My girlfriend want to m..m..ma...ma..

[biggestmexi]

Well you know. Marry.

She keeps pressuring(well subtle hints that I call pressuring) me to move.

I hate public events. I hate dressing up for people to look at you. It seems foreign to me. I never went to any dances in school and went to two other weddings. My moms 2nd and blech and another relatives. I hated it.

I hate public things.

What do I do?

Not to mention I dont think I am ready for it.

edit: Have a kid, house, everything.

[KingGeno]

Be honest with her, and tell her why you aren't ready. If she really loves and cares about you she will understand and support you until you are ready.

Tell her to chill her piece.

[britneypablo]

tell her u dont love her so she can move on already

[biggestmexi]

tell her u dont love her so she can move on already

You pick your nose. I dont listen to you people.

[instrument]

My ex mentioned marriage, the laugh wasn't the best reply.

But what britney said is exactly as I did, tell her you're with her just cause of her cuteness in jeans. Also mention how you don't even really like her so much, BUT don't leave her alone inside of your home afterwards...

[Freitag]

How long have you been dating?

Do you guys live together?

As for the public thing - you don't have to have a big wedding.

[Caseyelan]

why aren't you ready to commit?

also, you don't have to do a big dress up wedding. You can go to a court room.

[biggestmexi]

How long have you been dating?

Do you guys live together?

As for the public thing - you don't have to have a big wedding.

dating 4 yrs about

living together for 2 years with one of them in the house we ar ein now.

why aren't you ready to commit?

also, you don't have to do a big dress up wedding. You can go to a court room.

I dont know why im not ready. Maybe i am but am scared. Scared of the way it sounds. marriage. ech. maybe cuase my parents divorced and maybe i dont want that to happen.

I know about the BIG wedding but i dont want to do some little thing either. That would make me feel like I failed her.

[drjoek]

You have a kid dont you? is the child hers? Is that a factor? Just wondering

[biggestmexi]

You have a kid dont you?Yes is the child hers?Ours, yes Is that a factor?Absolutely not Just wondering

...

[KingGeno]

...

Well that's a horse of a different color my friend.

[drjoek]

...

You'll know when its time
But there is no magic light that goes off that Im aware of.
If shes the right one Why not make it legal.

[biggestmexi]

If shes the right one Why not make it legal.

Thats the thing i think. Why make it legal. We know we are together. I know that we love each other.

[Freitag]

Look, here's the question you ask.

Do you love her and do you want to spend the rest of your life with her?

If that's a yes, then it should be a no brainer. You've been with her for four years. Any further than that, you're beginning to waste her time.

As for the wedding thing:

Do a small church wedding with very close family and friends. Follow up with a party later on that's a wedding celebration, not a reception. Like a casual barbecue in a park or something.

[Freitag]

Thats the thing i think. Why make it legal. We know we are together. I know that we love each other.

If she's dropping hints she wants to make it legal, it's not "we" know, it's "you" know.

If you're that concerned, prenup.

Stop listening to Anthony.

[Thebazile78]

...

I dont know why im not ready. Maybe i am but am scared. Scared of the way it sounds. marriage. ech. maybe cuase my parents divorced and maybe i dont want that to happen.
....

That's a valid fear, but, at the same time, you have to understand and accept that you're NOT your parents. Marriage to each other wasn't the right thing to do at that time in their lives, so they admitted their mistake and divorced. My parents are divorced and, for the longest time, I didn't want to get married EVER because their divorce was so awful on my siblings and I. Now that I'm an adult, I feel differently. Heck, that "Never Ever" thing I was pretty sure about when I was 16 is pretty much bunk at 30, as I have been married for almost 2 years now. So far, it's work, but so is any relationship.

If you're conscious that you don't want a divorce to happen, there are lots of things you can do, including talking with your g.f. and going to premarital (or other) couples counseling so you can work those issues out.

Does your g.f. know that's part of why you're anxious? Why does she want to get married? Because she thinks you "should" or are there other reasons?

Also, are you two having other problems in your relationship? Because if you are, do the counseling thing before you even consider marrying. Getting married doesn't magically solve relationship problems; in many cases, it only makes them worse.

[Contra]

My girl has been at me about this for YEARS now, she pretty much says "where the hell is the ring already?". Are you two engaged? Maybe if you do that it might get her off your back for a little while, have a long engagement, but you some time.

[RoseBlood]

You two can love each other as much as anyone, but ultimately if one seriously wants marriage and the other does not, well there's an obvious conflict of interest, you two need to have similiar visions of the future.

I don't need to tell you to discuss this with her, either come to some sort of agreement (not strong arm the other one) or compromise. If it can't be worked out, one will wind up resenting the other.

[TjM]

Wait until you're ready. FWIW I love being married I think it's great but it's not for everybody

[TjM]

Stop listening to Anthony.

:lol:

Best advice ever given

[biggestmexi]

Stop listening to Anthony.

I dont listen to anthony.


Does your g.f. know that's part of why you're anxious? Why does she want to get married? Because she thinks you "should" or are there other reasons?

I ask her and she just says because "i love you". cant you do that with out getting married

Also, are you two having other problems in your relationship? Because if you are, do the counseling thing before you even consider marrying. Getting married doesn't magically solve relationship problems; in many cases, it only makes them worse.

No problems. Just the usual.

My girl has been at me about this for YEARS now, she pretty much says "where the hell is the ring already?". Are you two engaged? Maybe if you do that it might get her off your back for a little while, have a long engagement, but you some time.

Good point. But then you are just prolonging the inevitable. And I dont like the name fiance or w/e.

[Furtherman]

And I dont like the name fiance or w/e.

Besides that being incredibly childish and immature (maybe you really aren't ready), you can always just go with "my chick".

[Freitag]

:lol:

Best advice ever given

I'm serious. Before we got engaged, Anthony was going on a massive anti-marriage rant on XM. I'm guessing this was early 2005.

I freaked out about my relationship for a few days, and I'm not sure what I was freaking out more about - that I was listening to a dopey radio show and it's callers, or that I was listening to a dopey radio show and it's callers and it was ACTUALLY MAKING SENSE.

I then stopped, slowed down, and had a heart to heart with my brother, and he made me realize how important Liz was to me.

[midwestjeff]

Besides that being incredibly childish and immature (maybe you really aren't ready), you can always just go with "my chick".

Or "the old ball and chain". Or the always classy "my old lady".

Just get married dude, it's only a formality at this point based on your description.(house, kid, etc.)

Give her the wedding she wants and put your dislikes/hang-ups aside for one day, for her.

[Freitag]

BTW, the majority of Anthony's issues with his divorce was because he hired a bad lawyer. He was going up against one of the premiere divorce lawyers in the tri-state with a TAX LAWYER. What did he expect was going to happen?

[boosterp]

As for the public thing - you don't have to have a big wedding.

My ex and I had the got married in our own home with our own vows by a wedding ceremony person. Her parents were there as well as mine and it was nice and comfy, plus it felt special. We did a reception the following weekend in a hotel pavilion where family and a few friends were invited, nothing big, no dressing up.

And, to echo what others said here; you are not your parents and that does not mean things will end in divorce. Hell, things could end in a messy break up without being married.

[drjoek]

That anyone would put any stock or credence in what Anthony Cumia says boggles my mind

[Freitag]

That anyone would put any stock or credence in what Anthony Cumia says boggles my mind

As I said, this was early 2005, before he lost his mind.

[Jujubees2]

There are various levels in any relationship and it sounds like your significant other wants to take your relationship to the next level but you're not ready.

And as for the never thing, I always thought that I would never get married. No particular reason but I just never put much thought into it. I've been married for 15 years now.

[topless_mike]

Getting married doesn't magically solve relationship problems; in many cases, it only makes them worse.

so do spoonful's of gravy.


just sayin..

[ravn816]

Just a note: When I was reading this thread, bridalpartytees.com happened to be the ad displayed at the time.

I got married after the kid arrived too. The kid changes more in life. My husband and I basically thought of the wedding as the biggest party we'll ever throw. Marriage, bah, with the kid and a house, you're already doing it without the party and piece of paper making it legal. And with legal comes extra tax benefits and extra rights and protection if anything (God Forbid) bad ever happens (mostly medical/insurance wise).

[Thebazile78]

Dude, if the only reason she's giving you about getting married is because she loves you, she's not ready to get married, either. (I can't double-quote the post the way I wanted to.)

[ScottFromGA]

...

I'd say man up and marry the woman you knocked up and put through so much misery.


but then again, its your life and no matter what we post, your gonna make your own decision.

[Thebazile78]

so do spoonful's of gravy.


just sayin..

And to think I liked you last week ... *sigh*

[Freitag]

And to think I liked you last week ... *sigh*

sadly, she said the same thing to me last night

[topless_mike]

And to think I liked you last week ... *sigh*

word.

im like that dusty old 1 arm'd teddy bear you just cant part with.

[Thebazile78]

sadly, she said the same thing to me last night

Um, no. Not funny.

And this isn't about you or me; it's about another person. STAY ON TOPIC!

[topless_mike]

sadly, she said the same thing to me last night

did you then go downstairs and watch that new tv of yours?
seems appropriate.

[topless_mike]

mexi,
do this. you can go have a civil service just to make it official.

[topless_mike]

actually, re-thinking.

you've got everthing but the legal paper....

my question is this...

to me, living the life without the legality is like leaving the back door unlocked; easy for a quick exit if need-be.

not like, hexing or anything, but it just seems odd to me that you've got everything, but the ring.

[vjr97]

just say no ,brother!! dont let any1 especialy some woman pressure u in to anything. why lose half the shit u had b4 u met and all the things u got together

[topless_mike]

just say no ,brother!! dont let any1 especialy some woman pressure u in to anything. why lose half the shit u had b4 u met and all the things u got together

thats some positive thinking right there.
:thumbdown:

[biggestmexi]

not like, hexing or anything, but it just seems odd to me that you've got everything, but the ring.

your very right.

the ring. that big a deal. thats the only thing that will change. Another ring i get her.

[boosterp]

your very right.

the ring. that big a deal. thats the only thing that will change. Another ring i get her.

Good thinking buddy.

[patsopinion]

"marrige is an arcane practice dating back to when women were property and their rights and person needed to be legally transferred from the father to the husband, hence the father walking her down the isle. Are you a piece of property?"


just say that
shouldz be no more problemz

[Farmer Dave]

You two can love each other as much as anyone, but ultimately if one seriously wants marriage and the other does not, well there's an obvious conflict of interest, you two need to have similiar visions of the future.

I don't need to tell you to discuss this with her, either come to some sort of agreement (not strong arm the other one) or compromise. If it can't be worked out, one will wind up resenting the other.

You're actually a man aren't you? Women don't think this clearly, especially at you supposed age.

[Fallon]

For whatever reason I thought you were a chick.

:blink:

[Friday]

You're actually a man aren't you? Women don't think this clearly, especially at you supposed age.

most of can see quite clearly... until it is our dumb asses involved in the relationship.

:D

[IamFogHat]

I hate public events. I hate dressing up for people to look at you. It seems foreign to me. I never went to any dances in school and went to two other weddings. My moms 2nd and blech and another relatives. I hated it.

I hate public things.

Not to mention I dont think I am ready for it.

edit: Have a kid, house, everything.

1. Does she care if it's justice of the peace? That's not a public deal at all
2. If you're not ready you're not ready. If you love her you need to find a way to tell her you're in it for the long run but that public/legal step is not something you're prepared for( yet at this point in time), and I mean really have a sit down talk with her, and hopefully she'll be understanding.
Good luck sir, I hope things work out on all accounts.

[biggestmexi]

For whatever reason I thought you were a chick.

:blink:

thanks baby.


Is this what you thought i was:
http://i166.photobucket.com/albums/u112/srbsw/LatinaLoverFatMexicanWoman.jpg

And you obviously never read the molly's cupcake thread than twatknucle

[sr71blackbird]

When I got married I eloped. No one knew till it was over.

[ecobag2]

Not ready? Don't want to?

Sounds like the perfect time to cave in and do it.

J/k - but that' what a lot of people wind up doing.

I was almost 30 when I got married... 100% ready and into it... and it's hard no matter what.

Being married in modern times is fucking insane b/c social norms and expectations have changed drastically, but the institution has remained the same in its own expectations.

I don't regret it in the least though.

But you want to think twice about settling down when you have such a bitchin' truck that will surely get you tons of pussy.

Follow your heart, that's what I do. - Napolean Dynamite

[west milly Tom]

You have a kid and live with this woman, but you're not ready?
Sounds a little silly, you have to be ready once you do the kid thing you the right thing.
Man up sir and take care of business.

[RoseBlood]

You have a kid and live with this woman, but you're not ready?
Sounds a little silly, you have to be ready once you do the kid thing you the right thing.
Man up sir and take care of business.
Am I reading this wrong or did you just say he has to marry this woman cause they have a child together? Is this 1950? :blink:

[west milly Tom]

Am I reading this wrong or did you just say he has to marry this woman cause they have a child together? Is this 1950? :blink:



Right is right madam.

[RoseBlood]

Right is right madam.
I think I'd feel insulted if a guy married me just because he was told it was the "right" thing to do... but hey, that's me.

[west milly Tom]

I think I'd feel insulted if a guy married me just because he was told it was the "right" thing to do... but hey, that's me.


You wouldn't be insulted if a guy wanted to have kid with you, then claimed he wasn't ready to commit though?

[biggestmexi]

Am I reading this wrong or did you just say he has to marry this woman cause they have a child together? Is this 1950? :blink:

very true. That is not the only reason I would do this. And i hope that is the reason she wants to either.

[RoseBlood]

You wouldn't be insulted if a guy wanted to have kid with you, then claimed he wasn't ready to commit though?
Honestly, I don't know.. depends on if it were planned or not.

[keithy_19]

I'm excited to get married. I'm like a young girl.

[~Katja~]

Am I reading this wrong or did you just say he has to marry this woman cause they have a child together? Is this 1950? :blink:

Right is right madam.

nah, when I had my kid I had every intention of staying with his dad.
I still didn't want to get married, cause my first marriage failed and marrying just for the sake of being married was not in my plans.
Things didn't work out and we separated after all, being married would not have changed that at all.

[disneyspy]

katja,will you do me the honor...ROGUE WAVE!!!

[hydee]

I guess what I don't get is how you can have a kid and a house with her and not want to marry her. Seriously you are bonded to her for life through your child why not take the next step?

I am not being judgmental or anything but when it comes to marriage and kids I am fairly old fashion. I was raised by my grandparent who were married for 52 year before my father died. They sorta raised me with 40's and 50's sensibilities so please forgive me if you feel I am being sorta cunty about this.

Edited to add: I got married when I was 20 and I have been with my husband for 14 years. I don't feel like I missed anything because I got married really young. I feel like I have grown up with my best friend and feel like I have a constant in my life that grounds me. Being married and feeling like that is so very rewarding. No kids yet, though.

[keithy_19]

Ya know, I was just sitting here, and I started thinking.

You're really a lucky man. You have someone who wants to spend the rest of their life with you. That is such a great thing. Out of everyone, she chose you. She wants you. She loves you.

Cherish that.

[Friday]

if you know ... then you know. period.

marriage is an ideal... and for some people it's fantastic.
but .... if you are doubting your sense of commitment to this step... then i think you should just be honest with her.
admittedly, i have a terrible view of marriage... and thus have broken an engagement and still do not consider marriage my ultimate goal.
being in love... raising children.... yeah that is all very important to me. I WANT that.
but somehow marriage doesn't seem to be a necessary part of all that.

be honest with her. don't just get engaged or married to appease her.
if she truly loves you then she will be open to your feelings... and if not then maybe you were only meant to have a beautiful son with this person.

Just my $.02.

best of luck!

[Furtherman]

katja,will you do me the honor...ROGUE WAVE!!!

:clap:

hahahaha

[keithy_19]

Ya know, for all the gay things I''ve muttered, I get pegged for the girl comment? Really?

[epo]

Here is a different way to look at the situation: What would you do if she asked you to marry her?

[Dude!]

no mention in 3 pages of what is best for the kid

it's all
what is best for mexi?
what does the girl want?

selfish bastards

how would your kid answer this question
now

and when he is 18

bet you anything he wishes you were/would have married