Cleaning your horrid patoot after defecation

[Gvac]

Hey buddy...me again.

I just took a dump and it was the consistency of peanut butter. I had a wipe-a-thon afterwards.

That can't be good for anybody.

Can it?

Alright, I gotta go shower now.

See ya in the funny papers!

- Uncle G

[Dr Steve]

Hey buddy...me again.

I just took a dump and it was the consistency of peanut butter. I had a wipe-a-thon afterwards.

That can't be good for anybody.

Can it?

Alright, I gotta go shower now.

See ya in the funny papers!

- Uncle G

Go easy on the food analogies, willya? I won't eat peanut butter for a month.

Wipe-a-thons are no good for anyone. The French are smart about ass-problems...they use BIDETs. Basically a bidet is simply an ass-fountain that cleans your disgusting anus and feces-encrusted asscrack hairs without wiping. In France, no one has rectal fissures, no one has hemorrhoids, and skidmarks are unheard-of. Proctologists starve in France. Go buy a bidet, and I'm not even kidding. Ask Bob Kelly, he'll tell ya if you don't believe me!

[Gvac]

Some of us aren't made of money, Doctor.

I've seen your solid gold bidet.

No need to rub it in.

[Foster]

Bidets rock!

it's one of the things I look forward to when I go to Japan

[TheMojoPin]

Gvac, don't you buy any of the handy bum wipes that do a much better job than regular TP?

[Dr Steve]

Some of us aren't made of money, Doctor.

I've seen your solid gold bidet.

No need to rub it in.

You can get into the Bidet Club for less than $50, my friend:

http://www.sanicare.com/?gclid=CLLOm_v80JgCFQIfswodx2nWzw

[landarch]

This thread, from title to tags, is making me giggle like a schoolgirl.

And, two words: Baby Wipes

[TooLowBrow]

Gvac, don't you buy any of the handy bum wipes that do a much better job than regular TP?

a rag on a stick?

[Hottub]

The same goes in Argentina. They all use a bidet. At Tio Carlito's beach house, he had a second bathroom off of the garage. It was not suitable to install a bidet, so he got an attachment. Kind of like an A-B switch. A for flush, B for cleanse.
My chick has been asking for one ever since.

Anybody know a good plumber?

[TheMojoPin]

The same goes in Argentina. They all use a bidet. At Tio Carlito's beach house, he had a second bathroom off of the garage. It was not suitable to install a bidet, so he got an attachment. Kind of like an A-B switch. A for flush, B for cleanse.
My chick has been asking for one ever since.

Anybody know a good plumber?

I'll bet the trannies you travelled there for appreciated the luxury.

[Dr Steve]

http://tonyd.typepad.com/tonyd/images/bidet.jpg

[Tall_James]

Wait a minute, that wasn't a drinking fountain? Oh jeez.

[BlackSpider]

Paper, then one of these:

http://i145.photobucket.com/albums/r221/spidescorp/Cottonelle_Wipes_BIG.jpg

Then dry off with more paper.


-otherwise you're a savage...

[Dr Steve]

Paper, then one of these:

http://i145.photobucket.com/albums/r221/spidescorp/Cottonelle_Wipes_BIG.jpg

Then dry off with more paper.


-otherwise you're a savage...

Those wet wipes are indeed much better than the *skritch! skritch! skritch!* dry rub that regular toilet paper gives you. I mean, you're rubbing dry paper onto a mucus membrane (the rectum is simply the ass-end (so to speak) of the large intestine) and its surrounding skin. Throw in some hair and it's like cleaning vasoline off a bearskin rug with a paper towel. You just spread the filth around and don't really accomplish much.

[Tall_James]

Those wet wipes are indeed much better than the *skritch! skritch! skritch!* dry rub that regular toilet paper gives you. I mean, you're rubbing dry paper onto a mucus membrane (the rectum is simply the ass-end (so to speak) of the large intestine) and its surrounding skin. Throw in some hair and it's like cleaning vasoline off a bearskin rug with a paper towel. You just spread the filth around and don't really accomplish much.

Well, there's 43 years of wiping that was just futile. Thanks for telling me this now Doc.

[Gvac]

Well, there's 43 years of wiping that was just futile. Thanks for telling me this now Doc.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA!!!!!!

I have no idea why, but this almost made me whack my teeth on the edge of my computer desk!

Thank you, Sir James.

[TheMojoPin]

it's like cleaning vasoline off a bearskin rug with a paper towel

My usual Sunday morning.

[Gvac]

My usual Sunday morning.

Fuck.

Now I've got the giggles!

[Dr Steve]

Fuck.

Now I've got the giggles!

would you PLEASE call 423 DIE TUTI so I can get this question on the air? (ha, no "pre-arranged" calls here! :wink:)

[Gvac]

Alright...but not now. I'm seriously laughing like crazy at this thread, like I'm stoned or something.

[Dr Steve]

Alright...but not now. I'm seriously laughing like crazy at this thread, like I'm stoned or something.


stoned, laughing like a lunatic, with a filth-encrusted asscrack. Nice image. :-)


ha, call before Saturday ...we're taping at 2. (that goes for anyone else with a question they'd like to hear on the air, too)


your pal,


steve

[SinA]

i use this:
http://lifesatrip.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/neti-pot-5.jpg

[CHUCKWAGONCOOK]

So hot!!!!!!

<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/kdJm-bAW-SM&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en&feature=player_embedded&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/kdJm-bAW-SM&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en&feature=player_embedded&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

[biggestmexi]

Basically a bidet is simply an ass-fountain!

So a fountain of asses? Sounds hot.


I on the other usually just crap in my yard. Scoot my as across the yard on the dewey grass, which cleans it nicely.

Then i stand up. Do a couple kicks to kind of but not really cover it up.

Then get my pants and such from my deck.

[OGC]

You can get into the Bidet Club for less than $50, my friend:

http://www.sanicare.com/?gclid=CLLOm...FQIfswodx2nWzw (http://www.sanicare.com/?gclid=CLLOm_v80JgCFQIfswodx2nWzw)

Even cheaper if you want the portable travel model.

Those wet wipes are indeed much better than the *skritch! skritch! skritch!* dry rub that regular toilet paper gives you. I mean, you're rubbing dry paper onto a mucus membrane (the rectum is simply the ass-end (so to speak) of the large intestine) and its surrounding skin. Throw in some hair and it's like cleaning vasoline off a bearskin rug with a paper towel. You just spread the filth around and don't really accomplish much.

You sure do have a way with words Doc, let's call it your toilet side manner.


So after you use these bidets you are left with a wet asshole. Do you then dry it off with a towel or just pull up the pants and walk around like Fred Sanford ?

[angrymissy]

We went to the restaurant Ninja in Manhattan for Jeff's bday this year.

I went to use the bathroom and found this gloriousness:

http://www.kk.org/cooltools/tototoilet100-sm.jpg

Heated seat, front and rear spray. It even dries you after spraying. I made everyone try it.

[TooCute]

Those are everywhere in Japan. A lot of them even will play the sound of rushing water to cover up the sound of you peeing, as well as have different levels of flush (for how big your turds are) and spray air freshner.

[Lawson]

Some people dream of owning fast cars, others boats or big houses... but for me it all comes down to this. I'll know I've made it when I can plop my ass down on one of these beauties:

http://i163.photobucket.com/albums/t291/MrLawsonsPics/HDBR550silver.jpg

http://i163.photobucket.com/albums/t291/MrLawsonsPics/controlpl.jpg

It's an asshole's dream!

hey it's made by Hyundai... can I get that as an option in my next Sonata?

[angrymissy]

That one pwns the one from the restaurant. ENEMA SETTING ANYONE?

[A.J.]

http://i163.photobucket.com/albums/t291/MrLawsonsPics/controlpl.jpg


I wonder what the "Etiquette" button does.

[angrymissy]

I wonder what the "Etiquette" button does.

It probably makes sounds to cover up your shit noises... I'm thinking some pleasant soft rock

[A.J.]

It probably makes sounds to cover up your shit noises... I'm thinking some pleasant soft rock

This would be a great gift for Dad!

[Lawson]

Now it's perfect...

http://i163.photobucket.com/albums/t291/MrLawsonsPics/controlplXM.jpg

[Dirtybird12]

This thread is useless without pics:thumbdown:

[Gvac]

I drive about 250 miles every day for work. Is there anything I can do about that "not-so-fresh" feeling I get at the end of the day sometimes? It's especially bothersome in the summer.

Thanks!

[lleeder]

I drive about 250 miles every day for work. Is there anything I can do about that "not-so-fresh" feeling I get at the end of the day sometimes? It's especially bothersome in the summer.

Thanks!

Try rubbing watermelon rind on your anus.

[jauble]

I drive about 250 miles every day for work. Is there anything I can do about that "not-so-fresh" feeling I get at the end of the day sometimes? It's especially bothersome in the summer.

Thanks!

Try a car seat cooler, less sweat keeps those intimate areas fresh.

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51W%2BAsJff3L._SL500_AA280_.jpg

[joethebartender]

Japanese cushion swamp ass remedy (http://movie.diginfo.tv/2008/05/28/08-0255-m.php)

I usually go with a little of this stuff to the back of the balls...so refreshing:
http://www.americarx.com/admin/ARXPRODUCTIMAGES/Simages/ShowerToShower/812875.jpg

[NickyL0885]

speaking of poo; why after whiping does it seem that once you finish up, a little piece sneaks out and you get what they sometimes call "swamp ass"?

[lleeder]

speaking of poo; why after whiping does it seem that once you finish up, a little piece sneaks out and you get what they sometimes call "swamp ass"?

I call that the Owen Hart.

[Recyclerz]

When it comes to matters of ass hygiene can we really do better than 16th century France? Of course not.

Here for your edification (and probably horror) is a chapter from The Life of Gargantua and of Pantagruel by Francois Rabelais on just this topic:

http://ebooks.adelaide.edu.au/r/rabelais/francois/r11g/part17.html

& here is the conclusion reached after much scientific experimentation

[quote]But, to conclude, I say and maintain, that of all torcheculs, arsewisps, bumfodders, tail-napkins, bunghole cleansers, and wipe-breeches, there is none in the world comparable to the neck of a goose, that is well downed, if you hold her head betwixt your legs. And believe me therein upon mine honour, for you will thereby feel in your nockhole a most wonderful pleasure, both in regard of the softness of the said down and of the temporate heat of the goose, which is easily communicated to the bum-gut and the rest the inwards, in so far as to come even to the regions of the heart and brains.[quote]



I guess I owe my comparative lit teacher $5 for when I bet him that nothing in that class would ever prove useful. And if we use geese this way there will be fewer that fly into our jets' engines. It's a win-win.

[joethebartender]

When it comes to matters of ass hygiene can we really do better than 16th century France? Of course not.

Here for your edification (and probably horror) is a chapter from The Life of Gargantua and of Pantagruel by Francois Rabelais on just this topic:

http://ebooks.adelaide.edu.au/r/rabelais/francois/r11g/part17.html

& here is the conclusion reached after much scientific experimentation

[quote]But, to conclude, I say and maintain, that of all torcheculs, arsewisps, bumfodders, tail-napkins, bunghole cleansers, and wipe-breeches, there is none in the world comparable to the neck of a goose, that is well downed, if you hold her head betwixt your legs. And believe me therein upon mine honour, for you will thereby feel in your nockhole a most wonderful pleasure, both in regard of the softness of the said down and of the temporate heat of the goose, which is easily communicated to the bum-gut and the rest the inwards, in so far as to come even to the regions of the heart and brains.[quote]



I guess I owe my comparative lit teacher $5 for when I bet him that nothing in that class would ever prove useful. And if we use geese this way there will be fewer that fly into our jets' engines. It's a win-win.

Is this where the phrase "getting goosed" comes from?

[Dr Steve]

When it comes to matters of ass hygiene can we really do better than 16th century France? Of course not.

Here for your edification (and probably horror) is a chapter from The Life of Gargantua and of Pantagruel by Francois Rabelais on just this topic:

http://ebooks.adelaide.edu.au/r/rabelais/francois/r11g/part17.html

& here is the conclusion reached after much scientific experimentation

But, to conclude, I say and maintain, that of all torcheculs, arsewisps, bumfodders, tail-napkins, bunghole cleansers, and wipe-breeches, there is none in the world comparable to the neck of a goose, that is well downed, if you hold her head betwixt your legs. And believe me therein upon mine honour, for you will thereby feel in your nockhole a most wonderful pleasure, both in regard of the softness of the said down and of the temporate heat of the goose, which is easily communicated to the bum-gut and the rest the inwards, in so far as to come even to the regions of the heart and brains.[quote]



I guess I owe my comparative lit teacher $5 for when I bet him that nothing in that class would ever prove useful. And if we use geese this way there will be fewer that fly into our jets' engines. It's a win-win.

holy feces, I gotta read this on the show.

:thumbup: :clap:

THANK YOU!

[Jughead]

Ok that's it I'm having trouble with english....:wallbash:

*Don't quote spam.* Ok sorry..I did not know that was spam....

[Dr Steve]

Ok that's it I'm having trouble with english....:wallbash:

*Don't quote spam.* Ok sorry..I did not know that was spam....

arrrgh...deleting the quoted spam roons the brilliance of your post. What the hell was that anyway? Greek?

Ah, I just read Hottub's note...Arabic! I know two Arabic words, Zeft (bad) and Momtaz (good). That post was definitely zeft, but your response was most definitely Momtaz. :smile:

[Jughead]

arrrgh...deleting the quoted spam roons the brilliance of your post. What the hell was that anyway? Greek?

Ah, I just read Hottub's note...Arabic! I know two Arabic words, Zeft (bad) and Momtaz (good). That post was definitely zeft, but your response was most definitely Momtaz. :smile:

Hey you took all the school DR. I'm just a used car salesman that can sing like bird...:tongue:

[Hottub]

Hey you took all the school DR. I'm just a used car salesman that can sing like bird...:tongue:


No kidding. "Hot Days Cool Nights" (http://www.buzzard8.com/jughead.htm) is in the top 10 on my iPod.

[Jughead]

No kidding. "Hot Days Cool Nights" (http://www.buzzard8.com/jughead.htm) is in the top 10 on my iPod.

Buddy....I will get you the new stuff(Old tapes)....My studio guy is in a messy divorce...Long story ...But it will happen soon...Im the number one Dr Steve fan we are so lucky to have him...Ok Dr Steve........... buzzard8.com down load hot days put on head set and do by pass then it will all be complete...:tongue:

[Dr Steve]

When it comes to matters of ass hygiene can we really do better than 16th century France? Of course not.

Here for your edification (and probably horror) is a chapter from The Life of Gargantua and of Pantagruel by Francois Rabelais on just this topic:

http://ebooks.adelaide.edu.au/r/rabelais/francois/r11g/part17.html

& here is the conclusion reached after much scientific experimentation

[quote]But, to conclude, I say and maintain, that of all torcheculs, arsewisps, bumfodders, tail-napkins, bunghole cleansers, and wipe-breeches, there is none in the world comparable to the neck of a goose, that is well downed, if you hold her head betwixt your legs. And believe me therein upon mine honour, for you will thereby feel in your nockhole a most wonderful pleasure, both in regard of the softness of the said down and of the temporate heat of the goose, which is easily communicated to the bum-gut and the rest the inwards, in so far as to come even to the regions of the heart and brains.[quote]



I guess I owe my comparative lit teacher $5 for when I bet him that nothing in that class would ever prove useful. And if we use geese this way there will be fewer that fly into our jets' engines. It's a win-win.


I commissioned a Shakespearian actor to record this and put a little classical music behind it...we'll be playing excerpts on the next weird medicine april 18th 2009 :-) with thanks to Recyclerz on this one!

[Recyclerz]

I commissioned a Shakespearian actor to record this and put a little classical music behind it...we'll be playing excerpts on the next weird medicine april 18th 2009 :-) with thanks to Recyclerz on this one!

Woo-Hoo!! I wonder if I can use this as a credit against any community service I am likely to be sentenced to in the future.

Glad I could contribute Dr. Steve. I am a fan of your show. :clap:

[Dr Steve]

Woo-Hoo!! I wonder if I can use this as a credit against any community service I am likely to be sentenced to in the future.

Glad I could contribute Dr. Steve. I am a fan of your show. :clap:

yay! thanks again! :clap:

I'll post the whole 8 minute segment on my website after the show airs...we'll just be playing three one minute or more excerpts during the show.


your pal,


steve