt so terrible at that moment, I sat on the bench with some of the player's siblings with tears in my eyes. never played an organized sport again.

[Mullenax]

I was a kid and I tried to buy candy from a Bob Evans with change out of my kiddie purse. I had a ton, but the candy didn't have price tags on it, so I didn't know how much it was. When asshole announced loudly that I didn't have enough, a stranger gave me a quarter. I used it with my change, bought candy, and was really surprised to get change back again, and turned around to give it all to the guy who helped me out.
Then I yelled "Keep the change!" (literally, not realizing that it denotes blah blah blah).
Silence.
That's when Mom walked up and I was in trou-ble.

[Slumbag]

I had the Bob Kelly/Seinfeld thing happen to me in High School.

I was in line for something, and this hot girl looked at me and said "HEY THERE", and I was like, "Hi".
Then I heard her friend behind me say "HEY"!
Pretty sure I got really embarassed and red faced, and was stuck in line while the two of them talked. I'm getting red faced just talking about it now actually.

[weekapaugjz]

Any time I tried asking out a girl.

i hear you on that one. the one that pops to mind prevented me from asking a girl out for years after for fear of embarrassment. some of my friends and i were at a party at her house. there was an moment when we were both alone and started talking. i work up enough courage to ask her out. she gives the typical, "oh, we're friends, and i don't want to ruin that" line. she leaves the room and i stayed in for a minute to collect myself before returning to the party. as im in there, i hear the girl laughing and telling all my friends i asked her out. they all proceed to laugh and laugh. i was crushed.

[ecobag2]

here is a little league story that is more sad than uncomfortable



I was in little league in 5th grade and we made it to the game that decided whether we'd be in the playoffs or not ( i think everyone made it there). In one of the last innings we were down, so when we go up to bat the coach says, "ok kevin, I want you to swing ONLY after you get two strikes. understand?" I say yes, go up, get about 2 balls and swing at something I think is gonna be out of the park. I ground out to first.

After the inning the coach repeats his plan to the team but he says "Kevin isnt playing this inning because he swung, so don't swing or I'll have to bench you". I felt so terrible at that moment, I sat on the bench with some of the player's siblings with tears in my eyes. never played an organized sport again.

Hhaha... I've a similar basketball story. Tried out for 7th grade basketball team and we were doing one on one drills - a 6th grader went up against me and I had no idea how to play bball. I looked like a moron on defense in that ... instead of backing up and trying to keep him from putting it in I turned my back to him (I think I was imitating trying to keep someone from getting a rebound ... like when everyone's got a man under the net)

I was laughed out of tryouts. Cut from the team. Never played bball again. Hate watching, playing.. I don't mind XBox BBall though - that' sfun.

The thing is - I'm very athletic - but there's a total mental block w/ that sport to this day. I started trying to overcome it in college by taking basketball for gym but - psht - I was pretty bad and I figured - well it's gym class ... but it sucked cause I was totally out of my element.

My little (well - physically much bigger) brother is pretty kickass at it though and he's aware of my lack of skills to this day. I talk shit to him that I could take him on the court and it's funny... but he's the one really going show my kid how to play if that turns out to be his thing.

[ANC]

2 come to mind.

One night, me, Servo, our chicks and a bunch friends went out to dinner. There were about 10 people at the table and we started talking about the Godfather and throwing out lines from the movie. So as we're waiting for the check to come, the busboy makes his way over to clear the plates and one of my friends yells out "NOW CLEAN IT UP!" not realizing what he said or that busboy was right next to him...

When I was in high school, a buddy of mine and I were driving around and saw this girl from the neighborhood sitting on her stoop. I turn to my friend and say "Ya see that girl? That's (insert slutty nickname here)" and I chuckled.... Then he says "Ummm, she's my cousin"...Then the backpeddling began "No not that one the other one I mean I heard that's what they call her, but I think it's just mean, ya know how guys are..(nervous giggle, nervous giggle...).

[PapaBear]

I searched for threads about douche bags, assholes, and jerks, and this one is the closest I can find to post this story.

There's an incredible idiot at work. He has NO social skills whatsoever. He told us tonight that he had been talking to a girl online and on the phone for a little while. He says, in their last phone conversation, she admits she's a "vampire" and loves to drink human blood. OK. I agree, people like that are idiots, but I don't really give a damn what people do in their free time.

He says he was so freaked out by it, he actually called the Health Department to report her! He called them and said, "I'm not sure how to say this, but I need to report a vampire". They put him on hold for about 5 minutes (probably to stop laughing), and came back and told him there was nothing they could do.

He then expresses his exasperation with the Health Dept. to us. He says, "The Dept. of Social Services threatened to take my kids away when I beat my kids with a belt, and they won't do anything about someone who drinks blood!" One of my wiser coworkers asked him "When you beat your kids with a belt, did you ask them if they'd mind first?"

BTW... Another example of his lack of social skills...

He once used the phrase "It ain't over till the fat lady sings". Then he turned to a pregnant coworker and said, "No offense intended".

[sailor]

we had these little books for graduating 8th grade and all your friends could sign it for you. one of my best friends wrote "you may be white, but you're still cool." such a horrible thing to have to read.

[evboat]

We were playing cards one night and the normal guy trashing each other started. Just the regular light-hearted shit you know. Then one of my buddies made a mother joke to another friend of ours. Problem is the guy on the receiving end of the joke, his mom died of cancer like two weeks before that. We all knew it, even the guy who made the joke. He just got caught up in the moment. It wasn't addressed with anything other than an akward silence then and even more akward fake "we're still having a good time" moment.

[ANC]

(see sigpic) nuff said... :glurps:

[CofyCrakCocaine]

Alright we have these happen to us all from time to time. That said I am the biggest douche in this story and to this day I get the willies thinking on it.

There was a girl I liked freshman year in HS, Sarah. I get it in my head to ask Sarah out. And she's walking by and I go too loudly, "SARAH?!?" at which point I'm trying to cover my mouth like oh no WHY DID I DO THAT??

She spins around looks at me... and I choke. "Uhm.. um.. uh... Hi" I say between gulps of air, "D-Do you remember my best friend Rick...y-yeah, Rick...uh...did he uh... tell you about... uh... anything? Oh-uh I- I see cool uh. Well, see you lat..er?" Then I kick my heels and turn around and pretend I forgot something in my locker. Naturally I would be going 'Idiot! Idiot!' to myself that afternoon.

[evboat]

This is my new go-to thread. These make me feel uncomfortable but at the same time make me feel better about my own douche baggery.

[SatCam]

We were playing cards one night and the normal guy trashing each other started. Just the regular light-hearted shit you know. Then one of my buddies made a mother joke to another friend of ours. Problem is the guy on the receiving end of the joke, his mom died of cancer like two weeks before that. We all knew it, even the guy who made the joke. He just got caught up in the moment. It wasn't addressed with anything other than an akward silence then and even more akward fake "we're still having a good time" moment.

When I was in 10th grade I was in the lunchroom one day and someone kept hitting my chair (by accident but it was still annoying) so I come up with what I thought was this great line and I turn around and go "Hey man................. my dad can beat up your dad!!" And then I realized it was the kid who's dad died suddenly of a heart attack a few years before. Then I just turn around and look at everyone............................. I still don't know how I pulled that one off. I'm pretty sure I didnt know who it was when I rattled off the line, just a really bad coincidence.:wallbash:

[TjM]

i hear you on that one. the one that pops to mind prevented me from asking a girl out for years after for fear of embarrassment. some of my friends and i were at a party at her house. there was an moment when we were both alone and started talking. i work up enough courage to ask her out. she gives the typical, "oh, we're friends, and i don't want to ruin that" line. she leaves the room and i stayed in for a minute to collect myself before returning to the party. as im in there, i hear the girl laughing and telling all my friends i asked her out. they all proceed to laugh and laugh. i was crushed.

Fucking mean C's

[PapaBear]

I had a very uncomfortable moment tonight. I made a delivery to the local hospital. I had been sent to the wrong part, so I ended up waiting in the front lobby for 15 minutes before I got the correct location. The whole time I stood there waiting, I was right next to a large crying family who had just lost a loved one. It was late, so the lobby was fairly empty. It was just this large group of crying people.... and me.

[TripleSkeet]

Ive got 2.

In the Ron & Fez Show Room I once told OhJoey he looked like Kevin Smith with cancer, problem was, he had just beaten cancer. But everyone laughed including him so it wasnt that bad.

The other was much worse. When I was 21 I was having sex with a girl I had been with for s few weeks. Well as Im eating her out I realize its getting very wet down there, then I start to taste blood. Its dark and I just stop dead and ask her if shes on her period. She says no and jumps up, turns out i had a massive nosebleed during our session. I dont think Ive ever been more embarrassed. But to her credit she was really cool and we did keep seeing each other for awhile after that.

[jessicaduh]

Hahahahaha